She's Getting A Divorce, What Do I Say? -Whitney Hickerson #5

Show Notes

Whitney Hickerson is the founder of Waystone Coaching and Mediation, where she helps divorced parents create strong, supportive two-home families. She teaches parents how to support their kids and co-parent effectively without losing sight of their own well-being. A divorced parent herself, Whitney understands the fears, challenges – and yes, rewards – of parenting after divorce

 

Our discussion:

The divorce rate in the Christian world is the same in the secular world. 

 

7:03 The goal of Whitney's services is to have a functional 2 home family in the end.  Divorce doesn't have end in a "broken" family.

 

15:12 After Whitney's divorce guilt and shame came before the grief set in.

 

17:50 Going back to church was difficult.

 

20:56 Grief around your identity changing

• no longer as part of a marriage unit 
• social circle lost inside the church

            - married couples don't know what to do

            - some married women may feel threatened

 

27:38 If your life was built around a social circle involving married couples, your life can suddenly feel very isolating.

 

28:45 How to be supportive as her friend:

• Keep inviting them to "couple" related social events to help them to continue to feel included.
• Ask them to sit with you at church
• Reach out and acknowledge her
• Offer support - ask for what they need or offer something specifically
• Listen
• For the moms who are probably struggling with their kids not being with them all the time - help them keep busy during these times, invite them out to do things socially

 

32:58 Things to stay away from doing as her friend:

• Offering unsolicited advice 
• "Trash Talking" the ex-spouse even if she's doing it 
• Pick sides (you are not required to pick sides)
• Talking about the ex-spouse 

 

37:19 What do you do if you are having a party, do you invite them both?

Find out if they are both open to being in the same location. If not, maybe the one who doesn't come to the event, you do something with them separately.

 

38:40 What happens if she keeps turning your invites down?

• keep inviting her; it may take her awhile to want to participate in social events

 

Isolation could be a real thing for her either by her own making or by others not engaging with her.

 

41:05   Kids' Grief -Dealing with the guilt of knowing you had a hand in it

1. Deal with your own grief - Through therapy you could learn healthy coping skills and then model that to the kids
2. Be aware of your tendency to become more lenient in your parenting style
3. Allow your kids to create a strong bond with the other parent - the better that co-parent relationship is, the better it is for the kids

47:15 How Whitney's Coaching works

 

48:21 Spiritual Effects of Divorce: Everyone will do this differently - some will move in closer and others will drop off. 

It's okay to go where you feel most nurtured. 

Sometimes you need to step back and be angry with God. And then when you're ready you'll either go back to your old church or you'll be ready to go find a new place of worship.

As with any life transition, your spiritual walk may change. As you grow and develop, just like any other life change,  it's going to change. And what was a good fit before may not be a good fit now.

 

50:45 How the grief is now with Whitney

Guilt is still a part of the picture.

 

52:50 How can you find Whitney?

Website: waystonemediation.com

Divorce Workbook for Kids

Facebook: 

https://www.facebook.com/waystonemediation

Instagram:

http://instagram.com/whitneyhickerson

 

01:01:55 Kathleen's Controversial Thoughts on Divorce

 

Want access to the "Interview After the Interview" (we call it the Get a Drink with Your New Friend) to learn more about how Whitney came to align herself to her 3 Big Reveals? Jump on over to patreon.com/whatshewishes

 

Kathleen would love to get your feedback about this episode! Tell her what you loved, what you want more of, or give her a show idea. OR maybe there's something we didn't cover today that you wish we knew about this topic. Shoot Kathleen an email with either a recorded message from your phone recorder (hint, we might just play your voice on the next episode) or write her a quick note and send it to her email: kathleen@whatshewishesyouknew.