Life Can Change In A Moment

Sex workers, open relationships, attachment, intimacy. What would you guess the average porn star talks about in therapy? I had no idea, but we discussed that this week on the show.  Fascinating.

Also—Let me tell you what I like about Dr. Amie Harwick’s  moment this week.  She had to stop drinking, not because of alcoholism, but because of a medical condition. In the episode she talks about the numerous benefits to her when she stopped drinking.

Her social life changed, and got better. She took better care of herself and her sleeping, she had better energy. All these benefits that even though she wasn't an alcoholic, alcohol was negatively affecting her life. She opens up and talks more about it on this week's episode of Life Can Change In A Moment.

Her bio is below.

Dr. Amie Harwick, MFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist and sex therapist. She practices in private practice in West Hollywood, CA. Dr. Amie is the author of The New Sex Bible for Women, an international speaker, and if often on tv as an expert in mental health and sexuality.

Show Notes

• [1:00] Dr. Amie Harwick, a Ph.D. Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Sex therapist.
• When she quit drinking, her life directions change a lot just by making a particular change.
• [3:40] She slowly realizes that her directions went well when she stops drinking; she also experiences just holding a drink not to bug her by others. She replaces alcohol with one or two cups of coffee a day.
• [6:50] Dr. Amie needs 3000 hours of interning before she got her license after a master's degree, and it took her for five years. While on graduate school, she also works as a bartender, a performer in a circus, a dancer, a clown, and she also eats fire.
• [9:00] Dr. Amie explains how she trains to eats fire with professionals. She uses duvetyn, fire extinguisher, and camping fuel with fire safety personnel. She explains that the fire goes up while putting in your mouth and close it but don't breathe in.
• [12:50] When she quits drinking, she chooses to date that is not alcoholic or likes drinking. She spends hiking and exercising a lot and avoids nightlife, she also loves sleeping and goes to art galleries instead of going to a bar. When she had a client, she always asks about their eating and sleeping, and many of them have sleep deprivation.
• [16:10] Dr. Amie is a marriage and family therapist and a sex therapist and has a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology. 
• [19:00] Amie is also interested in Forensic Psychology, but she realizes that she will not enjoy it in a lifetime, so she wanted to be a therapist specializing in sexuality to help people build self-esteem and self-acceptance and education. Many of her clients are related to gender identity, sexual orientation, and how that impact relation around them not always sex addiction that many thoughts.
• [22:00] Amie said that it is important to seek additional training and education to call yourself an expert in any specialty, so she got her Ph.D. in Human Sexuality and finishing the 3000 hours interning. She also speaks, writes, and videos to educate other people. She saw a lot of posting in social media about people self-diagnosing, psychology disorder to market a book or an idea. People who are Googling their sickness didn't meet the criteria because of anxiety.
• [27:20] Dr. Amie works with the non-profit called Pineapple support that subsidizes fee the sex workers and performers adult industries, their typical problems are about managing stress anxiety related to changing laws, telling their family members.
• [30:00] Some of her clients are adult performers or sex workers that have stress related to their bank accounts being shut down because of their jobs, and some clients have a problem in a relationship.
• [33:06] Sex workers have problematic things and also have benefits; Dr. Amie did not force her clients to stop their jobs related to sex. She said that's people's choice, freedom and responsibility to do that.
• [35:50] Dr. Amie rescue a cat and change her life a lot, she dresses him in costume and has Instagram,
• She thinks that having the companionship of having an animal feels good, she has a client that got a hamster, and it's a life-changer for him.
• [38:20] Many don't share their problems with others; in therapy, they can share everything and stays in that room. In this time, many people judge other people, shaming others; being cautious of what we say to others will be extremely helpful in society. While online we saw many of judging and criticizing others, Amie said that's why we need to go offline a bit. 
• [41:20] Dr. Amie talks about to her clients that changing what they follow, what they engage in, and related to what you care about instead following accounts that are people you compare yourself to or information that makes you angry. 
• [43:30] Amie said that open and honest communication and making time for intimacy and closeness would build attachment and atonement, which are the things that keep relationships together. Dr. Amie highly suggests the book Attached to identify the attachment style that would be best for you.
• [47:00] Secure partners are typically the best options for an anxious person, but that doesn't make them the good ones. If you in love with the anxious person, all you got to do is to check one another, more communications. The reality is the opposite doesn't attract. Birds of the same feather do flock together. We attracted to people that match our value system.
• [50:05] Dr. Amie recommended a book called 8 Great Dates by John Gottman, who is one of the best relationship therapist researchers.
• [51:00] Dr. Amie talks about open relationships and monogamy and thinks both are possible. Her clients with an open relationship are doing it for a long time and much easier to work with than monogamous people who are louder, argue, and more aggressively, she saw in her practice.
• [54:00] Dr. Amie recommend to do a lot of research, talk a lot of people, join a support group, and see a therapist before going to open relationship. In open relationship scheduling is a difficult task; a lot of poly couples with kids have help from a secondary partner to babysit while the primary partner goes on a date.
• [56:30] Dr. Amie talks about intentional intimacy or plan sex, it's great to have romantic sex, but in reality, when you are in a relationship sometimes, you’re not going to match up. 
• [58:17] Dr. Amie said that intimacy doesn’t necessarily have to include sex or sexual activity.
• [59:15] The new sex bible for women is a book wrote by Dr. Amie Harwick.