Film Snuff
[In HAL 9000’s voice]:
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The 2006 smash hit "The Devil Wears Prada" seemed to have struck a chord on the piano that is the hearts of moviegoers everywhere, but to us, with its weighty pile of missed notes, it instead felt like ton of ivory falling on our heads.
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La-dee-da, la-dee-da. Woody Allen's 1977 Best Picture winner "Annie Hall" is considered his masterpiece and marked his shift from slapstick zany comedies to more heady, romantic fair. This movie is patient zero for annoying, pretentious, pseudo-intellectual romantic comedies that followed (think Rob Reiner, Nora Ephron, Nancy Meyers, Kevin Smith, etc.).
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Somehow John Woo’s remake of “Freaky Friday” known as “Face/Off” starring John Travolta and Nicolas Cage where they switch bodies was somehow beloved by audiences—and critics alike—in 1997. This movie has 4,529 missed point-blank gunshots, sappy family drama for no reason, dead kids, white American terrorists (when that was allowed to be a thing), a futuristic Gitmo with magnetic boots, and so many doves.
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The Best Picture winner for 1994 "Forrest Gump" is itself like a box of chocolates: filled sickly sweets that seem like they’re good on the surface, but end up being too nutty, gooey and annoyingly filled with shrimp.
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Get your potbelly pigs, concussions, and whipped cream bikinis ready, because we’re covering the 1999 after-school special "Varsity Blues," which tells the story of a jaded back-up quarterback at a small-town Texas high school who has to take over hero responsibilities when the star QB gets injured while also trying to take down their mean old coach.
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Uh oh! Definitely did “Rain Man,” definitely did “Rain Man.” Tom Cruise and Dustin Hoffman somehow star as brothers in this manipulative road trip/buddy comedy that topped both the box office and the Oscars in 1988. People love this movie, but it’s nothing more than a con-job that somehow got credit for treating autism authentically, when it actually just uses it as a gimmick to divert your eye from the fact that this is nothing more than formulaic dreck.
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George Lucas and Steven Spielberg whipped up a weird Bible film where a surly, pedophile grave robber tries to beat the Nazis to gain possession of a chest that holds the remains of the Ted Commandments in order to speak directly to God. And it’s a kid’s movie! The first in the "Indiana Jones" film franchise, "Raiders of the Lost Ark" kicked off sequels, prequels, dozens of ripoffs, pop culture staples, and is something we all loved as kids, but forgot to stop pretending is a masterpiece.
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While most of us are still on lockdown do to the ongoing coronavirus pandemic, please enjoy this reposting of our episode on the original "Rocky" movie that aired in February 2018. Keating spends a few minutes up front updating you on how his quarantine has been going, and then at the very end, reveals what our newest episode will cover. Stay safe!
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The highest-grossing film of 1998 that was nominated for four Oscars (yes), “Armageddon,” makes its also-awful counterpart “Deep Impact” look like “Citizen Kane.” This explosion-(in space?)-filled blockbuster is another in the painful pop culture cancer filmographies of director Michael Bay and producer Jerry Bruckheimer that likes to remind its audience 500 times that America can do no wrong.
info_outlineWe decided to curb stomp the 1998 Edward Norton vehicle "American History X" that showed us all neo-Nazis have to do to overcome their vicious deep-seated racism is have one jokey conversation with a funny black guy in prison.
This movie has it all: a "Psycho"-esque black-and-white bloody slow-motion shower scene, a hilariously unrealistic reverse slam dunk by Edward Norton, a giant swastika tattoos, a cheesy villains, a few funny wigs, and even a little kid dressed up as Adolf Hitler.
Edward Norton stars as Derek Vinyard, a leader of a white supremacist gang called the Disciples of Christ, who kills a couple dudes who try to rob his car (one by curb stomping). He then serves three years in prison for voluntary manslaughter, changes his beliefs and tries to prevent his brother from going down the same path. He goes from wearing a backward hat over his mullet (like Poochie from "The Simpsons") when innocent to a shaved-head neo-Nazi with a giant swastika tattooed on his chest two seconds later.
Edward Furlong plays Norton's younger brother who recalls the story and writes it in a paper for school and annoyingly narrates throughout the film.
Beverly D'Angelo (of the "Vacation" movies fame) plays their chain-smoking mom who can't catch a break after her racist firefighter husband dies.
Avery Brooks (Benjamin Sisko from "Star Trek: Deep Space Nine") plays Dr. Bob Sweeney, a high school principal who also seems to run the police department and the prison system.
And we also have Ethan Suplee, Fairuza Balk, Elliott Gould, Stacy Keach, and the nice-guy dad from "Boy Meets World" as an N-word spewing fireman dad.
We wonder who would be funny at reading the "Mein Kampf" audiobook, how hard Beverly D'Angelo is trying to win an Oscar in this, and how the paper Edward Furlong's character writes throughout is an F paper.
Tell us what you think by chatting with us (@filmsnuff) on Twitter, Facebook and Instagram, or by shooting us an email over at [email protected].
This episode is sponsored by MAGA Youth Recovery.
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