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Eps 231: SOLO SHOW - Moving from Right/Wrong to Effective and Remembering that Self Regulation is Learned Over Time with PRACTICE

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

Release Date: 05/05/2020

Eps 238: Solo show - a personal share about what's next for Joyful Courage show art Eps 238: Solo show - a personal share about what's next for Joyful Courage

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: :::: SUPER FAM Take that community vibe next level by joining the Joyful Courage Patreon community! For as little as $5/month you can support the podcast, and enjoy weekly FB lives from me every Monday - answering questions from the community and offering direct support and coaching, and every other week there is also a Podcast Recap discussion. --> :::: Thank you BETTER HELP! This podcast is sponsored by Better Help - online counseling anytime, anywhere. → :::: Today is a solo show from me… And...

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Eps 237: Nurturing an Anti-Racist Home Environment (and so much more) with Vivek Patel show art Eps 237: Nurturing an Anti-Racist Home Environment (and so much more) with Vivek Patel

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: :::: Today’s guest is Vivek Patel. Vivek is a conscious parenting educator who works with families to help create more harmony and connection in their homes. He has dedicated his life to spreading awareness and supporting change in schools. He's worked with youth organizations teaching conflict resolution anti bullying and leadership through movement martial arts and dance. As a conscious parenting educator, he has written hundreds of articles and has 60 parenting videos, you can find his writing on...

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Eps 236: Solo Show - Chores and Allowance show art Eps 236: Solo Show - Chores and Allowance

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: ::: Solo show – last minute decision to wait on the conversation that I was going to air today…. Before we start, reminding you all that I have a PD Class on zoom beginning next Monday 6 weeks 5-7pm PST Ages 5ish – 12ish $150/household pd REGISTER More info A place to ask questions Today I am going to talk about chores and allowance There was a post from a mom in on of the Joyful Courage FB  groups a few weeks ago reflecting on how it was time for her 11 and 5 year old to begin chores and...

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Eps 235: Solo - Educating ourselves to be better for people of color show art Eps 235: Solo - Educating ourselves to be better for people of color

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: ::: Today I am solo. I have a heavy heart this week, and a short show. I know I promised something on chores and allowance but you will have to wait a few weeks for that. This week I want to highlight a few shows that I have done in the past and offer up some resources to keep learning and growing as humans – because that is what my work si about – Joyful Courage is about embracing opportunities to grow, even when it’s messy and wobbly. As someone with an audience that is largely white women, I am...

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Eps 234: Examining Female Sexuality with Leah Carey show art Eps 234: Examining Female Sexuality with Leah Carey

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: :::: SUPER FAM Take that community vibe next level by joining the Joyful Courage Patreon community! For as little as $5/month you can support the podcast, and enjoy weekly FB lives from me every Monday - answering questions from the community and offering direct support and coaching, and every other week there is also a Podcast Recap discussion. --> :::: Thank you BETTER HELP! This podcast is sponsored by Better Help - online counseling anytime, anywhere. → :::: Today’s guest is Leah Carrie, a...

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Eps 233: Solo with Casey exploring awareness and learning to let go of the beat up show art Eps 233: Solo with Casey exploring awareness and learning to let go of the beat up

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: :::: SUPER FAM Take that community vibe next level by joining the Joyful Courage Patreon community! For as little as $5/month you can support the podcast, and enjoy weekly FB lives from me every Monday - answering questions from the community and offering direct support and coaching, and every other week there is also a Podcast Recap discussion. --> :::: Thank you BETTER HELP! This podcast is sponsored by Better Help - online counseling anytime, anywhere. → :::: Ahhh, hello. It’s been a couple...

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Eps 232: Exploring Consciousness with Dr. Habib Sadeghi show art Eps 232: Exploring Consciousness with Dr. Habib Sadeghi

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: :::: SUPER FAM Take that community vibe next level by joining the Joyful Courage Patreon community! For as little as $5/month you can support the podcast, and enjoy weekly FB lives from me every Monday - answering questions from the community and offering direct support and coaching, and every other week there is also a Podcast Recap discussion. --> :::: Thank you BETTER HELP! This podcast is sponsored by Better Help - online counseling anytime, anywhere. → :::: I am so excited to welcome my guest,...

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Eps 231: SOLO SHOW - Moving from Right/Wrong to Effective and Remembering that Self Regulation is Learned Over Time with PRACTICE show art Eps 231: SOLO SHOW - Moving from Right/Wrong to Effective and Remembering that Self Regulation is Learned Over Time with PRACTICE

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: :::: SUPER FAM Take that community vibe next level by joining the Joyful Courage Patreon community! For as little as $5/month you can support the podcast, and enjoy weekly FB lives from me every Monday - answering questions from the community and offering direct support and coaching, and every other week there is also a Podcast Recap discussion. --> :::: Thank you BETTER HELP! This podcast is sponsored by Better Help - online counseling anytime, anywhere. → ::: Hi! Welcome back…. Those of you...

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Ep 230: Bracha Kopstick On Raising Kids to Have a Good Relationship with Food show art Ep 230: Bracha Kopstick On Raising Kids to Have a Good Relationship with Food

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING! Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups: :::: PARENTING WITH POSITIVE DISCIPLINE Join me THIS THURSDAY for a 6 week parenting class that is designed to expand the dynamics of your home from irritation and disconnection to love and connection. The whole course will be delivered online and I know you will LOVE it. Check it out – :::: SUPER FAM Take that community vibe next level by joining the Joyful Courage Patreon community! For as little as $5/month you can support the podcast, and enjoy weekly FB lives from me every Monday - answering...

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A quick check in :) show art A quick check in :)

Joyful Courage - A Conscious Parenting Podcast

Hello Joyful Courage family – how are you today? I hope that your quarantine isn’t too overwhelming and that you are finding opportunity to choose into peace and connection amidst the chaos and uncertainty…. I wanted to show up here and let you know that I am taking this week off from recoding a podcast. For those of you who have been following, you know that my family is going through a new challenge that continues to unfold. I am choosing to use my energy to hold space for my family and the tasks that come with health challenges. I know you understand… Many of you continue to reach...

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More Episodes

COMMUNITY IS EVERYTHING!

Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook groups:

Live and Love with Joyful Courage
Joyful Courage for Parents of Teens

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SUPER FAM

Take that community vibe next level by joining the Joyful Courage Patreon community! For as little as $5/month you can support the podcast, and enjoy weekly FB lives from me every Monday - answering questions from the community and offering direct support and coaching, and every other week there is also a Podcast Recap discussion. --> www.patreon.com/joyfulcourage

::::

Thank you BETTER HELP!

This podcast is sponsored by Better Help - online counseling anytime, anywhere. → www.betterhelp.com/joyfulcourage

:::

Hi! Welcome back…. Those of you that are new to the podcast I want to give you a warm welcome, I am so glad you are here. As the longtime listeners know, this show is part informative and educational, part deeply personal, and always authentic and, I hope, relatable. That is always my goal.

 

We are on a collective journey.

 

Good/ bad, right/wrong, winning/failing à how about effective/ ineffective?

  • Takes the judgment out
  • Allows us to know be in this role where we SHOULD know exactly what to do
  • Shifts us out of the idea that there IS a right thing to do

 

It’s all a grand experiment.

 

Shout out to my new group of parents who are doing PD with me through zoom. So excited to be in service…

 

What I notice:

  • I always encourage people to speak up
  • I prompt when I feel the energy shift
  • Common
    • Won’t work for my kid
    • I’m not her
    • It’s too late
    • Kids have to pay for their behavior

 

This last one is a big one. None of us want spoiled kids AND we all want to feel respected. So, letting go of their mischief when they are flipped is really challenging because this is when they are at their worst.

 

Let’s review the brain science

  • Brain in the palm of the hand review
  • THIS MEANS, they aren’t consciously aware of what they are doing/saying when the brain stem of the amygdala is in charge – NONE OF US ARE
  • YET, we get really worked up about how our kids treat us when they are flipped – I GET IT – I live here too, I have teenagers that are normal teens and they flip and get nasty to me – just as when I flip I tend to get nasty too.
  • We are taking it TOO DAMN PERSONAL when they behavior IS NOT ABOUT US – their behavior is their level of emotional response coupled with the tools they have at their disposal – and when we are flipped, we’ve pretty much lost the tool box that is so accessible when we are in our rational brain.
  • Imagine…… you’ve had a really tough day. You’ve really worked hard to get all that needs to be done complete, you’ve cooked for everyone AND taken care of paying the bills, your kids have been a pain, but you’ve kept it together. And then, you see your oldest picking on your youngest. You lose it. You come completely unglued on your oldest. Blah blah blah, you slide into your flipped lid and you shame and blame and basically let your emotions run the show – the emotional freight train has pulled in and picked you up….
    • Some time passes and you get yourself together. You realize that maybe you don’t know the whole story of what was happening with your kids and maybe your oldest didn’t need the wrath that you delivered. You acknowledge your mistake and the way you treated her. You reconnect and work to repair the relationship. You may even do some reflecting on how you can set yourself up for success the next time you are caught up in this type of challenge. You work on your own practice for learning more tools to stay peaceful and present even when it’s hard to do.
    • Do you need a punishment? A consequence so that you won’t act like that next time? NO, that never would occur to you as helpful, and yet, how often do we impose this on our children???
  • Most of us who get stuck here have childhood stories of parents who ruled with an iron fist, who “wouldn’t tolerate” back talk, disrespect, sassiness. That modeling became ingrained into us and now we are finding ourselves confronted by a child who is falling apart and it feels personal. Our experience gets wrapped up in the childhood experience of having to follow the demands of our parents or else, the unresolved hurts from that time are triggered and that’s deeply painful and we grasp for control which looks like yelling, intimidation and punishment….
  • If this sounds familiar to you – please go see a therapist, because this is going to keep coming up inside your relationships until you get it healed. And if you don’t you will be passing on these same triggers to your kids and THEY will need to go to therapy. Free them from your issues, PLEASE.
  • They are doing the best they can with the tools they have in the moment, I promise.
  • So, what TO DO?
    • Talk about how it feels to have a flipped lid
    • Begin to identify the feelings/experiences that take you or them there
    • Brainstorm things that make you feel BETTER when you are noticing your lid flipping
    • Come up with a plan of action the next time the train shows up
    • Practice
    • Have compassion because this is HARD WORK
    • Teach/model/practice repair and reconnection.

 

Circling back….  This is about being effective and helpful. Meltdowns are not a character flaw, they are an indication that something has happened that we, or our kids, don’t have the tools to navigate in the moment.

 

It’s not about you.

 

So, this week, when you have a meltdown and are an asshole to your kids, model what it looks like to own it, “Wow, I really lost it and treated you badly. My emotions got the better of me.” And make it right, “I am so sorry, and I am going to pay more attention to when I am getting close to flipping out, and take care of me when I feel that tightness in my body happening.” Then bring it back to the message of love, “I love you so much.”

 

And when THEY have a meltdown and are assholes to you, show a little grace. The uncertainty of the world is IN OUR FACE right now and they only have so much capacity for keeping it together. Remember that it’s not about you. Support them in calming down, and then LATER, have a conversation about the experience of the meltdown – guiding them to connect to themselves and to you, and ultimately giving them the tools they need to repair.

 

Love you. We’ve got this.

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The Book, The Coaching

Joyful Courage is so much more than a podcast! I know that you love listening in every week AND I want to encourage you to dig deeper into the learning with me, INVEST in you parenting journey.

READ THE BOOK - Joyful Courage, Calming the Drama and Taking Control of Your Parenting Journey is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access to the tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child. Available both in book and audio book form → http://www.joyfulcourage.com/book

CONSIDER ONE ON ONE COACHING - The most POWERFUL of investments offered by Joyful Courage, one on one coaching allows for parents to really tease apart the current issues they are having with their child, while also developing a clear compass for guiding them in the direction they want to be going in. Coaching happens every other week, and is open for parents with kids 4 years old through the teen years. Go to my coaching page to book a free exploratory call and see if we are the right fit. → http://www.joyfulcourage.com/jccoaching

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