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155: COVID-19 Differences With Your Ex-Spouse

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 09/01/2020

162:  Stop Trying to Change What Goes on in the Other House show art 162: Stop Trying to Change What Goes on in the Other House

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how often we want our ex-spouse to change how they handle all sorts of issues from dinner time, to bedtimes, to homework versus play time, and on the list goes. However, we can often find this doesn’t really get us anywhere and just leaves us more and more frustrated. We will talk about this issue in the life of blended families. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.c

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The Remarried Life

Summary

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160: Do the Opposite in Your Remarriage For One Week show art 160: Do the Opposite in Your Remarriage For One Week

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about doing the same things over and over again sometimes doesn’t produce the result we want in our blended family. So let’s take a look at everything we are doing that is not working and do the opposite for one week. Let’s call it an experiment. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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159: Have You Fallen Out of Love or Is It Something Else? show art 159: Have You Fallen Out of Love or Is It Something Else?

The Remarried Life

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158: Are You Only Staying in Your Marriage for the Kids? show art 158: Are You Only Staying in Your Marriage for the Kids?

The Remarried Life

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157: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? show art 157: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the possibilities of staying friends with your ex-spouse. And we don’t just mean friends, but can you actually be friends and stay in each other’s lives as friends. After all there are current spouse’s feelings and what the kids may or may not thinking about this to consider. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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156: The Rashomon Effect on Your Remarriage show art 156: The Rashomon Effect on Your Remarriage

The Remarried Life

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155: COVID-19 Differences With Your Ex-Spouse show art 155: COVID-19 Differences With Your Ex-Spouse

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how in this emotionally charged time we live in, how we can best handle differences in beliefs and feelings on the COVID-19 pandemic that could affect our children. This can be extremely difficult to work through especially if you both have rigid beliefs. We will talk about this issue and give some practical help in this area. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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154: What is Emotional Infidelity? show art 154: What is Emotional Infidelity?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks emotional infidelity. This is a very cloudy topic that many people don’t have a good handle on. With physical or sexual infidelity, the issue is very clear because it involves something that can be clearly seen. Today we will talk about how best to understand when this is an issue that needs to be dealt with in your relationship. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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153: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First and Take Care Of Yourself show art 153: Put Your Oxygen Mask on First and Take Care Of Yourself

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about taking care of yourself. In a blended family we often get pulled in so many directions that we exhaust ourselves to the point of upset and frustration. This episode to help give you permission to slow down and refresh. I am going to practice this and take a short break from the podcast of about 3 weeks and return refreshed! We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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Summary
Brian Mayer talks about how in this emotionally charged time we live in, how we can best handle differences in beliefs and feelings on the COVID-19 pandemic that could affect our children.  This can be extremely difficult to work through especially if you both have rigid beliefs about the best way to handle these issues.  We will talk today about this issue and give some practical help in this area.  We hope you are inspired by today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • The current pandemic we are faced with has not been easy for any of us.  Most of us are very used to having a lot of control in our lives and this time has certainly shown us all that not having complete control is something that has become a new normal. 
  • However, for us in blended families having to navigate the coparenting differences that we all face should in some ways have prepared us for this lack of control, because we have faced this before. 
  • For example, differences in bedtimes, eating habits, or differences in structure regarding homework time, play time, and chore time are probably issues you have had to face with your ex-spouse. 
  • While these areas have probably not been easy to handle, you may have some sense for how best to approach knowing your ex-spouse and their current feelings and also just their general personality. 
  • Hopefully through the differences you have not had to resort to legal action due to a difference in opinion on what you believe is a rather significant issue. 
  • It is certainly true that our culture appears to completely be mirroring what often goes on in families especially those that are blended and have to work together with ex-spouses. 
  • Maybe you have lightly suggested problems in these areas to your ex-spouse, maybe you have demanded changes, or maybe you have avoided these issues altogether. 
  • Now to be fair, this COVID-19 pandemic to most of us is extremely serious and often beliefs about life or death often come into play when it comes to thoughts about this virus.  So it is no wonder that there are extremely passionate opinions about how best to handle this issue on many sides of the issue. 
  • Now all this being said, I prefer to take an approach that would not be unlike any other approach with any other issue that you and your ex-spouse face.  However, knowing that at the end of the day more might be needed depending on your stance. 
  • Let’s talk now about some things to consider when it comes to disagreements about the pandemic. 
    • First, where are each of you at in general regarding the end of your previous relationship with each other?  Is there any anger, bitterness, or resentment present for either of you?  If it is in you then you might want to work to not make decisions with this fueling your choices.  If you believe this is present in your ex-spouse you might want to calmly point this out and ask to work to make logical choices. 
    • Understand each of your personalities.  When you were together, was one of you more preferred to stay at home and the other preferred to get out?  Is one of you more introverted or extroverted?  These differences will most likely play a role in how you feel about being outside the home. 
    • Assess those in either of your families who might be more prone to illness such as the elderly and those with immune compromised systems.  So for example maybe you are the person who is more free in your attitude about where you go and what you do with your kids.  But it is important to take into consideration that maybe an older ill parent lives with your ex-spouse.  In a case like this you might want to exercise more care in what you do and where you go. 
    • Communicate with your ex-spouse.  Hopefully you are able to communicate with each other while keeping the hot running emotions in check to some degree.  Usually when this happens there is more likelihood of a compromise or desire to work together. 
    • Be willing to humble yourself and admit when your attitudes and opinions can sometimes be extreme no matter which side of the virus and/or mask debate you are on. 
    • Communicate that you really do want to create a win-win for both families.  If there were ever a time in the history of our planet that we need cooperation and a feeling of being united with each other it is certainly now.  This cooperation all starts with the family unit. 
    • Make sure to keep the kids opinions in mind and ask them often what they are thinking and feeling about this issue especially as they go back and forth to each home.  Obviously at the end of the day, you as parents should have the final say but you want to keep dialogue with them open. 
    • As a final resort if you really feel strongly that appropriate precautions are not being taken or conversely you feel your freedoms to parent how you desire are not being heeded, then certainly consult an attorney if you feel there is no other recourse. 
  • Use this time as a teaching moment to show your kids that in spite of what we are dealing with in the world, that there can be work to agreement or compromise with how to handle this pandemic when it comes to the kids.     

 Resources:

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Thanks For Listening!

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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.