TOTAL MASSACRE

TOTAL MASSACRE is a science fiction and action movie podcast hosted by Rowan Kaiser, Kev Koeser, and Carli Velocci!

Speed Racer 05/29/2024

Speed Racer Our formative movie May ends with SPEED RACER, the Wachowskis' then-panned, now cult classic of color and sound and explosion and anti-corporatism. It's Kev's pick for a movie that made them love movies, and they're joined by fellow superfan Grace Robertson, Carli, and Rowan watching it for the very first time, to talk about why it's stuck around, why it came out at exactly the wrong time, how the Wachowskis' Gen X libertarianism may undercut some of its themes, Christina Ricci with grease on her face, and cars going boom. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/31523657

Brazil 05/22/2024

Brazil Our origin story month continues with BRAZIL, Terry Gilliam's masterpiece of dystopia, satire, fascism, and air ducts that helped inspire Carli and somehow Kev hadn't seen?!? We talk about terrorism, masculinity, production, fantastic British actors, Terry Gilliam's mixed reputation, and so much more. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/31426182

Moon 05/15/2024

Moon TOTAL MASSACRE returns after a quick break with MOON, the Duncan Jones film Rowan selected as the movie important to how and why she's on this podcast. We've got all kinds of Sam Rockwell content as well as Rowan explaining the three main forms of Hollywood science fiction, and how Moon changed her perception of what seemed to be possible. Plus special guest Christy Admiraal. Also cute robot emoji! Also a problematic robot voice..... /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/31329402

Asteroid City 04/24/2024

Asteroid City Yeah that's right we're doing a Wes Anderson movie on TOTAL MASSACRE. And after Fantastic Mr. Fox it's our SECOND Wes Anderson movie. That's just how much Rowan and Kev love ASTEROID CITY, our final pick for SF Comedy Movie April. We also have special guest Kris Lorischild who loves Wes Anderson....less. It's a fun discussion where we discuss the limits or benefits of artificiality, aliens as a metaphor, star after star just killing it, and of course, that we're all deeply emotionally wounded people. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30962858

Galaxy Quest 04/17/2024

Galaxy Quest By Grabthar's Hammer...it's TOTAL MASSACRE on Galaxy Quest! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30875243

Back to the Future 04/10/2024

Back to the Future Science fiction comedy month starts off with BACK TO THE FUTURE, Robert Zemeckis' smash 80s hit. Rowan, Carli, and Kev are rejoined by Mike Williams to discuss whether this was the first Marvel movie, how damn good Michael J Fox is, the difficult tightrope of making a family-friendly movie about American history and of course, time-travel incest. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30772433

Shin Godzilla 03/27/2024

Shin Godzilla Conference rooms! Meetings! Political machinations! Scientific breakthroughs! And a giant fucking monster with lasers shooting out of his back! It's SHIN GODZILLA time here on TOTAL MASSACRE, as Carli, Rowan, and Kev are joined by Gojira fan Alex Kazanas to discuss this extremely 2014 and also compelling look at what if Godzilla had consequences? Also the main character is named Rando, that's pretty sweet. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30554963

Nope 03/21/2024

Nope Modern Monster Movie March continues with Jordan Peele's magnificent 2022 film NOPE, one of the most beloved films we've discussed on TOTAL MASSACRE! Rowan, Kev, and Carli are rejoined by Ellie Warren to talk about what to do with films where there's 16 different metaphors at once, Stephen Yuen stealing the show a bit too literally, and a truly magnificent monster both inside and out. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30473448

The Host 03/14/2024

The Host It's time for Modern Monster Movie March! We open with Bong Joon-Ho's breakthrough 2007 classic, THE HOST! Rowan, Kev, Carli, and Carli's fiance Bryant get together to talk about what Korean cinema does and how this film its, how fucking rad Bae Doona is, how fucking rad Song Kang-Ho is, how fucking bad America is, and a heartwarming story of child alcoholism. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30369443

Resident Evil 02/29/2024

Resident Evil Get ready to run up a wall and kick a zombie dog in joy, as this week Madi Emenheiser joins us to close out Schlockuary with Paul W. S. Anderson’s RESIDENT EVIL! Is this cinema’s most memorable death laser grid? Is it possible to tell all the brawny white guys apart? Should Milla Jovovich and Michelle Rodriguez have kissed? Answers to all these questions and more in our latest episode! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/30179358

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning 02/14/2024

Universal Soldier: Day of Reckoning What is the nature of memory, and how fuckin' rad is it to have a swordfight with two metal baseball bats? These are the deep philosophical questions asked by the magnificent DTV action schlockfest UNIVERSAL SOLDIER: DAY OF RECKONING. We invite number one Jean-Claude Van Damme superscholar Abby Waysdorf on board to join Kev, Rowan, and Carli in dissecting a surprisingly great and influential action movie. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29912533

Nemesis 02/08/2024

Nemesis Number one NEMESIS superfan Joe Gibson joins Rowan, Carli, and Kev to talk about Albert Pyun's 1992 cyberpunk action film, as the first installment of our SCIFI ACTION SCHLOCK month. Is NEMESIS an underrated cult classic? 66.6% of our panel is down for that! There's action mudslides, improvised bullet elevators, and heads that open up to shoot guns, like come on. There's also a plot or something. It's messy. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29865828

Je t'aime, je t'aime 01/31/2024

Je t'aime, je t'aime TOTAL MASSACRE REQUEST LIVE month concludes with our friend Ryan Swen returning to JE T'AIME JE T'AIME, our first French movie! Our first science fiction movie from prior to the 80s! It's about science fiction and time travel through film editing, and it's a fascinating examination of one man's messed-up life, what it's like dating depressed girls, post-war trauma, and hilariously dry humor. It will always be three o'clock. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29738613

Casshern 01/24/2024

Casshern TOTAL REQUEST MASSACRE month continues with our good friend Brian Smawley's pick CASSHERN, billed as the first live-action anime adaptation! It's, uh, a lot, as Rowan and Kev join Chef Lu Bu to talk about cool masks, genocide, WWII guilt, adapting massive stories, and really cool hair! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29625433

Dark City 01/03/2024

Dark City It's a Patreon request special as TOTAL MASSACRE takes on 1998's DARK CITY! Is this the most 90s film in existence? Who is even the protagonist here? Is it even really science fiction? Wait, that leading man isn't a time-traveling Oscar Isaac? Carli, Kev, and Rowan are joined by special guest, artist David Bednar, to discuss! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29330113

Paycheck 12/21/2023

Paycheck 2003's PAYCHECK came out at the nadir of John Woo's and Ben Affleck's career, and it was nearly universally panned. Was that fair? TOTAL MASSACRE says no! Mostly! Is it a secret gem, up there with MINORITY REPORT and BLADE RUNNER? uhhh....also no. Look, there's real fun stuff here, as Rowan, Carli, and Kev agree, although guest Brian Smawley doesn't so much. But there's also Uma Thurman's outfit. Oof. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29176788

Blade Runner 12/13/2023

Blade Runner All these episodes....like tears in the rain. Rowan, Kev, and special guest Jon Arthur check out the programming of the seminal science fiction BLADE RUNNER for Dickcember. It's a film we all respect but none of us truly love, which we try to puzzle out on the show. Is Ridley Scott just a cold director? Is the odd tinge of 80s anti-Asian paranoia part of it? Also, what is the nature of criticism? Is Harrison Ford the coolest person to ever sip whiskey depressedly? There's a lot going on here, okay! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/29067748

Screamers 12/07/2023

Screamers Dickcember opens with a nasty little 1990s b-movie that leaves the our panelists a bit torn up: SCREAMERS, starring Peter Weller. Rowan, Carli, Kev, and special guest Jack McDonald (also the creator of our intro!) get a lil' rowdy talking matte paintings, Canadian acting chops, not-that-Jennifer Rubin, what makes P.K. Dick such a useful guy for adaptation, scary sing-song children, and the most terrifying thing a science fiction film can have: an opening crawl gone horribly wrong. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/28979083

Minority Report 11/30/2023

Minority Report Steven Spielberg month on TOTAL MASSACRE concludes with MINORITY REPORT, which also kicks off Philip K Dickcember -- it's a double whammy! It's also a double whammy for Steven Spielberg, who manages to balance a taut sci-fi thriller with a bouncy, almost comic, group of set pieces. Join Rowan, Carli, and Kev as we talk about runaway eyeballs, weird little guys, Colin Farrell's moustache, and whether this film deserves to be placed with the top tier of Spielberg films. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/28859103

AI: Artificial Intelligence 11/15/2023

AI: Artificial Intelligence Spielberg month continues with one of the most divisive films we've seen, Spielberg and Kubrick's ambitious, wildly atonal, mesmerizing 2001 film AI. Good? Bad? Treacly? Cynical? Hard science fiction? Metaphor for love? Herald of the robot apocalypse? Defender of the downtrodden mecha? One thing Rowan, Kev, Carli, and special guest Ryan Swen can all agree on: Jude Law's sexbot rules. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/28661663

Close Encounters of the Third Kind 11/08/2023

Close Encounters of the Third Kind Alien Invasion month concludes, and Spielberg November begins, with CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND, an incredibly influential film for several of our most beloved Fox shows of the 1990s, although not Melrose Place. Is this a dry run at other films Spielberg would do better later? How much awe can be shown in a single movie? What happens when Dad meets a sexy widow with the same hyperfixations as he does? Those practical effects! That music! A synth that saves mankind! All this and more, discussed by Rowan, Kev, and returning guest Ellie Warren. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/28552955

Under the Skin 10/25/2023

Under the Skin Alien Invasion month continues with TOTAL MASSACRE heading to Scotland for a little sexy creepiness with Scarlett Johansson and 2013's acclaimed science fiction film UNDER THE SKIN. "This whole thing smacks of gender!" Rowan Kaiser proclaims, and yeah, she sort of always does that but it's hard to disagree this time. Esther Rosenfield and Carli Velocci also have many thoughts on Scotland's ugly-beauty, Johansson's fantastic performance, who is the threat and who isn't from scene to scene, relationships to 2001 and other SF films, and more! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/28425371

Alien 10/18/2023

Alien TOTAL MASSACRE is back! In science fiction form! We've rebranded to a science fiction podcast, promoted Carli and Kev to co-host/regular panelist/organizers, gotten a new intro and art, and decided to explore a derelict spaceship in order to make sure we get our shares! What could possibly go wrong? Joining us on this expedition is freelance writer and jury-rigged flamethrower expert Zack Handlen. We talk Hawaiian work shirts, proper first contact protocol, the worst-fitting underwear of all time, casting a creepy android, and what it's liking "knowing" ALIEN through pop-culture osmosis without having actually seen ALIEN! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/28358636

Alita: Battle Angel 06/27/2023

Alita: Battle Angel TOTAL MASSACRE checks out ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL, Robert Rodriguez and James Cameron's 2019 anime/manga adaptation, with guests Kev Koeser, Brian Smawley, and Esther Rosenfield. We talk about mean mommy Jennifer Connolly, double jump-kicks, whether audiences were ready for earnestness, and gender euphoria. I guess it's a pretty wide-ranging conversation. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/27303717

Kate 06/01/2023

Kate Netflix month continues (ends?) with the small-scale action thriller KATE, Mary Elizabeth Winstead's attempt to do her JOHN WICK. Does it work? Why is it set in Japan? Remember that moment when she breaks the bottles to get herself claws, that was so sweet! Rowan is joined by Kev and new guest Jon Arthur to break down what works and what doesn't and also more bottles. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/27019326

RRR 05/22/2023

RRR We've finally done it! After a year of attempts our RRR show has come to fruition, with Carli and Ellie rejoining Rowan to talk about the power of friendship! The power of tigers! The power of nationalism! The power of dance! The power of tigers on fire! We also talk seriously about whether the right-wing politics get in the way of the film, characters who simply disappear, and if the closest Hollywood equivalent is...Zack Snyder? /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/26909259

The Night Comes For Us 05/10/2023

The Night Comes For Us TOTAL MASSACRE kicks off Netflix Month in anticipation of Rowan canceling Netflix with THE NIGHT COMES FOR US, an utterly brutal Indonesian action film from Timo Tjahjanto starring Joe Taslim and Iko Uwais of THE RAID. We talk meat hooks, fast punches, broke bones (human), grenades, sniper rifles, broken bones (inhuman), lesbians, kukri, pool balls, and also like, emotions and structure and how this film should be playing in hotel rooms late at night but can't because Netflix. /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/26805651

Aliens 04/28/2023

Aliens TOTAL MASSACRE's science fiction month concludes with the biggest space marine story of them all, James Cameron's ALIENS. Rowan is joined by Carli Velocci and Ellie Warren to talk about James Cameron, Sigourney Weaver, production design, James Cameron's obsession with Titanic, trauma, cats, and Jim Cameron's career! Game over, man! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/26681466

Demolition Man 04/04/2023

Demolition Man It is a glorious day full of joy-joy at TOTAL MASSACRE, as Rowan Kaiser, Carli Velocci, and Brian Smawley engage in a discussion of DEMOLITION MAN! Is our trio of panelists a match for Sandra Bullock, Sylvester Stallone, and Wesley Snipes? Is this three films in one that somehow all work? Could we live in a world where the only restaurant is Taco Bell? And did someone in the production owe Denis Leary money? All this and more, only on TOTAL MASSACRE! /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/26437674

Starship Troopers 03/22/2023

Starship Troopers TOTAL MASSACRE returns with a good ol' fashioned bug hunt with absolutely no hidden subtext whatsoever thanks to STARSHIP TROOPERS. Rowan is joined by Citizens Kev Koeser and new guest Christopher Dole to discuss many things that are definitely not fascist, such as practical and computer effects, evil Neil Patrick Harris, eviller Michael Ironside, teen drama in times of war, and of course, hardcore nudity. Chris is also plugging the fundraiser for Arden Season 3: /episode/index/show/totalmassacre/id/26300634

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