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Toxic Relationships - Recovered 990

Recovered Podcast

Release Date: 04/16/2019

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Recovered Podcast

If nobody was doing any 12th-step work, the program would simply cease to exist. Without the service work of those who came before, no members would be here now.

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Recovered Podcast

For many AA members, they say they have discovered their higher power and form a better understanding of that power.

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Recovered Podcast

Step Ten suggests that it's time we take responsibility for our actions and to promptly clean up our role in all matters.

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Recovered Podcast

By making direct amends to the person harmed the temptation to skirt the issue because of embarrassment or pain is avoided.

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Recovered Podcast

Making the list is one thing. Become willing to actually make amends to those harmed is another. It can be a very humbling, but growing experience, to actually admit wrong-doing, especially to the person harmed. But the process can relieve those trying to recover from so much guilt!

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Recovered Podcast

We have taken the very difficult moral inventory and admitted to our wrongdoings to ourselves, our higher power and to another human being. It’s now time to remove those wrongdoings from our everyday lives and we need help to ensure that we completely remove our shortcomings and don’t continue to fall victim to any of addiction’s ill effects.

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Recovered Podcast

The sixth step can bring about significant and very noticeable change when it comes to the thought patterns and behavior that have been with us for a long time. It doesn’t happen overnight obviously, and there is nothing like perfection when working the twelve steps of AA. It’s about making a commitment and being content with patient improvement.

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Recovered Podcast

Step Four has prepared you for step five, and by finding the courage to overcome that fear of rejection or the shame of your inventory, you experience honesty on a deeper level than in your first step of admission, and you break the pattern of denial that often plagues those suffering with alcoholism.

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Recovered Podcast

While working on our step inventories we get a new perspective on the bigger picture, on patterns, selfishness, our responsibility in situations and in this process we are building up an accurate self-appraisal with true self-worth as the reward.

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Recovered Podcast

When working on step three we take a look at how acting on self-will means behaving with the exclusion of any consideration for others, focusing only on what we want and ignoring the needs and feelings of others. While we were busy pursuing these impulses, we mostly left a path of destruction behind us, and we definitely lost touch with our conscience and a Higher Power.

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With few exceptions, human beings want to be emotionally and physically close to each other. Life seems better shared. Relationships, like most things in life worth having, require effort.

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Even good relationships take work. After all, our significant other, our close friends, and even our parents aren’t perfect . We have to learn how to accommodate and adapt to their their faults, their moods, just as they must learn how to do the same with us. And it’s worth it.

Some relationships, however, are more difficult and require proportionately more work. And then there are toxic relationships. These relationships have mutated themselves into something that has the potential, to be extremely harmful to our well being. The paradox is that in order to have a reasonable chance to turn a toxic relationship into a healthy relationship, we have to be prepared to leave it.

We also have to admit that our disease may have been the cause of toxic relationships. How do we deal with the fact that we are the toxic part of the relationship?

Tonight, we talk about toxic relationships?

We are going to start with you first Anna,
What comes first to mind, where do you want to start?

What is a healthy relationship to you?
Thought: A healthy relationship involves mutual caring, respect, and compassion, an interest in our partner’s welfare and growth, an ability to share control and decision-making, in short, a shared desire for each other’s happiness.

What is a toxic relationship to you?
Thought: By definition, a toxic relationship is a relationship characterized by behaviors on the part of the toxic partner that are emotionally and, not infrequently, physically damaging to their partner.
Thought: A toxic individual behaves the way he or she does essentially for one main reason: he or she must be in complete control and must have all the power in his or her relationship.

Have you found yourself in these toxic relationships?
Thought: Think about family of origin stuff too, some toxic relationships are not chosen, we are born into them.
Thought: poor self-esteem rooted in underlying insecurity. What other character defects?

Have you been toxic to others before?
We asked our listeners about this topic.

We asked,
"Do you consider yourself a new person in recovery?”

Did you take the survey?


What would be your answer?

What are the warning signs for you that a person might not be healthy for you, but you are attracted anyway?

The following is a list of toxic characteristics. Which types have you been in relationship? What character defect on your part was in affect?

Belittler - His or her goal is to keep your self esteem as low as possible so that you don’t challenge their absolute control of the relationship.
Bad Temper - “Controlling by intimidation” is a classic behavior of a toxic partner.
Guilt-Inducer - A guilt inducer not only controls by inducing guilt but also by temporarily “removing” guilt if you end up doing what he or she wants you to do.
The Overreactor/Deflector - You find yourself comforting them instead of getting comfort yourself.
The Over-Dependent Partner - They want you to make virtually every decision for them.
Non-Dependable - This toxic individual will only rarely keep his or her commitments.
The User - seem to be very nice, courteous, and pleasant individuals. And they are, as long as they’re getting everything they want from you.
Possessive - They do not see themselves in a relationship with you; they see themselves as possessing you.

How can the program help?
How can forgiveness help?
What step have helped?
Has a sponsor helped?
Has the fellowship helped?
Has prayer helped?