Your Expectations of Reality are Not Reality

Usually when I’m upset with someone, it’s because I have expectations of how they “should” be.

But is that real pure love?

Is that reality?

Or is it just my perspective of reality?

During our valentines weekend, Jake went skiing Saturday and Monday, so Sunday was our day for quality family time and for this momma to get a break.

I ended up doing a mix of taking care of the baby and we didn’t get quality time together.

I was upset, felt used, and unloved because it didn’t go the way I wanted.

He thought the day went well.

Are we on freaking different planets?! How could we experience the same day but have the opposite perspectives of how the day went?

He thought taking care of the baby for 2 hours while I did errands and got a rushed 20-minute workout was enough and going for a walk in the park together constituted quality family time. I just wanted was to lock myself in the bedroom and read my book – by myself and go wine tasting and eat pizza in the afternoon as a family. 

These are very different scenarios. I was resentful, bitter and upset the whole day.

When the day was pretty much over, I was still fuming. My one day off to spend together was wasted. I took a shower and some deep breaths and invited my bitterness in. 

When I viewed these negative emotions as a teacher, it led me to realize I had expectations of him and the day. I was blaming him the whole day, but it was my fault for feeling disappointed and upset because I never communicated my expectations of what I wanted our day to be like. 

Those triggers taught me I needed to own my responsibility for my expectations of him and to communicate my feelings and what I wanted. It wasn’t fair to him to make the unreasonable expectation that he should know what I want and read my mind.

I was the one who ruined my day. I had turned it into a story.

Anyone else been there too making something into everything? 

I had created turmoil in my world by placing my own expectations on reality.

Our Ego loves to point the finger, but that doesn’t created healing.

Once I lovingly communicated my feelings and took responsibility for having unreasonable expectations and judgements, Jake openly heard me and we had a great rest of the evening.

It’s very empowering when you see how your thoughts become your story and know you can choose how you want to show up in the world. 

The reality is: You have no control over others. You have no control of the outcome. You have no control over anything outside yourself. You only have control of yourself. Taking responsibility shifts the blame from someone else to taking responsibility for your thoughts and beliefs.

Taking responsibility for your own internal state is empowering and leads to freedom and ease in life and your relationships

Meditation is a great tool, that if practiced consistently can help you watch your crazy thoughts and how you actually create turmoil in your world by placing your own expectations on reality, instead of seeing reality for exactly as it is.

So, my invitation for you this week: when you’re in resentment, offended or hurt by someone, see it as an opportunity to turn inward, not lash outward, to view how your expectations of how that person should be is really just a story you’re telling yourself and is not coming from a place of love.

Your expectations of reality are the cause of your suffering of what is really occurring.

 You have the power to create your reality by shifting your expectations of it.

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