Chatting with J. Parker about Sexual Intimacy

“Love is a choice you make everyday.” ~ Gary Chapman

Guest Introduction:

Hey, my friends, I’m Cindy MacMillan and I am so glad you’re here. Welcome to Exploring the Seasons of Life podcast.

Exploring the Seasons of Life is a metaphor for understanding the complexities of being alive. It is a reminder that life is filled with ups and downs, joys and sorrows, and moments of both growth and stagnation. Life is a journey, and each season brings its own unique lessons and experiences. As we move through the different “seasons” of life, we learn, we grow, and we become better versions of ourselves. Life is a beautiful and precious gift, and it is up to us to make the most of it.

Each week I interview spiritual explorers, amazing coaches, and authors from all walks of life about beginnings, endings and the messy bits in between. Self-love, well-being, and mindset are at the heart of our conversations because once you change the inside, the outside will begin to change as well. 

I am thrilled to introduce my guest.

J. Parker is a Christian sex author, speaker, blogger, and podcaster. Her ministry, Hot, Holy & Humorous, focuses on helping others understand God's design for sexual intimacy in marriage. 

J has a personal story of redemption in the area of sexuality, holds a master’s degree in counseling, and lives in Texas with her fabulous but oh-so logical husband, fondly nicknamed "Spock."

 Here’s a glimpse of our conversation:

J. Parker, welcome to Exploring the Seasons of Life podcast. 

2:51 Professionally, because I'm talking a lot of times to wives and or couples, about sexual intimacy and marriage, there are seasons for that in your marriage. So, this idea that you get married, and then you're just gonna have a sex life, and that's the sex life you have for your whole marriage. It's just not true. And the more that we understand that there are ups and downs and sweet spots and challenges and all of that, then the better we're able to weather that and create something really beautiful.

10:01 I would say the hot part to me represents that this is supposed to be something that is pleasurable, that is mutually desired, mutually satisfying. It's supposed to feel good. Sex is supposed to feel good, and supposed to be something you enjoy doing.

13:35 One is, we don't necessarily always have the language for it. Some people grew up with, this isn't talked about at all. And so they don't really know how to talk about it. Other people grew up with a situation of it always being talked about in crass language. And so they know they're not supposed to do that with their spouse, but they don't know what else to do.

16:03 I think that we have to understand that sexual intimacy is not just the sex itself. And I'll say that this is something I was hearing recently, another author on sex, Dr. Juli Slattery  talk about who's excellent. How even talking about sex and getting comfortable talking about sex is something that builds sexual intimacy and makes the experience of being physical together later better. 

21:07 The first thing I would say is you can have a conversation and say, hey, it really makes me feel great when you initiate.

25:04 I would say in almost every marriage, somebody's higher drive than the other. But, I guess statistically, it seems like about 20% of couples are fairly well matched, in another 20% to 25% the wife is the higher desire spouse. And in the rest, the husband is higher drive. I mean, they're not perfect statistics, but it's pretty good. I've looked at a lot of research on this.

32:28 I would say in those situations, it's considered a sexless marriage, if you're having sex 10 or fewer times a year. Because you're really not getting the benefits of sexual intimacy in a marriage. And there are really a whole lot of benefits to your relationship, even to your health. I mean, sex is really good for your marriage.

YOU CAN FIND J. PARKER AT:

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