The Tool to Making Those Difficult Conversations Easy

Kiera talks about the concept “going into the storm,” aka how to approach those difficult conversations with team members, and how this builds trust as a practice. 

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Transcript:

Kiera Dent (00:01)

Hello, Dental A Team listeners, this is Kiera. And today I think is gonna be a really, really, really beneficial conversation. This is something that I've worked with tons of offices on. It's something that I feel is such a good just reminder of the type of practice, the type of leader that we wanna be. So, and it's called going into the storm, how to have hard conversations with your team and actually making them easy. So with that, ⁓ this is like, it's just random. So Buffalo, ⁓

 

I I'm going straight into a story for you. Why not? Happy dental day. Happy everything for you. But when Buffalo, there's a storm coming. So they watch this, basically like Yellowstone area over like the Rocky Mountains. When a storm comes, they've watched Buffalo behavior. What Buffalo do is they actually, the storm's coming at them, like these big, we're talking like a big, snowy, scary, terrifying storm, blinding. They can't see. I've been in some of these storms. Buffalo actually turn.

 

face the storm and walk through the storm. Like they literally go into the storm, whereas cows, what they do when the storm's coming, they see it and they actually pivot and they run away from the storm. And what's interesting is the buffalo, when they go and they hit it head on, they're actually able to get through the storm and be able to come out on the other side faster and with less like heartache and burn on them versus the cows that are actually in the storm so much longer because they avoided it.

 

And then they actually, the storm just like goes with them for much, much longer rather than hitting it head on and taking it on. So when we talk about this in teams and kudos to an awesome doctor up in New York, he's the one who introduced me to this. We talk about it in all of his practices. His practices are thriving. We've taken this to other offices. We do it within our company, but it's where can we go into the storm in our practices? Where are we avoiding conversations where if we would just have them head on, we'd actually be able to move it so much faster and further ahead.

 

And I think about this a lot of like those storms, if you realize, are actually the things that are the building blocks of gaining greater trust and vulnerability with each other. So we go to Patrick Lincione's five dysfunctions of a team. The bottom layer is trust and vulnerability. Then the next layer is healthy debate. Then the next layer is commitment. Then it's peer to peer accountability. And then it's results in winning. So if we look at all that, we break it down. People who go into the storm that's building trust and vulnerability and it's having a healthy debate.

 

versus those who avoid it or are avoided. Like it actually just makes it last longer. And I my little sister said, she's like, here, it's like 10 seconds of courage to overcome these things. And when you look at other opportunities and other stories and other scenarios, when people go into the storm, they walk out on the other side and they're like, gosh, I'm so glad I had that conversation. Even though it was a hard conversation, it ends rather than being avoided on it. And so having those...

 

All it does is it's going to build resentment when we are like the cattle and you're in it so much longer and it's more exhausting for you and it's more draining on you rather than turning it and going into the storm. So in your practice, I have some offices who have literally made like hats, t-shirts, swag, and they say go into the storm. And I think it's a really good reminder. And I'm even tempted to do it in our company. So like, Hey team listening, ⁓ I really think it's an awesome idea to just wear shirts, to make bracelets, to have it on a hat of go into the storm.

 

So you're reminding yourself that you're always going into the storm. I want to have this ⁓ conversation because true leaders go into the storm. Those who are followers avoid. And I just want you to realize like, who am I and what am I doing and what's my behavior? And so this healthy debate or healthy conversation actually allows for more direct conversation and builds trust and it builds a stronger practice. And it's wild because I had an office, we talked about this and we talked about their quarterly meeting.

 

And then three months later, I asked them how they're doing in their life. We've been going into the storm so much more. And when I talked to this office manager, she's like, Kiera, it's crazy how many times I need to go into the storm and how many times I was avoiding it in the past. But now that it's on the forefront of my mind, I'm thinking about it more. I'm doing it more. And I'm actually making it to where it's just better experience for me. So the dentistry team, our job is to like make your life easier. Our job is to make you more profitable, less stress, better patient experience. But when we make changes or when we do things in offices,

 

We've got lots of different behaviors in the practice. So we're going to have lots of different people there, which in that case, we're bound to have conversations that don't match. We're bound to have conflict. We're bound to have people that like, there's just going to be a misalignment, which is going to have the opportunity for frustration, confusion, chaos. And so when we have these conversations, when we teach you and your teams how to do this, your team actually flows. This is how we get flow in a practice. This is how we get ease. And actually, instead of having artificial harmony,

 

we actually have true harmony in our practice. And this will actually apply to your personal life. ⁓ Me, I have two sisters, so hello, welcome to three. There's always an odd man out or odd woman, if you will. And one of my little sisters, we realized that there was some pretty awesome opportunities for some healthy debate. My family is really solid on people pleasing. We think that that's the right way to go. Seven kids don't make a big mess, like it's fine. And I've noticed the more I coach and the more my company and the more I work with teams,

 

the less and less tolerant I am to people pleasing and not having conversations when they need to happen. And I remember my little sister and I was for my birthday. ⁓ She's 15 years younger than me. So life lessons, like I've clearly had a lot more life than she has. And ⁓ we went into the storm and my little sister felt like maybe I didn't like her and

 

We talked about it and I remember telling her, I waited about a week and I said, hey, Leticia, are you open to a conversation? And she said, yeah. I said, let's talk about what happened. And I helped her realize that like me having that kind of a conversation with her, like, let me know how it landed because in no way, or form, do I want to be rude or aggressive or anything like that. Cause I know I can have a bit more bold of personality site if you couldn't guess. I'm sure all of you can guess that. And I told her, said, like,

 

Me coming to you and having that conversation actually is me wanting to build more trust with you. So that way we can have conversations. You can tell me what you're feeling. I can tell you what I'm feeling and we don't have to sit here wondering and guessing or talking through other people. And I was actually like really, really proud of my little sister who's 23. Actually she just turned 24. But at 24 to learn these life lessons.

 

and to be open to it and to see that like going into the storm is not a bad thing, but it is uncomfortable because I think a lot of our lives and a lot of society has taught us to avoid to make sure people like us. But the real way for people to like us is to know that they trust us and that they can be real with us. So on that, this is something of like, Hey, if you're avoiding conversations or you're nervous about your leadership, this episode is your permission and your playbook to have these conversations and to truly go into the storm, to hit things head on and to not have the

 

the problems last for so long. So step one is like, let's get the facts in the right intention. So I'm really big on like, when we're highly charged and we come in and we are berating people or we're being rude, that actually can damage a relationship. So like you can go into the storm, but the way we go into the storm, let's have finessing grace rather than like attack mode. So what are the facts of the situation? What happened? What was said, what was done and what's needed to resolve it. And then, excuse me, I'm really big on like say what needs to be said.

 

So let's not just like go into it like, all right, facts are that you were a jerk, did this. Those are actually like someone being a jerk is not a fact. A fact is you said X, and Z on this date. This is how it landed. And these are the clear examples and we stay grounded. So this is where also metrics and KPIs are really great. So if your hygiene team is not hitting it, it's like the facts are that we're actually not hitting our three times our pay like we need to. We looked at all the open time in the schedule. So there's a scheduling issue. We also looked at what our

 

dollar per procedure has been for each hygienist. And we know this hygienist is hitting it, this hygienist is not. We also looked at like what's going on within those and what are the procedure makeups? Do you see how many facts I just brought to the table? So instead of being the hygienist is like, well, you don't give us the time. We can't hit three times. It's like, okay, here's the facts. Here's the data to back it up. Now let's figure out a solution together to make sure that we're able to hit three times our pay. Cause we need to take care of our patients and we need to make sure like this is something other offices can do. So let's make sure we do it. And then what we're going to do

 

is now that's like, we've got the right intention. And what I say is we spend like two minutes on talking about what the issue is very clearly clear as kind. And then we spend the rest of our conversation resolving it and finding solutions to it. So really the goal is to improve, it's not to shame or to blame or to nitpick that person's like, you did this. Like, no, that never is going to land well. That is one way to go into the storm, but that is not the best way to go into the storm. Like kudos, you actually have the combo.

 

but it didn't land in a way that somebody felt respected, heard, and that they're able to accomplish it. So the next step is we have that, prepared our facts and our intention. Next step is going to be like to communicate clearly and directly. Like I said, clear is kind. So we can use words like I've noticed or help me understand, or I'd like to understand your perspective on this. And we speak with empathy and firmness. So it's like we address the behavior, not the person. So it's never like, well, Sarah, you're not hitting your three times a pay. It's like, hey,

 

We've noticed this is happening. These are some of the facts. Help me understand what's going on so we can create a solution together to get to three times our pay. Notice on that, I did not tell them like this is open for negotiation, but I'm also not blaming you and telling you that you're wrong. It's like, hey, this is what's going on. Here are the facts. Help me understand your side. And then let's create a solution together that we both agree to that's going to be able to resolve this once and for all. ⁓ So when doctors and office managers come into it, I had a coach and she told me, always come from curiosity.

 

So when we're going into these, from curiosity, that's going into the storm in a way that's going to yield a positive result. It's like, hey, help me understand, or like, I'd love to understand more about this, ⁓ or hey, help me see your side on this. I'd really love to understand where you're coming from. So a lot of it's like, help me understand, help me understand. I'd love to know more. ⁓ Help me see your perspective on this. I'd love to understand your side. And truly, we're now listening to understand. We're not listening to respond.

 

And I hope you heard that you're listening to understand you're not listening to respond. And then from there, like honestly, I had a doctor, I giggle, I had a doctor who had to practice this with me. Like they literally had to sit there and have an uncomfortable conversation with me and they had to send me the video. So was like, how are you going to come into this? How are you going to approach it? How are you going to say like, help me understand this? How are you going to address the issue with facts? Help me understand more, Kiera. I remember the doctor said it to me and.

 

I watched it I was like, my gosh, we have to this conversation again. Like I swear we just had this and I called the doctor and I said, hey, I got your message. Thank you for it. Like help me understand like what we need to resolve with this conversation. The doctor like, no, we don't resolve anything. You just told me I had to practice. So had to send you another video of this, but we are resolved. like, but notice how you even came into that. Like I'm annoyed. Like, my gosh, I have to freaking have this conversation again.

 

But my ultimate intention is I want to get this resolved so it doesn't come up and I want to resolve it forever. And I really do want to understand what you're hearing, how this is landing so we can be on the same page. When we communicate, going to the storm for me is we are on the same page, we've made a resolve and we're committed to solving this forever. Notice, trust and vulnerability, then we go into healthy debate, then we go into commitment and then it's peer to peer so we can win. So on this, I'm like, my ultimate resolve is like, what do we need to commit to? What do we need to do to resolve this?

 

Like what do need to hear? What do I need to understand? So that way you and I are on the exact same page. So then after that, we then are able to have a follow up and accountability. So once we have that, like I just said, like we had the conversation, we have the intention, we had the healthy debate, whatever it is we commit, we commit 100 % and what we're going to follow through on. So we have a culture of follow through accountability. So it's like amazing. This is what we agreed to. This is when we're going to get it done and this is what you need and this is what I need. And this is when we're going to...

 

touch base and make sure it's good to go again. What I love is when these emails are like, you send this in a recap email form. So both of us, like there's no misunderstanding because what they've actually studied is people's memories are not actually real. We actually don't remember and we fabricate and we change. So like when you have eyewitnesses, actually not great witnesses because everybody's memories change all the time. So when we have black and white of a recap of, this is what we agreed to. This is what we said. These are the dates. Now there's no room for miscommunication.

 

And also what I like to do is on this follow-up accountability, I like to ask them, like, hey, also, I just want to make sure that what I was trying to communicate is what you heard. ⁓ Help me understand, like, what did you hear and how did this land for you? So you say this with Vanessa, because someone might say, like, Kiera, I heard that you think I'm a terrible hygienist and I'm actually doing an awful job. At that point, it's like, thank you for telling me. ⁓ Once again.

 

Help me understand what I said that made you feel that way, because that's not my intention at all. And I want to make sure we're on the same page. I appreciate you so much. So then they'll be like, well, when you said that I wasn't doing blah, blah, great. Well, now we can resolve it. We can fix it. Like, thank you. This is what I was trying to say. Is that more clear? Does that work? Are we on the same page? Then we have the follow up, the support. We follow through. We make sure it's going to be resolved forever. Now, this can be really awkward at first.

 

This is not something that I feel people are naturally born with most of the time. And I think that this is something to practice. So what we've got to do is the three steps for these going into the storm is we prepare with facts. We communicate with clarity. We're like, it's very clear. Like, hey, here's it. We have the facts in our intention. We communicate clear as kind. This is the issue. This is the resolve. Let's work together to find a solution. And then we're having accountability follow-up to make sure that we're on the exact same page with that email recap. And like, perfect. Help me understand. We're coming from curiosity.

 

This will help you have courageous, strong leader conversations. This will help you go into the storm more. And what's interesting is if you even want to take this podcast to your leadership team and help your whole leadership team hear this, like, we're going to go into the storm more this quarter. We're going to start practicing these conversations. We're going to start asking each other how it lands. What's amazing is within your office, it's like a little breeding group of everybody knows what's going on so I can practice on them. So then when I go to my family,

 

it's not as awkward and I can start to have it. And what's interesting is you will actually start to have less and less tolerance for artificial harmony and more and more craving to be on the same page, to have this conversation, to make sure we're communicating on the same page that we're actually communicating. And we're not just trying to talk through a window, right? Like at the stoplight, when you see a car over there and you're like, hey, your music's great. And they're like, what? That's how oftentimes communication is versus like, let's roll down the windows. Let's truly communicate. Let's go into the storm. Let's hit these issues head on.

 

hit the issues, not the person. Let's do it with poise, with finesse and grace. And you can even tell people like, hey, I'm practicing this. I heard it on a podcast. I'm not a hundred percent like great at this, but I'm going to do my best. And I want you to just give me feedback of how it landed for you so I can get better and better and better. This is where it's going to be where you can truly become an incredible leader. And I promise you, if you'll go into the storm, your life will be so much better. Let's get through it. Let's see that these are opportunities for you to grow all these storms, if you will.

 

are opportunities of your soul to grow, to evolve, and to become the person you were meant to be. So see it as the opportunity, see these as great blessings, see them as worthy opponents, see it as like, my gosh, I get an opportunity to grow and become a better version of myself. Thank you for showing up, thank you for this opportunity, and become the leader that you were meant to be. So if you're avoiding a conversation right now, this is your sign to go into the storm, and I'm sure all of us have it. What is the storm that you need to go into? And honestly, you can DM us, like, difficult conversation guide. We have a whole recipe of how to have a hard conversation.

 

⁓ And we're happy to share that with you. So just message us or email us. [email protected] ⁓ This is where I want you guys like the podcast is here for leadership tools. It's for tactical practical pieces. And honestly, maybe send this episode to a colleague to another doctor that maybe, know, doesn't go into the storm as much with their team. Send it to team members, office managers, send it to your office manager and say, Hey, I want to start having these conversations with you. I know I've been avoiding that. I think this is a great framework for us to now start to go into this and giving us permission to play.

 

to have these conversations together to grow ourselves. And honestly, if you're struggling with that, this is where we coach up leadership teams. We coach doctors how to have these conversations. We coach team members how to have these conversations. We have it in a safe space where you can practice, because you're not going to be perfect at it, but we want perfect practice to get these great results. We want you to practice having going into the storm. We want to push you and say like, hey, this is the storm, let's go into it, and having an accountability buddy that won't let you shy away from it.

 

So if we can help you out in that, reach out [email protected]. And as always, thanks for listening. I'll catch you next time on the Dental A Team Podcast.