Road Trips and Sex Without Shame
Good Girls Talk About Sex
In this Pop Culture Pillow Talk, I talk with pop culture critic Kristen Meinzer about two great movies: Joy Ride Plan B You can find Kristen at: Become a client: Support the show: Full show notes:
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Bonus quickie
Good Girls Talk About Sex
Plan B - Joy Ride - Become a client: Apply for a free coaching session: Support the show:
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Find the red flags! - Coaching Sophilia
Good Girls Talk About Sex
In this coaching episode, Sophilia asks: why does she keep ending up in relationships where things don’t feel right, and the entire weight of making it better falls on her? Leah works with Sophilia to: understand the red flags for this type of relationship, the communication skills that will help screen them out, rethink her own experience of being turned on. Sophilia is a 39-year-old, cisgender woman. She describes herself as queer, single, and multi-racial with a white mother and Black father. In the past she’s been in monogamous relationships, but currently prefers the idea of being...
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When the man teaching consent is the one violating you
Good Girls Talk About Sex
Last year I found myself in the middle of a shitstorm for daring to expose a community leader's abusive behavior. Today I tell the whole story. The backlash was immediate and intense, with DARVO (Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender) tactics used to paint me as the problem. Suddenly, I was not just standing as a representative of this man’s abuse, but also receiving harassment and ostracization from those I once considered my community. Sharing this story isn't just about telling you what’s going on; it's about shining a light on the dark corners of abuse and systemic failure....
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Pop Culture Pillow Talk: Starstruck on HBO
Good Girls Talk About Sex
What happens when your brain is so busy it can't slow down to enjoy having sexy time with the cute guy who's totally into you? In today's episode, we break down the first two episodes of the HBO show Starstruck with teen sex and relationship educator Julia Sheldon (who also happens to be Leah's dear friend.) We focus on lead character Jessie and how overthinking gets in the way of being present. Upcoming Beyond Permission class schedule: Thursday, Feb. 22 - Embracing your inner MILF with Danielle Tuesday, Feb. 27 - Dating at midlife with Leah Tuesday, March 5 - Sex toys show & tell...
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Having the best sex of my life at 63 - Debbie
Good Girls Talk About Sex
In this coaching/storytelling episode, Debbie talks about having the best sex of her life at age 63. Her question: Is that usual? While Debbie has always been multi-orgasmic, now she's having dozens of orgasms in a single sex session. And the connection with her new husband is a big part of the reason. Debbie is a 63 year old cisgender woman. She describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous, married. She describes her body as slender and athletic. And don't forget: the BEYOND PERMISSION workshop starts next week! Use coupon code "beyond20" to join us! BEYOND PERMISSION workshop...
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Why don't you want to have sex with me?
Good Girls Talk About Sex
Togetherness is an HBO show that explores the challenges of maintaining a healthy and active sex life in a long-term relationship with small children. In today's episode, Danielle Silverstein from the popular Marriage and Martinis podcast joins Leah to discuss the first two episodes of the show. They dive into the complexities of sexual fulfillment, gender roles, expectations and resentments. Join us for a deep, thought-provoking, and insightful conversation about challenges of maintaining intimacy in a long-term relationship. BEYOND PERMISSION workshop (use code "beyond20" for $20 off...
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Navigating the sex talk demons
Good Girls Talk About Sex
Leah joins Danielle of Marriage & Martinis to talk about why Danielle's conversation with her husband about intimacy and pleasure was explosive and chaotic. Leah breaks down what we need to remember during these very tough conversations: we’ve been conditioned differently from the time we’re very young, and are often simply adhering to the roles we’ve been instructed to fulfill. They talk about why we can’t always trust our bodies’ physical responses during intimacy, games that can be played in lieu of telling our partner, “we’re not satisfied” as means to get a...
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I wish they would SLOW DOWN - Coaching Maria
Good Girls Talk About Sex
In this coaching episode, Maria asks the age old question: why is it so hard to ask for what I want?! She's convinced that her problem is in poor communication skills, but it doesn't take long to discover that the issue lies in a complete different area. Leah works with Maria to: understand how gender dynamics are creating friction in the "what do you want?" conversation, rethink how her definition of "sex" makes asking so difficult, practice the way she'd like to initiate a conversation about sex with potential partners. Maria is a 27-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as...
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Leah faces an identity crisis
Good Girls Talk About Sex
Leah delves into a deeply personal topic: how trauma and mental health have impacted her ability to show up authentically. She talks about the impact her demanding, charismatic father had on her psyche and sense of safety. In admitting her fear of being viewed as not good enough or too much like their father, Leah discusses the creation of a performative persona and the desire to shift to a more authentic voice. Who Is Your Sex & Relationship Alter Ego? Work with Leah: Apply for a free coaching session: Support the show: Full show notes:
info_outlineJillian offers us a glimpse into a story that I am intimately familiar with. It’s the story of having huge blank spots in your memory along with an aversion to sex. There’s nothing specific to grab on to so you can say, “This is what happened,” but it’s obvious that something happened.
I usually sit back and let the guests tell their story, but in this instance, Jillian is actively searching for answers and for healing. So in this episode, you’ll hear us doing a bit of exploration and coaching. I offer her a couple of exercises. If her story mirrors your own, you may want to try these exercises as well. Or send me an email and I’ll be happy to offer you some other resources.
Jillian says in this interview that she wanted to share her story so that anyone else out there going through something similar will know that they’re not alone. And I echo that. If you listen to this podcast because you have difficulty with sex and are looking for a way forward, you are not alone. You are welcome here. And I will be happy to talk with you whenever you are ready.
Jillian is a 49-year-old, cis-gender female who describes herself as white, heterosexual, monogamous and married.
Here are some of the notable moments she shared with us:
- 6:25 - Jillian is unable to remember her first experience of sexual pleasure and still doesn’t feel pleasure.
- 7:50 – When a boy in kindergarten touched her
- 9:10 – Jillian has memory gaps, though she has narrowed it down to ages 5-8 where “something” happened that caused her fear of and aversion to sexual touch
- 11:20 - She starts therapy at the request of her husband after an intense outburst of seemingly displaced trauma response.
- 12:20 - She tries hypnosis to access memory. She also asks her mother for information about her childhood and is shut down.
- 16:45 - She meets her future husband to whom she is attracted and despite/because of fear/aversion moves very quickly into sex.
- 17:40 - Leah talks about impact of being sexualized at a young age, affecting one’s ability to determine readiness and how it should fit into a relationship.
- 20:00 - She talks about the emotional energy it takes to not only fake enjoying sex, but to fake feeling happy or content.
- 21:20 - Her husband intuits she’s acting like everything is ok when it’s not.
- 22:40 - Where her mind goes during sex—fantasy, and sometimes about not being treated well. Or just being anxious to get the sex act over with while thinking she owes him pleasure, doing it for his sake. (**Follow up of how BDSM and ravishment play can be therapeutic.)
- 30:12 - Pregnancy and childbirth bring up new fears and aversions, particularly around breastfeeding.
- 31:45 - She finds faith and prayer to be a better and more effective tack at present than therapy for resolving trauma and pain.
- 33:15 - She still does not enjoy sex but can participate without revulsion about once a month.
- 36:40 - Leah leads a conversation/coaching about how to focus on intimate touch that is enjoyable but without genital touch and penetration.
- 40:10 - She’s just now trying masturbation and self-exploration to see if she can experience pleasure, using an external vibrator.
- 42:25 - Leah coaches how to bring the vibrator into the partnered sexual experience.
Resources mentioned:
- My favorite internal/external vibrator - https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01MRYF9TD/
- Slim/beginner vibrator (please note – I have not used this particular vibrator, so this is not a recommendation, but rather an example) - https://www.amazon.com/SlimCharger-Rechargeable-Slender-Moving-Bullet
- My favorite lube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_Ok69EI-ks
The Patreon extras for this episode are:
- At the $5/month level, Jillian’s abortion and subsequent breakup with her first boyfriend
- At the $7/month level, that conversation plus the extended Q&A
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Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)
Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby
Music – Nazar Rybak