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Toxic Shame Keeps Executive Function Skills Underdeveloped – 110

Living Beyond ADHD

Release Date: 11/29/2022

The Importance of Executive Function Pre-Skills – 120 show art The Importance of Executive Function Pre-Skills – 120

Living Beyond ADHD

How often do you do the prep work for your tasks?  Do you know what I mean by prep work?  Most people I know really dislike the prep work and just want to get down to doing the task.  They even feel that the prep work is a waste of their time because it isn’t getting the job done.  And, they are short on time as it is, so this is just a non-essential thing to do.  But is it really?  Everything in life needs prep work and maintenance.  If you are the cook in your family or home, you need to prep the meal before you can make it and then eat it.  If you...

info_outline Do you have the blueprints to build a new model of yourself? – 119 show art Do you have the blueprints to build a new model of yourself? – 119

Living Beyond ADHD

Do you have the blueprints to build a new model of yourself?  One of my favorite quotes is by Buckminster Fuller, who said, “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”  Thinking along the same lines as Fuller, I realized years ago that with so much that happens on our journey from birth to adulthood, unless we build a new model of ourselves and then move into that new model, we will be fighting the existing reality and model of our earlier life and selves forever, and trying to...

info_outline Are You Prone to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)? – 118 show art Are You Prone to Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD)? – 118

Living Beyond ADHD

Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria or RSD is a hot topic these days.  It is one manifestation of emotional dysregulation, which is a common but misunderstood and under-researched symptom of ADHD in adults.  Individuals with RSD feel unbearable pain (physical and emotional) as a result of actual or perceived rejection, teasing, or criticism.  And, this symptom is not alleviated with cognitive or dialectical behavior therapy.  I’ve read that this symptom is attributed to a different brain structure, a sensitivity that is different than just being a highly sensitive person, and...

info_outline Does Your Rambling Make the Point? - 117 show art Does Your Rambling Make the Point? - 117

Living Beyond ADHD

I often hear from many accomplished adults that they feel like imposters.  They have been able to hold things together and advance in their career, yet the toll on them is huge.  They have created workarounds to get the job done but fear being found out.  Work takes so much time and leaves little if any time for pursuing their dreams, hobbies or even cherished time with family and friends.  Over time, their self-confidence and happiness has disappeared.  Enter… imposter syndrome.    In order to feel confident, you need to be competent in those areas of...

info_outline You Don’t Need a Diagnosis or Medication to Get Results - 116 show art You Don’t Need a Diagnosis or Medication to Get Results - 116

Living Beyond ADHD

I’ve been giving a lot of thought to what is commonly believed to be the process we adults need to go through if we suspect ADHD.  That process takes time and money.  And depending on what part of the world you live in, your access to a specialist may be limited.  For that reason or others, many adults are self-diagnosing these days.  Some are questioning what having an official diagnosis will give them that a self-diagnosis won’t.  The answer to that question is simple – potentially a lot of valuable information beyond just ADHD since by the time you are an...

info_outline I Know How Hard It Is and I Can Help You - 115 show art I Know How Hard It Is and I Can Help You - 115

Living Beyond ADHD

This episode is a little different than most.  It’s kind of a public service announcement - a message in the public interest that is meant to raise awareness about an important issue and change behavior.  This episode is dedicated to you, my listeners. The topic was inspired by a few emails I received this week, and they brought back the strong feelings I have about what I have been called to do and why I continue to pour my heart and soul into this calling.  Every day someone emails me with information about their challenges, how hard their life is, and the help they are...

info_outline Are your Underdeveloped EF Skills Hurting Your Marriage - 114 show art Are your Underdeveloped EF Skills Hurting Your Marriage - 114

Living Beyond ADHD

Whether you are dating, are in a committed relationship, living together or married, your well-developed Executive Function Skills make a difference in many aspects of your relational life.  And, even though I focus on helping you develop your Executive Function Skills for yourself, that does not mean that their development isn’t essential for a healthier and happier marriage.  Let me explain.  When we enter a relationship, we bring whoever we are and whatever is part of us with us.  If there is depression or anxiety or ADHD or an addiction or trauma or other issues, they...

info_outline Eating an Elephant; One Bite at a Time - 113 show art Eating an Elephant; One Bite at a Time - 113

Living Beyond ADHD

Desmond Tutu once wisely said that “there is only one way to eat an elephant: a bite at a time.” What he meant by this is that everything in life that seems daunting, overwhelming, and even impossible can be accomplished gradually by taking on just a little at a time. Robert Maurer, Ph.D. tells us in his book, “One Small Step Can Change Your Life – The Kaizen Way” that small steps bypass your brain’s built-in resistance to new behavior. Kaizen means improvement and moreover it means continuing improvement in personal life, home life, social life and working life. With one...

info_outline Procrastinate No More – 112 show art Procrastinate No More – 112

Living Beyond ADHD

Procrastination is simply the act of delaying or postponing something; nothing more. Most people think of procrastinating as a negative thing. We procrastinate on filing our taxes, paying our bills, keeping our homes tidy, returning phone messages and responding to important emails. We even procrastinate on making plans for our summer vacations. These are all just the act of delaying or postponing something; nothing more. It’s just a behavior. And, we can use this behavior for good or harm; it’s up to us. Most use it for harm. The issue isn’t really about procrastinating – the act of...

info_outline Laying a Solid Foundation with Executive Function Pre-Skills – 111 show art Laying a Solid Foundation with Executive Function Pre-Skills – 111

Living Beyond ADHD

Hi Aspiring Achievers,  There is a serious, widespread problem with the educational requirements in the mental health field.  Most professionals are studying the same outdated information about ADHD, Depression, Anxiety, Trauma and Addictions in preparation for licensure. They aren’t studying what happens to your executive function development because of those conditions.  The most common treatment recommended for adults with ADHD is medication, and the same is true for Depression and Anxiety.  Unfortunately, medication alone...

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More Episodes

Toxic shame is a killer. It’s an internal message that tells you that you are defective, bad, wrong, and not valuable. Toxic shame isn’t personal; it’s like poison. It doesn’t matter who gives you the poison or who does the shaming, either one will eat away at you and take you down.

And, when shame comes flooding in and causes us to retreat into ourselves, our transformation is put on hold while we navigate the toxic shame.

Shame and guilt are different:

Guilt tells me that I made a mistake.

Shame tells me that I am a mistake.

I definitely used to feel a lot of shame and wanted to erase myself from life.

Over time, I learned how to change my mindset and develop the skills to eliminate the hold that shame had over me.

Now, my life’s work is to pull others out of that same dark place and into a calm and competent life by sharing the exact roadmap I followed.

Episode Resources:

  • The Transformation Club – A unique membership that helps adults with underdeveloped Executive Function skills (with or without ADHD) increase competence in days without overwhelm, moral judgements, or self-doubt so they can feel calm and in control. CLICK HERE to opt-in for the free training and learn more about The Transformation Club. 

 


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