loader from loading.io

014 Hope For Those Who Have Toxic Friends

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Release Date: 07/19/2019

070 How To Find Hope in the Midst of Grief show art 070 How To Find Hope in the Midst of Grief

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: Today we talk about the fact that no matter what we’re going through, God is always there, and He cares. My guest today knows pain and loss. She experienced miscarriage, the murder of her sister (a victim of domestic violence), the loss of two brothers within a short period of time, and the death of her 14-month old granddaughter to Trisomy 18. Yet, she still maintains her hope. In this episode, she shares how she finds hope in the midst of grief.  Quotables from the episode: No matter what we’re going through, God is always there, and He cares. Two phrases to...

info_outline
069 When Bad Things Happen to Good People show art 069 When Bad Things Happen to Good People

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: Although we never want to think about it, life can change for any of us in an instant. My guest in this episode shares how on an ordinary day, her life changed in the most horrific way when she was involved in an accident that killed another individual. We never think something like that will happen to us. She shares the struggles that result after a moral injury, and how she continues to find hope despite being involved in an accidental death. Quotables from the episode: God uses broken things. Fruit comes after suffering. The minute you share your testimony, it is never...

info_outline
068 How To Overcome Overwhelm show art 068 How To Overcome Overwhelm

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: Life is busy, and we’ve got plenty to do for our families, our jobs, and our ministries. But if we’re not careful, burnout can ensue. In this episode, my guest, Patty Scott, and I talk about how to overcome overwhelm. Life is constantly shifting and it can be difficult to find God in the midst of the storm. It is important to find our footing and seek God even when we think we don’t have time. Quotables from the episode: Even Jesus took time off.  Look at the day at hand, it's got enough trouble of its own. Don't look ahead, it's too big for you. God didn't give...

info_outline
067 How To Live a Life of Purpose show art 067 How To Live a Life of Purpose

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: In this episode, we talk about how to live a life of purpose. You can find your God-given purpose even when you feel lost. If you’ve ever wondered how to find your purpose, or what it even is, you won’t want to miss this episode with Dr. Kris Reece. Our guest is an expert in this area and will be sharing practical tips with us for living a life of purpose. Quotables from the episode: God can and will do exceedingly, abundantly, above what you could ask hope or think.  He desires to reveal your purpose even more than you desire to fulfill it. Proverbs 25:2 reminds...

info_outline
066 What Would You Do if You Only Had 10 Days to Live? show art 066 What Would You Do if You Only Had 10 Days to Live?

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: Have you ever experienced a trial so great it turned your entire life upside down, inside out, or left you wondering how long you had to live? What would you do? How would you spend your time? To whom would you turn? As a neuropsychologist, I see thousands of patients who struggle with diagnoses ranging from attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, autism, and learning disabilities to brain tumors, traumatic brain injury, and dementia. When they receive a diagnosis, there is often a mixture of emotion from relief to fear. Relief often comes from just knowing what has been...

info_outline
065 Hope for Healthy Living show art 065 Hope for Healthy Living

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: Today we talk about how to approach your health with a spirit of grace. My guest is my friend, Amy Connell, who is a personal trainer on a mission to help women realize that their eating and the way they move their body doesn’t have to be perfect. The reason we take care of our body is so we can do what we are called by God to do. Quotables from the episode: Am I taking care of my body the way God wants me to? Perfection will enslave us when it comes to taking care of our bodies. One of the struggles that we tend to wrestle with regarding our health and wellness tends to...

info_outline
064 How to Overcome Grumbling, Complaining, and General Negativity show art 064 How to Overcome Grumbling, Complaining, and General Negativity

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: In this episode, we talk about how to overcome grumbling, complaining, and general negativity. Think that’s impossible? Our guest, Tricia Goyer, shares how she and her family pursued the grumble-free year! Join us for a candid conversation about how grumbling and complaining is unhealthy for us, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. We see plenty of examples in the Bible of people grumbling and complaining, and we also see that God plainly punished grumbling. No one likes to be around those who grumble and complain. But we can learn to defeat grumbling, complaining, and...

info_outline
063 Former Model Shares: the Myth of Perfection {and What She Found to be Much More Satisfying} show art 063 Former Model Shares: the Myth of Perfection {and What She Found to be Much More Satisfying}

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: Theodore Roosevelt said “Comparison is the thief of joy.” After my conversation with former print and runway model, Jennifer Strickland, I would have to say the strive for perfection is another thief of joy. In this episode, we talk about how the strive for perfection leaves us empty and lonely, and how our true worth and value can only be found in our true identity as children of God. Former model, Jennifer Strickland tells us her story about being an international model, and how she turned her back on modeling at the height of her career and never looked back after she...

info_outline
062 How Perspective Impacts How We Cope in Times of Stress and Crisis show art 062 How Perspective Impacts How We Cope in Times of Stress and Crisis

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: This is the anniversary series of “Your Hope-Filled Perspective.”    Specifically, we are discussing the concept of “Perspective” and how our perspective impacts how we cope in times of stress and crisis, as well as how our perspective impacts our attitudes, our thoughts, and our behaviors. Your perspective will: determine your attitudes and your actions. dictate what others notice about you. either attract others to or distract others from you. Ezekiel experienced a vision that changed his perspective (Ezekiel chapters 1-3) Our perspective will largely...

info_outline
061 What Will Come Out From You When You are Squeezed?  show art 061 What Will Come Out From You When You are Squeezed?

Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson podcast

Episode Summary: In this week’s episode, we’re in the third of our four-part anniversary series, taking apart the title “Your Hope-Filled Perspective.” Today we’re looking at the word FILLED: what it means, what role we play, what choices we have, and what consequences there will be for such choices. We have a choice of what to be filled with, but we will all be filled with something. Words of Christ--Luke 6:45 The good person out of the good treasure of the heart produces good, and the evil person out of evil treasure produces evil; for it is out of the abundance of the heart...

info_outline
 
More Episodes

Episode Summary:

 

Today we’re going to be talking about the pain of the friendship relationships that steal your joy. Specifically, toxic friends. Have you ever struggled with a friendship that has gone array? Perhaps you invested yourself fully into a friendship only to find out that the relationship was a bit one-sided, or perhaps even a toxic friendship? If so, then today is the perfect show for you.

 

There's something wrong with your friendship, but you can't figure out what. Is everything in your head? Unfortunately, most of us have a few toxic friends over the course of our life. Toxic friendships happen to everyone, but we seldom identify the underlying issues while we battle confusion or the friendship breaks up. Friendships can be hard but breaking up is even harder. Maybe you're left bewildered in the friendship's wake, paralyzed to move forward.

On today’s show we are going to be talking to Mary DeMuth. After wading through several difficult relationships with toxic friends, Mary reveals the seven different types of toxic friendships and empowers you to identify the messiest relationships causing you the greatest anguish.

 

I had the pleasure of reading an early copy of her book, The Seven Deadly Friendships and offered my written endorsement: "In 30 years as a mental health practitioner, I've had the privilege of working with patients who have struggled with and suffered because of toxic friends, akin to those detailed in The Seven Deadly Friendships. Mary helps us identify those toxic relationships and then points us to seven life-giving practices to help us receive and extend healthy friendships."

 

Quotables from the episode:

 

  • Have you ever had toxic friends? If so, you’ll want to listen to this episode of Your Hope-Filled Perspective with Dr. Michelle Bengtson.
  • The toxic friendships are based on the seven deadly sins listed in Proverbs 6: haughty eyes, lying tongue, hands that kill the innocent, a heart that plots evil, feet that race to do wrong, a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who sows discord in a family.
  • Almost all sins are relational in some sort of way, whether they are relational toward God or toward others.
  • The difficult relationships we face that coordinate with the seven deadly sins are: Narcissist Nolan, Unreliable Uma, Predator Paige, Conman Connor, Temptor Trevor, Faker Fiona, and Dramatic Drake.
  • For each of these types of relationships, we need to know what the scriptures say about them, but we also need to ask ourselves the question, “Am I like this?”
  • Relationships are built on two or more individuals, and we each play a role in their success or their failure.
  • We need to examine our hearts and become better friends, because the stuff of life is built on friendships.
  • There are a lot of divorce recovery books available, but until now there wasn’t a friendship divorce recovery book to guide us through such relationship breakups.
  • Friendship breakups can be even more painful than a romantic breakup. Part of the reason for that is because we don’t expect it. When you are dating someone to find a mate, you anticipate kissing a few frogs before finding the prince to spend your life with. But especially as women, we tend to look at friendships and expect them to be lifelong and not just for a season. When they break up, we are left wondering “what’s wrong with me?”
  • The deadly friendship that seemed like it would be the least common was actually one of the most common: Conman Connor. When you have equated a relationship with finances or money, which can be as simple as someone friending you on facebook only to turn around and ask you to buy their awesome product, that is quite common. Just about everyone has experienced that kind of a relationship. That is a transactional view of relationship and we need to be super cautious about that.
  • When that happens we are left feeling dirty because we were used, and our relationship is undervalued because they only want you for the dollar sign.
  • In today’s world, Faker Fiona is common. That’s someone with cameleon-like tendencies because we present one way online but often different in person.
  • Narcissistic personalities are often difficult to identify because they present as charming and engaging, rather than controlling and manipulative.
  • It can be hard after a friendship breakup because we blame ourselves even when people with predatory or narcissistic tendencies are skilled at preying on others.
  • It helps to ask, “Why was I attracted to people who are so self-absorbed, or who were preying on me?”
  • It often goes back to childhood, thinking that if we could just get those personality types to love us, then they would complete our incomplete story from childhood.
  • The Lord has to be the completer of our story. He is perfect, He is loving, He loves me no matter what. He can complete that love need that we have.
  • This is not meant to just point the finger, but to help us grow and change and become better friends to others.
  • Relationship is a good thing. God said it was not good for Adam to be alone so He created a companion for Adam in the Garden of Eden. But sin has come into the world, so now it’s a matter of learning how to grow AND how to guard our heart.
  • Jesus had very close relationships with twelve, not with thousands. He modeled for us how to choose good relationships and invest in relationships that want reciprocity.
  • If we imagine the freedom to walk away, and think about how God may heal us, or heal the other person, that can truly be healing to know that things will be okay even if we walk away.
  • It also helps to consult an unbiased party who is not involved in the relationship to get their perspective; either a trusted friend or a counselor.
  • Whether you rely on a couple of close friends who have your back but will speak the truth in love, or a therapist who is unbiased and can offer an unbiased perspective, a neutral third party can reflect the truth back to you so that this doesn’t have to continue as a lifelong cycle. Therapy helps you determine why you continue to choose the same behavior repeatedly.
  • If you feel like you are the one contributing to a relationship, we always have the opportunity to apologize, and repentance does amazing things. But it takes two for reconciliation.
  • If God removes someone from your life, don’t go chasing after them. There is a reason He removed them.
  • It’s not up to us to change other people, we are responsible for our own behavior.
  • Don’t let past pain embitter you to future relationships. If you never open your heart again to safe community, you will spiral down in bitterness.
  • Our prayer for you is that you might identify relationships that are truly not healthy friends, so you can do something about them and remain in community.

 

Scripture References:

 

  • “He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm.” (Proverbs 13:20)
  • “As iron sharpens iron, so a friend sharpens a friend.” (Proverbs 27:17)

 

Recommended Resources:

 

 

Social Media Links for Host and Guest:

 

To contact Mary:

 

 For more hope, stay connected with Dr. Bengtson at:

  

Air Date: July 15, 2019

 

Guest: Mary DeMuth

Mary DeMuth is a writer and speaker who loves to help people live re-storied lives. Author of more than 30 books, including parenting books, Southern fiction, and a memoir entitled Thin Places, Mary speaks around the country and the world. Today, Mary is giving of her time to share with us in order that we might enjoy the fruit of healthy friendships.

 

Hosted By: Dr. Michelle Bengtson

Audio Technical Support: Bryce Bengtson