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110: Focusing on The Positives in Your Spouse for 24 Hours

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 10/01/2019

129: Valentines Day Remarriage  Family Traditions show art 129: Valentines Day Remarriage Family Traditions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talksin this episode about the Valentines Family traditions. Not only should Valentines Day celebrate each other as spouses but should incorporate the kids as well. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse? show art 128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how an increase in disagreements and arguing can often be a result of some voices from your childhood. Feeling like you don’t measure up to your spouse or that your spouse does not care often will be magnified because someone in your past either said these things or made you feel this way. We will talk about this and what to do about it. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting show art 127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the dreaded family meeting. You have all kinds of chaos between your spouse, the ex-kids, the kids, and the stepkids. It probably feels like everyone is being pulled into many directions. Let’s talk about what to do and what not to do in a family meeting. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads show art 126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads

The Remarried Life

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125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different show art 125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about what we have all been through and that’s dealing with an ex-spouse who runs a much different family dynamic or parenting style than you. Usually the differences center around the relationship with the children, rules like bedtimes, mealtimes, and homework. We will talk today about how to deal with this situation in the best way possible. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.c

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124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily show art 124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how technology, screen time, and social media can secretly and silently destroy your connection with your stepfamily. We will talk about this and some strategies to reduce this as an issue. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner show art 123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner

The Remarried Life

Summary Brian Mayer talks about how the human brain will filter something the eyes see and the ears hear into something that maybe is not really there.  It is called making assumptions.  When we see our spouse say or do something, we will often unknowingly ascribe meanings that may or may not be true.  We will talk about this and what to do instead.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at Today's Goodies   We all know the old cliché about what assumptions do?  That make a “blank”...

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122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage show art 122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. We will walk through the early stages in the first episode, the middle stages in the second episode, and the later stages in the third episode of this series. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage show art 121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. The broad view of this series is to understand that there are steps that the life of the stepfamily will take and that patience is needed to see them all unfold. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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120: Stepfamily Development - Part 1 The Early Stage show art 120: Stepfamily Development - Part 1 The Early Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. The broad view of this series is to understand that there are steps that the life of the stepfamily will take and that patience is needed to see them all unfold. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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Brian Mayer talks about focusing on the positives just for one day.  Being mindful that we can often tend to focus on what we don’t like and is bothersome to us.  The is some research that suggests are brain is wired to focus on the negative so this is not easy.  We will talk about this along with some tips and things you can do to focus on the positive.     We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • Today’s message is simple, I am asking you to focus on the positives in your spouse for just 24 hours.  Why just 24 hours?  You don’t need to get overwhelmed and also small things can eventually lead to big things so let’s start small. 
  • Brain research does tend to suggest that negative experiences and thoughts often stick like glue while positive experiences often fall away rather quickly.  I mean think about this in your own life.  I can think of a quick example when it comes to my couples counseling.  I might have 25 sessions in a week and 24 of the couples are very happy with the service, but 1 is not happy.  What am I going to focus on?  Of course I am going to focus on the couple that was not happy.  If I am not careful I might beat myself up over this by completely ignoring that I have 24 that were completely satisfied. 
  • So what are some of the things you can be happy about in your spouse:
    • Celebrating who they are and the things about their personality that you love
    • The actions they take that are different than normal.  Maybe your spouse usually leaves shoes in the entry way but today put them in the closet. 
    • How about the actions they take that are always the same.  Often I will hear one partner state that I am not going to thank him for something he SHOULD be doing.  Ouch!!  Get that thought out of your head!  My wife is the cook in the family and always makes dinner.  I make it a point to try to thank her everytime for this even though she has agreed this is her job. 
  • So what types of things should you do to focus on the positives?
    • Be mindful of where your thoughts are going.  Recognize negative thinking and replace it with the positives. 
    • Verbally express appreciation for who your spouse is and even something simple for their choice to be with you and marry you. 
    • More verbal expression of thanks for an action they took or maybe it was an action they did not take.  For example, maybe your spouse always does a girls night every other Friday night, but decided she wanted to spend more time with you. 
    • Thank your spouse for getting up to go work in the morning to support the family.  Do this even if you do the same thing and if you think you work harder! 
    • Put a simple note of how much you appreciate and love your spouse in their lunch bag.  Then think about your partner receiving this later in the day and the smile that could be on their face. 
    • If you have a smart phone,  create a character of yourself through something like an app called “Bitmoji” and send them a happy text during the day. 
    • Thank them for the decision they made when you got married that they promised they would be with you forever. 
  • Maybe things are tough right now between the two of you but keep doing things like this and often you might see a turn in your spouse and the relationship. 
  • If you want to give up, keep doing it for yourself knowing that often you will reap what you sow.    

Resources:

  • None Mentioned Today.

Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.