Episode 44: Everything Gets Better When We Ask Better Questions

2 Broad Categories

1. Questions You Ask Yourself
2. Questions You Ask Others

Beneath each are two subcategories – questions we ask about our businesses and questions about our personal lives.

And, within each category there are questions we ask for particular purposes: to ignite or stimulate creativity, to calm or motivate certain behaviors, to help us to achieve goals and desired results and outcomes, to improve our performance or the performance of others…and on and on.

Both basic types of questions are important because they shape the answers you’ll get, frame the experience you’ll have, as well as the sense and expectation of the future. This is also true about how you help others to frame their experiences and to enjoy more out of life.

Asking better questions is a fundamental skill that has the power to make everything better.

When you ask better questions it can be more motivating to yourself and other, you can trigger higher and better levels of creativity, it can help you to manage physiological reactions to stress and circumstances that otherwise seemed beyond your control

And when you can do these things you become better at everything and in every role.

You’re a better leader, negotiator, business owner, problem solver, father, mother spouse, partner and parent.

We’ll also discuss some of the science behind this and why that’s helpful but not necessary to use these techniques more often and with less effort.

So where do we begin?

Why questions matter and how they work?

We habitually ask bad questions, and disempowering questions in many areas of our lives and better questions in our lives when we’re more successful

This matters because questions are programming for the Reticular Activating System (RAS). Getting the RAS working for you behind the scenes and outside of conscious awareness is a powerful point of leverage.

How?

Begin to notice (a bit more often) the space between stimulus and response. Also notice where you’re asking way better questions and notice how that correlates to positive outcomes, emotions and results in that area.

 

You’ll begin to catch yourself asking questions and you can use some of the patterns/templates and samples here instead of the less useful questions you’ve been asking.

 

Rubber band and pavlock.

Example:  You see a person at work and begin to fell irritated.  In the past you might ask “What is the matter with him?  He’s so irritating…. everyday.”

But, when you catch yourself you might ask instead “At the moment he’s starting to do something that often irritates me BUT …What’s something I like about him?  Is there anything about what he’s saying that can be helpful? Useful? Inspiring?”

When you’re having an internal dialogue, you might find yourself asking “Why do I always do X (a negative behavior)?”

You can break this pattern by asking, “DO I really always do it?  What do I ask myself in other situations?  What about this can I control?  How can I use this feeling to achieve a solution?  Or…”How can I change the way I fell about this?”

Meta & Strategic Level:

Asking questions about doing something in a kinder, easier yet more effective way rather than harder.

Asking questions about more and sooner.

Asking questions that trigger gratitude and a more resourceful state. Why this matters:  

Asking questions to deliver focus or a more general multiple perspective view.

What about the situation is in your control and out of your control?

Why?

Self:

How can I be kinder to myself and others?

What would happen if I did more of those things more often?

Could I be even kinder than that?

What would happen then?

What are the good and bad aspects of this?

How can I make these questions more effective?

What would _____________ do or how would she solve this problem?

If I could assemble a group of talented people to help with this who would they be?  What would tey say or do?  How would they challenge one another?

How might this failure set me up for future success?

Has that ever happened in the past?

What if it did or you could?

Others:

When they seem to be making something more difficult than it needs to be:

What would this look like if it were easier?

When they seem to feel that the thing is impossible or beyond them:

I know you feel like you can’t yet…But what would happen if you could?

What would happen if you did?

How do you rate this on a scale of 1 – 10 but you can’t use 7?

Is it a hell yeah or no?  

And?

What else?  How else?

Why?

Change of state, motivation

How have you successfully overcome obstacles in the past?

Learned behavior as an asset

Focus

Creativity

Power/Strength

Other areas that could apply