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153: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First and Take Care Of Yourself

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 07/28/2020

162:  Stop Trying to Change What Goes on in the Other House show art 162: Stop Trying to Change What Goes on in the Other House

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how often we want our ex-spouse to change how they handle all sorts of issues from dinner time, to bedtimes, to homework versus play time, and on the list goes. However, we can often find this doesn’t really get us anywhere and just leaves us more and more frustrated. We will talk about this issue in the life of blended families. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.c

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161:  Remarriage and Mental Health show art 161: Remarriage and Mental Health

The Remarried Life

Summary

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160: Do the Opposite in Your Remarriage For One Week show art 160: Do the Opposite in Your Remarriage For One Week

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about doing the same things over and over again sometimes doesn’t produce the result we want in our blended family. So let’s take a look at everything we are doing that is not working and do the opposite for one week. Let’s call it an experiment. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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159: Have You Fallen Out of Love or Is It Something Else? show art 159: Have You Fallen Out of Love or Is It Something Else?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how the longer we stay in a relationship we can often wonder the changes in how we feel toward our partner mean we don’t love them any longer or is it that we have just moved into a different stage of relationship. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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158: Are You Only Staying in Your Marriage for the Kids? show art 158: Are You Only Staying in Your Marriage for the Kids?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about staying in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage because you don’t want your kids and stepkids to have to deal with another life altering change. Look I clearly get why you would do this and feel this but ultimately is it the right thing to do? We will talk about this important subject for blended families today. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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157: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? show art 157: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the possibilities of staying friends with your ex-spouse. And we don’t just mean friends, but can you actually be friends and stay in each other’s lives as friends. After all there are current spouse’s feelings and what the kids may or may not thinking about this to consider. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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156: The Rashomon Effect on Your Remarriage show art 156: The Rashomon Effect on Your Remarriage

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the myth of perception becoming reality. We can often get stuck into believing the way we saw or experienced an event or an issue is the only way or the right way. Today we will talk about the Rashomon effect which is a term often used to describe how eyewitness accounts of an event can often be unreliable. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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155: COVID-19 Differences With Your Ex-Spouse show art 155: COVID-19 Differences With Your Ex-Spouse

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how in this emotionally charged time we live in, how we can best handle differences in beliefs and feelings on the COVID-19 pandemic that could affect our children. This can be extremely difficult to work through especially if you both have rigid beliefs. We will talk about this issue and give some practical help in this area. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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154: What is Emotional Infidelity? show art 154: What is Emotional Infidelity?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks emotional infidelity. This is a very cloudy topic that many people don’t have a good handle on. With physical or sexual infidelity, the issue is very clear because it involves something that can be clearly seen. Today we will talk about how best to understand when this is an issue that needs to be dealt with in your relationship. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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153: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First and Take Care Of Yourself show art 153: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First and Take Care Of Yourself

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about taking care of yourself. In a blended family we often get pulled in so many directions that we exhaust ourselves to the point of upset and frustration. This episode to help give you permission to slow down and refresh. I am going to practice this and take a short break from the podcast of about 3 weeks and return refreshed! We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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Brian Mayer talks about taking care of yourself.  In a blended family we often get pulled in so many directions that we exhaust ourselves to the point of upset and frustration.  This episode to help give you permission to slow down and refresh.  That being said, I am going to practice what I preach and take a short break from the podcast of about 3 weeks and return refreshed!   We hope you are inspired by today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • Do you need a break?  Do you need some time for yourself?  In blended families, that time seems pretty much non-existent.  But in order for you to run the full marathon sometimes you need these breaks.  In today’s episode we will talk about this and more. 
  • And to begin, I wanted to let you know that the podcast will be taking a short 3 week break, so that I can do what I am asking you to do and that is to take better care of myself. 
  • Have you ever been on an airplane and heard the flight attendant that in the event of a loss of cabin pressure, the oxygen masks will descend and that you are encouraged to put your own mask on first.  This might seem cruel that you are putting yourself first but the ultimate goal is to keep yourself alive so that you can help others. 
  • The same goes for your blended family experience.  If you are not taking care of yourself then eventually you will be no good for anyone. 
  • I often think about running a marathon when I compare it to the life of a blended family.  I ran my first and only marathon to this point about 4 years ago.  The training for the marathon was an interesting parallel to how I think life should be run. 
  • First, you start off slow with some short runs.  This might be compared to the initial period in a blended family where you might not be fully and completely engaged in all areas because you are busy getting your bearings. 
  • The runs then get longer the more comfortable you are and the same with your blended family.  You will begin to put yourself into situations around things like helping the stepkids with homework or discipline of them. 
  • Then throughout the training there is usually one day a week that you will do a sprint.  You know what these days look like in the life of your blended family.  Unfortunately you don’t have much time to think.  It is all about getting the family up, breakfast served, kids out the door, then onto work, then dinner, then cleanup, then homework, the off to bed and then do it all over again. 
  • Also throughout the training, there are usually a couple of days a week where there is complete rest.  This is the hard part of the blended family experience.  Getting these breaks for full days is sometimes hard if not impossible.  So you must find moments, minutes and maybe sometimes hours to rest. 
  • In the midst of all of this physical training, you must also take care of your body by eating right and hydrating.  Emotionally and mentally you must take of yourself by limiting or dealing with stress in better ways. 
  • All of these things are done so that you can run your best race on race day which is often months away.  The same goes for the blended life, in that you must have periods of both exertion and rest so that you can run your best race as life goes on. 
  • So all this is great in theory, but how do we make this practical?  Let’s talk about some simple ways to make this happen that hopefully won’t take too much energy. 
    • First I want you to take some deep breaths and really think about how your body is changing in how it feels when you do this.  Deep breathing over periods of time can produce calm in the body. 
    • Go for a walk and use all of your senses.  Think about what you are seeing, smelling, and hearing especially.  Be grateful if you can do this and for what you are experiencing. 
    • Stay in your pajamas just a bit longer.  Give yourself permission to fight against the expectations of others.  This one is hard for those of us that always think we should be doing something. 
    • Look at what tasks can be delayed, temporarily not done, or permanently deleted from your life.  Don’t take too much time thinking about this because that defeats the purpose of removing some pressure and stress. 
    • Tell your family what you are doing and ask that they do the same.  In other words model some of the behaviors and let them know it is okay to do these from time to time. 
  • So after I am done recording this podcast, I want to take some deep breaths and maybe take a walk around the work complex and soak in the sun, trees, and bird for just a bit. 
  • Please take care of yourself and each other while we go on this short hiatus from the podcast.  We will return again in about 4 weeks.

 Resources:

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Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
  • If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.
  • The Remarried Life Facebook Group is a community of people just like you who get and give support.  Please join today!  ​

As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.