Episode 19: Urges

I created an acronym for the word URGE, to help us allow the desire to be present without answering it.

You're listening to the Love Tidbits Podcast, where you'll discover a small, tasty, delightful, bite-sized tidbit of love. I'm your host, LeAnn Austin. 

Hey y'all, welcome to Love Tidbits, episode #19: Urges 

Last week on my walk, I all of a sudden started thinking about no bake cookies. It was so random that this popped into my head. I didn't see food or anything. My mouth started salivating and I was having a hard time thinking about anything else besides no bake cookies. This was an urge. An urge is an intense desire caused by what we're thinking. And at that time on my walk, I was having an urge for no bake cookies. 

Our brains are programmed to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and be efficient. I was sure at that moment that no bake cookies were an absolute must for me. Often our desires come from an effort to numb or avoid unpleasant feelings. Most of us are not taught how to manage our emotions, so we turned to something external to dull or distract ourselves.  When we create desire or urge with our thoughts and then reward that urge by giving into the desire, we program ourselves to desire it even more.

Many times we try to react, resist, or avoid urges. Well today, I want to teach you how to allow and process an urge.  So, I created an acronym for the word URGE. I love acronyms because it's an easy way for me to remember and teach concepts. 

So think of the word URGE, the U stands for understand.  Understand I am having an urge. It feels urgent, but I don't have to answer or reward or respond to it. 

The R stands for recognize.  Recognize that an urge is a feeling in our body caused by a thought. A feeling is a vibration in our body, nothing more.  When we are curious and willing to experience these vibrations, we find that we can feel any emotional.

These are a few questions you can ask yourself when you're having an urge. For example, when I was having an urge on my walk for no bake cookies, I asked myself:  Where is this feeling in my body? It was kind of in my chest. And I then said is a hard or soft?  Well it was kind of like a ball, rock hard. And then sometimes you can ask, is it fast or slow? Mine was pretty fast. And then another question:  How does this feeling make me want to react? Well, it made me want to go have some no bake cookies.  And then I said:  Why am I feeling this? And I recognized it was because of the thought I must have no bake cookies, and that was feeding into the desire and I thought it was going to be over if I didn't have no bake cookies.

Alright, so the G in urge stands for goal. Our goal is to unlearn desire by allowing urges to be there, without responding to them.  Because we aren't used to doing this, it's going to require some practice. It simply takes time and repetition to learn how to allow urges. The goal is to have an urge, and allow that desire to be present without answering it.

So a few ways we can do that is, first pretend you're describing the experience to an alien who has never experienced an urge. What does it feel like? Where do they feel it? What are they thinking? 

Watch how you experienced the urge as though you are sitting across the room, this is another way you can do it. This creates distance between the experience, including the thought, you're choosing, and the feeling that it's creating. So basically you're the watcher and you're simply watching the urge. 

Another way is to hold the urge.  Accept the urge, and be present with it. Allow it to be there. Pretend to hold it in your hand and approach it with childlike curiosity.  

And one last way to allow the urge; to be present without answering it.  And simply allow it, move toward it. Open up to that emotion. 

Alright, the last letter in our URGE acronym is E. E is for evaluate. As we practice allowing urges, we get better at feeling them, and the intense desire begins to dissipate. Again, this will take time and practice just like anything new, but rather than being afraid of the urge, see it as an opportunity to get better at allowing urges.

So to do this, you could write about the urge in a notebook, or have a jar and put something visual inside each time you allow an urge. I do this, I have a jar in my kitchen, and every time I allow an urge, I'll put a bead in the jar. 

Now for those of you who think you have to get this right all the time, no, this is not how it is. You don't have to start over when you quote, mess it up. Nope. We just have a jar. And when we allow urges, we stick a bead or whatever you want in the jar. And watch it grow, and it doesn't matter how quickly it fills up. You're just practicing allowing urges, and seeing something to notice when you do them. 

Being able to allow an urge is a skill.  By practicing this over and over and being compassionate with ourselves when we give into an urge, we'll become really good at allowing urges. So, if you want to strengthen your mental muscles and increase your ability to recognize and allow urges join my Lovin Me Program.  Besides the urge acronym I created, remember that's Understand, Recognize, Goal, and Evaluate. I also have many other ways to help you get the results you truly desire.

Lastly, one of my favorite quotes is from the amazing life coach, Rachel Hart. She says, "Urges are powerless without our consent."  Hmmm, something to think about.  

Have a good one y'all, and here's to allowing urges and love. 

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If you would like to become an expert at loving yourself, check out my Lovin Me Program leannaustin.com