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It’s a vagina, not a birth defect - Lynn

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Release Date: 10/01/2020

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Good Girls Talk About Sex

Leah shares a coaching session with client Caitlin to give us an in-depth experience of what coaching looks and feels like. They focus on Caitlin’s newly-discovered attraction to women.

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Stephanie shares how childhood shame led to an eating disorder, which had a profound affect on her ability to relate with her sexuality and her sexual partners.

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Dr. Evelin Dacker returns to answer a listener’s question about common and chronic UTI’s that occur after sex. She breaks down the how and why, and addresses prevention and treatment.

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“Deaf U” star Alexa Paulay-Simmons gets candid about who she is (and always has been) as a sexual person, and how that’s shaped her life.

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Good Girls Talk About Sex

Hey friends, You’ll notice this isn’t the regular episode you were expecting!  The regular episode was loaded into the feed, and some of you may have already downloaded and listened to it. However, I made an error in the production of this episode so, in fairness to our guest, I’ve pulled the episode to fix it. Here’s what happened – Our guest, Alexa, is Deaf and we did the interview through an interpreter.  It was my first time ever doing an interview through an interpreter, so it took me a little time to relax into it. What didn’t occur to me was to send the transcript...

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Leah gets real about how her intimate life has weathered the pandemic, and how confronting her partner’s depression spiral turned out to be a better strategy—for both of them—than enduring it.

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Debbie was formed by experiences of both pleasure and pain. She was blessed with good early relationships, but also is a survivor of the epidemic of sexual abuse in elite women’s sport. Her faith in herself helped her choose to heal.

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STARS is an easy-to-remember acronym for conversations that lead to awesome consensual sex.

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Lachlan was born with a vagina. His is the story of how a boy learned to be a girl, then learned to be invisible, then a lesbian, before learning that he could just be who he was all along, except that it’s still … complicated.

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What kind of touch do you enjoy? Have you thought about the ways, and places? Touch is a many-splendored thing.

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Lynn shares her trauma history, and then opens up on a deep and detailed level about hiring a sex worker to save her marriage.  Because no one in her family talked about sex or bodies, for much of her early life, she believed that her vagina was a fatal birth defect.

Lynn is a 49-year-old, cisgender female. She describes herself as white, NOT straight, mostly monogamous, married, and peri-menopausal. She describes her body as "very average."

How Healing Happens: Sex workers can play a critical role in sexual healing. It’s a safe space with clear boundaries, and without the emotional charge (or baggage) often built up with a partner. A sex worker can help you overcome resistance to pleasure, focus on sensation, and figure out what *does* feel good to your body. And some do work with couples.


Bookmark moments:

  • 4:25 - Lynn’s first memory of sexual pleasure occurs at age 9, with the accidental placement of a blanket between her legs on a hot summer night. Her surprise discovery leads to a serious misconception but she knows not to ask questions.
  • 11:11 - She experiments with touching and kissing with her best friend, trying to figure things out with the benefit of sex ed.
  • 17:56 - As her home life falls apart in her teens, Lynn falls prey to attention of older men.
  • 24:14 - She leaves home at 16 and gets married, in order to escape things at home. Things are good at first, but when she gets pregnant, he gets violent.
  • 34:48 - Lynn meets her second husband. He is wonderful and so is the sex, but life quickly throws a few wrenches into the works.
  • 38:41 - The lack of sex in the marriage destroys their emotional bond.
  • 41:49 - Lynn tells her husband he has permission to see a sex worker to get his needs met. He resists…at first.
  • 45:42 - After some deep introspection, she suggests an alternate set of plans to her husband to celebrate their upcoming anniversary—involving Lynn visiting the sex worker.
  • 53:30 - Lynn discovers her body is not, in fact, broken.
  • 54:00 - They go to the sex worker together for their anniversary. Much unfolds from this and subsequent sessions with the sex worker.
  • 1:03:30 - Lynn shares about the medical help and therapy she sought before turning to a sex worker, and her fears of social disapproval.


The Patreon extras for this episode are:

  • Lynn and I took a deeper dive into the nature of the relationships she was having with older men – was it predatory? Was it healthy?  Is it possible that it could be some combination of both? 
  • Lynn and I talk about how, having had a history of violent homes, she managed to create a home without violence for her son. We also talk about how she approached the topic of sex with her son, and what her relationship with her body is – and how that has changed since menopause.
  • The extended Lowdown Q&A

ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.


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Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak