Episode 156 = Practicing Non-attachment with Family
Buddhism for Everyone with JoAnn Fox
Release Date: 12/13/2022
Buddhism for Everyone with JoAnn Fox
Learning how to listen to teachings and having respect for the teacher create the right conditions for your mind to change. In this episode, we explore Je Tsongkhapa’s instructions on “How to listen to the teachings by relying on the Six Ideas. Your mind opens when you feel the teaching is medicine that can cure your specific suffering or difficulty. Buddhist Teacher JoAnn Fox explains how to put these instructions into practice with some struggle you're currently experiencing. When you receive Buddhist teachings in a formal setting and see the teacher being prostrated before or...
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This episode explores the art of ethical living, guided by the practice of restraint. Restraint involves intentionally moderating and controlling one's actions, speech, and thoughts. We cultivate restraint to minimize the harm we cause and to build the foundation for spiritual development. A good guide for our practice of restraint is the Five Precepts. The Five Precepts were given to his lay (not ordained) followers as ethical guidelines that include the vow to abstain from killing, stealing, engaging in sexual misconduct, lying, and becoming intoxicated. How to practice the ethical...
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This episode explores the question “Where does anger come from?” Buddhist teacher, JoAnn Fox, also provides several practical ways to prevent anger from arising (when it typically would)! Anger doesn’t come from another person or a situation. Anger comes from our thoughts. Specifically, when we pay inappropriate attention to an unpleasant object and dwell on its faults, we work ourselves up until anger arises. That point at which anger is manifest is when the mind is unpeaceful and uncontrolled. A very sad aspect of anger is that this mental state has the wish to harm. The...
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The primary motivation behind wanting to become a Buddha for the sake of all living beings is boundless compassion. This unconditional love and concern for the well-being and liberation of all sentient beings, without exception, takes effort to cultivate. A bodhisattva is someone who, out of compassion, vows to attain enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. The wish itself is called "bodhicitta." What marks becoming a bodhisattva is that their intention to become a Buddha is unmovable (meaning they've developed bodhicitta). While the Bodhisattva Vow is central to the Mahayana...
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Metta meditation, also known as loving-kindness meditation, is a fundamental practice in Buddhism that cultivates feelings of love, compassion, and goodwill towards oneself and others. The word "Metta" is a Pali term that translates to "loving-kindness" or "benevolence." In this meditation, practitioners typically sit in a comfortable position and focus on generating feelings of love and kindness. The practice involves silently repeating phrases or affirmations that express well-wishes, such as "May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, may you live with ease." The...
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The Lojong slogan "Work with your greatest defilements first" emphasizes the importance of addressing the negative habit that is most deeply disturbing our inner peace and happiness. Lojong, which means "mind training" in Tibetan, is a set of teachings in Tibetan Buddhism aimed at developing compassion, wisdom, and the ability to transform adverse circumstances into opportunities for spiritual growth. Central to Lojong are short, pithy instructions called "slogans," like "Work with your greatest defilements first." By working with the habit that causes us the most problems first, we can make...
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In this episode we look at the practice of wisdom. In particular, this refers to wisdom realizing the true nature of reality. Little by little we touch reality as we gain wisdom. We come to understand why we suffer, where our problems truly come from, and how to solve our problems inwardly. Buddha's guidance remains as practical for his followers today as it was when he first shared it. This is a journey of finding peace and understanding, accessible to all who seek it. The Buddha taught the Four Noble Truths to provide a clear framework for understanding the nature of our suffering and...
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"The rain could turn to gold and still your thirst would not be slaked' the Buddha said. In this episode we explore the connection between the Buddhist teachings of emptiness and craving. Understanding this connection is fundamental to understanding the nature of suffering and the path to liberation. Emptiness (Shunyata) Emptiness refers to the fundamental nature of reality, which is devoid of inherent, fixed, or independent existence. The empty nature of all things is the opposite of how we normally perceive reality. If we see something as beautiful, we do not think our mind has anything to...
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The Buddha said that an earnest practitioner, even when just beginning the path to enlightenment, "lights up this world like the moon set free from a cloud." This episode explores how to relate to being this light in our world, specifically through the practice of metta, or loving-kindness. Metta practice involves cultivating a heartfelt attitude of unconditional love, benevolence, and goodwill towards oneself and all sentient beings. Metta meditation is a practical way to strengthen these qualities. It can be done in formal meditation or "off the cushion" with the simple recitation of a...
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The mind is the creator of everything—all happiness and suffering. Thus, gaining control over the mind is the only real and reliable way to live a happy, peaceful life. Buddha said that "we make our destiny, “therefore, control yourself.” To tame the mind, a practitioner relies on mindfulness. Although "mindfulness" is a broadly used term, its original meaning in Buddhist texts means remembering the right actions and avoiding the wrong ones. During meditation, this involves remembering and remaining on the meditation objective you’ve chosen. For example, when doing a...
info_outlineWe must work on our minds to overcome the habits of attachment--which always bring suffering--whether one is a monk or a family man. The context of a monastery versus a home with young children will make the practice different in some ways, but in other ways achieving levels of nonattachment remains the same!
Loving our family is not in contradiction to the practice of non-attachment. Attachment is self-focused: we are attached to what we think will make us happy. Love, the opposite of attachment, is focused on what will make our friend or loved one happy. In fact, improving our practice of non-attachment is what will make our love more unconditional and stable.
We might practice non-attachment with a family member by examining what we are very attached to in our relationship with them. The things we are most attached to can be identified by looking at what causes the most discord. How sad this is. We may discover that our attachment to them being different than the way causes the most suffering. Or we are very attached to our children or partner being what we consider successful. We can then practice mindfulness with the intention to let go of attachment to that particular thing and to accept them just the way they are. That person might not know you’re practicing non-attachment, but they will like it! This non-attachment will make our relationship with them much happier-- and we’ll be more at peace too.
The Story of an Ex-Bhikkhu
“While residing at the Veluvana monastery, the Buddha uttered Verse (344) of this book, with reference to a bhikkhu who was a pupil of the Venerable Mahakassapa.
As a pupil of the Venerable Mahakassapa, this bhikkhu had achieved the four mental absorptions (jhanas). But one day, as he went for alms-food to his uncle's house, he saw a woman and felt a great desire to have her. Then he left the Order of the bhikkhus. As a layman, he was a failure as he did not work hard. So, his uncle drove him out of the house, and subsequently he became mixed up with some thieves. All of them were caught by the authorities and were taken to the cemetery to be executed. The Venerable Mahakassapa saw his pupil as he was being led out and said to him, "My pupil, keep your mind steadfastly on a subject of meditation." As instructed, he concentrated and let himself be established in deep mental absorption. At the cemetery, while the executioners were making preparations to kill him, the ex-bhikkhu was very much composed and showed no signs of fear or anxiety. The executioners and the onlookers were awe-struck and very much impressed by the man's courage and composure and they reported about him to the king and also to the Buddha. The king gave orders to release the man. The Buddha on hearing about the matter sent his radiance and appeared to the thief as if in person.
Then the Buddha spoke to him in verse as follows:
[Though] clear of the underbrush
And out of the forest,
Someone attached to the forest
Runs right back to it.
Come, see that free person
Run back into bondage. (344)*
--Buddha, Dhammapada
References with Links
Buddha (1986).The Dhammapada: Verses and Stories. Translated by Daw Mya Tin, M.A. (Website). Edited by Editorial Committee, Burma Tipitaka Association Rangoon. Courtesy of Nibbana.com. For free distribution only, as a gift of dhamma.
https://www.tipitaka.net/tipitaka/dhp/verseload.php?verse=344
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