Tommy Loses John To Addiction & Tim To Cancer

On episode 6 of Season 8 of The Surviving Siblings Podcast®, host, Maya Roffler sits down with Tommy, a surviving sibling who lost two brothers—John to addiction and Tim to cancer. Tommy shares a powerful testimony of family, trauma, guilt, grief, and recovery offering a rare and vulnerable glimpse into what it means to survive sibling loss from two very different but equally devastating causes. Raised in Queens, New York, Tommy opens up about growing up in a family marked by love, loyalty, and generational addiction. He candidly recounts the progression of his brother John's substance use following a workplace injury and the day he tragically discovered his brother unresponsive. Just two days later, Tommy’s beloved Aunt Angela, like a second mother to him, died by suicide.

Years later, after achieving long-term sobriety, Tommy would face unimaginable grief again, this time, losing his twin brother Tim to 9/11-related cancer after witnessing his hard-fought battle to get sober. With 30+ years of recovery, Tommy now dedicates his life to helping families through his organization, Sober Companion Los Angeles, supporting others impacted by addiction and loss. This episode holds space for anyone navigating complex grief, guilt, and healing after losing a sibling to addiction, overdose, or cancer—and reminds us that asking for help is an act of strength.

 

In This Episode:

(0:00:00) – Meet Tommy and His Family in Queens
Tommy introduces his close-knit, working-class New York family, their upbringing in Queens, and the presence of generational addiction beginning with his parents.

(0:02:00) – Early Drinking, Generational Patterns, and Family Dynamics
He shares how his father’s alcoholism shaped his childhood and how both he and his brothers began drinking in adolescence.

(0:05:00) – John’s Injury, Prescription Pills, and Spiraling Addiction
Tommy recalls the moment his brother was prescribed opioids after a construction injury, which rapidly escalated into addiction.

(0:09:00) – The Day Everything Changed
Tommy recounts in vivid detail the day he and his father found John unconscious, brought him home, and later discovered he had died of an overdose.

(0:11:00) – Guilt, Grief, and a Second Tragedy
Two days after John’s death, their Aunt Angela, who helped raise them died by suicide, compounding the trauma and sorrow for the entire family.

(0:14:00) – The Emotional Fallout and Drinking Resumes
Tommy shares how he relapsed after John’s death and reflects on the toll it took on both his parents and his own mental health.

(0:18:00) – Twin Bond and Tim’s Role in His Healing
He describes the twin bond he shared with Tim, how they held each other up in the wake of loss, and how the absence of John left a deep void.

(0:20:00) – Tommy’s Turning Point and Path to Sobriety
After years of drinking and legal trouble, Tommy made the decision to get sober in 1994—walking into a 12-step meeting and never looking back.

(0:27:00) – Tim’s Parallel Journey and Struggles
While Tommy stayed sober, Tim continued to struggle with alcohol for years, finally making progress in late 2019 after joining a recovery program.

(0:28:00) – 9/11, First Response, and a Cancer Diagnosis
Tommy shares how Tim responded to the September 11 attacks, working at Ground Zero—and how years later, he was diagnosed with 9/11-related cancer.

(0:33:00) – Hospitalization, Final Days, and the Last Promise
Tommy recounts Tim’s rapid decline, the powerful final conversations they shared, and the promise he made at his brother’s bedside before removing life support.

(0:36:00) – Coping with Losing a Twin
He opens up about the heartbreak of losing Tim, what it meant to lose his “person,” and the impact on his life, sobriety, and ongoing grief.

(0:38:00) – Sober Companion Los Angeles: From Grief to Purpose
Tommy shares how he turned his pain into purpose by founding Sober Companion LA to help families in crisis, offering interventions, support, and 24/7 recovery coaching nationwide.

(0:43:00) – Advice for Siblings Struggling with Guilt and “Could I Have Saved Them?”
Tommy speaks directly to listeners who’ve lost a sibling to addiction—offering compassionate, practical advice on releasing guilt, seeking professional help, and finding peace in grief.

(0:51:00) – The Night He Almost Relapsed — and Chose Life
He reflects on the night of Tim’s death, when he stood outside a bar ready to drink—but made a different choice, asked for help, and recommitted to his sobriety.

(0:55:00) – Continuing the Mission and Staying Sober Together
Tommy concludes by encouraging siblings to reach out, stay connected, and know they are not alone in grief or in healing.

🎧 Listen to the full episode of “Tommy Loses John To Addiction & Tim To Cancer” — streaming now on all major platforms.

This episode is sponsored by Sober Companion Los Angeles.

Connect with Tommy: 

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sobercompanionlosangeles

• Yelp: https://www.yelp.com/biz/sober-companion-los-angeles-los-angeles

• Sober Companion Website: https://www.sobercompanionlosangeles.com/

• Sober Companion NYC: http://www.sobercompanionnyc.com/

Connect with Maya:

• Podcast Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/survivingsiblingspodcast/

• Maya's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/mayaroffler/

• TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@survivingsiblingspodcast

• Twitter: https://x.com/survivingsibpod

• Website: thesurvivingsiblings.com

• Facebook Group: The Surviving Siblings Podcast

• YouTube: The Surviving Siblings Podcast

• Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheSurvivingSiblingsPodcast