Paternal
Paternal is a show about the brotherhood of fatherhood. Created and hosted by Nick Firchau, a longtime journalist and podcast producer, Paternal offers candid and in-depth conversations with great men who are quietly forging new paths in fatherhood. Listen as our diverse and thoughtful guests – a world-renowned soccer star in San Diego, a Oglala Sioux elder in South Dakota, a New York Knicks barber in Queens, a pioneering rock DJ in Seattle and many more - discuss the models of manhood that were passed down to them, and how they're redefining those models as they become fathers themselves.
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#107 Bakari Sellers: It Might Not Be Okay
05/09/2024
#107 Bakari Sellers: It Might Not Be Okay
When you’re talking to about fatherhood, you’re talking to a man who truly is a link between generations. As the son of a famous Civil Rights activist who befriended the likes of Stokely Carmichael and Martin Luther King, Jr., Sellers feels the weight of expectations from his ancestors and his community. And as the father of two young twins, he feels the pressure of helping ensure the world is better for them than it ever was for him. But what happens when that pressure sometimes feels like too much? And what happens when, despite all the work he and his father have done to make it so, he simply can’t tell his kids everything will be okay? On this episode of Paternal, Sellers discusses why he sees his life as an extension of his father’s journey, how he copes with anxiety, his relationship to anger, and why he thinks the U.S. has reached a nadir after George Floyd’s death failed to produce a racial reckoning so many expected. Sellers is a political commentator for CNN and a former state legislator from South Carolina, as well as the author of the new book , which is available now wherever you buy books. Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 07:40 - Introduction 07:40 - 10:15 - Lessons from his father 10:15 - 16:00 - dealing with the pressure of a famous father 16:00 - 19:26 - handling pressure from the Black community and dealing with anxiety 19:26 - 24:20 - on generational changes among poiliticians and activists 24:20 - 27:35 - channeling anger and realizing the world might not be okay for our kids 27:35 - 29:50 - on lessons we teach our kids, and a sense of resignation 29:50 - end credits
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#106 Saul Austerlitz: Homer Simpson and The History of Sitcom Dads
04/25/2024
#106 Saul Austerlitz: Homer Simpson and The History of Sitcom Dads
If you were a child of the 1980s and early 1990s, you lived through a golden age for sitcom dads. From The Cosby Show to Growing Pains and Roseanne to The Simpsons, fathers of all kinds ruled the airwaves for roughly a decade, providing an entire generation of wide-eyed kids a glimpse into what a father should look like and, for better or worse, what a family can be. But did these portrayals of paternal figures do more harm than good, and how did Friends and Seinfeld land a fatal blow to the fate of sitcom dads? Comedy historian and author joins this episode of Paternal to take a deep dive on the history of the family sitcom, tracing the genre’s roots back to the dawn of television. He discusses how fathers were first portrayed in the 1950s and how they have evolved during each decade thereafter, including iconic sitcom dads on Leave it to Beaver, All in the Family, The Cosby Show, Married With Children, Roseanne, and The Simpsons. Austerlitz is a faculty member at NYU who teaches courses on writing about American comedy and writing about television drama, and he’s the author of six books, including on the history of sitcoms and the success of the hit series Friends. He recently wrote an article in The Atlantic entitled “.” Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 06:56 - Intro 06:56 - 10:33 - The perils of the “dad perjorative” and the connection to sitcoms 10:33 - 15:12 - Sitcom dads in the 1950s and 1960s 15:12 - 21:18 - Discussing Archie Bunker, “All in the Family,” and 70s family sitcoms 23:16 - 28:28 - The success of “The Cosby Show” 28:28 - 32:22 - The rise of the 1980s Superdad 32:22 - 36:12 - “Roseanne” breaks the mold 36:12 - 42:49 - The alternative dads on “Married With Children” and “The Simpsons” 42:49 - 46:25 - The 1990s demise of the family sitcom 46:25 - 48:42 - “Blackish” and dads on modern-day sitcoms 48:42 - 51:40 - What we lose without family sitcoms
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#105 Dr. Dennis S. Charney: How To Raise Resilient Kids
04/10/2024
#105 Dr. Dennis S. Charney: How To Raise Resilient Kids
Paternal listeners email the show regularly with requests to cover various topics on the show. Some are serious and some are silly, but one request just keeps coming: How do we teach our kids resilience? is a leading expert in the study of resilience and has spent decades examining the causes of anxiety, fear and depression. He’s also interviewed prisoners of war, victims of rape and assault, survivors of natural disasters, and frontline healthcare workers about the traits that have helped them overcome trauma, all in an effort to better understand how we can all learn to be more resilient. On this episode of Paternal, Dr. Charney discusses some of the most compelling factors to building resilience in yourself and your kids, including facing your fears, developing social groups, and establishing core values for you and your family. He also recounts a life-threatening experience that tested his own resilience, decades after living a charmed life studying the challenges of others. Dr. Charney is the co-author of . Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 05.30 - Introduction 05:30 - 07:59 - A life-threatening test of resilience 07:59 - 13:27 - Defining resilience and studying trauma victims 13:27 - 18:00 - On facing your fears 18:00 - 19:50 - On the values of optimism 19:50 - 22:15 - On developing social groups and the connection to resilience 22:15 - 24:18 - Discussing the value of role models 24:18 - 28:05 - On identifying your core beliefs, values and family history 28:05 - 29:46 - Discussing the connection between gratitude and resilience 29:46 - 32:15 - On what parents get wrong when they think about teaching kids resilience
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#104 Rob Flanagan: Straddling Acceptance and Hope
03/27/2024
#104 Rob Flanagan: Straddling Acceptance and Hope
Rob Flanagan is a husband and father who lives with his family outside of Boulder, Colorado, and roughly one year ago he and his wife Dana began an ordeal that changed their lives. After a few days of fighting a cold and a slight fever while missing out on attending kindergarten, their daughter Saoirse was suddenly hospitalized and then intubated, and it was unclear if she would ever wake up. On this episode of Paternal, Flanagan recounts the experience of spending days in the ICU with his wife while they awaited word on the health of their daughter, what the doctor’s diagnosis meant for their family, and how he learned to embrace both acceptance and hope on the path to becoming a better father. Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 05:43 - Introduction 05:43 - 11:54 - A frightening trip to the hospital 11:54 - 18:48 - Intubation and the diagnosis 18:48 - 23:13 - Asking for help and dealing with complex emotions 25:06 - 30:24 - A reawakening and an uncertain future 30:24 - 37:45 - A new reality, and changes in parenting 37:45 - 41:16 - Balancing what is, and what could have been
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#103 Waubgeshig Rice: The Pressure In My Head (2022)
02/28/2024
#103 Waubgeshig Rice: The Pressure In My Head (2022)
Growing up on the Wasauksing First Nation indigenous reserve in Ontario, journalist and bestselling author learned early in his life about the value of culture and community. But as an Anishinaabe young man schooled in the challenges his ancestors faced as indigenous people in Canada, Rice was also keenly aware of what happens when a community loses its connection to its history, traditions and culture, and how men can easily fall victim to the effects of intergenerational trauma. On this 2022 episode of Paternal, Rice recounts his experience on Wasauksing First Nation and his sometimes conflicted emotions about growing up on the reserve, as well as the challenges his own father faced in trying to reclaim the family’s Anishinaabe identity. Rice - who penned the celebrated apocalyptic thriller Moon of the Crusted Snow as well as the recently released follow-up Moon of the Turning Leaves, and was dubbed “one of the leading voices reshaping North American science fiction, horror and fantasy” by the New York Times - also discusses the emotional strain he experienced after the complicated birth of his first son, and how masculinity and vulnerability are valued on “the rez.”
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#102 Kwame Alexander: What My Father Taught Me About Love (2023)
02/14/2024
#102 Kwame Alexander: What My Father Taught Me About Love (2023)
Most people know as the Newbery Medal-winning author of The Crossover, the bestselling children’s book about two young brothers hooked on basketball. Long before he was an award-winning author, however, Alexander spent his time writing love poems, in an attempt to impress women and find his voice as a poet and a young man. But three decades and two marriages later, Alexander is a 54-year-old father of two now reconsidering those relationships from his past, and what exactly he knows - and doesn’t know - about love. And in order to do that, he’s thinking more about the marriage his parents modeled for him as a child, as well as what he learned about love and relationships from his father, a hard-nosed Baptist minister who rarely showed affection. Alexander’s book, , is available wherever you buy books, as is his latest collection of poems, . Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 07:25 - Intro 07:25 - 09:50 - on learning to love from watching our parents’ relationship 09:50 - 19:47 - discussing Kwame Alexander’s father’s version of tough love 19:47 - 24:26 - digging into his father’s jazz collection 26:31 - 32:40 - on the vulnerability required to write about broken relationships 32:40 - 35:36 - on talking to our parents and children about love
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#101 Tim Alberta: My Father, My Faith, and Donald Trump
01/31/2024
#101 Tim Alberta: My Father, My Faith, and Donald Trump
Longtime political journalist spent more than three years speaking with pastors and churchgoers across the country in a search for answers about what’s happening in contemporary Evangelicalism. Why were so many congregations becoming more political, and seemingly less invested in traditional Christian values? Why were they so motivated by fear? How could so many Evangelicals support Donald Trump, who doesn’t share their beliefs? And what do all these dramatic changes mean for the future of Evangelicals in the United States, including Alberta's three young sons? On this episode of Paternal, Alberta discusses his life as an Evangelical Christian, the influence of his born-again Christian father, what he learned about Evangelicalism from speaking with today’s church leaders, and why some churchgoers confronted him at his own father’s funeral about politics in the era of Trump. Alberta is a staff writer for The Atlantic and the author of the New York Times bestselling book , which is available now wherever you buy books. Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 05:56 - Introduction and description of The Kingdom, The Power and The Glory: American Evangelicals in an Age of Extremism05:56 - 13:11 - Background on Tim Alberta’s father, senior pastor Richard Alberta13:11 - 16:56 - On the experience of growing up as a pastor’s kid16:56 - 19:30 - Discussing his father’s funeral and blowback from members of the church congregation21:05 - 27:01 - On Evangelicals, idolatry, and fighting for America as if salvation itself hangs in the balance27:01 - 31:03 - On Evangelicals and fear of a changing society27:01 - 31:03 - On Evangelicals and fear of a changing society 31:03 - 35:27 - Why Evangelicals have rallied around Trump 35:27 - 38:50 - The challenge of inheriting faith from your father 38:50 - 44:32 - On what kind of faith he wants for his kids
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#100 Curtis Chin: Lessons From A Chinese Restaurant
01/17/2024
#100 Curtis Chin: Lessons From A Chinese Restaurant
Curtis Chin spent most of his childhood looking for a comfortable place to sit. And that was especially difficult for Chin, who grew up in the 1970s and 80s as one of six kids raised by parents who owned Chung’s Cantonese Cuisine, one of the most revered Chinese restaurants in Detroit. Despite its location in one of the roughest neighborhoods in the city, the restaurant sold more than four thousand egg rolls every week and was frequented by celebrities like Joni Mitchell, Smokey Robinson, and Senator Eugene McCarthy. On this episode of Paternal, Chin reflects on the experience of growing up in the sweaty back kitchen of a Chinese restaurant, and reflects on what he learned from his father, a charismatic waiter who happily welcomed local dignitaries from City Hall along with pimps and prostitutes from down the block. Chin also discusses the challenge of being a young gay man during the height of the AIDS crisis, and the legacy of Chung’s, which made an unexpected return to his life long after he thought he’d left it behind. Chin’s memoir, , is available wherever you buy books. Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 05:51 - Introduction05:51 - 07:34 - Discussing the popularity of Chinese restaurants in America07:34 - 11:20 - The role of Chung’s Cantonese Cuisine in Detroit11:20 - 15:54 - Introduction to Curtis Chin’s father and mother, and gender dynamics in the restaurant15:54 - 21:13 - Discussing Curtis Chin’s father and when Hollywood actor Yul Brynner came into the restaurant23:00 - 31:37 - On coming of age, and fears of coming out31:37 - 37:36 - The legacy of Chung’s Cantonese Cuisine
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#99 Best of 2023: Conversations of the Year
12/20/2023
#99 Best of 2023: Conversations of the Year
Paternal closes out the year with a collection of the best conversations from 2023, curating five of the best segments from the past year into one collection. On this episode, Paternal guests discuss a variety of topics including the challenges of raising mixed-race kids, how father-son relationships impacted some of the biggest rock acts of the 1990s, how burnout at work can affect your parenting, dealing with grief after the loss of a partner, and how we can hold all the good and bad of life together in the same hands. Guests on this episode of Paternal include comedian and filmmaker , rock critic and podcast host , author and professor , author and professor , and New York Times bestselling author and poet . Stay tuned for all new episodes of Paternal in 2024. Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 02:01 - Introduction 02:01 - 05:29 - W. Kamau Bell on discussions with his wife about racism and feminism 05:29 - 10:28 - W. Kamau Bell on raising mixed-race kids 11:31 - 19:47 - Rob Harvilla on father/son themes in 90s rock songs 19:47 - 22:34 - Rob Harvilla on discussing hard subjects with his kids 23:29 - 25:33 - Jonathan Malesic on his experience with burnout 25:33 - 34:16 - Jonathan Malesic on the three criteria for burnout and how men deal with burnout differently that women 35:23 - 40:02 - Matthew Salesses on the death of his wife and the connection to K Dramas 40:02 - 44:51 - Matthew Salesses on coping with grief with his kids 46:12 - 52:22 - Clint Smith on becoming a father and the double-sided nature of parenting 52:22 - 57:17 - Clint Smith on what he’s good at what and he struggles with as a father Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#98 Paternal Workshop: Sex and Intimacy
12/06/2023
#98 Paternal Workshop: Sex and Intimacy
Award-winning research psychologist and professor Dr. Michael Addis returns to Paternal for the latest in a series of special episodes, this time to discuss the connection between the social construction of masculinity and men’s relationship with sex and intimacy. Men receive convoluted messages about what sex and intimacy are supposed to look like from an early age, but can they really take stock of what they’ve learned and change their behavior as they get older? Dr. Addis also discusses how boys’ early exposure to intimacy and vulnerability can shape their sex lives as men, the metaphor of men’s bodies as performative machines, why it’s so hard for men to discuss sex with one another, and solutions for men looking to reexamine how they think about intimacy and improve their sex life. Dr. Addis is a professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass. He also provides personal coaching and consultation for men at . Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 06:16 - Introduction 06:16 - 11:39 - The connection between sex and familiarity with intimacy 10:44 - 18:37 - The idea of man as a performative machine 20:13 - 26:12 - On why men don’t talk about sex with other men 26:12 - 33:08 - Solutions for being more comfortable discussing sex and intimacy Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#97 Brandon Stosuy: The Crying Guy
11/22/2023
#97 Brandon Stosuy: The Crying Guy
Back in 2016, began to notice something strange about many of the people around him. Seemingly no matter where he went - jogging in Brooklyn, riding the subway into Manhattan, waiting for a plane at JFK - he spotted someone crying. Stosuy has spent the past seven years thinking about those people and what brought them to tears, and now he’s become known to a number of his friends, thousands of strangers, and even a few famous rock musicians as The Crying Guy. On this episode of Paternal, Stosuy reflects on those first few people he saw in tears in New York and how he turned those observations into a collection of essays from more than 100 people about the last time they cried and why, including death, childbirth, breakups, or simply listening to the right song at the right time. is available now wherever you buy books. Episode Timestamps: 00:00 - 03:09 - Intro 03:09 - 05:51 - On seeing people all over New York City crying 05:51 - 09:33 - The origins of the book Sad Happens, and a history of crying 09:33 - 15:47 - Songs that make us cry, and The National 16:22 - 19:04 - Discussing why people cry on airplanes 19:04 - 21:55 - The connection between crying and your job 21:55 - 27:21 - On how to communicate to your kids about crying Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#96 Isaac Fitzgerald: Hope For A Lost Cause
11/08/2023
#96 Isaac Fitzgerald: Hope For A Lost Cause
has a large tattoo on his right forearm of Saint Jude, the patron saint of impossible or lost causes. It might seem like a fitting mark for a man who resorted to drugs and alcohol to endure a childhood full of insecurity and violence, but Saint Jude is also the patron saint of hope. And for Fitzgerald - the author of the New York Times bestselling memoir Dirtbag, Massachusetts - hope lies in the communities where others might never expect to look. On this episode of Paternal, Fitzgerald recounts why an unstable home life in rural Massachusetts led him to seek comfort in teenage fight clubs and bars, and why he’s spent years distrusting feelings of security. He also discusses why he sees his father in a different light as an adult, and how a therapist taught him the real meaning of forgiveness. Fitzgerald’s 2022 memoir , is now available in paperback wherever you buy books. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#95 Bill McKibben: The Decade That Changed America
10/25/2023
#95 Bill McKibben: The Decade That Changed America
doesn’t exactly do memoirs. But the latest work from the bestselling author and influential environmental activist is about as close as he’ll get, examining why two crucial moments from his childhood - an anti-war protest followed by the rejection of low and middle-income housing in his otherwise affluent Massachusetts suburb - helped symbolize a dramatic and costly shift to individualism in America during the 1970s. On this episode of Paternal, McKibben reflects on those moments and discusses why the rise of the American suburb did so much damage to the environment and our sense of community. He also discusses the impact left on him by his father, the hope for the future that he sees in his daughter, and why he’s rallying Baby Boomers in the final act of their lives. McKibben’s latest book, , is available wherever you buy books. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#94 Andre Dubus III: Fighting To Get Free
10/11/2023
#94 Andre Dubus III: Fighting To Get Free
Acclaimed author once wrote that he’s drawn to writing about “working class men who work with their hands … men up against it who only know one or two ways how to get free, both of which can hurt other people or themselves.” Dubus knows from experience. He grew up in the 1970s and 80s with a famous but notoriously absent father in the mill towns along the Merrimack River in Massachusetts, always eager to throw a punch if it proved his worth as a man. His experiences led to the celebrated memoir Townie, dubbed by one critic as “the most sensitive and gripping account of male violence imaginable.” On this episode of Paternal, Dubus discusses how he learned to perform masculinity with his fists, the influence of his literary father, how prisoners and police officers alike responded to the violence in Townie, and how his three grown children reacted to reading about their father’s past life as a man fighting to get free. Dubus’ latest novel, , is available now wherever you buy books. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#93 W. Kamau Bell: Comedy, Cosby, And Raising Mixed Kids
09/27/2023
#93 W. Kamau Bell: Comedy, Cosby, And Raising Mixed Kids
Over the past few years comedian and filmmaker has become one of America’s most recognizable purveyors of humor and smart social commentary. And his success is due in large part to his willingness to tackle thorny topics like race, sexual assault, education, and policing, be it as a standup comic, an Emmy-nominated reality show host, or from behind the camera as a documentary filmmaker. On this episode of Paternal, Bell discusses his latest film and his own personal experience of raising his three mixed-race daughters, male vulnerability and dad jokes in his comedy, and how he’s reckoned with the truth about “America’s Dad,” Bill Cosby. Bell’s film 1000% Me: Growing Up Mixed is now streaming on MAX. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#92 Israel del Toro, Jr.: You’re Not Gonna Die Here
09/13/2023
#92 Israel del Toro, Jr.: You’re Not Gonna Die Here
When Israel “DT” Del Toro, Jr. was 12 years old, he made a promise to his ailing father that he would always watch over his younger siblings, and take care of his family. When he was a 30 year-old Staff Sergeant in the Air Force, he made a promise to his wife and young son that he would return safely from Afghanistan. But then everything changed with a flash of light and an explosion that literally shook the ground beneath his feet, leaving Del Toro, Jr. severely wounded and wondering if he would live another day, let alone keep any of the promises he’d made to those he loved. On this episode of Paternal, Del Toro, Jr. looks back on a life that took him from a working-class neighborhood in East Joliet, Illinois to the mountains of Afghanistan and eventually to a hospital in Texas, where he fought for the chance to reunite with his young son after suffering burns over 80 percent of his body. Del Toro, Jr. is a retired Senior Master Sergeant and received both the Bronze Star and the Purple Heart for his service, and he is the author of the 2023 memoir , available now wherever you buy books. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#91 Jay Rosenblatt: How Do You Measure A Year?
08/23/2023
#91 Jay Rosenblatt: How Do You Measure A Year?
Roughly two decades ago filmmaker Jay Rosenblatt started a ritual with his daughter Ella that he never expected would lead anywhere but the family archives. But the project that unfolded - an annual series of questions he asked Ella on her birthday until she turned 18 - eventually led to an acclaimed portrayal of a father-daughter relationship, and an Academy Award nomination. On this episode of Paternal, Rosenblatt looks back on the origins of his celebrated short film How Do You Measure A Year?, the questions he asked of his daughter each year, and why the film serves as an intimate example of what it looks like when kids grow up in the blink of an eye. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#90 Alexi Lalas: Embracing Kids And Critics (2018)
08/09/2023
#90 Alexi Lalas: Embracing Kids And Critics (2018)
Alexi Lalas knows all about opportunity. As a professional soccer player and member of the United States national team during the 1990s, Lalas used the global platform of the 1994 FIFA World Cup to introduce the world to his carefully cultivated image of a rebellious red-headed rockstar with a love for the world’s game, and life’s never been the same since. More than two decades later Lalas is still in the public eye as a television analyst for Fox Sports at this summer’s Women’s World Cup in Australia and New Zealand, but fame does come with a price. Lalas constantly battles with soccer fans on social media and has even received death threats from his harshest critics over the years, and some fans have no problem harassing him when they spot him in public. On this episode of Paternal from 2018, Lalas discusses how he tries to shield his two young kids from the vitriol he receives on social media, how the World Cup and the public persona he created back in the 90s changed his fortunes forever, and why he teaches his kids to constantly be aware of their surroundings, always open to the next great opportunity in life. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#89 Rob Harvilla: Dad Rock Comes For Every Man
07/26/2023
#89 Rob Harvilla: Dad Rock Comes For Every Man
Longtime rock critic has made a lengthy career out of his love for the '90s-era songs that shaped his days as a teenager and college student. He’s the host of the hit podcast “60 Songs That Explain the ‘90s” and he’s built a devoted fan base of equally obsessed music fans while exploring songs from artists like Nirvana, Madonna, REM, and the Wu-Tang Clan. But despite his success, sometimes he just likes to mow the lawn with an old Soul Asylum album in his headphones before he gets back to his life as a dad. On this episode of Paternal, Harvilla discusses fatherhood themes in the songs from some of the biggest artists of the '90s, the origin of the term “Dad Rock” and why you’re probably listening to it, the song he sang to his newborn son, and how he feels about his kids streaming songs at the push of a button instead of waiting for hours to record them off of MTV, like a real music fan should. Harvilla’s podcast is available on Spotify. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#88 Jake Tapper: Leadership and Vulnerability
07/12/2023
#88 Jake Tapper: Leadership and Vulnerability
Jake Tapper has been a leading figure in American media for more than a decade, serving as the chief DC anchor at CNN, the host of the network’s weekday show “The Lead with Jake Tapper,” and the co-host of the Sunday public-affairs show, “State of the Union.” During that time he’s interviewed some of the most consequential and controversial figures in American politics, and in the process learned a few things about why powerful men are so reluctant to admit when they’re wrong, and what it costs them in the end. On this episode of Paternal, Tapper discusses how he balanced a high-powered career in journalism with a life as a father of two children, how his own father influenced his upbringing in Philadelphia, and the traits that make a successful leader. Tapper’s new book, , is available wherever you buy books. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#87 Matt Moore: Meat, Men, And The Fourth of July
06/28/2023
#87 Matt Moore: Meat, Men, And The Fourth of July
Good food has always been an integral part of ’s family. As the grandson of a man who helped run a popular food store in southern Georgia and the grand nephew of a soldier who endured World War II in part on his family’s famous fried chicken, Moore has always been connected to the role food can play in a family’s story. And now, as a Nashville-based cook, father, and the author of five popular cookbooks, Moore spends his days cooking for his family and preaching how other men can make good food a bigger part of their own story too. On this episode of Paternal, Moore discusses how a neighborhood cookbook first turned him onto cooking, why he’s invested in learning more about his local butchers, how much meat he eats and where he gets the best cuts of meat for a summer barbecue, and how he uses cookouts to build his male friendships. Moore’s latest cookbook, Butcher on the Block, is available now wherever you buy books. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#86 The Best of Paternal: Advice For New Dads, Part 2
06/14/2023
#86 The Best of Paternal: Advice For New Dads, Part 2
Paternal celebrates Father’s Day by paying tribute to all the new dads out there celebrating the holiday for the first time, this time by bringing back three of the show’s most beloved guests to weigh in on how they survived the early days of parenting. The guests weigh in on what surprised them about becoming a father, what they did right as new dads, what they did wrong, and which piece of advice they would give their new-dad selves all these years later. Guests on this special episode of Paternal include , , and . Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#85 Kwame Alexander: What My Father Taught Me About Love
05/17/2023
#85 Kwame Alexander: What My Father Taught Me About Love
Most people know as the Newbery Medal-winning author of The Crossover, the bestselling children’s book about two young brothers hooked on basketball. Long before he was an award-winning author, however, Alexander spent his time writing love poems, in an attempt to impress women and find his voice as a poet and a young man. But three decades and two marriages later, Alexander is a 54-year-old father of two now reconsidering those relationships from his past, and what exactly he knows - and doesn’t know - about love. And in order to do that, he’s thinking more about the marriage his parents modeled for him as a child, as well as what he learned about love and relationships from his father, a hard-nosed Baptist minister who rarely showed affection. Alexander’s new book, , is available wherever you buy books on May 23. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#84 Jonathan Malesic: Dads, Work, And Burnout
05/03/2023
#84 Jonathan Malesic: Dads, Work, And Burnout
spent more than a decade in what he thought was his dream job as a college professor. But after years on the clock he found himself exhausted, angry, and struggling to feel like he was making an impact with his students. But even when he quit his job in order to solve one problem, he quickly realized he had another on his hands: Without a job, was he suddenly less of a man? On this episode of Paternal, Malesic recounts the experience that led him to studying the phenomenon of burnout, how it affects men and women differently, what role work plays in defining a man’s sense of masculinity, and the effects of burnout on men when it comes to fatherhood. Malesic’s 2022 book is available wherever you buy books, and he is also the author of the 2022 essay “,” from The New York Times. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#83 Bryce Andrews: My Grandfather’s Gun
04/19/2023
#83 Bryce Andrews: My Grandfather’s Gun
When was a kid growing up in Seattle, he always admired Montana-born cowboys, and men who rope and herd cattle. So when he finally drove over the Cascades and settled in Montana as a young, do-it-all cattle rancher working under an endless blue sky, he knew he’d found his place. But then he was gifted his grandfather’s Smith and Wesson .357 Magnum revolver, a weapon that fascinated him as a little boy and haunted him as a man living alone on a desolate cattle ranch an hour’s drive from civilization. On this episode of Paternal, Andrews discusses how he came to carry his grandfather’s gun, what he’s learned about the violent nature of life on a cattle ranch, and, in the wake of becoming a father himself, what one man can do with a treasured inheritance so closely tied to a history of violence. Andrews is the author of the 2023 memoir , available wherever you buy books. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#82 Paternal Workshop: Everything Turns Into Anger
04/05/2023
#82 Paternal Workshop: Everything Turns Into Anger
Award-winning research psychologist and professor Dr. Michael Addis returns to Paternal for the latest in a series of special episodes, this time to discuss the complicated relationship so many men have with anger. We teach boys that anger is an acceptable emotion even at a very young age, but what’s really at the core of the issue when a boy or man loses his temper? Dr. Addis also dives deep into the connection between anger and control, why so many men are ambivalent about each other's angry outbursts in a social setting, what role fatherhood plays in anger, and what men can do when anger becomes a problem affecting their quality of life. Dr. Addis is a professor in the Department of Psychology at Clark University in Worcester, Mass. He also provides personal coaching and consultation for men at . Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#81 Clint Smith: Holding It All Together
03/22/2023
#81 Clint Smith: Holding It All Together
is a man deeply interested in the contrasts and complexities of the human experience. Be it in his professional life as the author of the acclaimed New York Times bestselling narrative nonfiction book How the Word Is Passed: A Reckoning with the History of Slavery, or in his personal life as an often-humbled father to two young children, Smith is constantly considering how experiences shape us as people. “Parenthood is the most remarkable, awe-inspiring experience of your life,” Smith says, “and it’s also the most fear-inducing, humbling, and exhausting. It’s the most revealing about the parts of yourself that you’re most proud of, and most ashamed of.” On this episode of Paternal, Smith discusses his early days as a father, why even our best moments as parents exist alongside instances of shame, humility, and fear, and how we can hold gratitude and despair in the same hands. Smith is a staff writer at The Atlantic and the author of , a new collection of poems focused on fatherhood, available March 28. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#80 Matthew Salesses: A Sense Of Wonder
03/08/2023
#80 Matthew Salesses: A Sense Of Wonder
clearly remembers the first time he saw Jeremy Lin on the basketball court. It was three years before Lin became an international celebrity and “Linsanity” took over Madison Square Garden in New York City, but even then Salesses knew there was something special about watching an Asian American basketball player dominate on the court. More than a decade later Lin’s rise to fame - and the mix of recognition and racism he endured on the way - is the template for Salesses’s new novel and his latest examination of identity, masculinity, and belonging. On this episode of Paternal, Salesses recounts his memories of “Linsanity” and the fallout in the sports media, as well as his own upbringing as a Korean boy adopted by an all-white family in a small town in Connecticut. He also discusses how he held onto hope and wonder as his wife battled cancer, and how he’s parented two young children after her death. Salesses’s fourth novel, , was released in January 2023. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#79 Jaed Coffin: Bloodlines And Boxing (2020)
02/22/2023
#79 Jaed Coffin: Bloodlines And Boxing (2020)
When Jaed Coffin was 23 years old he had recently graduated from college, and like a lot of people in that stage of their lives, he found himself looking ... for something. What he found was an austere and single-minded life in Southeast Alaska, training to become the next big thing in the sport of roughhouse boxing, a boozy, bloody, and rugged class of amateur boxing. Coffin chronicled his rise from wide-eyed novice to eventual middleweight champion in his 2019 memoir , which the LA Review of Books called “a beautifully crafted memoir about fathers and sons, masculinity, and the lengths we sometimes go to in order to confront our past.” On this 2020 episode of Paternal, Coffin discusses life in the small Alaskan coastal town of Sitka, the phenomenon of roughhouse boxing, and how a complicated relationship with his father helped steer Jaed into the ring, where he came up close and personal with a unique cast of characters looking to prove their manhood in the ring. Coffin also discusses about his father’s need to go “Out to Sea,” an idea that offers forgiveness for men who sometimes or even permanently abandon their families when the burdens of real life become too overwhelming. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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#78 Dan Houser: Anger Is Your Armor
02/09/2023
#78 Dan Houser: Anger Is Your Armor
When Dan Houser was in his 20s, he would walk down the street and smash the windows out of parked cars. In the bars he would have a few drinks, eyeball the worst-looking guy in the place, and start a fight. After years of powerlifting he had built himself into a frightening 250-pound man who never cared about consequences, and knew that no one could stop him. But now, more than 20 years removed from his days as a man motivated by confrontation, Houser reflects on the armor he built around himself for years, what stirred so much of his rage, and why he must change his relationship with anger after becoming a father to a young son of his own. is an Adjunct Assistant Professor of Anthropology and Archaeology at the University of Calgary. Learn more about Paternal and sign up for our newsletter at . You can also email host Nick Firchau at with any comments or suggestions for men he should profile on the show. Make sure you subscribe to the show on Apple Podcasts or wherever you’re listening, then keep an eye on your feed for new episodes.
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