Angus Eye Tea: Anxiety, Depression, And Other Cheerful Topics

The no bull podcast about all things anxiety, depression & other cheerful topics. New episodes every Wednesday.

Just Trudging Through a Rough Patch, Don't Mind Me 10/06/2021

Just Trudging Through a Rough Patch, Don't Mind Me Hey, Heifers! I will be attending She Podcasts Live next week, an awesome, women-led podcast conference, so I wanted to make this episode part life update, part Angus Eye Tea intro in case I don't have time to do a real one before I head out. I talk about the rough patch I’m in and how October is sort of my make or break month for EVERYTHING. NO PRESSURE HA HA HA. I’m so excited to see my friends and hopefully find my spark again at this conference. It helped me so much last time. Can’t wait to tell you all about it! Moo, Elaine TIMESTAMPS 00:00 This episode is a lead up to She Podcast Live! 2021, my hopes and dreams for the conference, and trying to figure out what my next step in life is. 3:00 A quick recap on who I am and what this podcast is about! Specifically 2021: quit my job, 9:15 My tarot has been really spooky lately. 12:00 I’m stressed about not having my episode of Sloshbucklers ready in time. I’ve been sitting on it for about six months. Eek. 14:00 My writing senses are back on! NaNoWriMo is around the corner! 17:30 The continued fatigue of the pandemic. Thanks, Delta and anti-vaxxers. 20:00ish I am having good days, though! 21:15 I don’t want you to get the impression that my life is all rainbows and candy just because I come on here and giggle. 24:00 Outro! *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: Want additional content including a secret blog? Check out my Patreon at ! I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/20722769

"Left On Read" Anxiety 09/29/2021

Tips for Dealing with Phone Call Phobia 09/22/2021

Tips for Dealing with Phone Call Phobia Hey, Heifers! Phone calls are not my favorite thing in the world. I tend to feel put on the spot and usually think I'm going to sound like an idiot. But, over the years I've built up some phone call skillz and thought I'd share some of my tips with you! Mostly, just know that it's okay if you hate phone calls. But hey, if you're reading this, go ahead and make that phone call you've been putting off! I believe in you! Moo, Elaine TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Calling all phone-call-phobes! 1:22 Texting has helped reduce the amount of phone calls we’ve had to escape. But that also means we’re a little more rusty at dealing with phone calls. Most likely the phone calls we’re having to deal with are business or appointment wise (doctor stuff, prescriptions, insurance, etc.). 6:04 Make a script for your call! 11:16 Don’t sweat what customer service thinks of you. They’re most likely working from a script as well and have been asked everything under the sun. Kindness goes a long way! 14:15 Make your phone call in a cozy/safe environment (in bed, your torture chamber, McDonald’s bathroom, etc.). 15:17 Also, you can come up with contingency plans. The final escape. 16:21 The phone call anxiety gets better the more you do it. I’ve personally become more comfortable asking questions and that’s really helped me feel more confident going into more phone calls. 17:42 What’s the worst that could happen? They either don’t know the answer to your question or the person is blunt. If anyone is rude to you, you have a choice to not return to those establishments, hang up, or compartmentalize the call and remember that they do not define your worth or character! 20:37 Also, it’s okay if you never feel comfortable making a phone call! There are things in this life that we just find yucky no matter what. But it can get better and manageable with work (def recommend therapy--again, I’m not a professional). 18:43 Don’t sit on a call. The longer you wait, the worse your anxiety becomes. 21:51 Outro! Stay safe, Heifers! *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: Want additional content including a secret blog? Check out my Patreon at ! I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/20557751

Handling the Unexpected Pivots in Your Life 09/01/2021

3rd Anniversary: How I’ve Kept This Podcast Afloat While Dealing with Mental Health 08/25/2021

3rd Anniversary: How I’ve Kept This Podcast Afloat While Dealing with Mental Health Hey, Heifers! ANGUS EYE TEA IS THREE YEARS OLD. HOLY COW. MOO. I’m blown away. Hitting year one was cool. Year two was like, wowowowowow wild. But three years? So much has happened! I skimmed through my episodes and it’s wild to think that I used to eat blocks of cheese for dinner. Now I accompany them with a slice of bread! I figured I’d talk about how I managed to keep this podcast running for three years, especially since my mental health took some dips here and there. Thanks for listening and being the best Heifer around <3. Moo, Elaine TIMESTAMPS 1:12 How did I stick with podcasting for three years? (This episode is mostly so I can figure out how I did it like lol wat). 2:35 The Beginning of AET: Where was I mental health wise when I started Angus Eye Tea? I think this can affect how a project will go sometimes. 14:00 Starting is always the hardest part of any hobby or pursuit. 14:36 When I felt bored of AET or it felt wrong, I reframed what the podcast meant to me. “How to’s” vs. tarot vs. “Let’s drink tea and” episodes were ways that I fiddled around with my format to keep myself excited to create. The different formats also allowed me some brain space if I was tired (ex: tarot is me literally reading the card with the occasional giggle). Trying to find what felt like me, not what I thought people wanted me to be, was a big milestone. 18:30 Dealing with depression and Angus Eye Tea. How I still created while in the fuckery. 24:10 When I was depressed and didn’t care about anything, I worked hard to remember what made me excited about AET. I wrote my five star reviews on sticky notes and posted them around my computer as inspo. 26:23 Podcasting with manic phases is a new thing I’m dealing with! 30:00 Not focusing on the numbers is possibly the best tip I can give you for starting out with any hobby/venture/passion. 32:36 In short... 34:23 Outro! *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: Want additional content including a secret blog? Check out my Patreon at ! I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/20253443

Freaking Out About Not Freaking Out | New Move, New Job 08/18/2021

Is The Life Sabbatical Over? (I'm back!) 08/04/2021

TTYL, Heifers! 06/02/2021

The (Almost) End of Quarantine Whiplash 05/27/2021

The (Almost) End of Quarantine Whiplash Heyyyyy Heifer! Quarantine seems to be slowly ending and it’s been weirder than I thought it would be. Like, I knew I’d be socially rusty and would have to remember how to order food, etc. But I wasn’t expecting to have weird depression, or that my brain would short circuit and make it feel like things had always stayed open and that the last 1.5 years didn’t happen. So I figured I’d talk about that whiplash today! Enjoy this episode and get vaccinated! Moo, Elaine TIMESTAMPS 00:00 No masks, no problems? LOL. 01:23 The transition from 1.5 years of quarantine to pre-COVID routines is so weird to me. It feels like quarantine has gone by in the wink of an eye, like I want to forget all this ever happened. 06:10 For so long we’ve had external stressors affecting us that we may have never acknowledged or processed. 08:09 With things opening again, and us getting to return to our old habits/routines/haunts, there’s this fear that it will get taken away again. 12:01 Some people are going to adjust faster than others (or that’s how it may seem!). 13:15 I’ve had another wave of depression and I think part of it is the overwhelming idea of getting to “come back” to life even though I’ve continued to live life? Like, quarantine wasn’t a pause. We kept going. How do I merge the two? 17:36 TLDR: It’s really okay if your feelings about quarantine ending are: scared, happy, worried, depressed, anxious, elated, overwhelmed, etc. 19:11 My weird outro where today’s scenario is that you get a kickass MEET CUTE OMG HEART EYES. *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: Want additional content including a secret blog? Check out my Patreon at ! I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/19264790

I'm Tired of Not Sleeping: Fatigue and Depression 05/19/2021

I'm Tired of Not Sleeping: Fatigue and Depression Hey, Heifer. It’s 1:00 a.m oops. I’m hanging out with my friends and I’m tired which is ironic because this episode is about striving for a healthier sleep routine. But here we are. Mmm. I can’t tell you how hard it is to write this little paragraph that no one reads after midnight. What’s the point? Who am I? Why don’t I call pancakes flap jacks? Flap jacks sounds way cooler. I’m hungry and I want pancakes. Shit, FLAP JACKS. Okay, I’m off to bed lolol jk I’m still listening to the episode and doing timestamps. This hell will never end. Moo, Elaine Want additional content including a secret blog? Check out my Patreon at ! TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Zzzzzzz I’m not a health professional zzzzz feel free to take a nap during this episode zzzzzzzz. 1:13 I have a negative thought pattern that nighttime is my only chance to be happy and the daytime is EVIL. Thus, I stay up late, ruin my sleep cycle, and end up being even more depressed/anxious during the day. 2:40 Notification Fatigue. The fear of being left “on read.” 5:24 Sleep is one of the biggest influences on my mental health. That knowledge stressed me out so much that I suddenly had alarm anxiety. (“Will my alarm go off?” Jerking awake throughout the night thinking I’ve missed my alarm, etc.). 8:58 I’m a night owl and I adjust way too quickly to staying up until 4 a.m. I’m energized by the idea that no one can interrupt me, flashbacks to secret staying up past my bedtime as a kid to read books by a flashlight, etc. 10:38 Recently, my depression has thrown a wrench in my sleep schedule. Obviously the physical symptoms, but I’ve been ignoring tasks and the stress builds up the longer I put them off (and then I do them and it takes me, like, 15 minutes lol). 12:40 Losing sleep over the idea that I will immediately ruin my morning which will then ruin my day :). 15:30 All of this to say, what happens during my day and my thought patterns greatly affect how I go about my sleep. 18:00 Depression makes me want to do less so my body and brain aren’t getting worked out which means there’s nothing tiring me out. 20:00 Dumb thoughts while staring at the ceiling, like fake arguments and disaster scenarios that aren’t real. 24:00 So now I’ve annoyed myself enough about not sleeping and trying to be healthier that I'm finally taking action lol. Reframing the why helped--I want to wake up to be more productive vs. this is actually more about me not wanting to accept that I have a mental health disorder that will be with me for life. 27:30 Thanks for listening! Lovies to my Patrons: KT & Oti, Vanessa, Rachel, Laura, and Taylor! <3 *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/19159028

My Favorite Caffeine Alternatives 05/12/2021

May Goals: A "Write" of Passage 05/07/2021

Over Pressured, Underwhelmed: The Burdens We Place on Ourselves 04/28/2021

Over Pressured, Underwhelmed: The Burdens We Place on Ourselves Hey, Heifer! I’ve been struggling lately. I’m in a depressive episode and on top of that I’ve been agonizing over my future. Like, truly agonizing. I’m pretty sure I’m losing sleep over it. And the main reason why is that I have put so much pressure on myself to figure it all out right now. Or soon. Or really ever. And it feels like I’ll never figure it out, which means I’m afraid to move forward, which means I’m beating myself up for not moving forward, I get paralyzed, etc. etc. etc. Today is a think-out-loud episode about why I do this to myself and ways I can try to navigate these negative thought patterns. Enjoy! Moo, Elaine Want additional content including a secret blog and videos? Check out my Patreon at ! TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Somehow, I recorded this episode without making a single Queen joke. 2:25 I put too much pressure on myself and it’s the main source of my anxiety/depression these days. 4:58 Almost five months into my Life Sabbatical and the pressure is rising (mostly from me). Other things have piled onto this crap heap as time has progressed. Yayy. 11:15 How can I fight those nagging questions my brain asks that put me down? What’s next? Why don’t I have a plan? What am I doing with my life? 15:33 Trying to work backwards on my racing thoughts. If I want to live my life with x, y, and z, then how much do I need to earn? Where do I need to live? 21:46 Riding the waves where I feel EMPOWERED and MIGHTY. Do things with intention. Help my brain realize that, yes, I am doing things! I know I can’t just flip a switch and make my depression disappear, but I’m no longer going to feed into excessive wallowing on top of my depression (or do my best!). 27:55 Thanks for listening! Lovies to my Patrons: KT & Oti, Vanessa, Rachel, Laura, and Taylor! <3 *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/18888629

Do-Si-Dos and Do-Si-Don'ts: A Dramatic Reading of My Time Selling Girl Scout Cookies 04/21/2021

Do-Si-Dos and Do-Si-Don'ts: A Dramatic Reading of My Time Selling Girl Scout Cookies Want additional content including a secret blog and videos? Check out my Patreon at ! Hey, Heifer! Once upon a time, I was a Girl Scout. As such, it was my duty to sell Girl Scout cookies. Selling did not come naturally to me yet every year I would drag my dad with me around the neighborhood trying to sell enough cookies to win whatever prize the head organization was offering. Later, I wrote a personal essay about the experience and today I am doing a dramatic reading of it! If you want to read the piece as well as see exclusive Brownie Elaine photos, head over to my Patreon. Enjoy! Moo, Elaine TIMESTAMPS 00:00 My journey with the Girl Scouts of America and what led me to writing a series of essays about that part of my life lol. 7:57 The dramatic reading of Do-Si-Dos and Do-Si-Dont’s 13:05 The power of capitalism begins to change me. 15:03 One perk: snooping on my neighbors. 17:54 The demonic cookie costumes. 20:15 The glorious beach towel victory. 20:37 Story debrief and overall thoughts on reviewing our past (very meta here since I’m looking at my childhood and myself from a few years ago when I wrote this story). 23:05 Thanks for listening! Lovies to my Patrons: KT & Oti, Vanessa, Rachel, Laura, and Taylor! <3 *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at MUSIC Pouring Out - Asher Fulero Ratatouille’s Kitchen - Carmen María Hall of the Mountain King by Kevin MacLeod is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. Source: Artist: Arkansas Traveler - Nat Keefe and Hot Buttered Rum /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/18804134

Depression Loopholes: Life Hacks for Depressive Episodes 04/14/2021

Depression Loopholes: Life Hacks for Depressive Episodes Want additional content including a secret blog and videos? Check out my Patreon at ! Hey, Heifer! I’m depressed! I know, such a shocker. Me? Depressed? I never talk about mental health. Ha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha. Anyway, over the years I’ve come to learn that I’m not very nice to myself when I’m depressed. If I accomplish anything less than 100 percent, I consider myself a failure. Can’t vacuum the entire house? May as well not bother. Can’t clean the kitchen? No point in trying. But that is where my life hacks come in! Procrastination really helped me discover these depression loopholes that I’ve found work for me. I’m not a medical professional so please don’t take this as official advice! We all work differently and what may work for me may not for you and vice versa! Mostly, I wanted to share my experience so you can see that yes, you can slowly walk through the murk of depression. Have a lovely day, Heifer! Moo, Elaine TIMESTAMPS 00:00 I talk about a Depression Goose a lot in this episode and I’d like to go ahead and apologize. I have never compared my depression to a goose. I don’t know what came over me. 02:40 What my depression symptoms look like and how I can hack them. 06:41 My depression hacks focus on the domino effect theory: If I can make myself do a portion of a task, then that helps me get more and more done. Give yourself some grace. 10:47 Write down things you’ve accomplished to fight the “not enough” thought pattern. 11:49 Cleaning hacks. 14:14 Grocery runs and eating meals other than chips. 17:47 I haven’t been sleeping. End up on a strange tangent. 20:39 Caffeine makes my depression worse, but when I feel tired from my depression I want it. When I have it, it affects my sleep. A vicious cycle is born! 21:37 Okay, I finally get to some sleep hacks. 24:15 Movement! Not necessarily exercise, but ways to still find movement in your day. 27:09 Find a routine that works for your depression! 28:49 Rapid-fire life hacks: Look at your credit cards; take the path of least resistance; don’t overcomplicate it; water, food, clothes, shower, etc. 31:30 Thanks for listening! Lovies to my Patrons: KT & Oti, Vanessa, Rachel, Laura, and Taylor! <3 *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/18719540

Do You Lack Adventure in Your Life? 04/07/2021

Do You Lack Adventure in Your Life? Hey, Heifer! Do you ever have one of those weekends where you can’t tell if you’re embarking on some healthy self-reflection or if you’re falling into a pit of depression? I had a weekend like that recently. It feels like everything is up in the air right now and it’s both exhilarating and burdensome. I came across a YouTube channel called and they do all these exciting adventures. I couldn’t help looking at my own life and thinking, “Wow. I’m boring.” In this episode, I think out loud about what “adventure” truly means, what I have or am lacking in that department, and the beautifully tragedy of nostalgia. Yeah, it’s one of those episodes lol. Grab your pinot grigio and enjoy! Moo, Elaine Want additional content including a secret blog and videos? Check out my Patreon at ! Tiers start as low as $1. TIMESTAMPS 00:00 This is my third time trying to record this damn episode because my brain is so scattered so this is it, this is the audio we’re sticking with hell or high water. 00:58 The art of sluggish behavior. 2:43 I had a weird, introspective weekend that inspired this episode. The kind where you’re either really enlightened or depressed lol. 5:03 The sudden stab of nostalgia consumed me due to an obsessive binge of the YouTube channel Yes Theory. 5:51 I’m crushed with the burden of knowing I can change my life however I want (within means). 7:43 This has brought up many questions: Where do I want to live? Do I want to sell everything and live in a van for a year? 8:09 The difference between an adventure for yourself and an adventure to be seen by others/proving your worth/for likes. 11:18 Realizing I set standards for myself to live a “fascinating life” and to prove to myself that bipolar doesn’t hold me back. This way of thinking has...consequences :). I’m losing my travel muscle and it scares me. 13:57 I think nostalgia is a bitch <3. I’m nostalgic for my lovely time in Venice. 17:12 But maybe if I can’t relive the memory, I can recreate the mood. 19:03 Ever since I quit my job, I keep finding people that are doing what I want to do, but I never knew that was an option. 19:45 What does adventure mean to you? 25:37 Thanks for listening! Lovies to my Patrons: KT & Oti, Vanessa, Rachel, Laura, and Taylor! <3 *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/18628418

April Goals: A Need for Common Cents 03/31/2021

How I Made a Second Podcast, Sloshbucklers! 03/24/2021

Task Eraser: Complete a Chore While I Share My Favorite Things 03/17/2021

What It's Like to be Manic | Bipolar Disorder 03/10/2021

What It's Like to be Manic | Bipolar Disorder Bipolar has its ups and downs, and today we’re going to talk about the up: manic. I used to cherish my manic episodes. I wasn’t sure what happened, but it was a miracle that my severe depression had broken and I finally was able to get things done AND do them really well. I had energy! I could clean the whole house. I could get ahead on my projects and hell, start some new ones while I was at it. I was social, witty, funny. My brain was back in action. I drank coffee and it made everything feel even better, so I drank more and more. At some point, the fun ran out and all that was left was anxiety. The same level of go-go-go energy was there, the same sleepless nights, the same brain jumping to a new thought every few seconds. In this episode, I go through my symptoms of manic and all the confusion that comes with it. Below, I’ve linked previous episodes that either indirectly talked about my bipolar or were recorded when I was or was about to be manic. What fun! Have a lovely week, Heifers. Moo, Elaine Want to support Angus Eye Tea? Check out my Patreon at with tiers starting as low as $1! TIMESTAMPS 00:00 The hype begins. 1:17 Explaining the basics of manic/hypomanic episodes. I’ll be using “manic” as the main term for the remainder of the episode. 3:22 Examples of times I panicked on the podcast, as well as episodes that were directly about me being bipolar but I talked around it because I hadn’t unleashed that revelation yet! Episodes that were secretly bipolar related: The surge of guests in April/Spring of last year : I stay up late folding laundry, talking about how 2019 is “not my year,” feeling very anxious One I didn’t mention in the pod, 9:21 What are my manic symptoms? First up: talking fast. 12:51 Racing thoughts are fun, aren’t they? SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK. 15:27 Caffeine abuse and cleaning up my act so I didn’t have to go through another medication change. 19:32 Brain is only on one setting: GO, GO, GO. Which means that once the happy drains away, anxiety picks up and moves at the same speed. Everything becomes explosive. 22:35 Those are my main symptoms, and as a reminder, this would go on for a few days, not just for an hour. I used to wake up and wait for a beat to see what kind of day I would have: happy and joyous? Extremely anxious? Super depressed? 23:33 Why it’s easy to love my manic episodes and how it’s hard to try to quell it. 26:23 Overall feelings of my manic. A question I have to ask myself a lot these days, am I happy and excited? Or am I manic? I don’t always know the answer. 30:13 SHOUT OUT TO MY PATRONS: KT and Oti from For Your Reference pod, Laura, Taylor from Who Knows? pod, Rachel, and Vanessa from Fabled pod! *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/18254315

March Goals: Manic Management and Facing Fears 03/03/2021

You’re a Fraud and Other Lies From Imposter Syndrome 02/24/2021

You’re a Fraud and Other Lies From Imposter Syndrome Hello, Heifer! For the past few weeks, I’ve really beaten myself up. I felt paralyzed trying to work on anything and it just recently dawned on me that I’m suffering from crippling imposter syndrome. Every move I made I doubted. I thought of all the ways it could go wrong and how stupid I would look. I’m also having a weird identity crisis since I quit my job. My job used to define me - back when I used to meet new people, usually the second question they’d ask would be, “and what do you do?” And now I don’t have that easy answer of “project manager.” So that added more shame on my Shame Shit Pile. But, it looks like I’m coming out on the other side of this funk, so I wanted to share my experience with you while it was fresh! Enjoy the episode! Moo, Elaine TIMESTAMPS 00:00 A weird, Western intro about how imposter syndrome has been on my mind. 01:50 Thank you so much for the wonderful responses to my bipolar episode <3. 03:43 Life Sabbatical Update 08:06 My imposter syndrome is thriving because of these three things: I quit my job which has unleashed a minor identity crisis, I’m working on a lot of creative projects and feel vulnerable, and lastly, all of this has increased my anxiety and made me feel paralyzed. 09:17 #1 Imposter syndrome over my job. Superhuman imposter syndrome - working really hard because you feel like you have to prove something to others. It me. 15:49 #2 Creative projects causing imposter syndrome. Creating content is very vulnerable. Anyone can have an opinion on a piece, and now that I’ve decided I’d like to make creating content my job, I feel a ton of pressure to succeed. 22:12 #3 Both the identity crisis and fear of failure have accumulated into an ongoing ball of anxiety. Sometimes, it paralyzes me from making any forward movement. 25:18 Final thoughts. 29:04 Western outro lol. *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/18068819

I Have Bipolar Disorder 02/17/2021

I Have Bipolar Disorder Hey there, Heifer, and welcome to Angus Eye Tea - the podcast all about anxiety, depression, and now, BIPOLAR DISORDER! WEEEEEEE! Yes, you’ve been punk’d for over a year now, SUCKER. All jokes aside, a little over a year ago, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time and when she put the sorting hat on me, it yelled out “bipolar.” There’s been a lot of changes in my life, as you can imagine, and just when everything was leveling out for me, the pandemic hit. This is kind of a scary episode for me to post because I don’t know how people will react. I don’t know if this will affect any opportunities for me in the future, like if future friends/coworkers learn I’m bipolar and decide to stay away from me. I wouldn’t want to hang out with those people anyway but you get the picture. I don’t want to become a terrifying demon because I’m bipolar - I’d like to earn that right fair and square! I’m excited to talk to you more about my experiences with bipolar disorder. Thank you for all of your support. It means the world to me. <3 Moo, Elaine TIMESTAMPS 00:00 SURPRISE! I HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER. 01:00 Why I didn’t tell you earlier. 05:30 How I learned I was bipolar and came to grips with it 10:50 Giving an *unprofessional* breakdown on the differences between my ol’ anxiety/depression and my bipolar disorder. Here are some resources that speak better on the ins-and-outs of this mental health fun: 21:10 That good ol’ medication change I was talking about and how it’s changed my life. 22:30 I feel like I’m finally getting to be me. 25:02 So, what does this mean for you and me? 28:40 I say “thank you” about 50 times and it’s a bit much. 30:13 Outro! *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder (and now bipolar!). Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/17974016

Let's Drink Tea and Slow Jam to Valentine's Day 02/10/2021

Let's Drink Tea and Slow Jam to Valentine's Day Sup, my beautiful bovines? DJ Luminous Buckshot Love is here to break down some sweet, sweet listener submissions in this episode. The timestamps below will guide you through this podra sutra. From catfishing to forbidden love, you’ll be so enrapt that you’ll forget you need to finish binging Bridgerton.* *I’ve made this sound very raunchy but in reality, this is an incredibly goofy episode. Moo-ch love, DJ Luminous Buckshot Love TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Welcome to Slow Jams night. I’m your host, DJ Luminous Buckshot Love, the winner of the DJ name poll. 01:30 Listener EARRLLL Grey wants to talk about CATFISHING. 07:03 ClaudeHasClaws asks, “What is your ideal Valentine’s Day gift?” 08:40 UnbotheredQueen has never had a Valentine and she, along with us, don’t give a f*ck about societal standards. 09:55 Overall, the Heifers have *feelings* about Valentine’s Day. 11:30 Poll Dancing time! 19:32 InJailSendBail asks how to find love during this quarantine time...and I guess in prison, as well? 21:24 NoNudesNoNoodles shares a horror story from her Galentine’s party. 25:20 Creative Writing Professor crush theory. 26:30 DJ Luminous Buckshot Love’s Love Resume. 28:15 DJ Luminous Buckshot Love signs-off. 28:40 I sign-off and hint that next week’s episode will be a doozy... *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: . I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at . Music Credit Rendezvous- Sneaky Snooper by Audionautix is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 license. Artist: YouTube’s Audio Library /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/17894348

Let's Talk About That Pesky Pandemic Wall 02/03/2021

Let's Talk About That Pesky Pandemic Wall Hey Heifers! First of all, I edited this episode in ONE HOUR. Fern kept DEMANDING attention today (Tuesday), like, more than usual, so I almost didn’t have this episode ready for y’all. But I pulled all my mighty editor muscles together and voila! Apologies if I overlooked any oddities (the singing does not count though, that’s gold). The “pandemic wall” was trending on Twitter and I thought it was about time we did a group chat about how we’re all doing. I think it’s helpful to remind ourselves that we’re not going through this alone and that yeah, feeling exhaustion, fatigue, brain fog, and other fun is something that is happening to a LOT of people right now, including me. I know my scrappy lil’ Heifers will pull through, and I hope you find some peace this week. <3 TIME STAMPS 00:00 “Let’s gooo back….back to the beginnninggggg: - Hilary Duff, goddess 1:32 Life Sabbatical Update: Week 2 Sleep schedule - somewhat fixed Working on some projects! Bahahaha! I GOT HEALTH INSURANCE 9:00 What is the Pandemic Wall? We’re gonna talk about depression, quarantine fatigue, and outlining the continued joys of these delightful times. 11:57 Revisiting the symptoms of depression and talking about the difference between internal vs. external factors on our mental health. We may be used to suppressing a lot of anxiety, fear, and sadness and then it suddenly boils over. BOOM - Pandemic Wall. 18:05 What the Heifers are going through right now! Trying to do good things but you feel like you keep getting beat down each time you stand up. SO rude! 19:36 Some ideas to combat the Pandemic Wall: what has helped you in the past? Reminder that 20:20 Working out is a fab time! DANCE DANCE DANCE. 21:30 Set a timer for 5-10-15 minutes and just see how much you can get done in that time - laundry, dishes, vacuuming, etc. 22:14 DEPRESSION SPAGHETTI (or, meal prepping). 24:23 Talk to people! 24:53 Cut out caffeine oops, I said it. 25:42 That whole “want our normal lives back” mental spiral. 27:15 Overall thoughts: Pandemic Wall will continue to come and go. There is normal depression and pandemic depression. They can act alone or together, and it’s important to give credit where credit is due, aka you don’t suck! It’s a chemical fuckfest! 28:45 Outro! Huzzah! *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/17800841

Permission Granted: How to Break Your Toxic Life Rules 01/27/2021

Permission Granted: How to Break Your Toxic Life Rules Hey, Heifers! Do you ever stop yourself from pursuing a job, activity, or a trip because “that’s just not something you do?” Have you ever seen people wear hats and thought “wow, I wish I could be a hat person” but never questioned why not? It’s really easy to create rules for ourselves that prevent us from going after the things we want in life. A few of mine, for example, include being the person who bikes everywhere, rocking a freelance/contract gig, or becoming a solid dAnCeR. All of these things are in my “I wish I could” category, the “but I could never for really no reason" list. In this episode, I go through some personal examples of when I broke my toxic life rules I burdened myself with and how I built up the courage to do so! TIME STAMPS 00:00 Yeeeeehawwwww 01:36 What are these self-made life rules? 02:08 The Life Sabbatical Update Segment! Now that I’m on my rumspringa, I’m going to update you each week with what I’m doing as an unemployed diva. This is mostly so I keep myself accountable but I want to document my journey so you can learn from my mistakes (or my wins. Yes. Positivity.). 06:55 Your Life Rule Book - what rules have you made up for yourself that may not be true? 11:18 How trying to wear lipstick changed my LIFE (dramatized for effect). 14:41 How adopting my dog sooner than I thought I should be allowed to changed my LIFE (again, continuing to add flair). 15:16 The obvious one - how quitting my job CHANGED MY LI- (we get it, plz stop). 16:40 Things that still seem wrong, like moving out of state or to a different coast. I could never do that, right? Mmmmmright? 18:06 You can always try something out and if you don’t like it, you can go back to what you were doing before! Trial and error. 19:15 Pros and cons lists are helpful but sometimes you just gotta go with your gut instinct. Here’s how I developed my intuition. 22:05 Fear of the unknown can inhibit you. Do research! 23:20 But don’t get too caught up in the details! There will always be “more” to dive into, and until you do the damn thing, you can’t really know what it will be like for you. Alas, you can’t always Google your life. 24:06 For some reason, I gave you homework: Make a list of things you’ve always wanted to do but ruled out because it just “wasn’t something you do.” Research for 10-15 minutes what you would need to do to make it happen. See if this is something plausible you could start to work toward. 25:18 Outro! You did it! *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/17707112

I Quit My 9 to 5. Now What? | Secret Life Project Reveal 01/20/2021

A Meditation for Definitely Not Thinking About That One Coup 01/13/2021

A Meditation for Definitely Not Thinking About That One Coup Hey Heifers! Since I am clearly v enlightened and one with the Universe, I took it upon myself to provide you with 30 minutes of relaxation that doesn't focus AT ALL on the current state of affairs. There are a few times where it pops up due to my stress but on the whole? A totally solid meditation. Well, aside from when my intern interrupts me worried about my mental state. So it's mostly a government coup-free meditation. Um. Enjoy? Moo, Elaine TIME STAMPS 00:00 Since everything has been so stressful lately, I figured we should do a super real, professional, totes legit meditation! 01:23 Welcome to your guided meditation for coups. We're going to try to not think about them! 03:35 First diversion: You are now a bear in a forest. A sassy, extended story begins involving your salmon and an evil canoe of rats. Namaste. 07:30 The rats abandon ship, leaving behind the Rat King they supported for oh so long. 11:11 Your guide has a breakdown. 11:50 Mmk, let’s try this again. Onto Numerology! 14:25 Your guide has a psychic vision! 15:45 Um, okay, this still isn’t working, is it? Let’s try another visual: a farmer’s market with peaches! 19:30 A dog from the farmer’s market follows you and demands you give hIM a PEACH. 22:09 This...isn’t going well. Let’s visualize scrolling through Twitter to calm us down. 26:22 Congratulations on reaching the end of your meditation. You should feel SO serene now and not have that pesky coup on your mind. Nope, not at all. Ha ha! *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/17527646

Let's Exorcise 2020 and Talk 2021 01/06/2021

Let's Exorcise 2020 and Talk 2021 HAPPY NEW YEAR, HEIFERS! I’m BACK. Today, I’m going to go through 2020, what I learned, etc. etc., and then just list some loose hopes for 2021 (I’m not foolish enough to expect anything ha ha ha hasdkfjasfd). I also mention THE SECRET LIFE PROJECT. I should be back on my regular schedule now so I PROMISE I’ll talk to you next Wednesday! Moo, Elaine TIME STAMPS 00:00 Let’s exorcise 2020, Heifers. 03:35 Personal shit from 2020, starting with my new meds leveling out and then the world shut down lol. 08:15 With my new meds, I finally had head space to look at my life and I came to the realization that I didn’t like what I’d set up for myself. So I felt stuck and then entered a LOVELY depression from May-November. :) (Also, Secret Life Project en route!). 10:16 2020 was the year I made a LOT of bold moves. Some of my anxiety muscles weakened but I started flexin’ a little and I promise I’ll never make a workout analogy ever again. 12:47 Creativity SUCKED this year. Re: September-December for this podcast whereee I kinda disappeared here and there. Sigh. 16:47 2021. I’m not setting goals per se. Maybe loose expectations. Suggestions. Gentle whispers to the moon. 18:31 Act sooner, not later. 22:04 I want to read MORE. MWHAHAHA. I almost didn’t hit my 2020 reading goal but then at 11:30 pm on NYE my friends were like, “fuck no” and pulled up a bunch of royalty-free stories and just WENT and read them out loud to me. I also want to be more active in the podcast community. (I recommend Who Knows? and Dungeons and Daddies). 26:37 I’d like to keep a life schedule with this pod and, idk, laundry? Grocery shopping? Hobbies? The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild? 29:05 In 2021, let’s all get weird with our creativity. 30:31 This year’s mantra: Go for it. And a sizzling outro. *** If you enjoy this podcast, please consider giving it a review! It also is incredibly helpful for me to hear what is resonating with you, so feel free to DM me! You can find the show notes for this episode at . Follow me on and @AngusEyeTea. Email: I am not a health professional. I am simply someone who was diagnosed with an anxiety and depression disorder. Please talk to your friends, family, teachers, doctor, trusted human, etc. if you need help. I also have a on my website that can direct you to different hotlines, therapy websites, and more at /episode/index/show/anguseyetea/id/17441219

BLOOPERS for A Year Yule Regret | Christmas Special 2020 12/23/2020

Angus Eye Tea: Anxiety, Depression, And Other Cheerful Topics

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