Grief Out Loud
Remember the last time you tried to talk about grief and suddenly everyone left the room? Grief Out Loud is opening up this often avoided conversation because grief is hard enough without having to go through it alone. We bring you a mix of personal stories, tips for supporting children, teens, and yourself, and interviews with bereavement professionals. Platitude and cliché-free, we promise! Grief Out Loud is hosted by Jana DeCristofaro and produced by Dougy Center: The National Grief Center Children & Families in Portland, Oregon. www.dougy.org
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A Living Remedy - Nicole Chung
05/03/2024
A Living Remedy - Nicole Chung
We cannot separate grief from the context in which it occurs. This is true for whose adopted parents died just two years apart in 2018 and 2020. The world of 2018 was very different than that of 2020. In 2018, Nicole and her mother could grieve for her father, together and in person. In 2020, Nicole was on the other side of the country, grieving for her mother in isolation during the early days of the pandemic. The other context that played a role in her parents's lives and their deaths is the structural inequality that exists in the U.S. economy and end of life care. Nicole chronicles all of this in her new memoir, . We discuss: How hard it is to describe people and what they mean to us What it was like to be cut off from more traditional grief rituals during the pandemic Grieving an unexpected vs (more) expected death Learning to distinguish between guilt and regret How grounding her parents' deaths in a larger context helped alleviate some of her guilt The pressures Nicole felt to care for her parents as an only child in a working class family What it costs to die and grieve in the U.S. The unacknowledged grief of being a transracial adoptee Approaching the 4-year anniversary of her mother's death Nicole Chung’s A Living Remedy was named a Notable Book of 2023 by The New York Times and a Best Book of the Year by over a dozen outlets, including Time, USA Today, Harper's Bazaar, Esquire, Electric Literature, and TODAY. Her 2018 debut, the national bestseller All You Can Ever Know, was a finalist for the National Book Critics Circle Award, a semifinalist for the PEN Open Book Award, a Barnes & Noble Discover Great New Writers selection, and an Indies Choice Honor Book. Chung’s writing has appeared in The New York Times Magazine, The Atlantic, Time, The Guardian, GQ, Slate, Vulture, and many other publications. Previously, she was digital editorial director at the independent publisher Catapult, where she helped lead its magazine to two National Magazine Awards; before that, she was the managing editor of The Toast and an editor at Hyphen magazine. In 2021, she was named to the Good Morning America AAPI Inspiration List honoring those “making Asian American history right now.” Born and raised in the Pacific Northwest, she now lives in the Washington, DC area.
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Conscious Grieving - Claire Bidwell Smith, LCPC
04/04/2024
Conscious Grieving - Claire Bidwell Smith, LCPC
Maybe you're familiar with the phrase, "You can't go around grief, you have to go through it." Or, "You have to feel your feelings." If you're like a lot of people, you might cringe and also wonder, "What does that actually mean?" Grief isn't linear, and it's not something to get through - and yet, a lot of people appreciate having some sense of what to expect and what to do with it all. That's where new book, Conscious Grieving, comes in. Offered as a framework, not a formula, Claire suggests four ways to orient towards grief: entering, engaging, surrendering, and transforming. Claire comes to this work with her lived experience of losing both of her parents to cancer by the time she was twenty-five. She's a licensed therapist, international speaker, and the author of . We discuss: What Claire's parents would think of her work How she stays connected to them The rise of anxiety in grief The pressure to "move on" from grief How those who are grieving carry the burden of educating others What Claire does to manage health anxiety The four orientations of Conscious Grieving How important community can be when it comes to grief Where Claire currently is with her grief Both sides of the compassion coin Listen to our previous conversation with Claire, .
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Caring For Young Widows In Nigeria - Diane Kalu
03/24/2024
Caring For Young Widows In Nigeria - Diane Kalu
In 2015, Diane Kalu was living in Nigeria with her husband and their three young children. One day, about eight weeks after the birth of their third child, Diane’s husband went to work and never returned. A few days later she got the news that he dad died. She was suddenly a widow, responsible for raising three children under the age of five, in a country with several widowhood customs and traditions that are harmful to women. Thankfully, Diane had her mother to help her survive those early days of widowhood. Then, about five years after her husband's death, Diane's mother also died. Through both of these losses, Diane discovered a lot about herself, including a passion for helping others. That led her to start the , an organization dedicated to supporting widows in Nigeria through social, emotional, financial, and educational support programs. We discuss: Grieving for her mother Telling her children their grandmother died How her mother supported her after her husband died Grief brain fog and how Diane recovered her memory with singing & sticky notes Widowhood customs & traditions that are harmful for women The ways Diane broke with community expectations for widows Pity vs. compassion The mindset that helped Diane survive What Diane's husband would think of who she is now Starting the to support other widows on Facebook
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It's A Loss That's Hard To Talk About - Grieving A Friend
03/20/2024
It's A Loss That's Hard To Talk About - Grieving A Friend
Whenever Annette & Mel connect, there's always a third person in the mix. That third person is Amy, their friend and chosen family member who died in 2012 of pulmonary fibrosis. While they each had a unique friendship with her, both connections were formative and deep. When Amy died, Annette and Mel's friendship grew stronger, because of their shared grief. This episode is part of a series focused on grieving the death of a friend. As much as we decry there being a hierarchy of grief, most people still assume the death of a family member is harder than the death of a friend. In reality though, the death of a friend or chosen family member can be absolutely devastating, in ways that catch us, and others, off guard. We discuss: Amy's magnetic personality - and what she meant to each of them What they both learned from being friends with her The different friendships Mel & Annette had with Amy, while still being part of the same circle How Annette & Mel got closer through Amy's illness and death Witnessing Amy's rapid deterioration How she tried to have end of life conversations with both of them When they each realized that Amy was going to die What grief has been like for both of them Annette being diagnosed with the same illness that Amy had The "Amy objects" they keep close Navigating new relationships with people who never met Amy Learn more about and listen to her podcast, .
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Creating A Home For Grief - Laura Green
03/08/2024
Creating A Home For Grief - Laura Green
What if there was a place you could go in your grief and be both perfect and broken? That's the kind of place dreamed up with her friend and co-founder, Sascha Demerjian. Together they created , a community space for people to explore grief through movement, conversation, creativity, and care. Since she was very young, Laura can remember being afraid of death. Afraid of losing everyone and everything she cared about, especially her mother. Three years after starting The Grief House, Laura had to face that biggest fear when her mother, Grace, died in the summer of 2023. We discuss: Laura's current grief expression - clay Why she feels so lucky to be her mother's daughter The fear of death she's had as long as she can remember How her mother's death story has influenced Laura's grief story Why it was so important for Laura to spend time with her mother's body The physicality of death and grief The Grief House's origin story What Laura and her co-founder are dreaming up next for Listen to Laura and co-founder Sascha on their podcast, . Follow The Grief House on .
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“I Felt Like Half A Person” – On Becoming A Widow
02/22/2024
“I Felt Like Half A Person” – On Becoming A Widow
In an instant, Leslie went from sharing every aspect of life with her husband Ryan to feeling like half a person. Leslie, Ryan, their two young children, and their extended family were on vacation in California when Ryan told Leslie that something didn't feel right. He was rushed to the hospital where he died of a stroke and an aneurysym, leaving Leslie to figure out how to live their life without him. The people Leslie most wanted to talk to in her grief were other widows. This inspired her to start - a project to capture the stories of widows in the hopes of helping others feel less alone. We discuss: How Leslie and Ryan met as co-workers The day Ryan died while they were on vacation Suddenly feeling like half a person without Ryan Telling her very young children about his death The early days and weeks of widowhood How her kids’ grief is changing over time The power of talking to other widows What Leslie learned about grief from Ryan Dating and becoming a remarried widow Leslie’s project to support other widows
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Putting Grief On Hold - Channing Frye
02/10/2024
Putting Grief On Hold - Channing Frye
What happens when you put your grief on hold? In the summer of 2016, was riding high. After over a decade in the NBA, his team, the Cleveland Cavaliers, had won the Championship. Then, in the fall, he hit one of the lowest lows. His mother Karen died of cancer. Just a month later his father, Thomas, also died. Channing put his grief on hold to deal with the logistics of planning two funerals, supporting his family, and going back to work as a professional athlete. Eventually, with the help of his wife, his friends, and a therapist, Channing started to talk about and explore grief in ways that worked better for him. Doing this allowed him to get more present in his life and explore new passions like podcasting and starting a wine label, . We discuss: Channing’s parents and how they supported him in his basketball career What it was like when his parents died Being with his mom as she was dying Putting his grief on hold to take care of business How his grief intensified after his dad’s death Going back to the NBA soon after his parents’ deaths The role alcohol played in his early grief How he got into therapy and started working with his grief Reclaiming significant days like birthdays, Father’s Day, and other holidays How he stays grounded & connected to his parents The connection between grief and the name of his wine label, Follow Channing on Listen to his podcast,
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The Dangers Of Pathologizing Grief - Dr. Donna Schuurman, EdD, FT
02/02/2024
The Dangers Of Pathologizing Grief - Dr. Donna Schuurman, EdD, FT
Dr. Donna Schuurman is back - this time talking about the dangers of pathologizing grief. While the term "complicated grief" has been used in various grief settings for years, it wasn't until March of 2022 that made it into the DSM-5-TR - the Diagnostical & Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders - as an official diagnosis. This conversation explores the concerns Donna and others in the field share about the move to pathologize grief. We discuss: What Donna’s learned about grief working in the field for over 30 years How that work experience shapes her personal grief Why she is so passionate about this topic The history of how Prolonged Grief Disorder came to be in the DSM How diagnoses are social constructs - and who often gets left out of the studies behind these constructs The dangers of pathologizing grief as a mental disorder The (short list) of positives of Prolonged Grief Disorder being available as a diagnosis Other trends in the field to pathologize or "do away" with grief What Donna is optimistic about in the field of bereavement Register for Donna’s upcoming webinar: , is the Senior Director of Advocacy & Education at Dougy Center. Dr. Schuurman was the Executive Director of Dougy Center from 1991–2015. Dr. Schuurman is an internationally recognized authority on grief and bereaved children, teens, and families, and the author of Never the Same: Coming to Terms with the Death of a Parent (St. Martin’s Press, 2003), among other publications.
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Can They Even Understand? - Preschoolers & Grief
01/19/2024
Can They Even Understand? - Preschoolers & Grief
When Sat Kaur Khalsa, MSW, was three, her older brother died in a drowning accident. After his death, he continued to disappear - his photos were taken down and no one talked about him. As she grew up, she learned the implicit lesson to be a good kid because her parents were already dealing with enough. She also learned that grief wasn't something you talked about or shared with others. Now, as an adult, she's working to make sure kids her age get to have a different experience. Sat Kaur is the Family Services Coordinator at where she supports children of all ages and their families after a death. In that role she has a special love for working the youngest kids - those who are 3-5 years old - and helping them have the chance to do what she didn't: talk about their people, express their emotions, and be with others who get what they are going through. We discuss: Sat Kaur's role at Dougy Center & personal connection to the work What she remembers about being three when her older brother died How his death changed her family and their dynamic Learning the implicit lesson to be a good kid to not make things harder for her parents Her commitment to being more open about grief with her own child Why she loves working with preschoolers who are grieving How preschoolers grieve similarly and differently to older kids and teens Suggestions for age appropriate ways to talk about grief and loss What adults can do to support preschoolers who are grieving a death Be sure to check out our for books, Tip Sheets, activities, and more.
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Becoming Grief-Informed- Dr. Donna Schuurman & Dr. Monique Mitchell
01/12/2024
Becoming Grief-Informed- Dr. Donna Schuurman & Dr. Monique Mitchell
What does it mean to be grief-informed? In 2020, Dr. Donna Schuurman, EdD, FT, and Dr. Monique Mitchell, PhD, FT, authored the paper, ," which outlines: what it means to be grief-informed, why it's so important, and Dougy Center's . This paper is based on the foundational understanding of grief as a natural and normal response to loss that is interwoven into a sociocultural context. It recognizes grief not as an experience that needs to be fixed, treated, or pathologized, but one that deserves understanding, support, and community. , is the Senior Director of Advocacy & Education at Dougy Center. Dr. Schuurman was the Executive Director of Dougy Center from 1991–2015. Dr. Schuurman is an internationally recognized authority on grief and bereaved children, teens, and families, and the author of Never the Same: Coming to Terms with the Death of a Parent (St. Martin’s Press, 2003), among other publications. is the Director of Training and Translational Research at Dougy Center. Dr. Mitchell is a nationally recognized authority on children, teens, and families who are grieving in foster care, and the author of The Neglected Transition: Building a Relational Home for Children Entering Foster Care (Oxford University Press, 2016) and Living in an Inspired World: Voices and Visions of Youth in Foster Care (Child Welfare League of America Press, 2017), among other publications. We discuss: Donna and Monique's connection to this work What it means to be grief-informed Why it's necessary to be grief-informed Examples of responses that are grief-informed and not grief-informed Seven core principles that describe what grief is and is not Three core principles that address how to provide grief-informed support Suggestions for how we can all work to be more grief-informed - for ourselves and others Sign up for our . Thursday, January 18th, 2024, 10 - 11:30 am PST.
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The Realities of Black Grief – Doneila McIntosh, M.Div., M.A.
01/05/2024
The Realities of Black Grief – Doneila McIntosh, M.Div., M.A.
The reality for Black individuals and families living in the U.S. is that death happens more often and earlier on than for their white counterparts. In the last two decades, these higher rates of mortality resulted in 1.63 million excess deaths for Black Americans compared to white Americans. Doneila McIntosh brings her personal and professional experiences with this reality to her work as a researcher studying the intersections of disenfranchised grief among African American families. Disenfranchised grief occurs when a loss isn't recognized or seen as valid, often the result of stigma. The disenfranchisement of Black grief is rooted in racism, which influences both the disproportionate rates of mortality and the lack of support for grief and grief expression. Doneila McIntosh is a doctoral student at the University of Minnesota in Family Social Science with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy. Doneila has a Master of Divinity (M.Div.) in Theological Studies and a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology (M.A.). Prior to becoming a psychotherapist, she worked as a chaplain for nearly 10 years. We discuss: Doneila’s current research on understanding the impact of disproportionate rates of death and grief in the African American community. Her personal and professional motivation to do this work. The desecration of sacred Black grief spaces. How structural racism leads to Doneila and other researchers having to “prove” the reality of disproportionate rates of death for Black people living in the U.S. The disenfranchisement of African American grief. How the language we use to talk about grief is rooted in culture and how that can be a strength. The gap in the research literature about Black and African American grief. Culturally specific interventions to support grief. How culture shapes grief expression. Doneila’s work to become literate in the historical & current context of Black grief and the cultural strengths she uncovered along the way. How her family honors her grandfather’s legacy. Follow Doneila on IG
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You Have A Life Worth Rebuilding - Melissa Pierce & The Widow Squad
12/20/2023
You Have A Life Worth Rebuilding - Melissa Pierce & The Widow Squad
What started out as an average winter morning ended up being one that would change everything in life. She went to wake up her husband Dave for their son's basketball game and found him unresponsive. Dave had died during the night and the cause of death was never determined. Melissa jumped into figuring out logistics - planning a memorial, getting her sons to school, moving their family, working a full-time job - but eventually she had to figure out herself. It meant focusing on what she was thinking, feeling, and needing in her grief. That shift to prioritizing self-care ended up changing everything, again. We discuss How Melissa and Dave met and fell in love The process of adopting their two sons How the shock of Dave’s sudden death led to what Melissa calls “Zombie mode” Being the person who found Dave when he died and how that impacted her grief Grieving when the cause of death is undetermined The financial, logistical, and emotional reality of being a solo parent Having to tell her sons that their dad died When Melissa started to feel her feelings in grief The physical toll of grief Where Melissa turned for support How prioritizing self-care changed everything The origin story of the community Melissa is the author of co-founder of , and co-host of The Widow Squad podcast. Listen to The Widow Squad podcast .
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"So Sorry For Your Loss" - Dina Gachman
12/20/2023
"So Sorry For Your Loss" - Dina Gachman
mother died of cancer in 2018 and less than three years later her sister died of alcoholism. A career journalist, Dina turned to writing as one way to make sense of these world altering losses. She recently published, a series of essays that combine personal reflections with information she gathered from professionals working in the world of grief. In this conversation we discuss: How recalling memories of her mom and sister has become less painful Parenting a young child while grieving How she realized she needed additional support Finding comfort in the Continuing Bonds theory When grief feels like agitation Approaching the five-year anniversary of her mother's death How her mom continued to care for her even as she was dying The expectation vs. reality of hospice care Using humor as a way to cope - and carry on her mom's legacy Grieving two losses in such close succession Recognizing that grief started when her mom was diagnosed, years before her death The gift of growing up in an emotionally expressive family GIEAs - Grief Induced Emotional Avalanches is an award-winning journalist, Pulitzer Center Grantee, and a frequent contributor to the New York Times, Vox, Texas Monthly and more. She’s a New York Times bestselling ghostwriter, and the author of Brokenomics: 50 Ways to Live the Dream on a Dime.
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How To Talk About What Happened - Adam Sawyer
12/13/2023
How To Talk About What Happened - Adam Sawyer
In January of 2022, Adam Sawyer had everything he dreamed of and more. His partner Kara was the love of his life. Their cat Lela was his all-time favorite animal. Their off the grid house, Whiskey Jane, was the best place he had ever lived. By the end of February, 2022, Adam lost all three of them. Kara and Lela died when Whiskey Jane was destroyed in a fire. We discuss Getting "the call" about the fire Being fully immersed in grief with no responsibilities Nature's role in Adam's healing process Examining the ways he tells people about his losses The parallels between grief and his recovery from heroin addiction Adam's first glimmers of hope Finding a new home, a new purpose, and a new romantic connection What it's been like to go public with his story through writing and presentations How Adam stays connected to his grief Find Adam on and
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It's Okay That It's Not The Same - Grief At The Holidays
12/01/2023
It's Okay That It's Not The Same - Grief At The Holidays
It's our fifth annual holidays & grief episode! This time of year can be grueling for anyone, but particularly for those who are grieving. So, each year we put out an episode to help you feel less alone and hopefully more equipped to traverse the next few weeks. Today's guest, Melissa Peede Thompson, M.S., is a Grief Services Coordinator at Dougy Center. While she has lots of professional knowledge in this realm, we asked her to talk about her personal experience of grieving during the holidays. Melissa was six when her sister died of gun violence. She was 13 when her father died in a motorcycle accident. And she was a young adult when her grandparents died. Each loss shaped - and continues to shape - how Melissa and her family approach this time of year. We discuss: How her sister's death impacted her parents at the holidays What she remembers about the first Christmas after her dad died Grieving for her her grandparents before they died How the holidays can feel empty, even when the house is full Melissa's realization that grief has left her a little bit "Grinchy" What she's doing to shift how she thinks and feels about the holidays Learning to appreciate being able to spend time with the people who are still alive Why St. Patrick's Day became her favorite holiday Taking the pressure off trying to make the holidays feel the same after someone dies If you missed our past Holidays & Grief episodes, be sure to listen to Ep. , , , . Register for our happening on Thursday, 12.7.23, 10 am - 11:30 am PST.
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Tending To Trauma In Grief - Meghan Riordan Jarvis
11/22/2023
Tending To Trauma In Grief - Meghan Riordan Jarvis
When Meghan Riordan Jarvis's mother died suddenly, just two years after her father died of cancer, she watched herself grieving from two perspectives. One as a daughter and the other as a trauma-informed therapist. As a daughter she was devastated and deeply impacted on all levels. As a therapist, she recognized in her grief signs of PTSD, post-traumatic stress disorder. The therapist part of her also realized she wasn't getting better on her own and needed the next level of care. Meghan's new book, , chronicles the unresolved trauma of her early life, how it resurfaced after her parents died, and how she tended to both her grief and trauma. We discuss: Meghan's relationship to memories of her parents How she grieved differently for her father and mother - and why Her childhood experience of grief and how that led to her developing PTSD The signs that let her know she needed the next level of care How she came to write her new memoir The various trauma interventions she tried - and which ones helped on IG on Fbook
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I've Missed Him At Every Milestone - Bridget
11/16/2023
I've Missed Him At Every Milestone - Bridget
Bridget was in high school when her dad died of a heart attack in 2020. Their relationship was complicated. She loved the way her more creative side came out when they spent time together, but she also struggled with how he kept a lot of his history from her. In grieving for him, Bridget's had to reckon with two things being true at the same time. The first is that in some ways Bridget’s life became easier and more stable after he died. The second is the reality that she still loves him, misses him, and wishes he could be there for all the milestones unfolding in her life. This series is a part of an ongoing collaboration between Dougy Center and . We are deeply grateful for New York Life Foundation's tireless support and advocacy on behalf of children and teens who are grieving. Download a copy of the New York Life Foundation's newest resource for teens who are grieving - .
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It Was Such A Shock - John
11/10/2023
It Was Such A Shock - John
When John's father died of suicide in 2021 it came as a complete shock. John couldn't square the dad he knew as cool and levelheaded with the reality that he took his life. He tried to figure it out - what was going on for his dad that led him to this? Over time, John began to better understand some of the factors that contributed to his dad's death. Throughout it all, he turned to his family, friends, and himself for support in navigating this new world without his dad. This series is a part of an ongoing collaboration between Dougy Center and . We are deeply grateful for New York Life Foundation's tireless support and advocacy on behalf of children and teens who are grieving. Download a copy of the New York Life Foundation's newest resource for teens who are grieving - . If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out. You can call the at 988 or text HELLO to .
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I Think He'd Be Proud Of Me - Sonja
11/03/2023
I Think He'd Be Proud Of Me - Sonja
Sonja was 15 when we recorded in the summer of 2023, but was just 10 when her father, Matt, died in September 2018 from injuries due to a car accident. Sonja, her mom, and two younger siblings lived in NYC at the time of his death. They eventually moved across the country to Portland, Oregon where they attended peer grief support groups at Dougy Center. Sonja shares what she remembers about hearing that her dad was in an accident, how their community showed up while he was in the hospital, and how they kept showing up after he died. We also talk about her dad and what it's like to be the oldest sibling who had the most time and memories with him. This series is a part of an ongoing collaboration between Dougy Center and . We are deeply grateful for New York Life Foundation's tireless support and advocacy on behalf of children and teens who are grieving. Download a copy of the New York Life Foundation's newest resource for teens who are grieving - .
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When Your Spouse Dies Of Suicide - Alexandra Wyman
10/21/2023
When Your Spouse Dies Of Suicide - Alexandra Wyman
and her husband Shawn had a bit of a whirlwind life. They got married in 2018, had their son in 2019, and then in 2020 Shawn died of suicide. His death created a different type of whirlwind. The kind where Alexandra had to rebuild her life as a solo parent dealing with the intense swirl of guilt, sadness, anger, and confusion. As the shock wore off, Alexandra started to write down what she was going through and learning along the way. This led to her new book, , and her podcast, . We discuss: Who Alexandra is in addition to her grief How Shawn lived as a husband and father The day Alexandra got the news of his death The early days of grief The importance of daily rituals and routines Working on the intense guilt and self-doubt she felt in grief Figuring out how to set boundaries Having her marriage be under the microscope Learning to be a solo parent How she talks to her son about Shawn's death Finding the support of other widows who are grieving a death by suicide Grief tantrums - as an adult Alexandra's website - If you or someone you know is struggling, please reach out for support. You can call the National LifeLine at 988 or text HELLO to 741741.
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Love Isn't Finite - Grieving A Partner
10/13/2023
Love Isn't Finite - Grieving A Partner
This was supposed to be an episode about going back to work with grief, but it's not. Emily did have to navigate going back to work after her partner Chantel was killed in a hit and run, but this conversation ended up being about love. And loss. And the magical powers of caring for a dog named Indie. It's also about bringing the love you had with a partner who died into a new relationship and what it's like to grow that love with someone else. We discuss How Emily and Chantel fell in love What she remembers about the night Chantel died The isolation and loneliness of the Covid shutdown so early in her grief How guilt shows up Grieving a partner when you’re so young and not married – and other people’s opinions about it all Navigating the logistics after a death How being concerned about negative reactions from others hindered Emily’s ability to talk openly about her relationship with Chantel – and how she would do things differently now The wonders of therapy How Emily deals with the fear of someone else dying
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How To Make New Memories
09/28/2023
How To Make New Memories
experienced the death of someone close to her every year between the ages of 15 and 21. The first was her father, who died of brain encephalitis. For the next five years, Katie did what so many teens do - she didn’t talk about her grief. Until she did. Now, she's the founder of and the author of new children's book, which invites children (and adults too) to find ways to make new memories with their person who died. We discuss: What Katie needed when her dad died and how that changed over time Why she stopped talking about her dad and how she learned to start again The nonverbal ways she started to engage with grief How her dad’s death shaped who she is Living a death-centered life How she continues to make new memories with her dad What it will mean to make a hole in one on the golf course someday
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How To Show Up For Others
09/07/2023
How To Show Up For Others
"How do I help someone who is grieving?" This is the perennial question when it comes to showing up for people we care about after someone dies. Zack Wheat, a Board Certified Chaplain, knows more than most about what people who are grieving need - and don't need. Professionally, Zack knows about this from his work as a hospital chaplain for an inpatient palliative care team. He also knows about it from his time volunteering as a facilitator in peer grief support groups at Dougy Center. But, long before he was a hospital chaplain or a grief group facilitator, Zack learned about how to be there for others when he was 21 and his friend Leanna died in a car accident. In this episode we talk about: What it was like for Zack to speak at his friend’s funeral His draw to working as a chaplain The difference between hospital and hospice chaplaincy How the pandemic impacted Zack and his hospital colleagues What people who are grieving need – and don’t need How to be human with other humans who are grieving What keeps people from showing up for others The value of acknowledgment, empathy, and presence What Zack’s learned as a facilitator in a peer grief support group
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Love Is Stronger - Interrupting Gun Violence
08/11/2023
Love Is Stronger - Interrupting Gun Violence
is the founder of , an organization in Portland, OR dedicated to supporting gang-impacted families and communities in building healing, accountability, and safety. While Lionel and Love is Stronger focus on interrupting gun violence, this work is also rooted in grief. Lionel's uncle was shot and killed by the police in 1975. His cousin Donald was killed in 1999 by a rival gang. His mother died of a sudden illness when Lionel was 20. In the last two years, he went to over 40 funerals, many of those for young people killed by gun violence. We talk about: Lionel's early experiences with grief and gun violence How he lost his moral compass when his mother died His work as a tribute to how his mother saw him The role unprocessed grief played in his life, including killing another teen How being in prison and learning about trauma changed his life Learning there's no quick fix for grief What is unique about grieving a gun violence death The origin story of Love is Stronger Lionel's vision for interrupting cycles of gun violence What the community can do to help What helps him tend his own grief about Lionel & Love is Stronger.
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Becoming A Cultural Kinkeeper
08/03/2023
Becoming A Cultural Kinkeeper
What does it mean to be a cultural kinkeeper and how does that idea relate to grief? These are two of the questions we explore with , co-founder of , a platform meant to inspire people to collect and document family stories, recipes, and traditions. When Anika’s mom died suddenly in 2019, she realized just how much she didn’t know, not just about her mom, but also about their family history and cultural traditions. Root & Seed is Anika’s offering to help others have meaningful conversations with their family members in the hopes of recording those important stories and legacies. We discuss: The ways Anika's mother mothered her How Anika went searching for stories about her mother after her death What else Anika lost when her mother died The origin of Root & Seed and the digital and physical tools they provide to help people document their family stories and traditions What she most wishes she could tell her mom now Social handles: @rootandseedco Website/E-Store: Free Conversation Capture Tool:
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The Grief Garden - Supporting Collective Grief
07/14/2023
The Grief Garden - Supporting Collective Grief
As more opportunities for non-traditional grief support arise, it's no surprise that many of them are happening in historically marginalized communities who have not felt relevantly supported in those settings. co-created by , a multidisiciplinary artist, and Tiana Zabala, the garden manager at is the perfect example of this type of offering. The Grief Garden was designed to bring people together, in relationship with the outdoors, where they could engage with rest, movement, medicine making, and sound. Julia Mallory is a storyteller, writer, and artist who after the death of her eldest son Julian in 2017 also became a community grief worker. Through her words, images, and offerings, Julia invites others to acknowledge and express their own grief. Tiana Zabala is passionate about growing food, medicine, and building community. In her role as garden manager at GoggleWorks she focuses on urban farming and developing opportunities for collective healing. We discuss: What Julia & Tiana learned about grief from their families The lack of opportunity to gather and honor collective grief, especially in the Black community How grief gets pathologized in a grief avoidant society The origin of the Grief Garden event Why embodied practices like movement, song, and art are important in grief How Julia makes engaging with grief more accessible through her lived experience Farming as a metaphor for grief and the cycle of life Julia & Tiana’s plans for future creative grief expression events
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When I Think Of Him, Love Is The Word That Comes Up - Pierce Freelon
07/07/2023
When I Think Of Him, Love Is The Word That Comes Up - Pierce Freelon
is a GRAMMY® nominated musician, author, and educator. He is also a son, a father, a husband, and an astute observer of life and grief and everything in between. Pierce was a caregiver for his father, , a renowed architect who died of ALS. He's also the author of the new children's book, Daddy and Me: Side by Side, a beautiful rendering of the times Pierce and his father spent in nature, and how Pierce is doing the same with his own son. A few hours before our interview, Pierce got word that a beloved professor from his time in graduate school, , had just died. In connection to both of these influential people, Pierce shares his unique and nuanced perspective on grief, legacy, and the power of artistry. We talk about: How Pierce thinks about death and grief and ongoing connection The role gratitude plays in grief How new grief feels familiar, because love feels familiar The legacy of values, worldview, and artistry Pierce inherited from his dad, Phil, and his professor, Dr. Mugo The cultural traditions Pierce turns to in grief Caregiving for his father during his illness and end-of-life The autobiographical elements of Pierce’s new children’s book, . Listen to our episode with Pierce’s mother, Nneena Freelon, .
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How Do I Keep Going Without Her? Kelly S. Thompson
06/23/2023
How Do I Keep Going Without Her? Kelly S. Thompson
When and her older sister Meghan were children, they were close. Meghan was Kelly’s protector and constant as they moved around as a military family. Things shifted when Meghan hit adolescence and started using substances. Their connection disintegrated and they spent years barely in touch. When Meghan stopped using, they came back together and worked to rebuild trust and repair their relationship. Then, on the same day Meghan gave birth to her second child, she was diagnosed with a cancer that would end her life in less than two years. Kelly became her primary caregiver, going with Meghan to treatment and being with her in the hospital up until the last few moments of her life. Before she died, Meghan made Kelly promise to write their story. Kelly kept that promise with her new memoir, . We discuss: The arc of Kelly & Meghan’s relationship The process of repairing that relationship What it was like to care for Meghan after her cancer diagnosis Kelly’s relationship with survival mode Why the grocery store kicks up her grief The ways writing helps Kelly cope and stay connected to Meghan How Meghan loved Kelly (without condition or hesitation) The ongoing heaviness of grief Answering the question “How do I keep moving in a world that doesn’t have this brilliant human being in it?”
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We Need Queer Specific Grief Spaces - Queer Grief Club & Jamie Thrower
06/16/2023
We Need Queer Specific Grief Spaces - Queer Grief Club & Jamie Thrower
is a Queer death doula, end-of-life educator, and grief guide in Portland, OR. She is also the founder of the which provides inclusive non-traditional grief support offerings for those grieving both death and non-death losses. Jamie knows from her personal experience of grieving the deaths of her parents and her daughter, Birdie, who she and her wife lost in the second trimester, just how important it is for grief support to be reflective of identity, relationships, family constellations, and community. We get into: Grieving as a queer person right now and the importance of community & connection. Why the grocery store is so challenging when you’re grieving. The origins of the and how it’s different than traditional grief support. How the deaths of her parents and daughter shape the work she does in end-of-life and grief education. The importance of queer specific spaces in grief. Being queer in the gendered world of baby loss grief support. Breaking down the binaries that get created in grief. What grief has been saying to Jamie lately.
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It Affects All Of My Relationships
06/08/2023
It Affects All Of My Relationships
Even though most of us know and accept that grief doesn't have an end point, it can still be surprising to witness how much it impacts almost every aspect of our lives, including our relationships. This was true for Daniel, who was two days away from his 8th birthday when his father died of a brain tumor. When he was a kid, grief impacted Daniel's relationship with a sense of safety and security. As a young adult, it affected what he was looking for in his dating relationships. Throughout his life, it's shaped who and how he feels safe and comfortable connecting with. We discuss: What Daniel remembers about getting the news that his dad was going to die. How the enormity of this loss became more real as he got older. The challenges he faced with trusting men, which affected his experience as gay man. How his coming out process may have been different if his dad was still alive. The parallels Daniels found in coming out as gay and coming out as having a parent who died - how both have left him feeling othered. How his grief impacted his dating relationships. What he's learned from volunteering in a peer grief support group for young children. What he's come to understand about grief over time.
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