Eps 181: A Solo Show Exploring The Myths and Realities of Positive Parenting
Eps 181: A Solo Show Exploring The Myths and Realities of Positive Parenting
Join the Joyful Courage Tribe in our community Facebook group - Live and Love with Joyful Courage. Raising our children while growing ourselves... ::::: Hey there!!! I’d like to start by giving a shout out to the most recent review that the show has received on iTunes – form You are my sunshine I hear from so many of you about how this podcast support you – if you will, please take the time to write a review – it helps the show in so many ways, one of which is that it makes it more likely to get in front of new listeners!! Thank you – Myths of Positive Parenting That everything is peaceful all the time PD activity that shows the continuum between kindness and firmness parenting styles Kind AND firm can feel elusive We are all human beings having a human experience That kids don’t get into mischief Kids and teens are perceiving what is happening around them, and making meaning out of what they are perceiving. They filter the world through their individual, developing lens – it makes sense that they get it wrong and response in a way that seems…. well…. Inconvenient. Our kids and teens are in the process of DEVELOPING and LEARNING life skills. They’ve had limited experience. They are doing the best they can with the tools they have. That you will enjoy every minute Uhmmm, who started this rumor?? I guess there are parents out there that truly are in bliss-land all the time when it comes to their kids and parenting. I honestly don’t KNOW them, but maybe they exist. We can love our kids UNCONDITIONALLY, with NO DOUBT, for SURE, AND not enjoy every single minute. AND this does not make us bad parents. Realities of Positive Parenting It takes work Many of us are coming into parenting with all sorts of baggage, and we are all on different parts of the journey of self awareness. Having children, I think, gives us a choice – 1. Resist growing and evolving and stay stuck in power struggles and pain, or 2. Be open to learning and growing and enjoy a connected relationship with our children. And being open to learning and growing is no small thing. The journey puts everything that we believe, everything that we know to be true in front of us with the question, “what if this isn’t true?” “what if there is another way to see this?” “what if this is simply MY truth?” And then we get to decide how tight to hold on, how attached to remain --- its wild! It is more about your self regulation than anything else I read a great article by Mona Delahooke about challenging behavior and self regulation. She says, “Too often what we expect from children makes a false assumption: that children possess “top-down” control that allows them to think about their bodies and minds and control their behaviors. The truth is that may behaviorally challenged children don’t yet have this ability. Parents tend to believe that if a child sometimes displays control, then the child always has the ability to do so. That mistaken belief reveals an expectation gap—a disparity between adults’ assumptions and a child’s abilities.” And – “Self-regulation is a developmental process that we can nurture and encourage in one way: through the experience of emotional co-regulation with caring and attuned adults.” I love this, because it aligns with what I believe – this work is about US getting our shit together. Yes, of course we want the same for our kids AND, like Dr. Delahooke states, it requires parents to be regulated and attuned to their kids. Toddlers to teens, people. You child’s behavior is not an accurate indicator of “doing it right” This is a biggy – all along the way, right? From how they potty train to whether or not they experiment with substances – we are quick to take the blame when things go sideways. And while I DO believe there are ways of being in relationship with our kids that support them in learning and growing, there are also other factors at work – like brain development, temperament, beliefs they have about themselves and others, relationships they are navigating…. What if instead of judging ourselves by our children’s mistakes and mis-steps, we flip the whole thing over and start to tune in with what our relationship with our child is…?? Ask yourself, what does it look like when your child screws up? How are you showing up for them? What are the dots they are connecting? Is there space for them to actually TAKE and HOLD responsibility, or are you, perhaps, unknowingly holding that responsibility? This has been coming up SO MUCH lately, with the parents in the Parenting Teen Academy that I am running, as well as with private clients AND in my own home. We have a vision for our kids, don’t we? I mean even the most evolved of us want our children to grow into healthy, happy, fulfilled adults, right? How many of us are asking our kids what THEY want? I know that is kind of a “duh” question, but really – WHAT DO THEY WANT? And I am going to make a very unscientific, not yet backed by science claim, that kids in connected, supportive relationships with their parents, who have a basic idea of what they want, and are allowed to make mistakes, tend to feel that THEIR PATH IS THEIRS THE CREATE AND FOLLOW. Doesn’t mean they don’t screw up, doesn’t mean they don’t feel the tension of failure – BUT THIS IS WHERE LIFE SKILLS GROW!! We learn through our experiences – and the learning goes next level when there is also someone there to love and support us when we flail It is messy Period. It just is. And even the people that you know who really have it together experience the messiness in one way or another. Doesn’t mean there isn’t a lot of love. The messiness is a part of the territory, people, so grab a meditation cushion and settle in for the ride. I say it all the time – I learned it from my friend and mentor, Jody McVittie – the most powerful tool we have for influencing behavior is the relationship with nurture with our kids. And I have a special message for those of you with teenagers right now – there isn’t time to dick around. IF you are finding it difficult to connect with your teen, if you are feeling worried or scared about where you are at, if you feel like maybe you’ve missed the window, YOU HAVE NOT. There is room for you to learn some new tools, there is time to rebuild relationship. You owe it to your kids to try something new and different. The Parenting Teens Academy is all about this! It is a VALUABLE 4 weeks of community and content DESIGNED to support you in growing connection and responsibility in your home. Each week you get: Positive Discipline philosophy and strategies, as well as content around personal growth, to weave into your daily life. You get to be a part of a like minded group of parents who are IN IT WITH YOU and supporting you along the way. You get and hour long one on one call where you and I get to focus directly on what is most important to you right now, with actionable steps for following through with the learning. You get the ENTIRE Parenting Teens with PD Audio Summit as a resource to keep forever But you have to apply before April 7th. I am capping the program at 20 participants, and applications are already coming in. I want to be sure that we are a good fit, and that you are ready to do the work and be a part of the community. If you’ve made it this far, I am going be direct and just say – apply now. Here is what current participants are saying: “I am using the content daily and I am feeling like the house and kids are happy for it!” “There have been so many "ahas" in this program! The things my teen is going through is exactly what he's supposed to be experiencing. Though many of his behaviors are challenging right now, they will serve him well as he becomes independent. A lot of my behaviors are because I have been taking these changes personally and because of fear, and my response is the part of the equation that I can control. Looking closely at my own behavior and gradually making changes to my approach will help me build and maintain a positive relationship with my teen.” “I have so much confidence in Casey's leadership. It feels very vulnerable to discuss our family challenges with others and dig into my own emotionally raw places. Casey has created a safe and supportive class environment by sharing her own experiences, wisdom and vulnerability while setting expectations of confidentiality and trust within our group.” I am going to be unapologetic about encouraging you to apply now for this program. It is making a HUGE difference in the lives of parents, and I really don’t want you to miss your chance!! Go to www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt for more info and to apply. You will also find testimonials there, and FAQs - That is www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt - you will NOT be sorry. Again, I am taking applications through April 7th and the four week program begins Monday, May 6th. CAN”T WAIT!! Tune in again next week – I will be sharing an interview with Meagan Wilson – you may know her from Whole Family Rythms. She and I talk a lot about finding and creating flow in the routines of our family. LOVED this convo – until then – BIG LOVE!! :::: Authentic Parenting Conference Anna Seewald, host of the Authentic Parenting Podcast, and parent coach, has put together a steller day of learning and growing together in New Brunswick, NJ. I am so excited about it that I decided that I WANTED TO GO TOO!! I am going to be there, Dr. Laura Markham will be delivering a keynote (ah-maze-ing), and the whole thing just looks like super soul care on fire. If you are interested, click here https://authenticparenting.com/conference and use the discount code JOYFUL25 for $25 off the registration fee!! Come play with me!! ::::: Joyful Courage Academy for Parenting Teens SO EXCITED to be offering up this 4 week program for parents of teens that are looking for support and a connected community to tease apart the challenges of this season of parenting. Applications are available now through April 7th. The program will run form May 6th through May 31st. For more information and to apply go to www.joyfulcourage.com/jcapt "This is great stuff. I appreciate it so much. I feel so much less alone and the positive discipline reminders are so helpful." - Mama Sue, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens "I really think a huge part of this program is you, Casey! You are so comfortable to talk to and hear from. Then combine that will the realness of the participants and I really am enjoying this!" - Mama Bianca, current participant of JCA Parenting Teens :::: Joyful Courage: Calming the drama and taking control of your parenting journey This book is all about how to show up as a Joyful Courage parent so that you have better access tot eh tools you need in hot parenting moments – tools that are helpful and maintain connection with your child. Presale is April 10th – as many of you as possible buying presale would be FABULOUS. I am going to have some special bonuses TBD for my presale buyers. Official launch date is May 20th – OMG – so so exciting!!! The best way to stay up to date on the book news is to join my newsletter list, if you haven’t already. Sign up at www.joyfulcourage.com/join Thank you to everyone that has been so encouraging on this journey!!! I appreciate you and we are ALMOST THERE!!!! ::::: Be a Subscriber Make sure to SUBSCRIBE to the Joyful Courage Podcast on Apple Podcast to get the latest shows STRAIGHT to your device!! AND PLEASE rate and review the Joyful Courage Parenting Podcast to help me spread the show to an ever-larger audience!! CLICK HERE to watch a video that shows up how to subscribe with your iPhone!