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96: How to Handle "Not Your Kids"

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 06/25/2019

130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family show art 130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the one thing we have control over in our blended family. That one thing is how we view what is happening around us. We can choose to think certain ways, but we are going to challenge those thoughts today. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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129: Valentines Day Remarriage  Family Traditions show art 129: Valentines Day Remarriage Family Traditions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talksin this episode about the Valentines Family traditions. Not only should Valentines Day celebrate each other as spouses but should incorporate the kids as well. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse? show art 128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how an increase in disagreements and arguing can often be a result of some voices from your childhood. Feeling like you don’t measure up to your spouse or that your spouse does not care often will be magnified because someone in your past either said these things or made you feel this way. We will talk about this and what to do about it. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting show art 127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the dreaded family meeting. You have all kinds of chaos between your spouse, the ex-kids, the kids, and the stepkids. It probably feels like everyone is being pulled into many directions. Let’s talk about what to do and what not to do in a family meeting. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads show art 126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about being nice to your family including your stepkids even when you feel like they don’t deserve. Heap burning coals on their heads is a biblical reference to doing kind things for your enemies. The burning coals is supposed to awaken those that you are being nice to how to act differently toward you. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different show art 125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about what we have all been through and that’s dealing with an ex-spouse who runs a much different family dynamic or parenting style than you. Usually the differences center around the relationship with the children, rules like bedtimes, mealtimes, and homework. We will talk today about how to deal with this situation in the best way possible. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.c

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124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily show art 124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how technology, screen time, and social media can secretly and silently destroy your connection with your stepfamily. We will talk about this and some strategies to reduce this as an issue. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner show art 123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner

The Remarried Life

Summary Brian Mayer talks about how the human brain will filter something the eyes see and the ears hear into something that maybe is not really there.  It is called making assumptions.  When we see our spouse say or do something, we will often unknowingly ascribe meanings that may or may not be true.  We will talk about this and what to do instead.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at Today's Goodies   We all know the old cliché about what assumptions do?  That make a “blank”...

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122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage show art 122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. We will walk through the early stages in the first episode, the middle stages in the second episode, and the later stages in the third episode of this series. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage show art 121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. The broad view of this series is to understand that there are steps that the life of the stepfamily will take and that patience is needed to see them all unfold. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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More Episodes

Brian Mayer talks how to deal with the kids that aren’t yours biologically.  In other words dealing with “Not Your Kids” can be so much more difficult and complicated than dealing with your own kids.  We will talk about this issue and some helpful tips in regard to how to handle this issue.    We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • Before we dive into today’s topic, I just want to take a moment to talk about how a couple of friend who has an incredibly positive mindset impacted my thought process on all sorts of things. 
  • The first friend talked about not jumping to conclusions before I have all the facts.  He said it is best to get several points of view about what happened because making a decision about what to do. 
  • The second friend after talking about someone else who just seemed to be giving every one a hard time, said something like maybe we should get her a gift for her hard work.  I was thinking wow how is it that I am running into so many people this weekend that have such a positive outlook on life and people. 
  • Maybe in some ways this does have to do with today’s topic, because we will be talking about how to handle the stepkids even when it seems impossible. 
  • Let’s face it these are not your children, and so you may be finding it hard to really love then like your own children, and you probably feel like disciplining and talking to them is like stepping on land mines at every turn. 
  • What are some things you can do to help in this situation.  Let’s talk about this now:
    • Stay united with your spouse.
    • If you cannot stay united, then work to defer to your spouse when it comes to the stepkids. 
    • You don’t have to love your stepkids like you own kids.  You might be surprised that I say this, but the reality is that this may never happen.  Now I am talking more about your thoughts and feelings and not your actions.  It is perfectly ok that you will never capture the same type of feelings for them that you do your own kids.
    • Don’t rush your stepkids acceptance of you.  As we have talked on this show, this can take a long time and in some cases may never happen. 
    • Don’t take it personally when your stepkids don’t warm to you. 
    • Don’t get walked all over either.  Do stand up for yourself.   
    • Have regular meetings with your spouse to discuss how things are going and also to talk about future expectations. 
    • Don’t read your child’s mind.  You might think they are purposefully disobeying because they are trying to manipulate or they could just acting out because they are hurt. 
    • Be a good role model.  As hard as this is, be the kind of parent that you want your step kids to be when they become parents or even stepparents. 
    • Get to know your stepkids, including their likes and dislikes.  Then do things with them like a friend would do.  Of course you don’t need to be a friend in all circumstances, but when you pick things to do that are fun try to keep the friend perspective in mind. 

Remember that integrating stepkids into the family and into your routines can take some time so be patient.  Don’t give up!