loader from loading.io

120: Stepfamily Development - Part 1 The Early Stage

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 12/10/2019

157: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? show art 157: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the possibilities of staying friends with your ex-spouse. And we don’t just mean friends, but can you actually be friends and stay in each other’s lives as friends. After all there are current spouse’s feelings and what the kids may or may not thinking about this to consider. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
156: The Rashomon Effect on Your Remarriage show art 156: The Rashomon Effect on Your Remarriage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the myth of perception becoming reality. We can often get stuck into believing the way we saw or experienced an event or an issue is the only way or the right way. Today we will talk about the Rashomon effect which is a term often used to describe how eyewitness accounts of an event can often be unreliable. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
155: COVID-19 Differences With Your Ex-Spouse show art 155: COVID-19 Differences With Your Ex-Spouse

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how in this emotionally charged time we live in, how we can best handle differences in beliefs and feelings on the COVID-19 pandemic that could affect our children. This can be extremely difficult to work through especially if you both have rigid beliefs. We will talk about this issue and give some practical help in this area. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
154: What is Emotional Infidelity? show art 154: What is Emotional Infidelity?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks emotional infidelity. This is a very cloudy topic that many people don’t have a good handle on. With physical or sexual infidelity, the issue is very clear because it involves something that can be clearly seen. Today we will talk about how best to understand when this is an issue that needs to be dealt with in your relationship. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
153: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First and Take Care Of Yourself show art 153: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First and Take Care Of Yourself

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about taking care of yourself. In a blended family we often get pulled in so many directions that we exhaust ourselves to the point of upset and frustration. This episode to help give you permission to slow down and refresh. I am going to practice this and take a short break from the podcast of about 3 weeks and return refreshed! We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
152: Teach Your Blended Family to be Free by Judging Less show art 152: Teach Your Blended Family to be Free by Judging Less

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how judging others and being critical of others way of being can often lead to feeling of being trapped by your own anger. If you judge others then chances are also high that your bio kids and step kids may also begin to be weighed down by this as well. Today we will talk about freeing the entire family. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
151: Remarriage Rehab - Part 3 New Behaviors show art 151: Remarriage Rehab - Part 3 New Behaviors

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer welcomes you to this 3 part series on renovating your remarriage. In part 1, we discuss how to be more aware of past issues that might be driving our reactions. In part 2, I discuss how our thought processes, distortions, and biases play a role in our connection. In part 3 I will discuss implementing new behaviors to complete the renovation. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.co

info_outline
150: Remarriage Rehab - Part 2 Reducing Cognitive Distortions show art 150: Remarriage Rehab - Part 2 Reducing Cognitive Distortions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer welcomes you to this 3 part series on renovating your remarriage. In part 1, we discuss how to be more aware of past issues that might be driving our reactions. In part 2, I discuss how our thought processes, distortions, and biases play a role in our connection. In part 3 I will discuss implementing new behaviors to complete the renovation. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.co

info_outline
149: Remarriage Rehab Part 1 - Disconnecting From Your Past show art 149: Remarriage Rehab Part 1 - Disconnecting From Your Past

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer welcomes you to this 3 part series on renovating your remarriage. In part 1, we discuss how to be more aware of past issues that might be driving our reactions. In part 2, I discuss how our thought processes, distortions, and biases play a role in our connection. In part 3 I will discuss implementing new behaviors to complete the renovation. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.co

info_outline
148: 3 Easy Steps for Making Big Blended Family Decisions show art 148: 3 Easy Steps for Making Big Blended Family Decisions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer discusses how big decisions don’t need to be complicated or difficult. Of course sometimes decisions themselves may take some time to weigh out we will talk about 3 steps you should take during the process of making a big decision. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
 
More Episodes

Summary
Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development.  These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D.  We will walk through the early stages in the first episode, the middle stages in the second episode, and the later stages in the third episode of this series.  The broad view of this series is to understand that there are steps that the life of the stepfamily will take and that patience is needed to see them all unfold.   We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

 

  • If you have listened to this podcast for any amount of time you know that we talk a lot about patience in the journey that your stepfamily is taking.  Sometimes we get so caught in the agony and pain of the moment that it is hard to see through to what is next or what is possible. 
  • In this 3 part series we will be taking a look at this journey and what it commonly looks like for most families.  This will hopefully give you a good sense of what to expect as your stepfamily matures. 
  • In these episodes we will be using Patricia Papernow’s 3 stages of stepfamily development as the backdrop for our discussion today.  She breaks it down into Early, Middle, and Later Stages. 
  • In today’s episode we will be talking about the Early Stage.  In this stage she further divides this into the chapters if you will:  Fantasy, Immersion, and Awareness. 
  • As you know, in the early stages there is not much trust and a definite feeling around for each person’s place in this new family.  Pain and hurt is probably common.  Present alliances are strong and new ones seem like a pipe dream. 
    • In chapter 1 of the Early Stage, Papernow describes a Fantasy chapter.  In this period, the adult main focus is to heal the past pain and will generally be viewing this new situation as a value add to their lives.  Children in this stage often see things completely the opposite.  They will often wish their parents were back together and simply do not like or understand this new situation. 
    • The Immersion chapter happens when conflict begins to happen between biological families.  All sorts of emotions like anger, jealousy, and bitterness start to set in during this time.  Children begin to feel caught in the middle.
    • The Awareness chapter begins as the fantasy wears off and reality sets in.  Life starts to get hard and conflict begins to happen especially between new spouses.  If the family can begin to embrace a new normal then often the fantasy and immersion stages can be put behind in order to move toward the middle stages. 
  • In the next episode 121 we will discuss the Middle Stage of Stepfamily development which involve Mobilization and Action chapters. 
  • In the final episode 122 of the series we will discuss the Later Stage of Stepfamily development which involve the Contact Stage and the Resolution Stage
  • Just remember to be patient.  The difficulties you may be facing you family are temporary.  You will move along and some challenges will disappear and others will appear. 
  • According to Papernow, stepfamilies who move through all 3 stages do so in about 4 years.  The average time for most stepfamilies is 7 years and some can take as long as 12 years.  Unfortunately some stepfamilies end in divorce, others can get stuck in the early stages, and a small number complete the whole cycle. 
  • It appears that those who complete the cycle, tend to negotiate the early stages quicker. 

Resources:

Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
  • If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.
  • The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!  ​

As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.