Boundaries during the holidays: Protecting your peace

Having and enforcing boundaries can be so challenging during the holidays.  So many people dread the holidays for numerous reasons that can oftentimes be prevented by just putting the right boundaries in place.  

Boundaries are limits you set to protect your time, energy, and emotional well-being.  They're not about shutting people out.  They're about letting people know how they can engage with you in a healthy way.  

 

During the holidays so many people and things seem to demand our time.  Christmas parties, family gatherings, church events, school programs........No wonder people dread them so much.  What if there was a way to create a more joyful holiday for you?

 

There is..

Boundaries!  

When you feel obligated to attend every party, dinner or event that comes your way, what happens after is your choice.  We have many options throughout our day, and we get to decide which ones are priorities and which ones we will need to pass on.  It's important to prioritize the people and things that really matter to you.  "I really appreciate the offer, but i'm keeping my schedule lighter this year for my own sanity.  Thank you for understanding."

 

What about family guilt??  Noone takes you on the biggest trip like a family guilt trip, right?  They have these big expectations of you, or they shame you for saying no.  This is where you have to stand firm.  You can still be kind and firm at the same time.  Acknowledge their feelings, of course, but be firm.  "I hear that you're disappointed we won't be staying the whole week, but this is what works best for us."

 

Here's another......So many financial expectations.  Feeling pressured to overspend on gifts or activities, charities etc.  Don't want to leave anyone out so you keep getting gifts for anyone you may come in contact with during the holidays so you don't look bad.  "We're focusing on meaningful gifts this year rather than expensive ones.  I hope that's okay!"  Or "I'll be attending but going to skip out on the gift exchange or secret santa this time. "  

 

Say you decide to attend.  There is always that one person that seems to open their big mouth and offer unsolicited opinions or criticism.  They may comment on your life choices, parenting, body, etc.  "I'm not comfortable discussing this topic.  Let's focus on enjoying our time together instead."

 

Helpful tips:

1. Don't forget to make yourself a priority during the holidays.  Workout.  Do some things that bring peace, fun and enjoyment to you.  
2. Write down non-negotiables and stick with them.
3. Communicate early on and directly to those this will effect. 
4. Use "I" statements such as " I feel overwhelmed when my schedule is packed, so i'll need to skip this event."
5. Stay firm but compassionate:  "I've already made my decision."  "I understand this is difficult for you, but this is what's best for me."