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Jessica Fern on Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Polyamory and Nonmonogamy

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Release Date: 11/02/2020

Sex and Sobriety with Stacie Ysidro show art Sex and Sobriety with Stacie Ysidro

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Sex and relationship coach Stacie Ysidro joins Tristan Taormino to talk about sex and sobriety. We discuss the challenges people experience with sex and relationships when they get sober, including anxiety, depression, fear, and disconnection. She uses many different modalities to help navigate these often new and complex waters, including sexology education, breathwork, movement, sounding, zen philosophy, somatic coaching, and Tantra. She explains what “spiritual death” and how her approach is rooted deeply in embodiment and spirituality. We also wrestle around with the problems with the...

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The History of Sex Work with Kaytlin Bailey show art The History of Sex Work with Kaytlin Bailey

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Kaytlin Bailey joins Tristan Taormino to talk about the history of sex work in the U.S—a piece of history that has been undocumented and ignored. She shares stories from her YouTube video “U.S. History from a Whore's Eye View” including the life of black trans sex worker Mary Jones in the 1800s and the connection between World War I, the military, STDs, and policing sex worker bodies. As in her podcast, she profiles a diverse array of people, and we dig into the lives and careers of Valerie Solanas and Cardi B. Kaytlin makes the connection between past and present sex worker experiences,...

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Lesbian Avengers Activist History with Kelly Cogswell show art Lesbian Avengers Activist History with Kelly Cogswell

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Journalist, activist and author Kelly Cogswell joins Tristan Taormino to talk about the history of Lesbian Avengers, queer activism and lots more. She talks about the inception, rabble rousing, direct actions, and ultimate end of the Lesbian Avengers. We discuss how the group internally grappled with race, class, culture as well as different goals; she shares her insight into social justice activism, what remains similar and what has changed. She shares her thoughts on the state of democracy and why we need free speech and fair media more than ever. She has an interesting take on the precarity...

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Intimacy, Embodiment and The Nervous System with Dr. Alison Ash show art Intimacy, Embodiment and The Nervous System with Dr. Alison Ash

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Sex and intimacy coach and educator Dr. Alison Ash joins Tristan Taormino to talk about desire, intimacy, embodiment and caring for our nervous systems. We discuss the power of both desire and sexual shame and how to confront both. She covers some basics about how our nervous systems work, defines embodiment, and offers strategies for nervous system care. We talk about how to respond to stresses, triggers, and emotional dysregulation in ourselves and our partners. She explores why embodiment and nervous system care are important for creating and sustaining healthy intimacy and...

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Solo Polyamory, Relationship Anarchy & Sex Positivity with the hosts of the Multiamory Podcast show art Solo Polyamory, Relationship Anarchy & Sex Positivity with the hosts of the Multiamory Podcast

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

The hosts of the Multiamory podcast Emily Matlack, Jase Lindgren, and Dedeker Winston join Tristan Taormino to talk about solo polyamory, relationship anarchy and sex positivity. We talk about what solo polyamory means, why people chose it, how they practice it, and what it looks like during a pandemic. We get into the basics of relationship anarchy as a philosophy and style and what it’s like in the real world. We have a discussion about sex-positivity, sex negativity, and how COVID-19 has affected attitudes about sex and dating. Plus, we address the current controversy over swingers going...

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Holiday Gift and Survival Guide with Kate Loree show art Holiday Gift and Survival Guide with Kate Loree

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Tristan Taormino gives you her 2020 Holiday Gift Guide that highlights independent, POC owned, queer owned, woman owned, and sex worker owned small businesses. She’s got something for everyone, including sex toys from (Satisfyer.com) and , a box of sexy goodies by , biodegradable glitter, cocktail mixers, leatherwork from New Orleans you can find at Dynamo Toys, botanical oils, candles, sexy clothes, and revolutionary art. Plus, therapist joins us to talk about tools and strategies and self care for surviving this holiday season. Kate Loree, LMFT is a sex positive licensed marriage and...

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Melanie Vesey is a Wild Animal show art Melanie Vesey is a Wild Animal

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Comedian, actress, writer/director Melanie Vesey digs deep in her soul and covers a lot of ground in this interview with Tristan Taormino. Her experience with intimate partner violence just as her acting career was taking off was heartbreaking, and she talks about how she recovered from the trauma (and turned it into comedy 20 years later). We talk about what it’s like to co-parent her son with his dad, and her description of talking openly about sex with him is inspiring and hilarious. We also talk about Promotional Rescue, her promotion coaching business for artists and small business...

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Cannabis, Sexual Health, and Pleasure show art Cannabis, Sexual Health, and Pleasure

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Ashley Manta, Kiana Reeves, and John Renko join Tristan Taormino to talk about cannabis, sexual health, and pleasure. We talk about how cannabis products, including arousal oil, lubricants, and suppositories can treat sexual pain, inflammation, and trouble with arousal. We go over the difference between a CBD product and one with CBD and THC and how to be an informed consumer in a market that has been flooded with unregulated CBD products. As medical professionals often invalidate, pathologize, or simply have no solutions for pelvic pain, vaginismus, and vulvodynia, cannabis is a natural,...

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Foreskin and Circumcision with Georganne Chapin show art Foreskin and Circumcision with Georganne Chapin

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Tristan Taormino welcomes Intactivist Georganne Chapin from Intact America to educate listeners on the anatomy and sexual importance of the foreskin of the penis. No professional medical association in the United States or the rest of the world recommends routine circumcision, yet it’s incredibly prevalent in America. We discuss the debate surrounding routine circumcision in male infants. What are some of the arguments about why circumcision is necessary, and how many of them stand up to fact-checking and science? Does opposing circumcision devalue cultural and religious practices? We talk...

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Disability Justice and Sex with Lydia X. Z. Brown, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, Katie Tastrom show art Disability Justice and Sex with Lydia X. Z. Brown, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, Katie Tastrom

Sex Out Loud with Tristan Taormino

Lydia X. Z. Brown, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, and Katie Tastrom join Tristan Taormino to talk about disability justice, sex, and relationships. We explore the question: what does it mean to apply a Disability Justice lens to sexuality and sex-positive culture? What are the effects when Black and Brown disabled people are hypersexualized, desexualized or degendered? On an interpersonal level, desexualization assumes disabled folks don’t have agency or skill when it comes to their sexuality and can put pressure on them to perform a kind of hypersexuality. We discuss desirability and...

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Therapist Jessica Fern joins Tristan Taormino to talk about her new book Polysecure: Attachment, Trauma, and Consensual Nonmonogamy. We talk about the basics of attachment theory and how to challenge the inherent mononormativity in it in order to apply it to nonmonogamy, especially polyamory. There is an in-depth discussion of childhood and ongoing trauma and how it relates to our relationships as well as the effects of larger societal systems on our sense of identity, safety, and security. We explore the co-regulation of our nervous systems, the difference between secure connection and a securely attached relationship, tools to help people and their partners learn about their attachment styles and become polysecure. Polysecure is the first book of its kind to look at nonmonogamy through the lens of attachment theory expansively without pathologizing it. Special thanks to Dipsea and Intensity Pour Moi for making this show possible.

Jessica Fern is a psychotherapist, public speaker and trauma and relationship expert.  In her international private practice, Jessica works with individuals, couples and people in multiple-partner relationships who no longer want to be limited by their reactive patterns, cultural conditioning, insecure attachment styles and past traumas, helping them to embody new possibilities in life and love. Learn more at JessicaFern.com.