How to Forgive Someone Without Letting Them Off the Hook featuring Father Stephen Gadberry

Father Stephen Gadberry is a Catholic priest ordained in 2016 after a path that took him from a small family farm in the Arkansas Delta through the United States Air Force, a deployment to Iraq, and all the way to Rome to study philosophy and theology. He competed on American Ninja Warrior in 2018 and 2020, has worked alongside Bishop Robert Barron and Word on Fire, and currently serves at Saint Theresa Catholic Church and School in Little Rock, Arkansas.

In this conversation, Father Stephen opens up about losing his father and twelve-year-old sister in a car accident when he was just eight years old, how that tragedy shaped his understanding of duty and sacrifice, and what it felt like to receive his calling in the middle of a deployment in central Iraq. He is a hunter, archer, CrossFit athlete, knife maker, and musician who speaks about masculinity, suffering, and faith in a way that cuts through all the noise.

We also get into forgiveness in a way I have never heard anyone break it down before. Father Stephen uses the image of a plant to walk through the entire process of healing a broken relationship, from cultivating the soil, to planting the seed, to watching for weeds, to understanding why we pull back just when things start to feel close. It is pastoral counsel and practical wisdom at the same time.

This one hit me differently, guys. I am not kidding when I say I felt the weight of this conversation in my chest. If you have ever carried loss, wrestled with abandonment, or wondered how a man of deep faith actually lives out forgiveness in real time, this episode is for you.

 

Timeline Summary

[1:02] Father Stephen and the host kick off by acknowledging this is take two, after a tech failure ended the first recording

[1:55] Father Stephen explains his two appearances on American Ninja Warrior in 2018 and 2020 and what he was really trying to do with the cameras

[4:20] The meaning behind the priest collar explained: white for speaking truth, black for death to self

[6:07] Why traditions are not a threat to faith and how they are already woven into every man's life whether he realizes it or not

[7:16] How the American Ninja Warrior exposure broke down barriers and gave people an entry point to seek pastoral help with marriages and personal struggles

[13:25] Host introduces Father Stephen's background: raised on an Arkansas farm, lost his father and older sister at age eight in a car accident, later served in the Air Force and deployed to Iraq

[17:22] Father Stephen describes the accident on May 5th, 1994, the deaths of his father and twelve-year-old sister, and how a young boy without comprehension of the full weight woke up every day and simply got it done

[23:11] Two weeks after the accident, his mother discovered she was pregnant with twins, and the family's response to impossible circumstances

[28:18] The Christmas delivery story: neighbors who brought gifts for the family after the accident and did it with enough grace and class that no one's dignity was taken

[33:14] Father Stephen recalls warming up the minivan for his mother on cold Arkansas mornings as a child, and why the small act reveals a lifelong orientation toward serving others before himself

[37:10] The story of how the calling to priesthood emerged during military service in Iraq, including a stranger at Mass who said, "You're thinking about being a priest, aren't you?"

[43:30] How Father Stephen submitted his early separation paperwork from the Air Force and received approval in under two weeks, something that ordinarily takes months

[46:30] The host shares his own story of his biological father leaving twice and reconnecting at age thirty, and asks Father Stephen about what it means to forgive at 98% but still carry that last 2%

[52:07] The plant image of forgiveness: cultivating the soil, planting the seed, watching for weeds, and understanding that pulling things up too soon or too often kills what is trying to grow

[1:00:54] Father Stephen helps the host understand the subconscious pull-back pattern that shows up in relationships after early abandonment and how to reframe those defense mechanisms rather than fight them

[1:07:13] Closing thoughts and the little way of Saint Thérèse: do small things with big love, over and over

 

Five Key Takeaways

1. Losing his father and sister at age eight did not break Father Stephen. It built in him a sense of duty and commitment so deep that he woke up every morning as a boy simply asking what needed to be done, and that orientation toward others before self became the foundation of everything he does as a priest.

2. Sharing your humanity, not just your credentials, is what gives people permission to bring you their real problems. Father Stephen's Ninja Warrior appearances did not grow his ministry by making him impressive. They grew it by making him approachable.

3. Forgiveness is not a moment. It is a plant. You cultivate the soil, you plant the seed at the right time in the right way, and then you let it sit. Going back every day to dig it up and see if it grew will kill it. The healing comes from doing the work and then having the patience to let it take root.

4. Keeping a small part of unforgiveness is not a failure. It is memory. It is what tells you how to water the plant going forward, what burned it before, and what it needs to stay alive now. Forgetting is not the goal. Learning is.

5. The soul remembers what hurt it, and sometimes that shows up as pulling back right when something good is getting close. That is not sabotage. That is an old defense mechanism doing its job. The work is to recognize it, name it, and gently push its limits rather than either surrendering to it or shaming yourself for it.

 

Links & Resources

• Follow Father Stephen on Instagram — https://www.instagram.com/fatherstephenjgadberry
• Saint Theresa Catholic Church — https://www.sttheresalittlerock.org
• This Episode's Show Page — https://thedadedge.com/1484
• Join the Dad Edge — https://thedadedge.com/join
• The Men's Forge — https://themensforge.com

 

Closing

Father Stephen gave us something rare in this conversation: the kind of honesty that only comes from a man who has sat with real pain long enough to have something true to say about it. If the plant image of forgiveness resonated with you the way it hit me, share this episode with a man in your life who is carrying something heavy and does not have the language for it yet. And if you got something out of this one, please take a minute to leave a rating and review on Apple Podcasts. It helps more dads and more men find this show.

Go out and live legendary.