A Fresh Start For Your Relationships // Spring Cleaning Your Life, Part 4

As we contemplate the year ahead, we can’t think for too long without thinking about our relationships. The good ones.  The mediocre ones.  And, the downright destructive and hurtful ones too.

It’s just so good to be with you again today, looking forward together at the year that lies ahead. And as we think about that year, all the good things and the difficult things that are going to come our way, it is hard to think for more than a few minutes without turning our attention to relationships.

Have you ever though about how many relationships you have? Relationships ranging from absolutely crucial to distant; fantastic to fiasco; blessing to bust. And those relationships it turns out have a huge impact in the quality and the effectiveness of the lives that we lead.

So what if we looked across all those relationships and looked at the ones that are causing us grief and did something about them. What impact would that have on our lives this year?

This week on A Different Perspective we’re looking at spring cleaning our lives. Over the week so far we have look at spring cleaning our homes, our finances, our priorities. If you have missed any of those you can listen to them again online at our website www.Christianityworks.com .

There are different sorts of people in our lives and one of the groups of people that we have in our lives are what I have called “Poisonous” people. People who drag us down. People who criticise and abuse and compromise. Recently my wife Jacqui and I met a couple. Here was this married woman behaving improperly without setting appropriate boundaries. It was so easy for us to have friendships and relationships with people who are “Poisonous” people.

There is a great picture of the apostle Paul on the island of Malta. You can read about it in the 28th chapter in the book of Acts in the New Testament. He is picking up some wood and a viper, a snake, bites him on the hand and starts pumping poison into him. And he shakes it off and throws it into the fire.

We all know people like that. People who when we are around them they pump poison into our spirits. I would contend that part of having a healthy life is looking at some of those relationships that in fact we shouldn’t even be in. Some of the sorts of people that are so bad for us we need to just say, "I am not just going have a relationship with this person.”

You might be listening and say, "But that’s not a very Christian attitude to have.” I would like to point to you what Jesus said to the disciples when he sent them out. You can read about it in Matthew’s Gospel, chapter 10 verse 14. He said

“Look, go into these towns and tell them about the good news. Tell them about Me. If they don’t listen shake the dust of your feet and go into the next town.”

Sometimes there are people in our lives (and in our hearts we know who they are) we are having friendships and relationships with that are just dragging us down. Is it time to spring clean those. Maybe those people are really close, maybe they are husband or wife. Maybe someone is being hard on us and it is hurting us. Well this is my husband or this is my wife, I just can’t leave them.

I would agree. It’s not time to trash a marriage or our children. That is not what I am talking about. But in that case I just wonder whether it is time to deal with the issues. To try and figure out what I am doing wrong in this relationship. Honestly. Half the time bad relationships come back to what I am doing not what the other person is doing to us.

And also dealing with issues. If someone is always angry with us, if someone is always criticising us, or if someone is always whinging, sure let’s love them. Let’s encourage them, let’s be there for them, but let’s speak the truth in love.

But if you are having a tough day and if you just feel like grumbling, and you’re with me, I will empathise with you, I will counsel you, I will listen to you. I will love you. But I tell you what there is one thing I will not do. I will not sit down and grumble with you. And I won’t let you ruin my life.

Sometimes we need to confront issues. Because if we let poisonous people continue to pump poison into us, eventually it is going to hurt us.

The second group of people I would like to talk about is distant people. There are sometimes people we should be close to, our family, maybe and older parent, maybe an older brother and sister that have grown up. Maybe our kids.

You know, kids go from being a kid to being a teenager and somewhere along the line there as most teenagers do, they close their lives off. And we end up feeding them, clothing them, driving them, disciplining them but sometimes we don’t have a relationship with them. It’s not an easy time having teenagers in our family. And parents have a kind of different set of standards and kids want to do… you know what it’s like.

You’ve been there. What do you do about people that are distant to us that we should be close to? What can we do to spring clean that relationship? I truly believe that we need to be creative in serving them. In talking to them. In building bridges for them. It’s so easy, it’s so much fun and we reap such great rewards. Who is it in your life? Who is it in my life, that we should be close to but somehow we have drifted apart?

You know you are an incredibly creative person. What things can you dream up? How can you use your imagination, your abilities, who God has made you to be, to be creative about building a bridge back into that person’s life; building a relationship into that difficult teenagers space. It is an exciting thing to contemplate. Dealing with poisonous people, that can be hard; building bridges across gaps that’s is exciting stuff.

The third group of people I think we need to talk about are people who ooze God. You know who I am talking about. Those people that you know that have a special sort of wisdom, this grace. They are just a joy and a blessing the be around. They have a deep influence on us. You know what I think, I think we need to hang around those people more; to watch, to listen to learn, to ask, to really understand them.

The apostle Paul wrote this in one of the letters in the New Testament. It is the letter to the Philippians chapter 4 verse 8,

“Whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just and pure and whatever is a blessing, whatever is commendable if anything is excellence or anything worthy of praise—think about those things.”

I’d like to turn that around. If anyone one is good and honourable and just and pure, and if you know anyone who is a blessing and is commendable and does excellent things, hang around them!

We live in a world that hungers after role models. We have footballers, we look at actors, we look at musicians. What about some of the good and Godly people around us.If we are going to spring clean our relationships, shouldn’t we hang around with some people who just ooze God out of their pores.

Poisonous people, distant peoples, people who ooze God. The last part of spring cleaning relationships - I wanted to leave the best till last - Jesus. Because I believe that we can’t do the first three without Him.

One of the things I love to do, is I have a grand piano in my study. And I love sing and to play that piano and there is one particular song that I particularly love. And the opening lyrics go like this,

“Oh Lord you’re beautiful,
Your face is all I see,
And when you eyes are on this child,
Your grace abounds to me.”

The bible says, "If we take a person size step towards Him, He takes a God size step towards us.”

Some people look at Jesus and it never occurs to them that He is a person, that He is someone to have a relationship with. That He is someone to listen to and to pray to and to let Him speak into our spirits. And yet that is exactly what He wants for us. And James said,

“Look, if you are struggling with wisdom”, and I believe that as we look at dealing with poisonous people and distant people and people who ooze God, “if you are struggling for wisdom, go and ask Him and He ungrudgingly gives to those who ask.”

If I were going to spring clean my relationships I would start with the best. Jesus.