The Curse of Religious Perfectionism
Growth Marriage
Scrupulosity, or religious perfectionism/OCD, can be debilitating for both individuals and couples. The belief that unless you do everything right, keep all the rules, are perfectly obedient, and live according to God's will... something terrible will happen. This episode with perfectionism expert, Dr. Menije explores how our anxiety leaks out into our spiritual life. She provides some great examples of what scrupulosity can look like, and what we can do about it.
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What Is Differentiation? | Anxiety Series #2
Growth Marriage
In order to master your anxiety, you must become differentiated. Differentiation is the ability to separate your thoughts from your feelings, and to separate your own thoughts and feelings from the thoughts and feelings of others. This is a practice you will be working on for the rest of your life. Today's episode will introduce you to the first part of differentiation, and give you some first steps to start calming yourself down.
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Friendship In The Age of Loneliness with Adam "Smiley" Poswolsky
Growth Marriage
Friendship is the foundation of your marriage. If you can't be a good friend to people outside your marriage, it's unlikely you'll be a good friend to your partner. Also, friendships outside your marriage are CRUCIAL for the survival of your relationship. Your community is your bedrock. In today's episode, I talk to the author of the new book, "," Adam Smiley Powsolwky. We talk about why friendship is important, and give a bunch of ideas of how to cultivate more meaningful friendships.
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Your Internal Smoke Alarm | Anxiety Series #1
Growth Marriage
Anxiety is basically negative emotions that your brain manufactures to help keep you safe from potential threats... kind of like a smoke alarm. But just like a smoke alarm, there's no special mechanism to help it detect the severity of the threat. Bacon burning on the stove gets the same treatment as a house fire. This is a problem because at some point in your marriage, your partner is going to hurt you, disappoint you, or let you down. That means your brain will detect them as a threat, which will drive a wedge between you. In order to keep the connection alive, we need to learn to...
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The Go-Giver Marriage
Growth Marriage
Some people have relationships that just look so easy, so smooth, and so natural. How do they do it? Are they just lucky? Or are they doing something that everyone else is missing? In this episode, I sit down with John and Ana Mann, authors of the book "The Go-Giver Marriage." This interview (and their book) uncomplicates love and marriage in a really beautiful way. I hope you give it a listen, and check out their new book at: HTTP://gogivermarriage.com
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What Should You Do If You're Caught In An Affair?
Growth Marriage
Affairs are more common than you'd think. Roughly 50% of marriages are faced with some sort of infidelity at some point during their relationship. So... what do you do if you're caught up in an affair? What do you say if you've fallen hard for someone that's not your partner? How do you respond if your spouse just told you they've been cheating? How can you recover? That's what we're going to talk about in this episode with Kimberly Holmes from Marriage Helper.
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Why You Shouldn't "Become One" With Your Parnter
Growth Marriage
Were you ever told that "Becoming One" was the ultimate goal in marriage? Or if you put your partner's needs before your own (and if they do the same) your relationship would flourish? Every day I see people who buy into these nice-sounding mindsets, only to watch their marriage slowly crumble. If you are: A fixer... Or you avoid negative emotions because you think they're bad... Or you find yourself turning to things like porn, video games, social media, or workaholism... Or you really struggle to ask for what you want... Or you're subtly dishonest and manipulative... You should check out...
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Why Is Being A "Nice Guy" Bad?
Growth Marriage
Dr. Robert Glover says,"Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are 'good,' they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life. When this life strategy fails to produce the desired results — as it often does — Nice Guys usually just try harder, doing more of the same. Due to the sense of helplessness and resentment this pattern inevitably produces, Nice Guys are often anything but nice." Today, I sit down with 2 other recovering Nice Guys and talk about the toll Nice Guy Syndrome had on our relationships and some of the things we've done to try to get...
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5 Tips to Change Your Partner
Growth Marriage
Is your partner checked out, no longer invested, withdrawn, or distant? Do you want to know what you can do to change them? To re-engage them? To get them invested in the marriage again? In this episode, I'll show you how the concepts of animal training can be utilized to help you take responsibility for your actions, words, and thoughts to influence change – and even transformation in your partner. The results often take time, but the proof is in the pudding: If you're truly committed, you can change your partner, and change your marriage... simply by changing yourself. 🙋♂️ If you...
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The Cost of Perfectionism with Dr. Menije [FULL EPISODE]
Growth Marriage
This is the full, unedited version of my interview with Dr. Menije, the Queen of Perfectionism.
info_outlineImagine how it would feel to have the most important person in your life suddenly torn away from you without explanation.
You are forced to sit and watch your soulmate deteriorate piece by piece as they slip out of your life. You hope and pray every day for a miracle… for just one more day together, one more kiss, one more smile, one more look of affection.
Meanwhile, couples all around you choose to give up, throw in the towel, and abandon their relationships when all you want is one more day, one more minute with your true love.
The unfairness is almost too cruel to comprehend.
Heidi lost her husband, Benji, to cancer one month ago at the young age of 32. During that time, they learned to live in the moment, making the best of every day they had together.
Fighting and arguing was a waste of time.
During their marriage, the most serious disagreements Benji and Heidi ever had came were a result of differences of opinion on how to spend the money, or Heidi getting after Benji for being messy. Looking back, Heidi says she’d give anything to have to clean up after him again.
Life is so incredibly fragile. We never know when the things or people most important to us will slip through our fingers. Here is my challenge to you:
If there is something that is a source of contention in your relationship today – be it with your spouse, a friend, a parent, or a sibling – ask yourself, “If I were to wake up tomorrow and this person had been taken from me, would this issue matter at all?”
Let go of petty differences. Admit you’re wrong, even if you don’t feel you’re wrong. Say you’re sorry. Fighting and arguing are a waste of time in this short life.
Now go out and tell someone you love them.