Fostering Healing Through Connection with Dafna Lender, LCSW

Welcome to the By Their Side podcast, dedicated to advocating for children living in foster care. I'm Micaela Tracy, your host, and in today's episode, we delve into the transformative insights of Dafna Lender, a licensed clinical social worker with over 25 years of experience specializing in therapy and developmental psychotherapy.

As we navigate through Dafna's journey, you'll discover the profound impact of Integrative Attachment Family Therapy, her model born out of early struggles as a social worker in therapeutic foster care. Dafna's approach focuses on bridging therapy with family dynamics, providing essential tools for those working with children who have experienced trauma. 

Join me in exploring Dafna's powerful message of hope, applicable not only to foster care professionals but to anyone navigating parent-child relationships. Dafna's expertise shines through as she shares practical strategies for therapists, CASA volunteers, and frontline workers to make a meaningful impact in the lives of families and children. We unravel the significance of dyadic developmental psychotherapy, where simple, primary activities become crucial attachment moments. Dafna illustrates how these interactions, like play, fostering trust, and connection, pave the way for healing even in the face of resistance.

We also discuss the importance of curiosity in understanding a child's perspective and how it acts as a powerful tool in fostering a sense of agency and safety. Dafna shares valuable insights into navigating challenging moments, such as transitions to new foster homes or visits, providing listeners with actionable advice for co-regulation. She emphasizes the crucial role that advocates such as caseworkers and caregivers play in understanding and respecting a child's needs, even during challenging situations. 

I invite you to join me in this enlightening conversation with Dafna, where her wealth of experience and wisdom shines a light on the transformative potential of Integrative Attachment Family Therapy. You can learn more about Dafna's work, access videos, articles, and stories on her website. Be inspired to incorporate playfulness, positive regard, and therapeutic strategies into your interactions with the children you work with!

 

Highlights:

[0:30] - Today, we'll be hearing from Dafna Lender, a licensed clinical social worker who specializes in therapy and dyadic developmental psychotherapy.

[1:48] - Dafna shares her journey overcoming challenges as a social worker, integrating therapy with family dynamics.

[5:49] - Therapy emphasizes basic parent-child activities, addressing attachment issues in children with trauma through understanding and guidance.

[7:50] - Dafna adds that therapy fosters a cycle of connection, rupture, and repair, using simple activities to build trust and attachment.

[9:59] - When interacting with a child, nonverbal cues convey trust and confidence; use rhythmic, measured approaches for connection.

[12:33] - Maintaining strength involves setting aside personal ego, addressing past triggers, and adopting a gentle approach in therapy.

[13:20] - Dafna points out that adopting a chatty, lighthearted cadence in therapy is inspired by the way one talks to babies.

[16:14] - Effective foster parenting involves creating a safe environment with clear communication, simple rules, and attachment-building gestures.

[19:44] - Central to attachment, Dafna argues, is genuine curiosity.

[21:44] - Dafna adds that expressing curiosity involves looking away, using reflective language, and encouraging openness.

[23:26] - Dafna explains how tantrums are rooted in physiological responses.

[25:36] - In navigating outings with a child, Dafna advises maintaining a matter-of-fact demeanor and offering choices.

[28:33] - Being an advocate for the child and understanding their needs during interactions are both crucial.

[30:58] - Dafna engages in rhythmic play, observing and addressing emotional states through touch and mindful body presence.

[34:04] - Phyllis Booth, Dafna's therapy co-founder, provides her enduring support, exemplifying the importance of showing up without words.

[37:37] - Dafna provides some helpful resources, including her website and her book.

 

Connect with Dafna:

Website
Integrative Attachment Family Therapy Book