Husband and Father // Building a Godly Family, Part 7

We men are a funny breed – we have the whole provider and protector thing going on inside us. And you know something, if we know how to live that out in a godly way, we can be such a blessing to our families.

We men are a funny breed. There's something deep inside us that makes us the protectors and providers for our families. Most men, not all but most men are programmed, hard wired, to provide and protect. Yet these days, women so often work and bring an income into the house and that's great but it tends to be the man, the husband, the father who carries the burden of protection and provision for his family around in his heart.

That's why, when things are financially tough, so many men take it personally. I was talking to a good friend of mine recently who had been counselling many of his friends in the financial services industry; men who had lost so much of their wealth through the financial crisis. Many of them were contemplating suicide. Why is that I asked him? And he said, "Well, here's the strange thing. By any global standard you'd have to say these men are still very wealthy. But through the loss they feel like such failures."

It's kind of how we are as men. And even though we men can so often get things wrong and become all dominating and reclusive and uncommunicative and even down right abusive, you know there's something special about the way that God’s made us. There's something inside us that wants to lead and that … that thing is a real asset to our families.

It's such a blessing to have a godly family. You know what comes from a godly family? A peaceful home and that is such a blessing, an incredible blessing – to walk in the front door, shut the door and know that we have, on this side of that door, peace. I love this passage from the prophet Isaiah in the Old Testament.

The effect of righteousness will be peace and the result of righteousness - quietness and trust forever. My people (says God) will abide in peaceful habitation in secure dwellings and in quiet resting places. (Isaiah chapter 32, verses 17 & 18)

Now, I don't know about you but I want that: peaceful habitation, secure dwelling, quiet resting place. And funnily enough that fits so well with the thing that we men have hard wired inside us somewhere, to be the protector and the provider. Because if we really thought about it that's the sort of home we'd like to provide for our families. I certainly would.

And that snug fit, that kind of 'hand in glove' thing that's happening here between God’s promise of the peaceful home and the man’s desire to provide and protect, you know what that tells me? It tells me that we men, husbands and fathers, we have a big role to play in bringing that blessing of peace to pass.

That's something I'd like to unpack today on the program because if the truth be known, there is more than one man listening today, for whom it's time to step up to the plate and be a man. To be the man God made him to be in his family: to protect, to provide, to bring peace and blessing to our homes.

There's this notion these days of the man being the head of the household is not particularly popular. It's not politically correct. But the reality is that the man’s protector/provider kind of strength fits him well for that role. Not to dominate people, not to abuse his power but to be a godly leader of the home. And here's the key, it's in that adjective "godly".

An ungodly husband and father can be such a destructive force in the home because he's so strong. His anger is so fierce. It's part of who he is as a man. A father can be destructive. Have a listen to this bit of Godly advice from the apostle Paul in Ephesians chapter 6, verse 4. He says:

Fathers, do not (do not) provoke your children to anger but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

You see the two sides of the coin there? The strength that he has can let dad bring his kids up in the discipline and the instruction of the Lord. It's a great strength but it can be misused to provoke his children to anger. Godly strength wrongly applied becomes a harsh reality. And where there is harsh judgement and treatment from an ungodly man in the home, there can be no peace.

The other mistake we make, in the 21st century context, is the mistake of abdication. Many a father and husband walks away from his role as the leader of the home. And that's sad. Because as a godly leader he can bring such an incredible peace and stability and safety and order in the chaotic thing we sometimes call family.

The three most common reasons why we men sometimes abdicate are these. Firstly – we're just plain exhausted. We're working long hours to pay the mortgage and we just can't be bothered. We've got nothing left.

Secondly – it's not politically correct anymore for him to exercise leadership. We mistake equality between men and women. We get it all wrong. We think, somehow, it means that our roles in the home are the same. Well they're not because we're different and God planned it that way. And the template that men have in their heads of the relationship between their fathers and mothers doesn't seem to work so well anymore. So it's not politically correct so they don't exercise leadership.

And thirdly – kids have been taught to disrespect their parents. I don't know if you live in a place in the world where you can watch the TV program The Simpsons, but the father, Homer, is a stupid old slob who never gets things right. Society is teaching our children to defy their parents and so many a man will abdicate. And on top of all that, he's so busy, he's too busy to have a close walk with God. He himself isn't godly.

You know, if I don't spend time with God I am not going to be godly. So if you're a man, listen up. And if you're a woman, listen up too because this is important about your man.

Men, God has made us in a certain way, strong with that protector/provider instinct for a purpose. And the greatest thing that we can do for our families, the greatest thing, is to get close to God. To start praying and reading the Bible and getting so close to God that we can hear His heart beat. It's a strong, beautiful beat, a constant rhythm of a Father's heart. And the closer we get to God, the more we rediscover who God made us to be.

Actually, being a leader and loving and cherishing our wives and nurturing our children, it comes kind of naturally. It comes naturally to cherish our wives. It comes naturally to instruct our children, to nurture them, to discipline them and to protect our families from things that will upset their peace.

The problem is so many men have slipped into bad habits because they're tired, because society has told them that godly ways aren't trendy anymore. Maybe they're not trendy but if we surveyed woman and asked them if they wanted their husbands to step up to the plate and take on the mantle of leadership, godly leadership in the home. You know what answer we'd get, a resounding, "oh yes please!"

It's great for us men to be passionate about our work but something my wife's been teaching me is that I have to have something left for my family too. Not the leftovers, not the dregs but something of my best. So, if you're a man, if some of this rings true for you, if it's striking a bit closer to home today than you wished it was, here is my encouragement to you today.

You my friend are God’s gift to your wife and your children. He expects you to lead. He expects you to protect and to provide. And when we've figured out what that means in our particular families, what we discover is that who we are brings peace to our homes and that … that is such a great blessing.