042: Saying Yes to a Relationship of Depth, True Connection, and Enduring LOVE w/ Dr. Stan Tatkin
Release Date: 06/02/2019
Dr. Stan Tatkin is an assistant clinical professor at the UCLA School of Medicine and has spent the past 20 years helping individuals and couples form meaningful long term relationships. Stan works to promote freshness in a relationship through honesty and helps create a space between a couple that is safe from the rest of intrusive thirds in the world.
Today Stan is introducing us to his psychobiological approach to couple therapy (PACT), proposes how he views relationship personalities in a form of islands and waves and explains the elusive ‘Couple Bubble’ and how to take steps towards it. By learning about the human condition, working to understand our partner's mindset and becoming a good steward of the ecosystem of your relationships, your intimacy can shine.
An expert in highlighting individuals and couples strengths, Stan believes that a secure functioning couple is comprised of adults that understand that people are perfectly imperfect, and who doesn't want that? Learn which rituals to implement into your relationship to strengthen your bond, ways to forgive your partner's memory and shortcomings, and what you can use as a lure to get your partner to be present with you.
Whether you are single, in a new relationship or in a longterm commitment, Stan is here to share the manual on commitment and help you get to where you want to be in your partnership. A healthy relationship learns to work together instead of placing blame, and with Stans helpful advice you can change the mindset of your commitment and find true happiness together.
How does Stans work relate to your own relationship? Share what you learned today in the comments on the episode page.
In This Episode
- Understanding ‘The Couple Bubble’ and the role it plays in your relationship
- The number one killer of relationships and what to look out for from the beginning
- Ways to deal with your nerves on dates and learn from the person you are with
- Debunking narcissism, codependency and one person's ability to change a partnership
- How to put your best foot forward in the lifespan of your relationship
“That's a big part of the idea of the book. Two people, a two-person psychological system, based on fairness, justice, sensitivity, collaboration, and cooperation, a shared power working together to protect each other from the environment that has always been dangerous.” (9:47)
“Were radically loyal, we are radically devoted to each other, and this provides a different kind of love. That is very different from what we normally think of, it is an earned love day in and day out.” (17:46)
“Look for somebody who really is a true believer and not someone who is trying to give you a sales pitch. That's the person that is going to be good enough. They could be screwed up, they could be an island or a wave, it doesn't matter as long as they know they are and they know they must reign it in for a fully collaborative relationship. That's the person you're wanting.” (30:16)
“State drives and influences memory, memory drives and influences state, and state alters perception. People remember that that is what is happening to us.” (44:19)