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Trusting Yourself - Recovered 703

Recovered Podcast

Release Date: 05/18/2016

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Recovered Podcast

Making the list is one thing. Become willing to actually make amends to those harmed is another. It can be a very humbling, but growing experience, to actually admit wrong-doing, especially to the person harmed. But the process can relieve those trying to recover from so much guilt!

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Recovered Podcast

We have taken the very difficult moral inventory and admitted to our wrongdoings to ourselves, our higher power and to another human being. It’s now time to remove those wrongdoings from our everyday lives and we need help to ensure that we completely remove our shortcomings and don’t continue to fall victim to any of addiction’s ill effects.

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Recovered Podcast

The sixth step can bring about significant and very noticeable change when it comes to the thought patterns and behavior that have been with us for a long time. It doesn’t happen overnight obviously, and there is nothing like perfection when working the twelve steps of AA. It’s about making a commitment and being content with patient improvement.

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Recovered Podcast

Step Four has prepared you for step five, and by finding the courage to overcome that fear of rejection or the shame of your inventory, you experience honesty on a deeper level than in your first step of admission, and you break the pattern of denial that often plagues those suffering with alcoholism.

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Recovered Podcast

While working on our step inventories we get a new perspective on the bigger picture, on patterns, selfishness, our responsibility in situations and in this process we are building up an accurate self-appraisal with true self-worth as the reward.

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Recovered Podcast

When working on step three we take a look at how acting on self-will means behaving with the exclusion of any consideration for others, focusing only on what we want and ignoring the needs and feelings of others. While we were busy pursuing these impulses, we mostly left a path of destruction behind us, and we definitely lost touch with our conscience and a Higher Power.

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Recovered Podcast

This is the beginning of the end, in a way. You will end your old life and begin your fresh one, committed to faith – faith in whatever you choose.

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Recovered Podcast

The first step in 12 step recovery programs involves more than just admitting that there is a problem. It means breaking through the denial that has kept the person locked in their misery. The individual has to accept that they have been beaten by their addiction. The exact wording of this step is:

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Recovered Podcast

If people feel that their life has no meaning and purpose they will find it impossible to build a successful life in recovery. During their years of addiction the focus would have been on obtaining and using their drug of choice. It is therefore vital that they replace this hole in their life with something new. The more meaning that people find in recovery the less likely it will be that they will relapse.

Relapse and Coming Back In - Recovered 1097 show art Relapse and Coming Back In - Recovered 1097

Recovered Podcast

Relapse is not uncommon. Some people find it difficult to overcome their addictive behaviors for the long term. Once clean, the addict can easily fall back into old practices and habits. Recovery requires commitment, discipline and a network of support. The old adage “it takes a village” is clearly demonstrated in recovery. But those of us who have relapsed, coming back into the village of recovery can be difficult.

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Starting out our new life in recovery involves taking chances, making decisions that can be life-altering, trying out healthier behaviors and working the 12-steps to firmly ground ourselves in sobriety. It’s an incredible undertaking, a journey that is ongoing. We are never done with recovery. We are at it forever, one day at a time.

What about being able to trust yourself to do the right thing? Well, since most individuals in recovery have a difficult time with this, let’s talk about learning how to trust yourself again.

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Step 1 - Start With a Clean Slate

When you came in, did your slate need cleaning?
What is your experience with this?
How do you “drop the rock”?
How do you forget the past?
How do you focus on the positive?

First and foremost, there’s no point in carrying a lot of baggage from the past now that you’re in recovery. Having gone through treatment and made the decision to live your life clean and sober, you have a new chapter in front of you. Forget about the mistakes that you made in the past. You are not your past. It doesn’t define you or dictate your future. Only you can do that, and you’ve already decided that you’re going to live to the fullest of your ability and be in effective long-term recovery.

Starting off with this clean slate will make it easier to concentrate on healing and growing more self-confident. As your self-confidence increases, you’ll find that making decisions becomes a little easier as well.

Step 2 - Build Upon Your Successes

What does this mean to you?
How can this help?
Do you have experience with this?
How do you do this?
How do you “remember” your successes?

When you’re just starting recovery, there’s so much to do all at once. The tendency is to either go gung-ho and try to do it all or sink back on the couch in despair because you don’t think you can tackle all that you feel you need to do. The key thing here is to embrace recovery and work it slowly, thoughtfully each day. When you experience a success – such as your first week of sobriety, first month, and so on – think of this as a building block. One successful achievement leads to another and another and so on.

Successes can be anything that you deem important. It could be that you’re finally able to have a meaningful conversation about your newly-won sobriety with your spouse or that you’ve worked out a realignment of your workload with your supervisor to accommodate your attendance at 12-step meetings and gradually ramping up you job responsibilities. It could be successfully overcoming cravings by using the coping mechanisms you learned during treatment. Perhaps you find that being able to go to work each day is a success – especially if you had great difficulties with this prior to treatment.
However you define success, when you achieve it, build upon it. You will be making it easier to learn how to trust yourself again.

Step 3 - Ask for Help

When you were new, was this difficult? Why?
How did you do it early on?
Do you ask for help now?
Why is this important?
Who do you ask for help?

No one expects you to go it alone. In fact, no one recovers alone. You need the support and encouragement of others. Two of your most important support networks are your family and your 12-step groups. Naturally, you’ll feel raw and confused when you first begin recovery. Go ahead and ask for help from your loved ones as well as your 12-step sponsor.
Your loved ones already know about your past problems – they’ve lived with them. Of course they want you to move forward in recovery. If you feel reluctant to discuss your fears with them, that’s understandable. But don’t miss out on the opportunity to open the lines of communication at home. Give it some time and bring up the subject when you feel comfortable. Ask for support from your spouse or loved ones.

It may be easier to go first to your 12-step sponsor – once you find one. After all, that’s what the sponsor is there for, to help support and encourage newcomers like you to recovery. The sponsor has been where you are, felt what you’re feeling, and knows all about how difficult it can be to trust yourself again. The advice and counsel you receive from your 12-step sponsor and fellow group members can make all the difference in the world when you’re learning how to trust yourself again.

Step 4 - Regaining Self-Trust Requires Action

What actions do you take to regain trust in yourself?

It’s important to note here that the ability to trust yourself again requires that you do something. You can’t just sit back and expect or hope that you’ll regain your self-trust. It just doesn’t happen that way. Self-trust never occurs in a vacuum: it results from actions that you undertake.

Look at regaining trust as a process of self-discovery or rediscovery, as it more appropriately is. Once you possessed some measure of self-trust. You probably didn’t think much about it until you lost your self-respect, until you sunk so deep in your substance abuse or other addictive behaviors that you and others doubted your word. Your actions then were anything but trustworthy. But back to regaining the trust you lost in yourself, it can be done. But you do have to make conscious decisions in many areas of your new life in recovery in order to learn how to trust yourself again.

Step 6 - How Do You Know You Trust Yourself Again?

When you’re going along in recovery, doing the things on your daily schedule, crossing off goals on your list, taking care of yourself in the best way you can, how do you know if you really trust yourself again? That’s a good question. The truth of the matter is that you probably won’t think about self-trust as a general rule. It’s not a subjec that springs automatically to mind on a daily basis. It’s not like getting up, eating breakfast, getting ready for work, going to work, attending 12-step meetings, spending time with the family, or going to bed. It’s not on your daily schedule. Trust isn’t a topic you sit around analyzing for hours on end. Trust, especially trust in yourself, is something that develops over time and results from self-accomplishment of goals and belief in your own abilities to do what you need to do in recovery.

You might go for several months without ever thinking about whether you trust yourself or not. However, the fact that you’ll be able to weigh and balance different options and make a decision as to what is right for you in various situations will be evidence that you have begun to trust yourself again. You look at what’s available to you, sift through the pros and cons of each course of action, and make a determination as to your course of action. And trust, remember, requires action. When you are actively involved in decision-making regarding your recovery, you’re building your reservoir of self-trust.

Other Tips to Learning How To Trust Yourself Again
What other tips do you have?

There are many ways to learn how to trust yourself again. For each individual in recovery, there may be hundreds of things that work or just a significant few. Experiment. Be bold. Take what works and do more of it. Try some things that are new.
Buy or download literature, brochures, pamphlets, FAQs and other resources from the various 12-step groups. Take out books on recovery from the local library. Watch programs that deal with overcoming substance abuse or process addictions. Become as knowledgeable as you can about recovery and realize that there’s always something new in the field that can prove helpful to you in your journey.

One day, when you’re ready – when you’ve been in effective recovery for at least a year – you may wish to consider becoming a 12-step sponsor to another newcomer. When you reach the point where you are able to handle with confidence the challenges and opportunities that come your way with confidence, you’ll know that you’ve learned how to trust yourself again. Being in recovery doesn’t mean that you’ll always have all the answers. It does mean that you’ll be armed with the tools you need to be able to make the determination about the right thing to do – and then do it.
Recovery is an exciting journey. It’s all about discovering – and rediscovering – who you are, who you intend to be, and what you’re willing to do to get there. Learning how to trust yourself again is part of the evolotion of the brand-new you.

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Jen from Maryland

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