It's Christmastown
JAMIE KIRSTEN HOWARD lost her credit card and the clerk is CHECKIN IT TWICE (), but... We've already got the furry erotica! THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Glitterburrito ... Georgia championship hockey ... How Hallmark casting works PART TWO Jamie's Christmas credentials ... Mariah-Grinch Continuum ... Is the Grinch horny? Furry? ... Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Deal-stealing boyfriend; Team Christmas Week; French-Canadian players ... Just settle! Like the rest of us! ... Covid-fueled throwback ... The Thee/Thou Threshold ......
info_outline 132 - Leftover Choirs Are How We Get AuntsIt's Christmastown
Our secret families said it's TIME FOR HER TO COME HOME FOR CHRISTMAS (), but first... Let's sing ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Welcome to the cumbersome title, b*tch ... Cocoa in camo ... Throwback movie ... Cast Rundown ... Episode titles greatest hits ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Secret aunt, choir exercises ... Valid Wicker Man ... "A little 'Get Out'" ... PART TWO Spot the Angel: Susan and Pastor John ... Eat Your Heart Out: Oh my God dude; James Bond cocoa; pot-pie protocol; eggnog pancakes; off gluten;...
info_outline 131 - Live, Donut, RepeatIt's Christmastown
MAURA QUINT & CHARLES STAR get trapped going ROUND AND ROUND () with us, but... Shut up, kids, it's the second episode of Hanukkah! THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Chag Sameach ... We regret the errors ... It's good! ... Jew Belong meets war ... Good movie crammed into Hallmark, better than Christmas fare ... Crying at The Rock, Actually ... Jade PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Maura's Monologue; dreidel-dependent f*ckups; dating-help time loop ... Nerd cred ... Your boyfriend/son will explain the nerd...
info_outline 130 - Curated Pilot, Dead LobstermenIt's Christmastown
MEREDITH CLARK and Jeb travel to CHRISTMAS ISLAND (), but... The lighthouse made me so angry ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Attracted to the Menendez Brothers ... Six years of sloth ... Brain-braising movie cred ... "Christmas Neutral" ... Fuck 30 Rock (Geographical) ... "A Christmas Kettling" ... OK glurge, insufficient bonkersocity ... PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Christmas Guy Oliver, Grandpa Postal Santa; week nor'easter; anti-business business parents ... Discount billionaires ... Pilot, cook, flight...
info_outline 129 - The Almost Famous of Brain CancerIt's Christmastown
We're checking out cemeteries for when MS. CHRISTMAS COMES TO TOWN (), but... You're gonna wanna braise that elf ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Blood tests ... Letters to Santa: 'Are You Dead?' Edition ... New big TV ... Gatorade trauma basketball ... WWI of motion smoothing ... Jobless with SSRI's ... PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: College lover, Washington New England ... It's the terminal diagnosis show! ... Miss Christmas: Origins ... Cancer, Grief and Kindness: The Movie ... Commendably adult ... ...
info_outline 128 - Bring the Troops Back to Home GoodsIt's Christmastown
JESSICA RITCHEY supports a HOLIDAY FOR HEROES () because: It's not a movie you watch, it's a pill you take ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE Save a Troop Child ... "Dad History" - Michael Jackson ... Jessica: Tubi Magus ... Treat Williams ... Marc Blucas ... Muscle Twink Death ... NCAA athlete ... BDUs, dad bod ... Hallmark Hall of Fame vs. This ... Hallmark's Jehovah's Witness energy ... Home Goods ... S'mores contest ... Slighting the troops ... PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Military re-up; bringing...
info_outline 127 - A Gazebo Movie with Christmas AttachedIt's Christmastown
Grab a 2x4 for the gazebo, it's A VERY MERRY BRIDESMAID (), but... Let's get back to the ugly Christmas sweater bachelor party ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Meet me at the gazebo ... Sleepytime ... Bright Lights, Big Sweater ... O'Henry ≠ Bierce ... Long trip, short distance ... Self-improvement procrastination ... Christmas Eve/Day weddings/birthdays ... Knifed by your own brother ... PART TWO , hear the Fascist Date story ... Inside the Game ... Drizzle, the condom ... Institutional Haley Joel Osment bias ... Cast Rundown ... The Expositional...
info_outline 126 - Journal to the Center of the TurfIt's Christmastown
RYAN NANNI discovers all roads lead to Arli$$, and we're A WINNING TEAM () because: All we see is the goal ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather ... PART ONE Ryan's podcast samsara ... Rebawatchables ... Lady Frankenstein ... Mary Shelley, Bobby Bonilla ... Ryan's Hallmark expertise ... Brain damage ... Throwback, safety-presentation movie ... Christmas move, Arbor Day ... PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Divorce, Shakespeare production, Clemson scholarship ... The Hallmark ACC ... Spot the Hustle: Rasheed Wallace;...
info_outline 125 - If You Can Book Her, JoynerIt's Christmastown
Surprise! It's AN UNEXPECTED CHRISTMAS () and we're still dating! Also, ... This is a bad idea ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Turn on Dave's She-Shed ... Lair, fort, Rodney Dangerfield ... Unprepared! ... "The Single Guy" ... Jackie Joyner-Kersee and Paul Campbell ... Three Wise Men and a Baby ... Christmas Season vs. Baseball Season ... Canadian doo-wop ... Paul Campbell (Screenwriting) Appreciation Station ... Mamet notes ... Sharing the quippy wealth ... Coming up! ... PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Dead...
info_outline 124 - Dream Cookies, Wine MILFs, Moon BoatIt's Christmastown
We celebrate A KISMET CHRISTMAS () with one dose of cookies and realize ... When the ingenues need help, they make one call: La Chabert ... THEME: "," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather PART ONE Jeb's at the Strawberry Festival ... Simultaneous Strep and Covid ... Jazzys in the Entenmann's Event Tent ... We liked it! ... Meta threat ... Parenthood, dud ensemble ... "Hallmark Christmas Blogger Sarah Ramos" ... Aware, but not kidding ... Fun hammy ... Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood PART TWO Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge ... Plot Mop-Up: Grandma...
info_outlineNPR's LINDA HOLMES joins TARA ARIANO in saying YOU HAD ME AT ALOHA (2021) and:
Pick up the phone and pod. What's so difficult? Just pick up the phone and pod.
THEME: "Fuck You If You Don't Like Christmas," from Crudbump, by Drew Fairweather
PART ONE
The GOAT Lady ... Linda's Hallmark cred ... Jack Wagner Appreciation Station ... Expanding the Hallmark humane universe ... Kissing and plastic wrap ... Bad video copy or prequel-level CGI? ... Callback to _____ Mariah Carey's episode ...
Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood
PART TWO
Cast Rundown ... The Expositional Challenge: First write-down effort ... Goat-plot mop-up ... Open the dress ... Hula music ... Missed goatertunity ... Ridiculous show pitch ... Extraordinary Rendition, The Show! ... 50/50 rating split ... Chainsaw ... Spot the Angel: There's no God; elves; religious Santa; Millie's mellowing ... Angel Status: Working on it ... Flower signifier ... Millie halo > Mary halo ... Eat Your Heart Out: Captain Hula's authentic Hawaiian cuisine; pineapple; "Beer"; large dinner rolls ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Every unwilling host movie; Hallmark Viacom; Ben's twin brother's Polynesian fusion; When Calls the Heart (and fan service); not even a movie; Lee Majors and Lindsay Wagner; Episodes 83, But Wait, There's Buckley; Episode 98, Buckley's Big Naturals (But Not in Excess); Episode 19, The Quotable Gus Van Houten; the Hawaiian resort you can find on Hallmark dot com ... Hallmark Hilton Head ... National Flip-Flop Day ... Hula noise ...
Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood
PART THREE
Overdetermined: Rigid or spontaneous; chill; Ted McGinley drop; Hallmark guys in a sunken place; leaning Snyderly on the goat trauma; "I hate planning" ... Crossover: Falling Down; Promising Young Woman; Six Days, Seven Nights; Hawaii of Doctor Five-O ... Chainsaw ...
Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood
PART FOUR
Swag shout-out ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Work via boys ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: No, they have learned; Todd erasure, dailies, rage-quit and bronzer ... Journalismism: Google your co-host; Luis as manager; "goof-off time"; justification tk tk tk; too surprised by YouTube; not even implied discomfort; unemployment isn't entertainment; hosting isn't easy, and it and producing aren't interchangeable ... Who's the Real Villain: Women be organizin' ... What if a guy was afraid of rollerblading, or saw value in a woman's opinion? ... Rating: 3 (Hula music, horrendous title, jumping off things) ... The sequel ...
Break: Original music by Chris Collingwood
PART FIVE
The Leftovers: I've expressed all options ... Mini Classic Lines: Jeggings, wrap dresses, flip-flops ... Rick Garman Un/Appreciation Station ... Actually, write that movie, please ... Beginning the Jean Smart resurgence ... "Porch Pirate" ... John Putch Appreciation Station ... When banter's too mean ... All the beats are right ... The Sure Thing ... Let's get wasted ... "Do you think I have feelings?" ... The part where you're being more sensitive ... "I can't unplug from work!" ... Rigid people can be fun ... Where is the balance? ... You miss posting ... "Let's make out" face ... Is our SHOW too rigid? ... Just pick up the phone and call ... Podcasting tips ... Plugs ... Merry Christmas!
All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane and "Hawaii Five-O Theme," by The Ventures, "Aloha Oe," by George Kulokahai and His Island Serenaders, and "Were You There When They Crucified Jack Lord," from Mr. Mike's Mondo Video
Follow Linda on Twitter: @lindaholmes
Follow Tara on Twitter: @TaraAriano
Listen to Jeb's most recent guest stint on Extra Hot Great.