PFL 38: A Christ-Centered Christmas: His Driver is Love...

Hi everyone! This is Connie Sokol, and you're listening to Balance Redefined Radio. I've spent over 20 years teaching people how to redefine what balance really is, meaning a more purposeful and joyful life.

 

They’ve paid off credit cards, lost weight, organize their homes, and created a meaningful life plan and they've managed their time, changed habits and experience greater success both at work and at home.

 

So now I decided to take the plunge and help about 100,000 new people who want to redefine balance in their lives. People ask me all the time, “How do I go from an overwhelming and chaotic life to more purpose and organization and joy?”

 

That's the reason why I'm doing this podcast, to give you trusted answers and create a space where you could find balance. My name is Connie Sokol and welcome to Balance Redefined Radio…

 

[00:00] Welcome back to Balance Redefined. I'm Connie Sokol. I want to share today about this continuation of a Christ-Centered Christmas and I'm talking about his driver, his love. Again, I am doing some excerpts from My 40 Days With the Savior book and just sharing these.

 

[00:18] It's a daily devotional book...

 

[00:20] It's non-denominational and just giving some insights into the character and traits of Jesus Christ and then some experiences that we can connect on and then some thought provoking questions that we can utilize so that we can think,

 

[00:33] "How can I be a better person and isn't that really one of the ultimate goals that we have everyday just doing a little bit better?"

 

[00:40] That's what I love about Jesus Christ. I feel like every time I learn, study, experience something about him, I become a little bit better. And so today I want to talk about this theme of his driver was love.

 

[00:55] It was love. Always, always love.

 

[00:57] With love, sometimes we think, "Oh, it's just this warm fuzzy feeling," but if you've ever been a parent or if you've ever had to manage people, you know there's lots of layers to love. There's soft love, there's tough love, there's familial love, romantic love.

 

[01:12] There's all kinds of love in our lives and I love that his driver was love and that he really fully knew. Every time he met someone....

 

[01:24] Every time he talked with someone he knew how to love them, how they needed to be loved. So I was listening to this, a religious devotional the other night and the speaker Gary Stephenson was talking about the condition of our heart.

 

[01:40] What is the condition of our heart? He shared how he used to sell sports equipment and the kind of equipment in the sense of that it would measure and track your heart rate, so treadmills and spending cycles and things like that, but it had the ability to measure your heart rate, blood pressure and things like that to really get a sense of the condition of your heart.

 

[02:02] And I know everybody nowadays...

 

[02:03] We have our fitbit's and it measures all this information. All the time, right there on our wrists, you know, pioneers would have been floored to even see that, but it really tells us how fit our heart is, but I want to talk about the condition of our heart in a more intangible way.

 

[02:20] How do we know that condition of our heart? How do we know if we're being meek and lowly? I love the scriptures.

 

[02:29] It says that the savior said, "For I am meek and lowly, follow me because I am meek and lowly."

 

[02:34] What does that mean? Here is this majestic person and doing incredible good in miracles, but he's meek and lowly. How? How do we get ourselves to that place and how do we know if we are? Because the joke is of course, if you think you're humble, then you're obviously not.

 

[02:50] So what does that mean? So I got thinking about that and I got thinking about how can I know where my heart is at? And I started asking myself a few questions while I was going about my day.

 

[03:00] Where is my heart? What is my response when someone cuts me off, some sweet holiday shopper cuts me off and I have kids in my cart? What's my response when someone cuts in line or even takes my spot?

 

[03:16] What is my heart? When someone asked me to do something that's inconvenient, especially if it's someone who does it over and over or someone who I think you should know better and you know how to do this, where? Where's my heart in those situations?

 

[03:31] We have a kind of a very windy road where I live. We live up in the mountains...

 

[03:34] So I was coming down this windy road and you know when you're used to driving the same road over and over and over and over.

 

[03:40] You get used to how fast you can go. You get used to how the windy roads go. You get used to people knowing how to drive on those roads. Right?

 

[03:48] So I'm driving and here comes this car that pulls out in front of me as I'm jamming along and I have to get to somewhere. This Mr. Lexus pulls out in front of me and goes like 10 miles slower than what you need to go on that road.

 

[04:04] And I was like, "You've got to be joking." I don't know where I was headed to because of course that never matters.

 

[04:08] You never remember that, but you remember that you were in a hurry and it really seemed to matter. So I'm behind this Mr. Lexus.

 

[04:14] And I was like, "Okay Dude, you've got the power, you've got the car. Just go. I've got to go."

 

[04:21] On this windy road it's really hard to find a spot that you can sort of pass them without it being, you know, dangerous...

 

[04:27] So I am stuck behind this car and I'm thinking, "Move along, Mr."

 

[04:32] So I'm getting really frustrated and as the seconds tick by and you know how it seems like it takes forever when you're behind someone who's slow, even though they're probably just going a few miles slower, but it feels forever.

 

[04:44] So we're driving and driving and I am really getting frustrated and then in the opposite direction comes around the corner, a police car.

 

[04:54] Suddenly the realization hits me that I am of course a veritable connoisseur of traffic court and have all these traffic classes, you know, you take them so that you don't have to have it on your insurance. Right?

 

[05:09] And this immediate thought hits me, I would have been jamming and I would have probably gotten a ticket...

 

[05:15] So what's my thought all of a sudden, and I'm talking about in milliseconds?

 

[05:21] I was like, "Mr. Lexus, thank you so much."

 

[05:24] Thank you. You just saved me a ticket. I honestly wanted to like cut them off, pull over and say thank you so much because you just saved me from having another ticket, which would've been a bad idea.

 

[05:32] However, isn't it interesting in the matter of a second that everything changed...

 

[05:37] What is it that happens to our hearts?

 

[05:38] I'm sad to say it was because it was in my benefit. So of course my heart became soft and meek and lowly because I was so grateful because it was in my benefit.

 

[05:46] But how can we do that on a daily basis without needing it to be in our benefit? Right? What makes your heart soft and pliable? I love that scripture where it says, "He will write it on the fleshy tables of your heart."

 

[05:59] Isn't that fabulous? Fleshy tables of your heart, thinking of your heart not being hardened, but being soft and fleshy.

 

[06:07] One part of the body that we're happy for it to be flashy and soft and kind of pliable. Right?

 

[06:14] So I have a couple of thoughts...

 

[06:15] The first thought that comes to mind on this is to look for the backstory...

 

[06:19] Look for the backstory. I think when we go through our lives and we just see people as vehicles to what we want and need to get, then we live a pretty lonely life and we can be impatient and quick to be offended and quick to be resentful because people aren't doing what they need to be doing to get my stuff done, right?

 

[06:41] And we get very justified about it. I know I have and I love when I look for the backstory. I remember years ago I was in a particular church calling with a woman.

 

[06:52] She would get up at 4:30 or something in the morning all the time everyday to work out and she would talk a lot about her physical appearance and having work done and different things like that and that was just kind of not where I was at now.

 

[07:03] Of course it was a hot button for me because I had had four children, six and under, I think at that time and so of course I was not looking fit and fabulous. I was looking like Miu Miu dress with the hair in a clip kind of thing. Course.

 

[07:15] That was totally hot button for me.

 

[07:17] Taking anything personally, but I just found it hard to connect with her, you can understand why, but I really found it hard to connect with her.

 

[07:24] And of course it's my beef. It's my hot button...

 

[07:26] But it was interesting because the more time that we ended up spending together. I remember this one time we were ending an activity and we were washing dishes and we started chatting as we were washing dishes and come to find out that she had had to leave home as a young, young teenager, just barely a teenager, had left home and really had been supporting herself her whole life.

 

[07:44] And as this story started to unfold, my heart was so touched. I felt really ashamed of how I had viewed her and had only looked at her in one dimension. And of course a dimension that had mattered to me.

 

[08:01] That was the lens that I was seeing through...

 

[08:05] I'm so profoundly touched by that. I still think about it...

 

[02:02] Because I think we can be quick. We can be quick to overlook people's back story, and we can make a judgment call without knowing the whole story and the whole reasons behind people do what they do.

 

[02:16] That doesn't always excuse what they do, but it just gives us what I call that backstory.

 

[02:22] The second step is along those lines, is to help and not just judge so we know where to judge righteous judgement.

 

[08:38] We're not to walk around in life without making clear judgment calls on what's going on. We have to be savvy and we have to be realistic. We have to be smart about what we're doing.

 

[08:48] We have to say, "Oh, that is probably not a good part of town to go in after dark."

 

[08:54] So I will judge righteous judgment and I will not go in that part of town at 11:00 at night. That is judging wisely. You need to be smart, but more often the judgment that I'm talking about it's that making those snap judgments and then we don't help.

 

[09:09] Then we're unkind. So it's not just that we didn't look for the backstory, it's that now we're withholding love. Now we're withholding help or goodness because we think we know what's going on and that's what I'm talking about.

 

[09:26] I love how Jesus Christ judges righteously. Every single person that he met, he just knew. He asked them generally speaking a question and was really helping them evaluate where they were in their lives.

 

[09:38] He knew, but he was giving them an opportunity to evaluate where they were at and to see that for themselves and I love that. I love that.

 

[09:47] We can do that with others. We can ask some questions. We don't have to judge. We can ask questions and then we can.

 

[09:54] We can choose how we want to help and some ways of helping will be more appropriate than others in different experiences that I've had.

 

[10:01] Even just in the last two months, I've had opportunities to go and actually physically serve and help those who are in difficult situations.

 

[10:10] I've had the opportunity to donate, so that I know that that donation is actually secured to a place and not going to go for booze or whatever-that I know it's going to go to help feed that person and house that person.

 

[10:22] And so all of those things are really important that we have to make judgment that's righteous, but we also don't let that withholdings from helping. And even if we think that this person is, has brought it on themselves or repeatedly does that, or as manipulating whatever, we can still take the high road.

 

[10:41] We can still help them by giving them choice. And again, that's asking questions.

 

[10:46] That's what I've shared with my kids. When something happens at school, like for example friend drama, when suddenly they're not involved in a chat group or suddenly they'd been kind of kicked out of a group and they don't know why no one's saying why I've expressed to them, ask questions.

 

[11:01] Don't just let that elephant in the room be there.

 

[11:04] Let them know you're not just going to go away quietly, not meanly, but just not quietly. You're just going to ask, "Hey, what happened? What's going on? I'd love to know what's happening, but I have a part in this. I'd love to apologize, but I'd like to know what's going on and if anyone can share that."

 

[11:17] And that helps them know where those people are at and what they can actually do to move forward and how they can help the situation. So whether they apologize or whether they're going to write a note or whether they're just going to let them have some space, it helps them know how to respond, which is what we want to do. Right?

 

[11:33] That leads me to the third thing, which is to just be willing and ready to serve. Just be willing and ready to serve. I know where my heart is at.

 

[11:44] If I'm given an opportunity to serve, what's my response to that?

 

[11:48] If my response is, again, "Can't this person take care of this? Can something be done about this? If my response is like that, then I know my heart needs to shift because I can go back to more helpful responses like asking questions, putting some new healthy boundaries in place.

 

[12:07] I can do something about it. I don't have to waste negative energy on a simple request or a reasonable request, whatever it might be for some kind of service.

 

[12:17] So even if it's just a little thing, being willing to serve, being willing to put someone ahead of you, being willing to let someone go in front of you in the line, being willing to stop and help someone pick up some papers that just felt being willing to do those simple services really tell me where my heart is at.

 

[12:36] It really opens my eyes to where somebody else heart, somebody else's heart is at as well.

 

[12:41] I noticed those things a lot different people and when I'm doing business deals and things like that, I am watching for those small simple services I'm watching for. If they talked to the receptionist, I'm watching for.

 

[12:53] If they open the door for someone that's coming in, I'm watching for if they acknowledge everyone in the room and not just the people who have the power plays at hand, right? I'm watching for these simple services and they do reveal the condition of people's hearts I love.

 

[13:09] Just yesterday I had a handyman that was at the house and he got stuck. We get snow where we are and usually people are in four wheel drive and they know to come up there with that and he didn't think about it.

 

[13:22] He knew, but he had forgotten and he just went down our driveway and got stuck when he was ready to head out. I have a four wheeler but it wasn't turning over and I even had the tow rope, but I was like, "Oh my gosh, now I don't have anything to like help him out."

 

[13:37] First thought was to call my neighbor right across the way. I called that neighbor who had just come and fix my washing machine, just fix the washer belt on my washing machine a few days before.

 

[13:49] So after he had fixed that washing machine belt, of course my children and I were like, what can we do to be helpful? So we didn't have anything else. They would not accept payments. So we just had some yummy things we had bought at Costco and some fun things for Christmas goodies and things.

 

[14:03] So we just put a makeshift basket together and just gave him a basket. Him and his son when they left and they were like, "No, no, no."

 

[14:09] But we wanted to do it. So here this man has already served as I have to call him and say, "Hey, can you help him out at this driveway?" He comes over there laying on the ice and the snow.

 

[14:20] They're hooking stuff up. They're trying to, they're backing it up there doing all staff when we're out there, we're throwing snow melt and we're just trying to be helpful and we're praying, we're doing whatever we can, you know, my daughter and I am not, which is not much at all.

 

[14:31] We weren't very much help but he got it done and just without even a second thought was just like, yeah, no worries. And he's like, don't even think about a basket because we approached the car as he was heading out and I just said, "I just want you to know how much we appreciate that."

 

[14:46] Isn't that wonderful?

 

[14:49] You will be continually in each other’s debt. I just loved that. Of course we have the greater. But it was wonderful. Then later that night, the gas fireplace for some reason was not working and I thought, "Oh that I had been an engineer in a former life." Right?

 

[15:07] So I knew another neighbor who was so kind to us and says, "Hey, anything you need, you just let us know." I called him and his cute wife and they're in their sixties, comes over.

 

[15:16] He loves to fix things and he and she worked at it together and they're sharing.

 

[15:21] They're holding the screws and the nuts and the bolts and they've got the flashlight going back and forth together. It was really actually quite tender to watch them work. And in fact she said, "No, it's so inspiring to watch him work. It's so fun." And I learned so much. Oh my gosh.

 

[15:33] So sweet condition of their hearts. So good. And so they get done and we gave him a little treat. But again, there was nothing much for us to do other than express our gratitude. Again, the condition of their hearts.

 

[15:45] I called, they were over there in a heartbeat, making it better for us.

 

[15:49] I throw that out to you, especially in times that are difficult. Our hearts can get protective and we can, we can be not as open to others and oftentimes for very good reason because we've had some negative experiences.

 

[16:05] I would encourage you to consider these three ways to look for the backstory, to help and don't just judge and then be ready to serve, be ready and willing to serve in the simple ways and I think that helps.

 

[16:17] No, our condition of our hearts. I know this has helped me and hopefully it's helped you. So enjoy my free master class that has more on this. It's Five Keys to Balance Redefine that talks about ways that we can stay grounded and centered so that we have that awareness and ability to be able to serve.

 

[16:35] You're welcome to go on my social media or my website for lots and lots of freebies and good stuff and downloads to help you be able to put these principles and practices into your life.

 

[16:45] Stay tuned for more balance, redefined.

You got it. Thanks for listening and remember to rate and subscribe. And if you are feeling the need for real balance in your life, get your free 3-Step Life Plan, and get started today! Just go to conniesokol.com/download.