Sleep Story: 1922 Western Softwood Lumber Grading Rules (Boring Voice)

Fall asleep to one of the deepest, soothing voices you’ve ever heard reading the most inconsequential material there is. This is the ultimate sleep aid for racing minds, utilizing boring technical readings to help you achieve natural sleep and quiet insomnia.

Travel to the U.S. Pacific Northwest of 1922 and be lulled by the definitive rules for classifying Ponderosa Pine and Sugar Pine. Achieve deep rest in the meticulous definition of the acceptable flaw. Find peace in the precise allowance for Grade C Select, which permits "small, seasonal checks" and "light blue stain." We categorize the exact dimensions of a "sound, tight knot" (not to exceed one inch) and review the limits for pitch pockets and wane. And don’t miss a serene review of the rules of tally, where every board foot is measured, and all fractions of length are disregarded.

Deeply Unimportant is the ultimate sleep aid for minds that won't quit. No whispers, guided meditations, or gentle fairy tales. This is ordered, structured, deep-voiced boredom. Your host, a former news anchor, delivers unchallenging, nondescript material—from municipal codes to technical specifications—in a protracted, professional style with classic broadcast gravitas. The deep, resonant, unwavering tone is the perfect mental white noise, anchoring racing thoughts with comforting cadence and structure, a so-called "cognitive shuffle."

This version of the show is ad-supported: ads play at the beginning of the episode, but nowhere else as you drift off. Access a full archive of ad-free sleep episodes (including long versions that run all night, and infinite loops) for a few dollars a month. Visit http://deeplyunimportant.com to subscribe or gift a membership to a fellow over-thinker.