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I don’t equate sex and love - Gretchen

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Release Date: 11/25/2020

I think I had a crush on a woman - Coaching Caitlin show art I think I had a crush on a woman - Coaching Caitlin

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Leah shares a coaching session with client Caitlin to give us an in-depth experience of what coaching looks and feels like. They focus on Caitlin’s newly-discovered attraction to women.

I thought my vagina was broken - Stephanie show art I thought my vagina was broken - Stephanie

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Stephanie shares how childhood shame led to an eating disorder, which had a profound affect on her ability to relate with her sexuality and her sexual partners.

Dealing with post-sex UTIs show art Dealing with post-sex UTIs

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Dr. Evelin Dacker returns to answer a listener’s question about common and chronic UTI’s that occur after sex. She breaks down the how and why, and addresses prevention and treatment.

They can't find the clit without a roadmap - Alexa (take 2) show art They can't find the clit without a roadmap - Alexa (take 2)

Good Girls Talk About Sex

“Deaf U” star Alexa Paulay-Simmons gets candid about who she is (and always has been) as a sexual person, and how that’s shaped her life.

An error in translation show art An error in translation

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Hey friends, You’ll notice this isn’t the regular episode you were expecting!  The regular episode was loaded into the feed, and some of you may have already downloaded and listened to it. However, I made an error in the production of this episode so, in fairness to our guest, I’ve pulled the episode to fix it. Here’s what happened – Our guest, Alexa, is Deaf and we did the interview through an interpreter.  It was my first time ever doing an interview through an interpreter, so it took me a little time to relax into it. What didn’t occur to me was to send the transcript...

My pandemic sex life show art My pandemic sex life

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Leah gets real about how her intimate life has weathered the pandemic, and how confronting her partner’s depression spiral turned out to be a better strategy—for both of them—than enduring it.

He was a god and I was a kid - Debbie show art He was a god and I was a kid - Debbie

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Debbie was formed by experiences of both pleasure and pain. She was blessed with good early relationships, but also is a survivor of the epidemic of sexual abuse in elite women’s sport. Her faith in herself helped her choose to heal.

Improve your sex life with the STARS talk show art Improve your sex life with the STARS talk

Good Girls Talk About Sex

STARS is an easy-to-remember acronym for conversations that lead to awesome consensual sex.

I tried to pee standing up – Lachlan show art I tried to pee standing up – Lachlan

Good Girls Talk About Sex

Lachlan was born with a vagina. His is the story of how a boy learned to be a girl, then learned to be invisible, then a lesbian, before learning that he could just be who he was all along, except that it’s still … complicated.

What’s your favorite kind of touch? show art What’s your favorite kind of touch?

Good Girls Talk About Sex

What kind of touch do you enjoy? Have you thought about the ways, and places? Touch is a many-splendored thing.

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Leah met Gretchen at Sex Geek Summer Camp. They realized they share remarkably similar journeys; both started having sex later in life, believed that they were broken, then sought out sexual experiences and healing. Significantly, both engaged the services of a tantric practitioner.


Gretchen is a cisgender 46-year-old cisgender woman. She describes herself as bisexual and polyamorous.  She describes her body as average.


PSA: You can’t learn to swim in a lecture hall.


Bookmark moments:

  • 4:07 - Gretchen talks about her first memory of sexual pleasure, cuddling with another girl around age 8 or 9.
  • 7:13 - Growing up Catholic, sex was never talked about.
  • 10:44 - Gretchen discusses dissociating from her body for most of her life. Her parents never discussed her appearance in an attempt to minimize cultural influences. It backfires, though not in the usual way.
  • 18:12 - In her late 20’s, after returning from the Peace Corps, she finally tries to start dating.
  • 19:39 - Living in the culture of the Dominican Republic changes her perspective.
  • 25:32 - After a long time of flirting with a co-worker, sex enters the conversation. The encounter qualifies more as “penetration of some type”.
  • 36:06 - She’s moved to Portland and wanting to date and have sex.
  • 39:28 - With the help of her therapist and a whiteboard, Gretchen has a breakthrough.
  • 42:06 - She takes a 3-week trip to Mexico. It ends, unexpectedly, with a one-night stand with her Mayan kayak guide. For touch-starved Gretchen, the experience is wonderful, then strange, then breaks her with the thought that she might be frigid.
  • 50:00 - Gretchen starts working with a tantric practitioner.


The Lowdown (56:35)

  • Do you enjoy giving blowjobs or oral sex?
  • When you give a blowjob, do you swallow or not?
  • What is a myth about sex you’ve had to unlearn?


The Patreon extras for this episode are:

  • Gretchen tells the story of the second time she had sex. It was with a guy who picked her up in a bar for a one-night stand when she was 30. She talks about the strange sex position he put her in that gave her a particularly unflattering view of her own body.
  • Gretchen talks about the tantra practitioner who helped her consciously engage with her sexuality for the first time. We also talk about her emotional relationship with him – specifically, did she fall in love with him?
  • The extended Lowdown Q&A


ALL audio extras are now FREE for everyone!!!!!  They can be accessed at www.patreon.com/goodgirlstalkaboutsex.  If you’d like to support the work I do, you can make a monthly contribution at that site.


Other mentions:



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BE A GUEST: Want to be on the show? Visit www.leahcarey.com/guest

COACHING: Want to talk with Leah directly? Visit www.leahcarey.com/coaching

Host – Leah Carey (website, Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, email)

Audio Editor – Gretchen Kilby

Music – Nazar Rybak