loader from loading.io

121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 12/17/2019

130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family show art 130: How to Change Your Mindset Toward Your Blended Family

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the one thing we have control over in our blended family. That one thing is how we view what is happening around us. We can choose to think certain ways, but we are going to challenge those thoughts today. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
129: Valentines Day Remarriage  Family Traditions show art 129: Valentines Day Remarriage Family Traditions

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talksin this episode about the Valentines Family traditions. Not only should Valentines Day celebrate each other as spouses but should incorporate the kids as well. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse? show art 128: Do You Have Voices In Your Head When Arguing With Your Spouse?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how an increase in disagreements and arguing can often be a result of some voices from your childhood. Feeling like you don’t measure up to your spouse or that your spouse does not care often will be magnified because someone in your past either said these things or made you feel this way. We will talk about this and what to do about it. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting show art 127: How to Have the Best Family Meeting

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the dreaded family meeting. You have all kinds of chaos between your spouse, the ex-kids, the kids, and the stepkids. It probably feels like everyone is being pulled into many directions. Let’s talk about what to do and what not to do in a family meeting. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads show art 126: Heap Burning Coals On Their Heads

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about being nice to your family including your stepkids even when you feel like they don’t deserve. Heap burning coals on their heads is a biblical reference to doing kind things for your enemies. The burning coals is supposed to awaken those that you are being nice to how to act differently toward you. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different show art 125: When Your Ex-Spouse's Parenting Style is Different

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about what we have all been through and that’s dealing with an ex-spouse who runs a much different family dynamic or parenting style than you. Usually the differences center around the relationship with the children, rules like bedtimes, mealtimes, and homework. We will talk today about how to deal with this situation in the best way possible. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.c

info_outline
124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily show art 124: Reduce Screen Time in Your Stepfamily

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how technology, screen time, and social media can secretly and silently destroy your connection with your stepfamily. We will talk about this and some strategies to reduce this as an issue. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner show art 123: Stop Making Assumptions About Your Partner

The Remarried Life

Summary Brian Mayer talks about how the human brain will filter something the eyes see and the ears hear into something that maybe is not really there.  It is called making assumptions.  When we see our spouse say or do something, we will often unknowingly ascribe meanings that may or may not be true.  We will talk about this and what to do instead.  We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at Today's Goodies   We all know the old cliché about what assumptions do?  That make a “blank”...

info_outline
122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage show art 122: Stepfamily Development – Part 3 The Later Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. We will walk through the early stages in the first episode, the middle stages in the second episode, and the later stages in the third episode of this series. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage show art 121: Stepfamily Development - Part 2 The Middle Stage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development. These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D. The broad view of this series is to understand that there are steps that the life of the stepfamily will take and that patience is needed to see them all unfold. We hope you enjoy today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

info_outline
 
More Episodes

Summary
Brian Mayer over the next 3 weeks will be talking about the stages of stepfamily development.  These stages were developed by Patricia Papernow, Ed.D.  We will walk through the early stages in the first episode, the middle stages in the second episode, and the later stages in the third episode of this series.  The broad view of this series is to understand that there are steps that the life of the stepfamily will take and that patience is needed to see them all unfold.   We hope you enjoy today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

 

  • If you have listened to this podcast for any amount of time you know that we talk a lot about patience in the journey that your stepfamily is taking.  Sometimes we get so caught in the agony and pain of the moment that it is hard to see through to what is next or what is possible. 
  • In this 3 part series we will be taking a look at this journey and what it commonly looks like for most families.  This will hopefully give you a good sense of what to expect as your stepfamily matures. 
  • In these episodes we will be using Patricia Papernow’s 3 stages of stepfamily development as the backdrop for our discussion today.  She breaks it down into Early, Middle, and Later Stages. 
  • In today’s episode we will be talking about the Middle Stage.  In this stage she further divides this into the chapters if you will:  Mobilization and Action chapters. 
  • According to Papernow the middle stage can be quite chaotic and often fueled by lots of conflict.  The differences used to simmer below the surface are now coming forth a bit more often and with more severity. 
    • The Mobilization chapter is marked by the couple in particular will fight over seemingly small matters but in reality it is something else at play.  The fights are more about making changes.  These changes are extremely uncomfortable at times and will generate disagreements over the smallest matters such as where is it best to hang a picture in the living room or maybe even like what photos to display.    
    • The Action chapter is all about negotiation.  It is lots of discussion about how best the family should operate and what types of boundary lines should be drawn.  When these boundary lines are drawn then every member of the family can better understand their roles and how to function in the family.    
  • Check out Episode 120 when we discussed the Early Stages of Stepfamily development which involve Fantasy, Immersion, and Awareness. 
  • In the final Episode 122 of the series we will discuss the Later Stage of Stepfamily development which involve the Contact Stage and the Resolution Stage
  • Just remember to be patient.  The difficulties you may be facing you family are temporary.  You will move along and some challenges will disappear and others will appear. 
  • According to Papernow, stepfamilies who move through all 3 stages do so in about 4 years.  The average time for most stepfamilies is 7 years and some can take as long as 12 years.  Unfortunately some stepfamilies end in divorce, others can get stuck in the early stages, and a small number complete the whole cycle. 
  • It appears that those who complete the cycle, tend to negotiate the early stages quicker. 

Resources:

Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I am more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
  • If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.
  • The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!  ​

As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.