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100: How to Make Your Marriage Work This Time

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 07/23/2019

130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family show art 130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the one thing we have control over in our blended family. That one thing is how we view what is happening around us. We can choose to think certain ways, but we are going to challenge those thoughts today. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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129: Valentines Day Remarriage  Family Traditions show art 129: Valentines Day Remarriage Family Traditions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talksin this episode about the Valentines Family traditions. Not only should Valentines Day celebrate each other as spouses but should incorporate the kids as well. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse? show art 128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how an increase in disagreements and arguing can often be a result of some voices from your childhood. Feeling like you don’t measure up to your spouse or that your spouse does not care often will be magnified because someone in your past either said these things or made you feel this way. We will talk about this and what to do about it. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting show art 127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the dreaded family meeting. You have all kinds of chaos between your spouse, the ex-kids, the kids, and the stepkids. It probably feels like everyone is being pulled into many directions. Let’s talk about what to do and what not to do in a family meeting. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads show art 126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about being nice to your family including your stepkids even when you feel like they don’t deserve. Heap burning coals on their heads is a biblical reference to doing kind things for your enemies. The burning coals is supposed to awaken those that you are being nice to how to act differently toward you. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different show art 125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about what we have all been through and that’s dealing with an ex-spouse who runs a much different family dynamic or parenting style than you. Usually the differences center around the relationship with the children, rules like bedtimes, mealtimes, and homework. We will talk today about how to deal with this situation in the best way possible. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.c

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124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily show art 124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how technology, screen time, and social media can secretly and silently destroy your connection with your stepfamily. We will talk about this and some strategies to reduce this as an issue. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner show art 123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner

The Remarried Life

Summary Brian Mayer talks about how the human brain will filter something the eyes see and the ears hear into something that maybe is not really there.  It is called making assumptions.  When we see our spouse say or do something, we will often unknowingly ascribe meanings that may or may not be true.  We will talk about this and what to do instead.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at Today's Goodies   We all know the old cliché about what assumptions do?  That make a “blank”...

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122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage show art 122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. We will walk through the early stages in the first episode, the middle stages in the second episode, and the later stages in the third episode of this series. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage show art 121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. The broad view of this series is to understand that there are steps that the life of the stepfamily will take and that patience is needed to see them all unfold. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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More Episodes

Brian Mayer brings back his favorite guest – his wife Heather Mayer.  In today’s episode, they both talk through what are some of the foundational pieces of the relationship that helps to keep their bond strong.  Take some of what you hear today and work to implement these things into your own relationship.  Just because a past marriage didn’t work out, doesn’t meant that the next one won’t work out.  Listen to this episode with your significant other so you can get the most out of what you are hearing together.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • Ever heard the quote, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.”  This one is often quoted to Albert Einstein but apparently this is not true and some research on the subject shows that it may have been attributed to Rita Mae Brown an author who wrote this in her 1983 book called Sudden Death.  But that is not what is most important.  It is the quote itself. We can’t keep doing in our current relationships what we did in our past relationships.  “2+2” is always going to equal “4.”  In order to get “5” we have to change one of the parts. If we don’t we will continue to get “4” as the answer.
  • Let’s talk about a more positive thought or quote and that is “If people sat outside and looked at the stars each night, I’ll bet they’d live a lot differently” by Bill Watterson (cartoonist who wrote “Calvin and Hobbes”).  This might mean different things to different people, but it could mean that we have to get outside our current situation sometimes and look at the relationship as a whole and spend more time thinking and cultivating that than putting so much time in the “Argument du jour (of the day).”    
  • Today Brian and Heather will talk about some ways that they work and interact together, that helps them take their eyes off of the tornado that might be presently surrounding them and onto the calm waters of the type of relationship they truly desire.  
    • Forgiveness is very important.  This is letting your partner off the hook and to stop punishing them for something they have done.  It doesn’t mean you trust again or that you condone the behavior.  Sometimes you have to do this from afar if safety is an issue and abuse is present. 
    • Spending Time Together.  In today’s busy and crazy world, with long work hours, different schedules, kids, and their activities this one can be difficult.  Be proactive when it comes to this one.  If you both belong to the gym and can coordinate working out together as an example then do that.  Or after the kids go to bed make it a point to spend a bit of quality time together. 
    • Letting Things Go.  This one can be a bit like forgiveness but it more has to do with the individual mental choice to move on from a situation.  This can really help to promote better good will, when you can remember a situation that did not go well but you can’t remember the specifics of what you talked about.  Of course don’t sweep things under the rug but also don’t hold grudges. 
    • Not Trying to Change The Other.  If you spend a lot of your time trying to change someone else you might be waiting a long time.  Sometimes it might never happen.  Spend most of your time reflecting on what you are doing and how might you work on changing.  Often this type of thinking will have a positive impact on changing your partner (sometimes not though). 
    • Dealing With Past Baggage.  This one is difficult because we often do not realize that we are reacting to our current spouse because of something that was done in our past relationship or childhood.  The first step in doing anything about this is recognizing it is happening and then secondly working to disconnect from it.  If you can’t do this on your own then seeking help from a professional that can certainly speed that process up. 
    • Spiritual Beliefs.  In Heather and Brian’s case, they have a strong Christian faith.  While not perfect they both will work to grow closer to God and in doing so usually grow closer to each other.  Think about a triangle with each of you at the different points in the base and God at top as you grow closer to God you will automatically grow close to each other.   
    • Prioritize Each Other’s Love Language.  The 5 Love Languages according to the book by Gary Chapman are Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Quality Time, and Gifts.  For Brian, his greatest love language is words of affirmation while Heather’s is physical touch.  They both work hard to make sure they are loving the other in that love language.  

Resources:

  • None Mentioned Today

Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.