loader from loading.io

110: Focusing on The Positives in Your Spouse for 24 Hours

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 10/01/2019

157: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? show art 157: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the possibilities of staying friends with your ex-spouse. And we don’t just mean friends, but can you actually be friends and stay in each other’s lives as friends. After all there are current spouse’s feelings and what the kids may or may not thinking about this to consider. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
156: The Rashomon Effect on Your Remarriage show art 156: The Rashomon Effect on Your Remarriage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the myth of perception becoming reality. We can often get stuck into believing the way we saw or experienced an event or an issue is the only way or the right way. Today we will talk about the Rashomon effect which is a term often used to describe how eyewitness accounts of an event can often be unreliable. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
155: COVID-19 Differences With Your Ex-Spouse show art 155: COVID-19 Differences With Your Ex-Spouse

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how in this emotionally charged time we live in, how we can best handle differences in beliefs and feelings on the COVID-19 pandemic that could affect our children. This can be extremely difficult to work through especially if you both have rigid beliefs. We will talk about this issue and give some practical help in this area. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
154: What is Emotional Infidelity? show art 154: What is Emotional Infidelity?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks emotional infidelity. This is a very cloudy topic that many people don’t have a good handle on. With physical or sexual infidelity, the issue is very clear because it involves something that can be clearly seen. Today we will talk about how best to understand when this is an issue that needs to be dealt with in your relationship. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
153: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First and Take Care Of Yourself show art 153: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First and Take Care Of Yourself

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about taking care of yourself. In a blended family we often get pulled in so many directions that we exhaust ourselves to the point of upset and frustration. This episode to help give you permission to slow down and refresh. I am going to practice this and take a short break from the podcast of about 3 weeks and return refreshed! We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
152: Teach Your Blended Family to be Free by Judging Less show art 152: Teach Your Blended Family to be Free by Judging Less

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how judging others and being critical of others way of being can often lead to feeling of being trapped by your own anger. If you judge others then chances are also high that your bio kids and step kids may also begin to be weighed down by this as well. Today we will talk about freeing the entire family. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
151: Remarriage Rehab - Part 3 New Behaviors show art 151: Remarriage Rehab - Part 3 New Behaviors

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer welcomes you to this 3 part series on renovating your remarriage. In part 1, we discuss how to be more aware of past issues that might be driving our reactions. In part 2, I discuss how our thought processes, distortions, and biases play a role in our connection. In part 3 I will discuss implementing new behaviors to complete the renovation. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.co

info_outline
150: Remarriage Rehab - Part 2 Reducing Cognitive Distortions show art 150: Remarriage Rehab - Part 2 Reducing Cognitive Distortions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer welcomes you to this 3 part series on renovating your remarriage. In part 1, we discuss how to be more aware of past issues that might be driving our reactions. In part 2, I discuss how our thought processes, distortions, and biases play a role in our connection. In part 3 I will discuss implementing new behaviors to complete the renovation. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.co

info_outline
149: Remarriage Rehab Part 1 - Disconnecting From Your Past show art 149: Remarriage Rehab Part 1 - Disconnecting From Your Past

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer welcomes you to this 3 part series on renovating your remarriage. In part 1, we discuss how to be more aware of past issues that might be driving our reactions. In part 2, I discuss how our thought processes, distortions, and biases play a role in our connection. In part 3 I will discuss implementing new behaviors to complete the renovation. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.co

info_outline
148: 3 Easy Steps for Making Big Blended Family Decisions show art 148: 3 Easy Steps for Making Big Blended Family Decisions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer discusses how big decisions don’t need to be complicated or difficult. Of course sometimes decisions themselves may take some time to weigh out we will talk about 3 steps you should take during the process of making a big decision. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
 
More Episodes

Brian Mayer talks about focusing on the positives just for one day.  Being mindful that we can often tend to focus on what we don’t like and is bothersome to us.  The is some research that suggests are brain is wired to focus on the negative so this is not easy.  We will talk about this along with some tips and things you can do to focus on the positive.     We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • Today’s message is simple, I am asking you to focus on the positives in your spouse for just 24 hours.  Why just 24 hours?  You don’t need to get overwhelmed and also small things can eventually lead to big things so let’s start small. 
  • Brain research does tend to suggest that negative experiences and thoughts often stick like glue while positive experiences often fall away rather quickly.  I mean think about this in your own life.  I can think of a quick example when it comes to my couples counseling.  I might have 25 sessions in a week and 24 of the couples are very happy with the service, but 1 is not happy.  What am I going to focus on?  Of course I am going to focus on the couple that was not happy.  If I am not careful I might beat myself up over this by completely ignoring that I have 24 that were completely satisfied. 
  • So what are some of the things you can be happy about in your spouse:
    • Celebrating who they are and the things about their personality that you love
    • The actions they take that are different than normal.  Maybe your spouse usually leaves shoes in the entry way but today put them in the closet. 
    • How about the actions they take that are always the same.  Often I will hear one partner state that I am not going to thank him for something he SHOULD be doing.  Ouch!!  Get that thought out of your head!  My wife is the cook in the family and always makes dinner.  I make it a point to try to thank her everytime for this even though she has agreed this is her job. 
  • So what types of things should you do to focus on the positives?
    • Be mindful of where your thoughts are going.  Recognize negative thinking and replace it with the positives. 
    • Verbally express appreciation for who your spouse is and even something simple for their choice to be with you and marry you. 
    • More verbal expression of thanks for an action they took or maybe it was an action they did not take.  For example, maybe your spouse always does a girls night every other Friday night, but decided she wanted to spend more time with you. 
    • Thank your spouse for getting up to go work in the morning to support the family.  Do this even if you do the same thing and if you think you work harder! 
    • Put a simple note of how much you appreciate and love your spouse in their lunch bag.  Then think about your partner receiving this later in the day and the smile that could be on their face. 
    • If you have a smart phone,  create a character of yourself through something like an app called “Bitmoji” and send them a happy text during the day. 
    • Thank them for the decision they made when you got married that they promised they would be with you forever. 
  • Maybe things are tough right now between the two of you but keep doing things like this and often you might see a turn in your spouse and the relationship. 
  • If you want to give up, keep doing it for yourself knowing that often you will reap what you sow.    

Resources:

  • None Mentioned Today.

Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
  • If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.
  • The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!  ​

As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.