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119: [ENCORE] Boundaries in Relationships

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 12/03/2019

130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family show art 130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the one thing we have control over in our blended family. That one thing is how we view what is happening around us. We can choose to think certain ways, but we are going to challenge those thoughts today. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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129: Valentines Day Remarriage  Family Traditions show art 129: Valentines Day Remarriage Family Traditions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talksin this episode about the Valentines Family traditions. Not only should Valentines Day celebrate each other as spouses but should incorporate the kids as well. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse? show art 128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how an increase in disagreements and arguing can often be a result of some voices from your childhood. Feeling like you don’t measure up to your spouse or that your spouse does not care often will be magnified because someone in your past either said these things or made you feel this way. We will talk about this and what to do about it. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting show art 127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the dreaded family meeting. You have all kinds of chaos between your spouse, the ex-kids, the kids, and the stepkids. It probably feels like everyone is being pulled into many directions. Let’s talk about what to do and what not to do in a family meeting. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads show art 126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about being nice to your family including your stepkids even when you feel like they don’t deserve. Heap burning coals on their heads is a biblical reference to doing kind things for your enemies. The burning coals is supposed to awaken those that you are being nice to how to act differently toward you. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different show art 125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about what we have all been through and that’s dealing with an ex-spouse who runs a much different family dynamic or parenting style than you. Usually the differences center around the relationship with the children, rules like bedtimes, mealtimes, and homework. We will talk today about how to deal with this situation in the best way possible. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.c

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124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily show art 124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how technology, screen time, and social media can secretly and silently destroy your connection with your stepfamily. We will talk about this and some strategies to reduce this as an issue. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner show art 123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner

The Remarried Life

Summary Brian Mayer talks about how the human brain will filter something the eyes see and the ears hear into something that maybe is not really there.  It is called making assumptions.  When we see our spouse say or do something, we will often unknowingly ascribe meanings that may or may not be true.  We will talk about this and what to do instead.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at Today's Goodies   We all know the old cliché about what assumptions do?  That make a “blank”...

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122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage show art 122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. We will walk through the early stages in the first episode, the middle stages in the second episode, and the later stages in the third episode of this series. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage show art 121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. The broad view of this series is to understand that there are steps that the life of the stepfamily will take and that patience is needed to see them all unfold. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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More Episodes

Summary
Brian Mayer discusses the concept of boundaries in relationships or how to set limits without feeling guilty.  Boundaries are easy to talk about but more difficult to implement.  It takes practice and lots of encouraging support.  You will learn how to set appropriate boundaries so you can live a life of freedom.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com
Today's Goodies

  • Today’s episode is all the concept of Boundaries in Relationships in regard to a subsequent marriage that affects more people like biological and step children.         
  • What is a Boundary?  A boundary is simply a property line to keep what is yours in and what is not yours out.  Think of houses and the property lines that are drawn around each home. 
  • The history around Boundaries started several decades ago when research around how to help people with addictions took off.  This research began to take a look at the family system and found enabling behaviors by other family members.  This can also be called Co-Dependency. 
  • Out of this co-dependency movement specifically related to addictions, came the term Boundaries and began to be applied to all relationship issues not just addiction issue.      
  • A very helpful book about this topic is simply called Boundaries:  How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend.  They have also written one specific to marriages called Boundaries in Marriage. 
  • When healthy boundaries are not in place it can cause issues like depression, anxiety, resentment, and anger.   By not implementing an appropriate boundary, you are replacing a temporary discomfort with a more permanent pain. 
  • Boundaries sound easy in theory, but are hard to implement.  When we first try to install a boundary on someone that is encroaching we can feel guilty or like we are a bad person.   Sometimes we also have this mentality that we must be all things to all people and that is how the Golden Rule works – Do Unto Others as You Would have done to You.  However, if you are not healthy first then you are no good to someone else.  You will ultimately burn-out if you do not install good boundaries. 
  • Myths of Boundaries According to Cloud and Townsend:
    • I am selfish if I install a boundary.
    • I am being disobedient if I say No.
    • If I set limits, I will be hurt
    • I will hurt others
    • I’m angry
    • I should feel guilty or bad
    • Boundaries are Permanent
  • Learning to not feel responsible for others thoughts, feelings, and actions.  For example, the kids being bored is not your responsibility.  Now of course day after day, if you never do anything with them then yes that is a problem.  But the fact is that they are responsible for how they feel.  If we do not allow them to learn to pull themselves out a funk, then they will be stunted in their growth as adults.     
  • Can Love and Boundaries Exist Together:  Yes they can.  In fact, boundaries actually signal that love exists.  Implementing Boundaries shows the other person under what parameters that love can flourish.  Inside the boundaries amazing things will happen, outside the boundaries is where individuals can work on themselves. 
  • How Do Implement a Boundary Successfully?
  • You are One Step Closer because you are listening to this podcast
  • Get Support.  Either find a group or ask a close friend.  Role play setting boundaries by being both the boundary setter and the one for whom the boundary is being set. 
  • Do not beat yourself up when you try to set boundaries initially.  You may fail and you probably will fail.  Boundary setting is a process.  You will receive much resistance at first because people will not be used to this. 
  • Final Thoughts:
  • Practice, practice, practice
  • Know that boundaries will help keep you healthy and in turn will help others recognize how to keep themselves healthy.  Think about the
  • Expect failure and grow from it.

Resources Mentioned

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