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Help for The People Pleaser

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Release Date: 07/27/2020

Let go of the rope and take ownership of your emotions to empower you show art Let go of the rope and take ownership of your emotions to empower you

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Once you’re aware of your inner critic and emotions and have named them, now your work is to choose how you want to respond to them.

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Awareness is the Shovel to Dig yourself Out of the Darkness to your Light show art Awareness is the Shovel to Dig yourself Out of the Darkness to your Light

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

In today's episode, I'll show you how to break your habits and really create change by consciously digging yourself out from your imprisoned mind and habits.

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Appreciation Meditation show art Appreciation Meditation

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Enjoy this 19 min meditation. The first 6 minutes are talking about how appreciation and gratitude shifts your perspective to pull you out from the nitty-gritty of daily life, heavy emotions, resentment or comparison and elevate your energy to a higher vibration so you can align with what you want to attract and desire in your life.

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Embody How you Want to Feel Every Day show art Embody How you Want to Feel Every Day

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

When you’re feeling stuck, it’s time to get out of the mind and connect to the stillness and softness of your heart and soul that always speaks the truth.

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Discover Your Purpose by Asking Better Questions show art Discover Your Purpose by Asking Better Questions

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Finding your purpose is a huge question.

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Stop Abandoning Yourself  show art Stop Abandoning Yourself

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

This practice of Ahimsa "non harming" applies to not harming others, as well as stopping our own cycle of suffering that we inflict on ourselves.

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Life Lessons from Potty Training show art Life Lessons from Potty Training

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Today’s podcast is about the lessons I learned from potty training my toddler.

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Visualization Meditation to Deal with Anxiety show art Visualization Meditation to Deal with Anxiety

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Do you ever feel an undercurrent of anxiety like the fear that the other shoe will drop?

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Your Story Heals Others show art Your Story Heals Others

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

I want to learn more about you, what you need and how best to show up for you now.

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Relaxation Meditation show art Relaxation Meditation

SOUL SCHOOL with Audrey

Welcome to your 10 minute relaxation meditation. This is perfect for listening to just before bed or during the day to help you relax during a break.

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When I was a child, I was a parent pleaser.

 

When I became an adult, I became a people pleaser.

 

As a new mom and a recovering people pleaser, my initial instinct is to try to make it all better, make my daughter’s pain go away, or distract her with some toy so she forgets her big emotions and can return to being happy.

 

A few weeks ago, I was at a friend’s house and my daughter, Hunter, was really enjoying playing with her friend’s hot pink Barbie Convertible Car (I mean, who wouldn’t!?) and threw the wildest tantrum when I told her it was time to go home. I became flushed with embarrassment as my child screamed at the top of her lungs, threw her arms around and kicked.

 

Every cell in my body wanted to scoop her up, give an embarrassing quick wave goodbye, distract her with some candy or a toy – anything that would make her happy and stuff her in the car so we could get home as fast as possible. Let’s erase and forget this ever existed.

 

Honestly, the people pleaser in me just wanted to make all of her uncomfortable emotions disappear.

But her uncomfortable emotions were a reflection of me being uncomfortable with her feeling uncomfortable.

 

Still with me?

 

Kids are honest. They show their genuine emotions as they feel them, and then they let them go after they’ve expressed them.

 

Adults don’t. We shove these uncomfortable emotions down hoping they’ll go away, but they just fester and erupt at an inopportune time later.

 

It was probably less than 10 minutes of a breakdown, but it felt like an hour! Instead of running away or distracting from her emotions, I held empathetic space for my daughter and sports casted her feelings, “I know, it sucks to not be able to stay and play with this car. You don’t want to leave. You’re feeling upset and frustrated. Dang! But it’s time to go home now.”

 

By being her anchor and being empathetic, her emotion lessened. Because I was able to be with her in those uncomfortable times, she could be with herself during her uncomfortable times.

 

My natural people pleasing instinct is to be the hero and to fix everything so she returns to being happy as soon as possible. I like that role, but it does her no good if I do that.

 

Basically, I would be teaching her that these uncomfortable emotions are bad and need to be fixed, that she is flawed and that I don’t trust that she’s capable of dealing with Life’s normal circumstances, disappointments and big emotions.

 

If I try to please her and fix the situation for her, I’ll rob her of invaluable Life skills to know she is brave enough to be with uncomfortable emotions, that not all situations work out and that’s okay, that she is worthy and normal to feel all of her feelings and by doing so she can trust her resilience to ride Life’s waves of various emotions.

 

Tantrums are not bad, or embarrassing, or even need to be squashed. Tantrums are simply an expression of emotions that need to be released.

 

Being okay with not being okay is healthy and mature. All of your feelings are normal. Feel them.

 

This advice rings true for a 1.5 year old as it does for me at 41 years old.

 

Just as I’m parenting her, I’m also re-parenting myself. Reparent yourself to give yourself the advice, nurturing support you needed as a child.

 

I’m unlearning to fix and please, not only for her, but for myself.

 

That same people pleaser mentality is also how I used to deal with myself and negative feelings.

 

In the past, if I experienced a disappointment, a heartbreak or negative emotion, I would normally aestheticize with food, numb that feeling with booze or distract myself with something else so I didn’t have to be with it.

 

This strategy has never worked, for me.

 

So, I’m working on just being present to the Ebb and Flow of big emotions, trusting that by being with the feeling, it will be seen and pass, just like any other emotion.

 

You don’t have to fix the feeling. Just have to be with the emotion, as it is.

 

You don’t have to fix yourself You’re not broken.

 

By feeling your feelings, you return to your wholeness.

 

If you’re constantly fixing, numbing and ignoring in order to be happy, you will always be chasing this destination. Happiness is fleeting – just like any other emotion.

 

By honoring Life’s waves of ups and downs, being with yourself and feeling your feelings fully, you’ll be able to find happiness in the process, build worthiness in your new skills, and trust your resilience that you are brave, mature and kind.

 

LMK if you’re a people pleaser too and if these technique of feeling your feelings and letting go of trying to fix are helpful.

 

Want to dive in deeper? Join me on Sunday 8/9 from 4-6pm pst for a virtual workshop centered around connecting and nurturing your inner child along with relaxing deep yin yoga and journaling.

 

Also Mark your calendars because my signature online program, Soul School is back and starts date of October 5th. This course is special to my heart and is a decade of my learning to help you embody your truth: you are enough and you matter. I hope you can join me. SIGN UP HERE TO BE THE FIRST TO KNOW WHEN DOORS OPEN FOR REGISTRATION