loader from loading.io

112: Affairs and Betrayals: Part 2 – Demolition Time

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 10/15/2019

130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family show art 130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the one thing we have control over in our blended family. That one thing is how we view what is happening around us. We can choose to think certain ways, but we are going to challenge those thoughts today. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
129: Valentines Day Remarriage  Family Traditions show art 129: Valentines Day Remarriage Family Traditions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talksin this episode about the Valentines Family traditions. Not only should Valentines Day celebrate each other as spouses but should incorporate the kids as well. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse? show art 128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how an increase in disagreements and arguing can often be a result of some voices from your childhood. Feeling like you don’t measure up to your spouse or that your spouse does not care often will be magnified because someone in your past either said these things or made you feel this way. We will talk about this and what to do about it. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting show art 127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the dreaded family meeting. You have all kinds of chaos between your spouse, the ex-kids, the kids, and the stepkids. It probably feels like everyone is being pulled into many directions. Let’s talk about what to do and what not to do in a family meeting. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads show art 126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about being nice to your family including your stepkids even when you feel like they don’t deserve. Heap burning coals on their heads is a biblical reference to doing kind things for your enemies. The burning coals is supposed to awaken those that you are being nice to how to act differently toward you. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different show art 125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about what we have all been through and that’s dealing with an ex-spouse who runs a much different family dynamic or parenting style than you. Usually the differences center around the relationship with the children, rules like bedtimes, mealtimes, and homework. We will talk today about how to deal with this situation in the best way possible. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.c

info_outline
124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily show art 124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how technology, screen time, and social media can secretly and silently destroy your connection with your stepfamily. We will talk about this and some strategies to reduce this as an issue. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner show art 123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner

The Remarried Life

Summary Brian Mayer talks about how the human brain will filter something the eyes see and the ears hear into something that maybe is not really there.  It is called making assumptions.  When we see our spouse say or do something, we will often unknowingly ascribe meanings that may or may not be true.  We will talk about this and what to do instead.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at Today's Goodies   We all know the old cliché about what assumptions do?  That make a “blank”...

info_outline
122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage show art 122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. We will walk through the early stages in the first episode, the middle stages in the second episode, and the later stages in the third episode of this series. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage show art 121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. The broad view of this series is to understand that there are steps that the life of the stepfamily will take and that patience is needed to see them all unfold. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
 
More Episodes

Summary
Brian Mayer talks about affairs.  These are also known as betrayals of trust and infidelity.  We will concentrate on the infidelity with other people, but betrayals can include other things such as financial betrayals as well.  Unfortunately, affairs are all too common in our world today, which is why we are devoted 3 episodes to this issue.  The series will consist of talking about assessing and turning from the damage, demolishing your current marriage, and constructing a new relationship.    We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • Affairs are prevalent in society today.  The percentage varies but usually most show anywhere between 20-40% of men will have an affair of some sort during their lifetime and about 20-25% of women will.  So think about that for a moment either you or partner may have engaged in this and if not then most likely of the next 4 people you meet, 1 probably has had an affair.
  • Serious betrayals of trust can take a long time to heal from as some studies suggest it could take at least 18 months and in some couples I have seen it might take years unfortunately. 
  • We are in part 2 of our series on affairs today.  We talked about the aftermath and the turn that needs to take place in part 1 today (episode 111), the demolition of old ways of doing this in part 2 (episode 112), and the new construction that needs to take place in your relationship in part 3 (episode 113).
  • Okay time to face the music.  Your current marriage is now dead.  There will be no bringing it back.  But before you throw in the towel you can build some different and new which we explore in the next episode. 
  • In stage 2, there are two parts that we must undertake.
    • First, we need to take an autopsy of the relationship that the two of you had but working to understand what was not working.
    • Second we need to talk about ending the old ways.  This happens by making agreements about what you won’t do and by acting on them.        
  • Here are some practical tips on taking that autopsy. 
    • Analyze the time you spend together and alone.  Did the balance of alone time and together time work for each of you?
    • Talk through the places you each spend time at.  Are there problems associated with these places.  This can be a difficult discussion if an affair happened with a coworker or maybe with someone at a gym that you have a membership. 
    • What types of ways in which you interact at home don’t work.  For example if not spending much time in the evenings together was troublesome for either of you then that is certainly a problem area. 
    • Do you confide in others about your marriage and if so is this a problem for one of you? 
    • Do either one of you have issues with the way your communication goes.  Is it volatile and prone to blowing up or is the opposite true and you don’t talk at all?  Maybe both are present. 
    • The actions they take that are different than normal.  Maybe your spouse usually leaves shoes in the entry way but today put them in the closet. 

 

 

  • In part 2 of stage 2 – Demolotion, you must begin to make agreements to end old ways of doing things?  A lot of this part involves possibly walking away from the old habits which some may not be easy
    • Do you need to leave a job where the coworker work?
    • Do you need to spend less time away from home? 
    • Do you need to stop talking to others about issues in your marriage?
  • These are many more questions are the basis for this area of getting back on track.  In this stage, you may not be completely ready to take action but you are now able to gently communicate with each other about the issues that are on the table and that need to be addressed in order to move forward. 
  • Expect these “negotiations” not to go perfectly either.  You may still have triggers or other important things come up that will work to make you resist wanting to make a change. 
  • The key here is to keep your eye on your relationship.  Going into these discussions with the focus being on the permanence of your relationship until you die versus the temporary nature that work and activities can have will help. 
  • Up next part 3 - Constructing the New Relationship

  Resources:

Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
  • If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.

The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!