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162: Stop Trying to Change What Goes on in the Other House

The Remarried Life

Release Date: 10/20/2020

166: Her Needs - Love show art 166: Her Needs - Love

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer discusses her needs and his needs in this two part series. It is true that often women desire to be loved and men desire to be respected. But what do those two things actually mean. We will talk about this today so that you can start giving more of what your spouse really needs in your relationship. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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165: A Time For Healing show art 165: A Time For Healing

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer discusses how hurt, hate and wounds can create division in a family and in a society. We will talk about this and also some things we can do as individuals to help heal past relationships, current family situations, and maybe help society as a whole in the process. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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164: Do You Support Each Other's Goals? show art 164: Do You Support Each Other's Goals?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer discusses individual goals that you each may have and whether or not you feel supported in those goals. Sometimes goals don’t align very well but if we can be respectful of each other in the process of discussing these goals then all the more better. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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163: Are You a Politically Mismatched Couple? show art 163: Are You a Politically Mismatched Couple?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about times have changed where the politics of the day have become much about how much hate and venom we can spew at one another. Are you and your spouse politically mismatched? Let’s talk about this today and some ways to handle keeping the powder keg from exploding. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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162:  Stop Trying to Change What Goes on in the Other House show art 162: Stop Trying to Change What Goes on in the Other House

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how often we want our ex-spouse to change how they handle all sorts of issues from dinner time, to bedtimes, to homework versus play time, and on the list goes. However, we can often find this doesn’t really get us anywhere and just leaves us more and more frustrated. We will talk about this issue in the life of blended families. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.c

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161:  Remarriage and Mental Health show art 161: Remarriage and Mental Health

The Remarried Life

Summary

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160: Do the Opposite in Your Remarriage For One Week show art 160: Do the Opposite in Your Remarriage For One Week

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about doing the same things over and over again sometimes doesn’t produce the result we want in our blended family. So let’s take a look at everything we are doing that is not working and do the opposite for one week. Let’s call it an experiment. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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159: Have You Fallen Out of Love or Is It Something Else? show art 159: Have You Fallen Out of Love or Is It Something Else?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about how the longer we stay in a relationship we can often wonder the changes in how we feel toward our partner mean we don’t love them any longer or is it that we have just moved into a different stage of relationship. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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158: Are You Only Staying in Your Marriage for the Kids? show art 158: Are You Only Staying in Your Marriage for the Kids?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about staying in an unhappy and unhealthy marriage because you don’t want your kids and stepkids to have to deal with another life altering change. Look I clearly get why you would do this and feel this but ultimately is it the right thing to do? We will talk about this important subject for blended families today. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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157: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex? show art 157: Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

The Remarried Life

Brian Mayer talks about the possibilities of staying friends with your ex-spouse. And we don’t just mean friends, but can you actually be friends and stay in each other’s lives as friends. After all there are current spouse’s feelings and what the kids may or may not thinking about this to consider. We hope you are inspired by today’s message. For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

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More Episodes

Brian Mayer talks about how often we want our ex-spouse to change how they handle all sorts of issues from dinner time, to bedtimes, to homework versus play time, and on the list goes.  However, we can often find this doesn’t really get us anywhere and just leaves us more and more frustrated.  We will talk about this all too common issue in the life of divorced and blended families.  We hope you are inspired by today’s message.  For more information and additional resources please visit our website at http://www.theremarriedlife.com

Today's Goodies

  • No doubt we all want what’s best for our kids. And we work to make that happen in our own homes.  Whether it be to set appropriate bedtimes, fix nutritious meals, keep set homework versus times to have fun and play, chores for the kids to do, and a lot of other things.

 

  • Your home might run like a well oiled machine and that’s great. But like most maybe it runs pretty well but has its snags.  But ultimately, you believe you provide the best environment possible for your kids. 

 

  • But what do you do when you truly believe your ex-spouse does not run their household in the healthiest manner possible for your kids.

 

  • No doubt for most of us, this issue has come up either with very small things or could be that you are just completely at odds over the entire way in which your spouse runs their home. So what do you do? 

 

  • Let’s talk today about some things to keep in mind when it comes to this difference of opinion on how the homes are managed.

 

  • Are you disagreeing because of any unresolved anger over the relationship?

 

  • Notice your triggers. Are the issues over something especially triggering for you?  For example, let’s say growing up as a child you were overweight because of the types of food that were served in your home?  If you start to notice a similar pattern in your ex-spouse house, this could cause an inflated response. 

 

  • Is anything illegal going on? Is there a situation where substance abuse or neglect because your ex-spouse is going out and leaving young children at home alone. 

 

  • In our new COVID world is there a difference in how the kids see others.

 

  • Is it a few issues or a lot? Are we talking just a minor issue with bedtime or again is it everything that is at odds with how you might handle. 

 

  • What Should You Do?

 

  • First dig within yourself to understand if there are truly issues or if your anger is getting the best of you.
  • Have a gentle conversation with your ex-spouse. Point out these are differences and you wonder if the two of you might be able to come to consistency with the kids. 
  • As you are having these conversations, ultimately explain to your spouse that realize you both run things differently and understand if compromise cannot happen.
  • Could you actually change the way you do something? Maybe you are the more rigid or loose with rules and maybe you could switch? 
  • Talk to the kids about the impact of the differences? Hopefully approaching it from the standpoint where everyone has a say can be helpful.
  • Finally and actually this should be the first thing, but if something illegal is happening, then the police and the law should of course be brought in.
  • Obviously a tough subject and there may not be a completely best or right answer, but hope that some of these things we have talked about can help you to navigate this sensitive topic.

Resources:

  • None Today

Thanks For Listening!

  • With so many things that take time in our lives, I more grateful than you know that you took time to listen to this podcast episode. 
  • If you liked this episode and believe that it would be beneficial to a friend, family member, or colleague, please share it using the social media buttons on this page.
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As always remember that marriage is not something you have, it is something you do.  Talk to you next week unless you are binge listening in the future in which case I will talk to you in about a minute!  Take care.