Authentic Men's Group podcast

Welcome to the Authentic Men's Group Podcast, where real conversations spark real change! Hosted by Brian Frizzell, Brock Frizzell, and Reid Horn—licensed therapists and certified Authentic Men's Group coaches—our podcast is a beacon for men ready to get real and have real conversations about what matters most. Based in Springfield, Missouri, and Nashville, Tennessee, our mission at AMG (Authentic Men's Group) is simple yet profound: We help men get real so they can get what they really want in life, love, and their legacy. What’s Inside ● Deep Dives into Masculinity: Each month, we explore the many aspects of modern manhood—from emotional vulnerability and authenticity to mental health, career success and failures, and relationships. Our discussions tackle topics men wrestle with but often discuss only in whispers if at all. ● Success Stories: Hear the victories and journeys of men just like you. We share real-life examples from our local and online groups, highlighting the paths of men who have embraced their authentic selves. ● Curated Knowledge: Don’t have time to sift through books and endless resources? We do it for you. We break down key insights from the latest in thought-challenging leadership resources, relationship books, mental health resources, and more that are pertinent to men's growth, saving you time and giving you the essentials to thrive. ● Real Talk: Authenticity is what we are all about. We open up about our own journeys, practicing what we preach by sharing the ups and downs of our own lives, providing you with relatable, real-world applications of our teachings. Join Our Community: Join us for our monthly podcast episodes where we confront the myths of masculinity, celebrate the progress of our AMG community members, and offer insights into using adversity as a stepping stone to personal success. This podcast isn’t just about listening—it's about transforming alongside a community of men dedicated to authenticity and vulnerability. Subscribe to the AMG Podcast today and take the first step on your journey toward authentic masculinity. Together, let’s get real and achieve what we really want!

Authentic Grief - Finding Meaning in Your After (Part 4) 05/30/2024

Authentic Grief - Finding Meaning in Your After (Part 4) Chapter #7 Suicide The word “”committed” is usually used in the context of crimes. 2016 suicide was ranked the 10thcause of death in the US. Pg 116 men die from suicide 4x more then women. Pain is a natural reaction to death but suffering is what our mind does to us. 118 Death by suicide is not a selfish act or even a choice. It’s a sign of a mind that needs help. 114 The path to freedom from the suffering caused by our minds is through finding meaning. Pg 118 There are many paths to meaning, and if you search for them, you will eventually find them. 119 Give the suicide hotline to call or text: #988 or website 988lifeline.org Chapter #8 Complicated Relationships Be kind, for everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Anonymous However, hoping they will be different than they are only leads to more turmoil. Pg129 People are who they are, and they don’t change just because we need them to. If they are important enough to us, we will overlook their insensitivity. If they are not, we may consider letting the relationship go. Pg 130 This is the difference between expectations on a relationship versus standards for a relationship. We grieve in character, both good and bad. Pg 131 What does the Enneagram have to contribute to grieving? My job is how I respond to situations and other people. How people choose to play their characters is not for me to evaluate. My one and only job is my own character. Pg 134 Too often when we deal with people in complicated relationships, we focus on their reactions. If I do this for them, will they appreciate it? Will it be reciprocated? I always encourage people to do kind things with no expectations. Expectations are resentments under construction. Pg 134 In the context of complicated relationships in the time of loss there is a lot of hurt. Hurting people hurt people. As a result there are things that are done and said during a time of bereavement that can cause pain. This is why Kessler goes into some depth talking about forgiveness because grieving neccessates forgiveness.Seek to make forgiveness a part of the grieving process. Four Types of Forgiveness: 1. Indirect forgiveness: you do it all inside yourself. 2. Direct forgiveness: you do it openly in a straightforward manner with sincerity 3. Conditional forgiveness: you forgive based on personal judgments made on the person’s character or action. 4. Unconditional forgiveness: you give the person forgiveness whether they ask for it or not with disregard to their motives and having the personal motive of being free from resentment. This type of forgiveness is contingent on #1. Forgiveness opens our hearts when we are stuck in the prison of resentment. We get to be right, but we never get to be happy. The basic question of meaningful relationships is “Do I want to be right or do I want to have relationship?” Pg 137 Four Processes to Consider When Forgiving 1. Picture the person as an infant. 2. Think of them growing up and someone hurting them. 3. Acknowledge the relationship with that person for the duration of it and what it has contributed to life. 4. Remember the process of my own life, where I am and how I got here. When I recognize I’m human and I make mistakes, I can forgive others for their mistakes. Pg 138 This is a strategy for helping the person that has been hurt to work through the process of forgiveness. This does not justify the hurt that was caused or mean that the consequences of their action. One of the biggest spiritual lessons we can learn is to understand that everyone is doing the best they can at any given moment. No one looks in the mirror in the morning and says; “I think I’ll be a real jerk today.” Pg. 139 It will help to remember that forgiveness is seldom for “them”. It is for you. Pg. 139 In chapter #9 There are five specific ways that people can grow after tragedy: pg. 158 1. Their relationships grow stronger. 2. They discover new purposes in life. 3. They find inner strength. 4. Spirituality is deepened. 5. They renew their appreciation for life. Chapter #10 Miscarriage and Infant Lose Even our dictionaries often include the word “failure” in the definition of miscarriage. Try to understand that while your partner may grieve differently from you, they still deserve a grief process that is treated with sensitivity and respect. Lean on each other during this difficult time, and give each other grace. How can they say goodbye when they’ve never had a chance to say hello? They are grieving for what could have been Chapter #11 Illnesses of Our Mind: Mental Illness and Addiction My mind is a bad neighborhood. I try not to go into it alone. Anne Lamott 171 Addiction should no longer be seen as a moral failing or a lack of willpower. It is a medical problem, an illness that leads to a progressively worsening chronic condition, and one that is particularly hard to fight, because the drugs involved attack the brain of users, the very organ that helps us fight other dangers to our survival. The same can be said for mental illness. We can’t tell a person who is mentally ill or addicted to use his/her brain to help himself recover, because the brain is a diseased organ. Pg 175 The Three C’s of Al-Anon pg. 177 1. We didn’t cause it 2. We cannot control it 3. We cannot cure it Sometimes the most meaningful realization in the loss of grief is our loss of control. Meaning is everywhere if you look for it. Pg 178 Addiction is about numbness. When you’re addicted, that numbness allows you to ignore the danger, to think that you’re in control when you’re using. And even when you are sober, you may still be numb to the danger and relapse. We understand the relapse is part of recovery. Pg 185 Chapter #12 More Love Than Pain I don’t think of all the misery, but of all the beauty that remains. Anne Frank The common belief is that grief is all about pain. Anyone who has been in grief would certainly agree with that. But I believe there is more. There is love. Why do we believe that the pain we feel is about the absence of love? The love didn’t die when the person we love died. It didn’t disappear. It remains. The question is: How do we learn to remember that person with more love than pain… There is not getting around the pain. We have to go through it because it is an inevitable result of the separation we are experiencing. It’s a brutal, forced separation. Pg 191 The pain you feel is proportionate to the love you had. The deeper you loved the deeper the pain. But you will find that love exists on the other side of the pain. It’s actually the face of pain. My thought - Love doesn’t exit because of the pain; no, love exists in, through and beyond the pain. You can’t heal what you can’t feel. P 192 Get in touch with the feeling, let it speak to you, let it go through you and then be done with it. If you’re sad, you need to stay with the sadness and feel it full. If you have a hundred tears to cry don’t stop at fifty. The secret to remembering with love begins with accepting the pain, not trying to deny it or ignore it. Pg 192 No matter how deeply spiritual or religious we are, sometimes we want to be left in the humanness of our pain. 193 Whenever you are talking about your loss, do you want the spiritual response, the human response or both? Pg 193 Those of us who have lost someone dear do need to be in pain. Pg 193 Feeling the pain is a necessary part of remembering the love. The pain is part of the love. We can’t love someone and lose them without feeling pain. Not only do we have a need to feel the pain, we also need to have it witnessed by others, not pushed away. Pa 195 Grief may be postponed but it cannot be eradicated. Pg 195 Buffalo run into a storm, thus minimizing how long it will last Pg 196 The avoidance of grief will only prolong the pain of the grief. Better to turn toward it and allow it to run its natural course, knowing that the pain will eventually pass, that one of these days we will find the love on the other side of the pain. Pg. 196 We are made up of love. We are the sum total of love. If I’ve ever felt one moment of real love in my life, that can be with me in my most terrifying moments. Love never dies. In our darkest moments love remains. When everything else is gone, love continues. Pg 197 What we appreciate, appreciates. 198 The Three Steps To Taking In The Good (Rick Hanson) 199 1. Identify a positive experience or memory 2. Enrich it. Savor it. Intensify it. 3. Absorb the experience. Sink into it and let it sink into you. Pain is never the whole story. We may get lost in it for a while, but there’s always something more. Pg 200 Love Bursts – a surge of love that comes from a memory of a person. When we move through pain and we release it, we fear there will be nothing, but the truth is, when the pain is gone we are connected only in love. Kessler says, “Though much of my work is about giving people permission to grieve fully after a loss, I also want to give them permission to keep loving. 202 Love doesn’t stop with death. A body dies but love doesn’t. page 202 Love doesn’t exit because of the pain; no, love exists in, through and beyond the pain. You can’t heal what you can’t feel. P 192 Feel the pain, experience the love. I find that when I reflect on the people I have lost that if I concentrate for just a bit I can still feel their love Look for small seeds of love in pain. Just like a delicate plant, we have to pay attention to it and nourish it. If we do, the love will flower once again in our hearts. Pg 202 Chapter #13 Legacy In 2010 Bill and Melinda Gates and Warren Buffet created a Giving Pledge, a campaign to encourage billionaires to commit to donating half or more of their wealth to philanthropic causes during their lifetime. Pg 205 Each of us affects many people throughout our lives. The movie It’s a Wonderful Life does a brilliant job of helping us realize how many people we affect in our lives without realizing it. Pg 206 Write down their memories in a memory book to share with friends and family. They can continue to observe traditions and visit places that were meaningful to that person. Pg 209 Missing them is part of the remembering them, and how you remember your loved one is part of their legacy. Pg209 Visiting a place that was special to our loved ones helps us remember and connects us to their legacies. Pg 210 Ensuring that the good qualities of your loved one will live on in your own life is perhaps the most meaningful of all legacies. Pg 211 We grieve as a tribe and we’re always modeling for that tribe. Pg 212 Ultimately our loved ones belongings can become a trap when se find ourselves unable to part with them… What I have learned from my work is that as we decrease the outer evidence that our loved ones lived, we must increase the evidence inside of us. Pg215 I help people understand that they themselves are the biggest piece of evidence of their loved one’s lives. As you think about how to do something meaningful with the things that are in your possession, I encourage you to photograph those things you care about before letting them go. I’ve found that you can get the same emotional reaction from a photo as you do from the item itself. Pg217 You are also beginning to process the reconstruction of your own life. Nothing will return you to the way you were before you lost your loved one. But everything you do to help his legacy flourish and grow will help you grow, too. Chapter #14 Grieving to Believing: The Afterlife Just as birth is about a change in the mother’s connection to the infant who was once inside of her, so is death a change in our relationship to the person who is no longer here but still lives within us. Death does not end a relationship, it changes it. Pg220 Expand on this below. In a mother’s womb were two babies. The first baby asked the other: “Do you believe in the life after this world?” The second baby replied, “Why of course. There has to be something after this world.” “Nonsense,” said the first. “There is no life after this world. What would that life be? The umbilical cord supplies nutrition. Life after this would be impossible. The umbilical cord is too short. There can’t be a world after this one.” The second baby held his ground. “I think there is something, and maybe it’s different than it is here. Maybe we’ll see each other there.” The first baby replied, “If there is another world, no one has ever come back from there. Leaving here is the end of life and after delivery, there will be nowhere to go and nothing but darkness.” Well, I don’t know,” said the twin. “But certainly we’ll see Mother and she will take care of us.” “Mother?” The first baby guffawed. “You believe in a mother? An all-powerful, intelligent being that makes all this happen? Where is she now?” The second baby calmly and patiently tried to explain. “She is all around us. It is in her that we live. Without her, there would not be a world.” “Ha. I don’t see her, so it’s only logical that she doesn’t exist.” To which the other replied, “Sometimes when you’re in silence you can hear her, you can perceive her. I believe there is a reality after this world.” Writing a good-bye letter may be a terrible idea because the relationship has not ended. Writing a transformation letter may be effective Pg 220 The Five Stages of Grief were never meant to be an end unto themselves, and completion of them wasn’t supposed to signify the ending of the relationship or grief. There is a continuing evolution in the relationship pg. 221 When someone dies the relationship doesn’t die with them. You have to learn how to have new relationships with them. You can still keep learning from them in your everyday life. Pg 221 I have seen my wife do this with her grandmother in asking how she would approach a certain situation with the wisdom and candor that her grandmother still provides. You’re not closing the door on a relationship with the person who died. You don’t ever bring the grief over a loved one to a close. You’re opening the door to a different relationship. Remaining connected to your loved one in grief is not “unhealthy grieving.” It’s normal. In death, our attachments continue, as does the love. The connections continue to evolve. Pg222 “My mother’s and my relationship has improved a great deal in the twenty years since she passed away. I think I’ve learned to understand her and look at her with more compassion.” Pg223 There are three phenomena encountered by those dying: pg. 226 1. Visions – looking into the world to come. 2. Getting ready to go on ‘a trip’ 3. Crowded rooms. Three possible options for viewing the afterlife: Pg 227 1. They have an awareness of you. They see you grieving. 2. They are no longer in touch with this world. 3. They died, and their consciousness became nothing. One focus – We should grieve fully and then live fully. We were put on this earth for such a short time and we will never get to experience this life again. So why don’t we think about how much one more day would mean in our own lives? Pg 228 In the face of great losses life goes on. The world keeps spinning. The seasons change. Every storm gives way to a clear new day. Despite our losses we continue… Love and life remain within us and the potential for meaning is always there. 228 Either all deaths matter or none of them do. Pg238 The worst kind of loss is your loss Pg 238 Acknowledge the power of grief Pg 239 Broken heart syndrome is a temporary disruption of your heart’s normal pumping function, often brought on by a surge of stress hormones triggered by a serious event, such as the death of a loved one… Women are more likely to have broken heart syndrome, but anyone over fifty-five is at a higher risk. Pg 240 If we shut our ears out of hurt and anger, we will miss it. Pg 244 Martin Seligman 3 P’s that can shape our world after loss 1. Personalization – you blame yourself for it, or feel like the only one who has ever suffered such a tragic loss 2 Pervasiveness – you believe that a negative event will destroy everything in your life 3. Permanence – you believe that the effects of a loss or a disaster will last forever. No one likes or wants this new normal Pg. 245 The phrase “I don’t know how you are doing it”. I tell them I am not. I have just decided to be a part of ongoing life. What would best honor the years they didn’t get? That could be one way of bringing meaning to our lives without them. Pg248 People often think there is no way to heal from severe... /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/31540637

Authentic Grief - Finding Meaning in Your After (Part 3) 04/29/2024

Authentic Grief - Finding Meaning in Your After (Part 3) Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond or affection has been formed. Chapter #4 The First Step in Finding Meaning: In the depths of winter, I finally learned that within me lay an invincible summer. Albert Camus pg. 67 On retreats on day #1 – write a letter to your past. Day #2 write a letter to your future self. It starts with a blank piece of paper but your future isn’t written yet. You are the writer. Not your past, not your losses, not death. But you are the creator of your future… Don’t let your past dictate your future. Pg 70 The story you tell yourself repeatedly becomes your meaning. Pg 71 Original Meaning Transformed vs. New Meaning: The death happened to me. vs. Death happens. I’m a victim. vs. I am a victor because I have survived a loss. This death was a punishment. vs. Death is usually random. Why did this happen to me? vs. Everyone gets something this lifetime. It happened because of something vs. There was nothing I could have done. My story is the saddest one vs. My story had very sad parts. Your life will never be the same but happiness again is still possible. Never being happy again is a statement about the future and no one can predict the future. All they can know for sure is that they are unhappy today. It helps to say, “I’m unhappy today.” and leave it at that. Pg 72 Whatever thoughts you water are thoughts that will grow. Pg 73 Perhaps it is time to put down the mirror and pick up the binoculars. (Telescope, microscope) * MVVP book reference I look at the meaning the person is giving the event and then I help them change the meaning, not the event. The event is not going to be any different, but the meaning can be, and this can help them to deal with the loss. Pg 76 The reality is that no two people will ever react to an event in the same way. How you respond will depend upon the meaning you see in it. And like all perceptions of meaning, this will be influenced not just by the event itself, but also by your cultural background, your family, religion, temperament and life experience. Meaning comes from all that has made you who you are. Pg 77 Where is your loved on now? Is a good question but also “When are they?” They are no longer in the moment. They are past suffering pg. 77 Allowing yourself only to focus on the past, however miserably, can seem easier, more comfortable, than deciding to live fully in the world without your loved one. Pg 79 Underneath the reluctance to live or love again is fear. Pg 79 A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for” John A. Shield. When we are grieving, we want to stay in the harbor. It’s a good place to be for a while. It’s where we refuel, rebuild and repair. But we are meant to find new adventures… Pg 80 As the Buddha says, “if you are a lamp for someone else, it will brighten your path.” The parable of the long spoons: A person is ushered into a banquet hall There are rows of tables laden with platters of sumptuous food, but the people seated around the tables are pale and emaciated, moaning in hunger. As he gets closer, he sees that each person is holding a spoon. But the spoon is so long he can’t get the food to his mouth. Everyone is starving in agony. The person is then taken to another banqueting area where he encounters the same feasting arrangement he encountered in the first hall. There is again a cornucopia of food but here the people seated at the tables are cheerfully talking and eating because the long spoons are being used to feed each other. Taking the challenges, impairments and predicaments that we have been given (the long spoons of our lives) and using them to help others can really give meaning to those challenges, impairments and predicaments and can help nourish and nurture others while we receive the same for ourselves Chapter #5 The Decision Doesn’t everything die at last, and too soon? Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life? Mary Oliver Pg 83 Not making a decision is a decision. Healing does not allow for neutrality. It’s an active process, not a passive one. We have to participate in our own healing not just expect it to happen. Living is different from being alive. Pg 83 The decision to live fully is about being present for life, no matter how hard life is at the moment. It’s about what you are made of, not what happens to you. Pg 84 C.S Lewis said in his book The Problem with Pain, “Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself.” Make a conscious decision to live, not just be alive. Pg 85 When an elephant grows up, it’ll clearly be strong enough to break the rope, but because by then it has learned that struggling is useless, and it will no longer attempt to pull up the small peg or break the rope. Pg 88 “Till death do us part” The marriage contract ends at death. It is done. No one’s vow includes the afterlife. Pg 90 Sometimes we need help making the decision to say our goodbyes to them in life and move our loved ones into our hearts in death. Pg 92 No matter how long you were together, it’s not enough time but the love you shared is not gone. It lives within you as a part of you. The experience of love that you had can never be destroyed or changed by a new love. That love will exist forever in its own time, in its own way in your heart. But more love can be available to you if you desire. Your heart can have many loves in its lifetime. A new love can grow out of the same soil without diminishing a past love. You still have life. Pg 94 At times, our challenge is a new love; other times it is a new life. Pg 94 We often don’t realize that the decision to live is an active one that requires our participation. Pg 95 We are capable of more love throughout our life than we realize. “95 Make the decision to do so Broken crayons still color. Pg 96 Part II The Challenges in Grieving Chapter #6 Finding Meaning in Why New beginnings are often disguised as painful endings. Lao-tzu Pg 99 You woke up for a reason this morning, and that reason is for the purpose of finding meaning in your life. P102 Small moments can have big meaning. Everything you do has the potential for meaning. P103 We affect others in ways we will never know, often by simply being ourselves. Pg104 Whatever the reason, when there’s guilt, there’s a demand for punishment, so survivors will often punish themselves or attract people who will do it for them. Pg 104 You will always be connected to your son but you don’t have to be connected to the pain. You can connect in love. Pg 107 When we don’t have a why we tend to jump in and play God. We tell ourselves, “ I could have prevented his death,” or “It should have been me.” This means we are attributing to ourselves the power that we don’t have. Pg. 108 To begin to heal you must give the power back to God, the universe, fate, or whatever you believe in. That might mean you begin to acknowledge your anger at God. I believe God is big enough to handle your anger and rage. Pg 109 The why you must answer is not why your loved one died, but why you lived. Why are you here? Turn the why into how or what. How can I move on from here? What meaning can I find for living? Why’s build walls and we can bump into the wall time and time again and not have the answer to the why. As a matter of fact it can even seems that every time we ask why we put another brick on the wall.. If that is the case change the question to how. Where why questions build walls how questions build bridges. How can I move on from here? If I give up answering the why I can then accept the way things are in the present and move on from there. The how question helps me to move on. How can I move on from here even if I don’t know the why. The life that was lost was precious. If we have been granted more time, shouldn’t we believe that our life is also precious? Pg111 /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/31034323

Authentic Grief - Finding Meaning in Your After (Part 2) 03/30/2024

Authentic Grief - Finding Meaning in Your After (Part 2) Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond or affection has been formed. Part I – Every Loss Has Meaning Chapter #1 What is Meaning? The person who sees death as sacred has found a way to find meaning in it. Pg 14 Kessler references Victor Frankl’s cornerstone work, Man’s Search for Meaning. Kessler says that this book is a beacon for those who wonder how meaning can emerge from tragedy… Frankl suggested that when we are faced with a situation that is hopeless and unchangeable, “we are challenged then to change ourselves”. When we make the choice to change ourselves, we can turn tragedy into an occasion for growth. Pg 14 The hope that we find in individual situations of grief leads to a life full of meaning. As we move from one grief to the next, one disappointment to the next all the while we are challenged to change. Grief doesn’t get smaller over time, we get bigger. Pg 15 Pain, death, and loss never feel good, but they’re unavoidable in our lifetime. Yet the reality is posttraumatic growth happens more than posttraumatic stress. 15 Whenever you find it, meaning matters, and meaning heals. Pg15 Vision from the great Avengers of Marvel Comics says “What is grief, if not love persevering?” Chapter #2 Grief Must Be Witnessed Each person’s grief is as unique as his or her fingerprint. But what everyone has in common is that no matter how they grieve, they share a need for their grief to be witnessed. That doesn’t mean needing someone to try to lessen it or reframe it for them. The need is for someone to be fully present to the magnitude of their loss without trying to point out the silver lining. Pg 29 Sitting shiva in Jewish culture seems to get the idea of grieving. For a time period of 3 to 7 days friends and family come to the mourners home and just sit with the people in grief. They say nothing unless they are spoken too. They are just present for the people that are grieving. This really is what grieving while having a witness is all about. Just being present. Just being seen. But in our hyper-busy world, grief has been minimized and sanitized. Pg 30 we have diluted it because it’s scary to think about our own death. We like things we can control and we can control our busyness. We are very egocentric and attached to this life. We don't like not knowing exactly what awaits us in the next life. Grief should unite us. It is a universal experience. 30 The act of witnessing someone’s vulnerability can bring the person out of isolation if the witnessing is done without judgment. (Great theme statement for AMG) 31 Grief is what’s going on inside of us, while mourning is what we do on the outside. Pg31 When people ask me how long they’re going to grieve I ask them, “How long is your love one going to be dead?” That’s how long. I don’t mean you will be in pain forever but you will never forget that person. 31 Loss can become more meaningful-and more bearable- when reflected and reflected accurately, in another’s eyes. 33 If the love is real, the grief is real pg. 34 Good interaction exercise – Have two people who are grieving stand facing each other and place their hands over their own hearts. Then look into each other’s eyes and say, “I witness your grief, I see your healing.” This kind of witnessing of another’s vulnerability can be very healing. Pg 34 As I read this in the book I found myself tearing up when thinking of the grief I have experienced with others. My wife and I created A Grief Workshop for a large church that we served on staff with early in our careers. I wish that I would have known of this exercise when we were developing this workshop. How powerful to look into another’s eyes and say, “I witness your grief, I see your healing.” Something goes out of alignment when we try to avoid sadness and grief. 35 Life gives us pain. Our job is to experience it when it gets handed to us. Avoidance of loss has a cost. Having our pain seen and seeing the pain of others is a wonderful medicine for both body and soul. Pg 35 Life has peaks and valleys. It’s our responsibility to be present for both. Pg 35 “The time will come when memory will bring a smile to your lips before it brings a tear to your eyes” That’s how it goes, pain first, meaning later. Pg 41 Having grief witnessed is about making loss real. Pg 42 When we feel it, we release it and we can be free. Pg 44 (My rephrasing– When we feel it, we can feel free to release it.) Funerals and memorials are important. Something profound happens when others see and hear and acknowledge our grief. Pg 44 Two things bring us together: 1. Love 2. Suffering Our children, just like us, need their pain witnessed, and a funeral is important to them. Pg 46 We are not meant to be islands of grief. The reality is that we heal as a tribe. Pg 47 We see this often in men’s groups as men invite other men to connect with them by sharing their loss and grief openly. Chapter #3 The Meaning of Death Without suffering and death, human life cannot be complete. Victor Frankl. Pg. 49 The death shapes the grief. Pg 49 I often teach that in grief, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Pg 51 Writing proves helpful in processing our grief pg. 52 Journaling seems especially helpful in the processing of grief Kessler says that writing proves helpful in three ways: 1. It examines causes and consequences. People who write use more words and phrases like: because, understand, realize, and work through. When we examine writing we use our arm and our hand which is between our head, the center of our thoughts and our heart or out our gut (which in eastern thinking is the center of our emotions.) So by writing we are expressing our thoughts and our feelings. When we further examine this we also realize that writing engages the two hemispheres of our brain, the left hemisphere which is responsible for language and speech and the right hemisphere which plays a large part in the interpreting the visual information and spatial processing. So in writing it is rather like lining up the crosshairs of a scope. We bring into alignment thoughts and feelings and language and processing. 2. There is a shift in perspective. From I and me to he and she and then to us It is important to remember there is not us and them. It is just us and we all experience grief.That which is most personal is most universal 3. Finding positive meaning in the traumatic experience. The way we view death reflects how we look at life. Death most often is thought of as a failure. Listen to how we speak of it: She succumbed to the illness, He lost the battle with cancer, and they didn’t make it. Pg55 Apparently, no matter how great our life, we are destined to fail in the end. That doesn’t have to be our understanding of either life or death, however. Pg 56 Fear doesn’t stop death. Fear does stop life, however, but it doesn’t have to. If we allow ourselves to live with the consciousness of death, it will enrich us by making us understand how precious life is. Pg 56 But painful as it is, if we can view the approach of death as a reminder to us to value every moment, we can find new sources of meaning. Pg 58 Death makes life valuable. Pg 58 This life is a limited time offer. Pg 58 My mantra is “What’s meaningful?” I ask it all the time. Pg 60 What presence is worthy of my essence? What’s meaningful can change our experience of imminent death… But for so many the last chapter of life is not the most interesting one, or the most important. We almost see it as a meaningless, “throwaway” part of life. Instead of using the precious time to complete relationships, to express our love, we allow the final chapter to become the series of medical issues to be conquered; a frantic search for a cure when one is no longer possible. Pg 62 Everything that lives must die. But while life has to end, love doesn’t. Pg. 64 The end of your loved one’s life is not the end of your relationships, since your love lives on. Pg 65 Instead of sitting in the room with their loved one staring at them when they are unconscious or sleeping try turning to face away from them so you can start practicing their presence without being able to rely on sight. Pg 65 /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/30555133

Authentic Grief (Part 1) 02/26/2024

Authentic Grief (Part 1) Authentic Grief: Finding Meaning In Your After In this series of podcasts we want to address the topic of grief. Grief is something we all experience so we want to take an authentic look at this shared experience. David Kessler wrote a book as a 6th stage of grieving titled Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief. We will be recording this podcast series as an overview to this book and be inviting you to a conversation about grief and how we can approach it through meaning. What is Grief? Grief is the response to the loss of something deemed important or essential, particularly to the loss of someone or something to which a bond or affection has been formed. Grief is something in our culture that we often don’t know how to approach. And until its on happening to us or someone we love. we typically don’t like to think about death or talk about it. The Original Five Stages of grief by Kubler-Ross: Denial - This isn’t happening to me Anger - Why is this happening to me? Bargaining - What can I change to stop this happening to me? Depression - There isn’t anything I can do to stop this happening to me. Acceptance - I take this for what it is even if I don’t want it. The 6th stage proposed by Kessler is Meaning. What does meaning look like? It can take many shapes, such as finding gratitude for the time they had with loved ones, or finding ways to commemorate and honor loved ones, or realizing the brevity and value of life and making that the springboard into some kind of major shift or change. (Pg. 3) Ultimately, meaning comes through finding a way to sustain your love for them after their death while you’re moving forward with your life. (Pg. 7) Thoughts that may guide in understanding meaning: (Pg. 7) Meaning is relative and personal. Meaning takes time. You may not find it until months or even years after loss. Meaning doesn’t require understanding. It’s not necessary to understand why someone died in order to find meaning. Even when you do find meaning, you won’t feel it was worth the cost of what you lost. Your loss is not a test, a lesson, something to handle, a gift, or a blessing. Loss is simply what happens to you in life. Meaning is what you make happen. Only you can find your own meaning. Meaningful connections will heal painful memories. Love and grief are inextricably intertwined. Love and grief come as a package deal. If you love, you will one day know sorrow. (Pg. 9) /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/30115098

The Solution to Resolutions (Re-Release) 01/05/2024

Authenticity In An Artificial World Part 2 12/21/2023

Authenticity in the Holidays 11/20/2023

Authenticity in an Artificial World 10/30/2023

Regretfully Yours (Part 2) 09/18/2023

Regretfully Yours (Part 2) Regretfully Yours (Part 2) The Four Categories of Regret from part 1 are: 1. Foundational Regrets - “If only I had more…” 2. Boldness Regrets - “If only took a risk …” 3. Moral Regret - “If I had that decision back I would have…” 4. Connection Regrets - “If I would have stayed connected to…” How to Respond to Regret: 1. Be Aware of it (this is what the first podcast was dedicated to) Identify them in detail Explore why we have them. The keys to awareness 2. Express it - Do not deny regrets but express them with a select few trusted confidants. Disclosing our regrets. Be vulnerable for it: Releases some of the burden Begins making sense of the process when we begin to articulate Creates bonds to others who can relate and empathize. Eliminate isolation for regret grows in isolation. 3. Embrace it - Make it matter because it does. To flippantly let on it doesn’t mean anything is a sure way to have it hang around. We can’t transcend something we don’t embrace. Feel the pain but don’t let it turn to shame, acknowledge the hurt but don't let it turn into guilt. When we embrace it we can learn to embrace ourselves with self compassion, self- kindness and self-acceptance knowing that we are good men capable of doing things we may regret. 4. Transform it - renew it, reshape it, remold it, redo it, reconstruct it, rebuild it, recast it, reorder it, reframe it, reorganize it, restyle it. Just ‘re’ it. Turn a bad decision into good data. Turn a bad decision of something we did into a healthy expression of who we really are. The Benefits of Regret: 1. Sharpens our decision making skills for the future. “I won’t do that again” 2. Secures our performance on a range of tasks. The more we do the more we get to do but if we let our regrets of the past hold us back we won’t try things which by the way is one of the four categories of regrets. Don’t measure our worth based on our performance but based on our character. As we often say in AMG. “You are a good man” 3. Strengthens our sense of meaning and connectedness. We realize that we all are strugglers. I am a fellow struggle with every other human struggler on the planet. We are all just trying to find our way and sometimes that way is found through regret. 4. Shows us what we really want in that if we did the opposite of what we regret we would have a sense of fulfillment. The camera negative We encourage you to talk about your regrets openly and find the freedom of vulnerability and authenticity. /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/28070133

Regretfully Yours (Part 1) 08/28/2023

No More Mr. Nice Guy Pt.2 (A-Cliff Note) 07/17/2023

No More Mr. Nice Guy Pt.2 (A-Cliff Note) Book Overview: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover is a groundbreaking self-help book that challenges the traditional concept of what it means to be a "nice guy" and offers a transformative path for men seeking greater fulfillment and success in their personal and professional lives. In this insightful and thought-provoking book, Dr. Glover identifies the "Nice Guy Syndrome" as a pattern of behavior that plagues many men who struggle with issues ranging from low self-esteem and relationship problems to career dissatisfaction and a lack of assertiveness. He argues that the traditional beliefs and societal expectations surrounding masculinity have left many men feeling unfulfilled and trapped in a cycle of people-pleasing, seeking validation, and suppressing their true desires and needs. Drawing from his extensive experience as a therapist and coach, Dr. Glover provides a comprehensive roadmap for men to break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome and start living a more authentic and fulfilling life. He guides readers through a step-by-step process of self-discovery, highlighting the importance of developing healthy boundaries, embracing vulnerability, and taking ownership of one's desires, emotions, and actions. Through candid personal stories, case studies, and practical exercises, Dr. Glover explores various aspects of the Nice Guy Syndrome, including issues related to sexuality, relationships, work, and personal development. He offers insightful explanations and powerful strategies to help men reclaim their personal power, establish healthy relationships, and cultivate a sense of self-worth independent of external validation. "No More Mr. Nice Guy" challenges men to confront their fears, confront their self-imposed limitations, and break free from the self-sabotaging patterns that hinder their personal growth. Dr. Glover encourages men to embrace their authenticity, acknowledge their needs, and pursue their passions with confidence and integrity. This book serves as a wake-up call for men who have spent their lives putting others' needs before their own, and provides them with the tools and mindset necessary to redefine their identities and create a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life. By debunking the myth of the "nice guy" and offering an alternative paradigm for masculinity, Dr. Glover empowers men to step into their true potential and create meaningful connections, success, and happiness on their own terms. "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is a must-read for any man who is ready to break free from the constraints of the Nice Guy Syndrome and embark on a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and personal empowerment. It offers invaluable insights and practical guidance that can help men transform their lives and create lasting change. /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/6608333

No More Mr. Nice Guy Pt.1 (A-Cliff Note) 06/20/2023

No More Mr. Nice Guy Pt.1 (A-Cliff Note) Book Overview: "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Dr. Robert A. Glover is a groundbreaking self-help book that challenges the traditional concept of what it means to be a "nice guy" and offers a transformative path for men seeking greater fulfillment and success in their personal and professional lives. In this insightful and thought-provoking book, Dr. Glover identifies the "Nice Guy Syndrome" as a pattern of behavior that plagues many men who struggle with issues ranging from low self-esteem and relationship problems to career dissatisfaction and a lack of assertiveness. He argues that the traditional beliefs and societal expectations surrounding masculinity have left many men feeling unfulfilled and trapped in a cycle of people-pleasing, seeking validation, and suppressing their true desires and needs. Drawing from his extensive experience as a therapist and coach, Dr. Glover provides a comprehensive roadmap for men to break free from the Nice Guy Syndrome and start living a more authentic and fulfilling life. He guides readers through a step-by-step process of self-discovery, highlighting the importance of developing healthy boundaries, embracing vulnerability, and taking ownership of one's desires, emotions, and actions. Through candid personal stories, case studies, and practical exercises, Dr. Glover explores various aspects of the Nice Guy Syndrome, including issues related to sexuality, relationships, work, and personal development. He offers insightful explanations and powerful strategies to help men reclaim their personal power, establish healthy relationships, and cultivate a sense of self-worth independent of external validation. "No More Mr. Nice Guy" challenges men to confront their fears, confront their self-imposed limitations, and break free from the self-sabotaging patterns that hinder their personal growth. Dr. Glover encourages men to embrace their authenticity, acknowledge their needs, and pursue their passions with confidence and integrity. This book serves as a wake-up call for men who have spent their lives putting others' needs before their own, and provides them with the tools and mindset necessary to redefine their identities and create a more fulfilling and purpose-driven life. By debunking the myth of the "nice guy" and offering an alternative paradigm for masculinity, Dr. Glover empowers men to step into their true potential and create meaningful connections, success, and happiness on their own terms. "No More Mr. Nice Guy" is a must-read for any man who is ready to break free from the constraints of the Nice Guy Syndrome and embark on a journey of self-discovery, self-acceptance, and personal empowerment. It offers invaluable insights and practical guidance that can help men transform their lives and create lasting change. /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/6604688

Are you an ASSertive Person In Your Circles 5-7? 02/23/2023

Are you an ASSertive Person In Your Circles 5-7? In this podcast we discuss how to be assertive in our #5-#7 circles of relationships paradigm. These circles consist of work, giving, boundaries, possesions and coping mechanisms of life. Circle #5 – The Mandatory Relationships (work and to do lists) Assertiveness in the workplace means being confident in communicating our opinions, suggestions, challenges and desires. It means representing ourselves well in the company while representing the company well. It is about making conflict about the problem or challenge that is important to face in order to make it a better workplace. It is about trusting if the authenticity of the company is worthy of personal authenticity. Circle #6 – The Peripheral Relationship Boundaries are important in these relationships. There are two different categories in this circle: The people who have hurt The people who will take from us. Give no energy to our enemies. It’s not harsh to be assertive, it’s harsher when people take advantage of you. Janna Cachola Don’t argue with someone because they have a difference of opinion unless we are willing to argue with ourselves in 10 years when your changes. Be assertive in our research of where we will give. Be assertive with our giving. We have three things to give; energy, time and resources. Circle #7 - Temporal Are the things that help us cope or give us status. These relationships are attached to a materialistic or consumer based culture. They add a temporal fix and try to satisfy the inner by the outer. Addictions - Alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling - Guys who struggle with addictions are often trying to change the behavior. Get assertive about the desire or want that is present. Identify the core issue. This is a number Circle #1 issue not a Circle #7 issue. Be assertive about understanding ourselves Get assertive about what is enough personally. Get assertive about what it means to have a good life. Define this for ourselves and don’t let our culture define it for us. Practical Notes of Application 1. Communicate clearly and directly: Speak in a clear and confident tone, and use specific language to express your thoughts and feelings. - Keep it short, clear and censer 2. Stand up for yourself: Don't be afraid to speak up when you feel that your rights or needs are being disregarded or ignored. - Know your values and priorities and then communicate them. Communicate what you do want. Example: I would love to go but I am going to hang out with my family. 3. Use "I" statements: When expressing your thoughts and feelings, use "I" statements to take ownership of them. For example, instead of saying "you're wrong," say "I disagree." 4. Respect others' opinions: While being assertive, it's important to respect others' opinions, even if you don't agree with them. 5. Listen actively: Listen to others' opinions and concerns and acknowledge them. 6. Be flexible: Be willing to compromise and negotiate in order to find a solution that works for everyone. 7. Practice confidence: Believe in yourself and your abilities, and practice assertive behavior in different situations. 8. Seek professional help: If you're having trouble being assertive, consider seeking professional help from a counselor or therapist. Use DESC model by Sharon and Gordon Brower in book asserting yourself. Describe the behavior that affecting you Express emotion I am feeling Solution that may help Conclusion or consequence if something doesn’t change. /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/26023623

Are you an ASSertive Person In Your Circles? 01/30/2023

Are you an ASSertive Person In Your Circles? ASSERTIVENESS IN THE ESSENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS OF LIFE In this podcast we discuss the importance of using assertiveness in the essential relationships in our life. We use the paradigm Circle of Relationships. Circle #1 – The SOURCE Relationship It is where I discover self. It is the internal and the eternal. It is where I find my purpose and passion Know what we want personally and fulfill that desire. The only time to let people put you in a box is just before your funeral. Self-awareness is the key to self-assertiveness The best contribution to learning to be assertive is to be learning about myself. I can’t teach others how to respect me if I haven’t learned what there is to respect about myself. It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not. Assertiveness is not what you do, it’s who you are. Shakti Gawain. Once we know what we want and we can express that in relationship. If we don’t, staying silent is like a slow growing cancer to the soul. Circle #2 – The Intimate Partner Relationship This is where we express the deepest self in the deepest way to another individual. This is the place of emotional and physical intimacy and is where sexual expression is made. It is one relationship that is committed and communicative. It the relationship of deepest authenticity and vulnerability. If we meet our own needs we can approach the intimate relationship with openness in communication. Communication is ‘seeking to understand before being understood’. When we have met our own needs with assertiveness we can approach the relationship communicating what we desire in a connected and intimate relationship. Be assertive while being attentive. Sex is a key focus in this and we can approach it with assertiveness and submission. Good sex is when it is difficult to tell who is enjoying the most, the one who is submitting or the one who is dominant and then reversing those roles to continue the intimate adventure. Some of the most miserable men I have had in my office are those who have lived by the mantra of ‘a happy wife makes a happy life’ Circle #3 and 4 - Friendships, Family Circle #3 – The Select Few Relationships These are relationships of deepest bond and devotion Here is where I experience vulnerability and validity without sexuality. They establish earnest trust and are the best frienships of life. Circle #4 – The Few These are people I do life with. They are there for support in the celebratory and sad events of life. These are the people that are going to be there at funerals and weddings. I can be authentic but often not vulnerable in these relationships What is good the personal is good for the couple is good for the family. Conclusion Practicing assertiveness in all of the Circle of Relationships will be a constant struggle. Some relationships will require us to be more aggressive, some relationships will require us to be more passive. We can have confidence in this, we won’t get it right all the time. If we humbly acknowledge this we can move toward healthy growth in our assertiveness and this can have a beneficial effect on our circle of relationships from the inside out. For more information on the circle of relationships check out our podcasts below: Circle 1: Circle 2: Circle 3: Circle 4: /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/25775682

Are you an ASSertive Person? 12/22/2022

Are you an ASSertive Person? Why is Assertiveness important? If we don’t have it we won't know what we want and how to get it. We leave fate to write our story. Fate is a horrible author. What is Assertiveness? The best contribution to learning to be assertive is to be learning about myself. I can’t teach others how to respect me if I haven’t learned what there is to respect about myself. Passive: Respecting others and not self Aggressive: Respecting self and not others Assertive: Respecting Self & Others in how we communicate, behave, and think. Passive-Aggressive: Appearing passive as manipulation with aggressive intentions. Passive individuals - Are inhibited, indirect communicators, fearful of offending, and prefer that others make the decisions. They are considered as ‘pushovers’ by others, and they seldom get their communication needs met. They often hold feelings in and these feelings lead to resentment. They are the shrinking violets of the relationship. They take a lose-win attitude to communication (Their internal dialogue is, “I lose and you win.”) Passive Inhibited individuals make others feel like there is disinterest and apathy in the relationship. Partners feel bewildered, ghosted, over responsible and isolated. Aggressive individuals make others feel inferior, intimidated and unsure. Partners feel unsafe, unappreciated and even bullied. Are brutally honest, direct, and forceful.The major purpose for them is to be right. They will bulldoze and steamroll the conversation. They expect their opinion to be known first and often last. These individuals may even gaslight (take something that was said and make it the other person’s problem) Their internal dialogue is, “I win, you lose”. This causes them to put down others so they can make their point or win the discussion. They prefer to make decisions and do not want to be corrected, sometimes even if they are wrong. This causes them to put down others so they can make their point or win the discussion. They prefer to make decisions and do not want to be corrected, sometimes even if they are wrong. Aggressive individuals make others feel inferior, intimidated and unsure. Partners feel unsafe, unappreciated and even bullied. Assertive - Are direct, authentic and honest communicators. They speak the truth even when it might be tough to do so. They address issues with empathy, compassion and love. They trust the process of speaking directly. They press in on issues that need to be addressed in appropriate places at appropriate times. They take a win-win attitude toward communications. Their internal dialogue is, “I win and you win”. They treat others with respect yet have confidence in their own ability to communicate and come to agreement. They work toward a healthy balance of submitting if warranted and being forceful when needed. They are willing to compromise and negotiate. Assertive individuals make others feel equal, affirmed and secure. Partners feel significant, unified and understood. Misconceptions of assertiveness Assertiveness is not Aggressiveness Assertiveness is not a Jedi Mindtrick Assertiveness is not always the best response Again, the opposite of unhealthy is still unhealthy. If a person is naturally more mild-mannered and introverted, to become an overbearing jerk is not the way to go just as it would be unnatural for an aggressive and forceful personality to all of the sudden become meek and timid. It may cause those who know him to think he has had a lobotomy. The healthy middle ground is what we are talking about here; knowing when to submit and when to assert. For the naturally aggressive personality it might be good to balance the forcefulness with submission. A frequent question to ask would be, “Do I want to be right or do I want to have relationship?” For the naturally submissive and compliant personality it might be good to balance submission with forcefulness. A frequent question to ask would be, “What do I want and how am I making that known in this relationship? /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/25409772

Formating Forgiveness 11/22/2022

Formating Forgiveness FORMATING FORGIVENESS If individuals could apply themselves to pursuing this one thing it could vastly improve personal and relational health. This one thing to pursue is a deep understanding and application of… forgiveness. Forgiveness is a basis for a life well lived. In order to have a good establishment of life it is good to understand the foundational truths of forgiveness. 8 Truths of Forgiveness: 1. Forgiveness is for me, not the offender This is the reminder that we always have a choice no matter the extent of the pain and hurt that comes from the offense. This choice is empowering and compassionate towards ourself. It is an invitation to grow and expand. It’s always an inside job. Start by looking where you may need to forgive yourself or transform and change the expectations you put on yourself and others. Make this a constant daily practice. 2. Forgiveness frees me from the power of the one who hurt or offended me Forgiveness gives the power to set prisoners free, only to find that the prisoner was me. 3. Forgiveness does not mean to forget, ignore or deny the offense The brain is designed to remember to keep us from harm and danger. Emotional pain is processed just like physical pain on a cellular level. Much like we need to know where the lion was that could jump out of the bush and kill us we must remember where the emotional danger is with others in our lives. The goal isn't to forget, it is to forgive and live freely from what we have learned and continue to learn. Include and transcend -Richard Rohr- 4. Forgiveness does not equal restoration I am not responsible for another’s response. If I forgive for the purpose of establishing restoration then it becomes conditional forgiveness. I want an end result. If I forgive just because I forgive and want to be free of any need for retribution that is transformational. 5. Forgiveness does not equal trust There often is a confusion between forgiveness and trust. Just because I forgive doesn’t mean I have to trust. Forgiveness is given; trust is built. As I think of this it would be like buying an investment property with an old, run down building on it. In order to make the property a worthy asset there would be two things needed. Tear down the old building, clear the land and make the lot new again – Forgive Build up from the old by putting a new building on the reclaimed land that would create value – Trust "Forgive your enemies but never forget their names." -John F. Kennedy- 6. Forgiveness is not an option, it’s a state of being We are not the gatekeepers of whether someone is forgiven. Forgiveness is already happening right now, right now and right now. Are you going to accept it or create your own hell? Separation from love. Get in the flow of constant present forgiveness. Not too long ago I asked someone for forgiveness and she said “I will have to think about it” Whether she thought about it or not I knew I was free. 7. Forgiveness is humbly accepting that everyone is limited We are all limited, as a matter of fact to be human is to be limited. At our limits is where we can be acknowledged and given grace. We are all alike in that we all have limitations, shortcomings. It is about compassion not comparison. It is not about comparison of our limitations so we can feel better in our successes, it is about compassion that we all have limitations and acknowledging that my strength is given so that I can give it to another. We are all fellow strugglers in the dark trying to find our way home and forgiveness is the flashlight that we pass to each other in the darkness. 8. Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past can ever be changed We are to have hope and hope is for the future. The way to have powerful hope for the future is to not waste it on the past; a past that can never be changed. The word is for-give. Give it forward not give it backward. If I can reconcile my past by bringing it to the present I then have a new ledger to work with for the future. Then if I can bring that new ledger and eliminate debts I have a freedom for today. /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/25098309

Authentic Living (Intentionality) Part 4 10/25/2022

Authentic Living (Mentality) Part 3 08/29/2022

Authentic Living (Sensitivity) Part 2 07/12/2022

Authentic Living (Sensitivity) Part 2 Authentic Living (Sensitivity) Part 2 Circle 2 - Sensitivity (Feel)These are the Emotions that reinforce our identity. This is How we feel. What would emotions from the outside-in look like vs. emotions from inside-out look like? Outside-in: Feeling Angry about our behavior and then thinking we shouldn’t do that. Trying to attack the behavior with will-power. It gave us some structure as far as social expectation. Inside-out: when we feel something, acknowledge and recognize how we are feeling and not the sum of our emotions. Looking to see what information we can learn more about ourselves because we know there is something to learn from our emotions. How to process feelings proactively: Don’t Judge our emotions Good or Bad. Just like we don’t judge our physical pain. If I touch a stove and it hurts do I get mad at my hand for feeling pain?? Use emotions as data not direction. Bad days give us good data. Express emotions proactively using the acronym NEED: Name what you feel. Recognize and write what you are feeling. Explain the reason you feel this way through allowing and accepting feelings. (What caused the feelings to begin with?) Be thorough in examining what has caused the current emotions. When these two steps are accomplished, you are more than halfway there because you are now aware and can do something about your feelings. Examine an attitude or action you can change relating to what you feel. Once you know the feeling and what caused it, there can be a conscious decision to alter a mood, change a motive or make a move to revise the condition that caused the feeling in the first place. Such a revision can be effective because now we can choose to see circumstances in a different light. For example, forgiveness can replace resentment simply by a choice. Deal with feelings personally before relationally. Do this through a kind and loving lens. Give expression when we invite others into our vulnerable emotional state. /episode/index/show/authenticmensgroup/id/23668559