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113: Affairs and Betrayals: Part 3 – New Construction

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 10/22/2019

130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family show art 130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the one thing we have control over in our blended family. That one thing is how we view what is happening around us. We can choose to think certain ways, but we are going to challenge those thoughts today. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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129: Valentines Day Remarriage  Family Traditions show art 129: Valentines Day Remarriage Family Traditions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talksin this episode about the Valentines Family traditions. Not only should Valentines Day celebrate each other as spouses but should incorporate the kids as well. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse? show art 128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how an increase in disagreements and arguing can often be a result of some voices from your childhood. Feeling like you don’t measure up to your spouse or that your spouse does not care often will be magnified because someone in your past either said these things or made you feel this way. We will talk about this and what to do about it. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting show art 127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the dreaded family meeting. You have all kinds of chaos between your spouse, the ex-kids, the kids, and the stepkids. It probably feels like everyone is being pulled into many directions. Let’s talk about what to do and what not to do in a family meeting. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads show art 126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about being nice to your family including your stepkids even when you feel like they don’t deserve. Heap burning coals on their heads is a biblical reference to doing kind things for your enemies. The burning coals is supposed to awaken those that you are being nice to how to act differently toward you. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different show art 125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about what we have all been through and that’s dealing with an ex-spouse who runs a much different family dynamic or parenting style than you. Usually the differences center around the relationship with the children, rules like bedtimes, mealtimes, and homework. We will talk today about how to deal with this situation in the best way possible. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.c

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124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily show art 124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how technology, screen time, and social media can secretly and silently destroy your connection with your stepfamily. We will talk about this and some strategies to reduce this as an issue. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner show art 123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner

The Remarried Life

Summary Brian Mayer talks about how the human brain will filter something the eyes see and the ears hear into something that maybe is not really there.  It is called making assumptions.  When we see our spouse say or do something, we will often unknowingly ascribe meanings that may or may not be true.  We will talk about this and what to do instead.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at Today's Goodies   We all know the old cliché about what assumptions do?  That make a “blank”...

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122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage show art 122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. We will walk through the early stages in the first episode, the middle stages in the second episode, and the later stages in the third episode of this series. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage show art 121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. The broad view of this series is to understand that there are steps that the life of the stepfamily will take and that patience is needed to see them all unfold. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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More Episodes

Brian Mayer talks about affairs.  These are also known as betrayals of trust and infidelity.  We will concentrate on the infidelity with other people, but betrayals can include other things such as financial betrayals as well.  Unfortunately affairs are all too common in our world today, which is why we are devoted 3 episodes to this issue.  The series will consist of talking about assessing and turning from the damage, demolishing your current marriage, and contructing a new relationship.    We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • Affairs are prevalent in society today.  The percentage varies but usually most show anywhere between 20-40% of men will have an affair of some sort during their lifetime and about 20-25% of women will.  So think about that for a moment either you or partner may have engaged in this and if not then most likely of the next 4 people you meet, 1 probably has had an affair.    
  • Serious betrayals of trust can take a long time to heal from as some studies suggest it could take at least 18 months and in some couples I have seen it might take years unfortunately. 
  • We are in part 3 of our series on affairs today.  We talked about the aftermath and the turn that needs to take place in part 1 (episode 111), the demolition of old ways of doing this in part 2 (episode 112), and the new construction that needs to take place in your relationship in part 3 (episode 113). 
  • New Construction is ready to begin.  The old relationship is dead and it is time to do something new.  We have talked about stopping the other relationship, assessing what was wrong and now we are ready to build. 
    • In order for stage 3 to begin, remorse and a request for complete forgiveness should be asked for by the betrayer.  
    • Hopefully by this point with all the work that has been completed in the first two stages, the betrayed partner should hopefully be willing to grant this forgiveness.  Forgiveness does not mean condoning or being willing allow the same behavior, it simply means to stop punishing the offender for the prior offense. 
    • Now the real fun can begin.  This is where you will work to create new connections and following are some ideas.
    • Making the decision to spend more time together if that was lacking especially 1:1 time away from the kids.  Make sure to do something that can help foster connection.  Maybe it is hiking together or playing cards.  Things like movie watching can make it hard but if that sounds good to you then do it! 
    • Daily Check-Ins.  I mentioned these in a previous episode, but asking things like what went well today between us, what did not go well, and what needs to be better?
    • Go to your partner if there is a problem in your marriage and not others.
    • Ask your partner on a daily basis, things like “What can I do for you today?”  This will show a selflessness that can over time replace the feelings of selfishness that too over your relationship.   
    • The next one, two, or three, or 50 action items are called “Fill In the Blank.”  These are where the two of you creatively decide on the new things you will do in your relationship.  This is more important than you following suggestions from me or someone else.    
  • We hope you have enjoyed this special 3 part series on affairs and betrayal.  It is such an important topic and if this is something you are dealing with now, there is hope.  I have seen lots of couples come back from this and make their relationship something new so that something like this never happens again.      

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Thanks For Listening!

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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.