When Two Becomes One // Building a Godly Family, Part 9

They say that what marriage is all about is two becoming one. It’s a great theory but, well, as I heard someone say once, it’s the “becoming” that’s the problem. That’s where the hard work really is.

Well, over this last week-and-a-half, on the program, we've been talking about building a Godly family and this week in particular, about realising the enormous blessing that comes from having a peaceful home. Its great stuff isn't it? And yet, for many, it seems so impossible, this notion that our family, our dysfunctional family, with all its bumps and wrinkles and imperfect family members, could ever possibly be godly and peaceful.

But it's not impossible. It’s God’s plan for our families and the peace comes from the fact that we start living our lives the way God always intended. A scripture that we've looked at over the last few days is the one from the book Isaiah. Isaiah chapter 32, beginning at verse 17:

The affect of righteousness will be peace and the result of righteousness, quiet and trust forever. My people, says God, will abide in a peaceful habitation, in secure dwellings and in quiet resting places.

Righteousness, living our lives right, has consequences. There's blessing attached to living our lives that way. And that blessing is quietness, trust forever, peaceful habitation, secure dwellings and quiet resting places. We sow what we reap. And I have to tell you, nowhere is that more important than in a relationship between a husband and a wife because it's that relationship that sets the course for family life.

I once heard someone say something about marriage that made me smile. There's a passage in the book of Genesis that Jesus quotes many years later that goes like this.

For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife and they will become one flesh.

This person said that that's all well and good but it's the 'becoming' that's the hard bit. Anyone who's been married for any length of time will know that that's the truth. The 'becoming' is the hard bit. We all go into marriage somehow imagining that it's going to be sweetness and light, the proverbial bed of roses. Just to discover that the 'becoming one flesh' can be so hard.

Because while we know that marriage is a partnership, honestly, in our hearts, our vision of partnership is that "she'll do everything my way. She'll want to watch the sport on TV with me. But, oh goodness, she better never make me spend interminable hours in women’s clothes shops and shoe shops." Or the other way round if you happen to be a woman.

But it's not like that. It requires both husband and wife to lay down their lives for one another because if they want to hang on to their own lives they're going to lose their married life. But if they let go of their own lives, they'll discover this amazing new life together. Does that sound vaguely familiar to you?

And this is where God’s wisdom comes in. If we want to build a godly family then the foundations have to be rock solid. Husband and wife, each individually, have to have a great relationship with Jesus. They individually have to be walking close with Him and living a godly life.

That's the strong foundation in the ground. And on that foundation they can then build a godly marriage together. And on that foundation, of a rock solid godly marriage, they can build a godly family. I mean the kids and the family as a whole, what chance at godliness and peace do they have at learning those things in family, if mum and dad aren't godly and living out a godly marriage? The answer is zippitydoda. None. Absolutely zilch.

And here it comes, here's the godly approach to marriage. We looked at part of it yesterday on the program. Maybe it feels a bit old fashioned. Maybe it's not quite the sort of language that we'd use today but let me tell you something from experience, it works. Have a listen, a careful listen. 1 Peter chapter 3, beginning at verse 1:

Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that if any of them do not believe in the Word they may be won over without words by the behaviour of their wives when they see the purity and the reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornments such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewellery and fine clothes. Instead it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s sight.

For this is the way that holy women of the past, who put their hope in God, used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands. Like Sarah who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs, with you, of gracious gift of life so that nothing may hinder your prayers.

Finally, all of you live in harmony with one another. Be sympathetic. Love each other as brothers. Be compassionate and humble. Don't repay evil with evil or insult with insult but with blessing because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. Whoever would love life and seek good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn away from evil and do good. He must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

There is some brilliant advice in here and, as I said, we may not use the same language today. The first one is:

Wives, submit to your husbands.

But later on, Peter writes in chapter 3, verse 7, he writes:

Husbands, in the same way be considerate as you live with your wives.

Do you see the thing? This is two sides of the one coin. This is actually talking about mutual submission in different ways. I just can't run off as a husband and do all the things I want to do anymore. I have to submit to my wife. I have to be considerate of her and nurture her and value her and cherish her. But also the wives have to acknowledge the leadership role that the husband has. So there's mutual submission. Wives submit to your husbands. Husbands honour, value and respect your wives.

And then next it says watch what you say. Look if you were to have ...

... long life and seek good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from deceitful speech.

Be careful what you say in your marriage because words hurt.

And then seek peace and pursue it.

This is not rocket science. But we're so selfish. So hell bent on getting our own ways, we ignore God. Instead of fearing Him by living according to what He says and reaping the blessing. We somehow think we know better. Well get a revelation – we don't!

Husbands and wives be mutually submissive to one another. Figure out what that looks like, what it means in your marriage.

Wifey dear, hen pecking your husband ain't going to work. Hubby, you ignore her much longer and you're going to lose her. Zip up your lip and don't spit out angry words. And as hard as it is, as much as it may hurt, "Seek peace and pursue it." Deliberately turn away from the things you know are wrong. From the things you know are robbing your marriage of peace. And here's the consequences stated plain and simple for all to see and hear. 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 12:

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their prayer but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

Righteousness, living our lives sensibly according to God’s Word, bringing that into our marriages. People, that's where the peace is in our marriage. I'm a simple guy. I don't remember long lists but this one, even I can remember. And you know something, the more I think about it the more it's a no-brainer. It's so easy to carry on about all small stupid things that ruin our marriages and don't matter and in doing that we rob our home of peace.

You want peace? You have to seek it and pursue it.