Receptivity: The One Thing that will Transform Your Relationship, with Shane Birkel, LMFT
Marriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
Release Date: 11/18/2019
Marriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
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Jessica Cline, a Clinical Sexologist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, discusses sexual desire differences in relationships. Many couples experiences desire differences and need help navigating their sexual life. What couples experience with sexual desire differences People often set the standards for their relationship in the limerence phase. That isn’t sustainable. Sexual desire can change over time. You may get into the pattern of initiator and gatekeeper. Sex education programs we’re taught in school are based more in fear and prevention. We aren’t always taught about sex,...
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Worry is exhausting and stressful. So many of us are experiencing worry right now. It can overwhelm your mind, your body, and your relationship. We’ve all been battling COVID-19, and there’s a lot to be worried about. I’ll be transparent with you: I’m not an expert on global pandemics and I don’t have the medical knowledge to share facts about this virus. But I do know about connection. I know that we all need connection and support. Friendship is important. Your larger support system is important. And your marriage, your significant relationship, can be one of the most encouraging,...
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In this episode, Kelly Lynch, owner and coach at The Unapology Project, talks about dating after divorce and the keys to building trust in yourself. We don’t talk about dating after divorce enough to help people prepare for it. The culture of dating has changed, and dating after a significant relationship has ended brings more challenges and more opportunities for growth. How do you filter out what’s unhealthy vs. what’s healthy with dating after divorce? Figure out what your relationship with yourself looks like. When in a long-term relationship, it’s common to shift your...
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You and your partner may be going through a challenging season of fertility issues right now. You feel alone, scared, isolated, and anxious. You shouldn’t go through infertility and trying to conceive alone. Miscarriages, infertility, and other fertility issues bring hurt, grief, sadness, and loss. It can be painful, overwhelming, and shocking when you learn you may have difficulty getting pregnant, or that you might not be able to at all. It’s important to know how infertility affects you and your relationship. You and your partner may experience more feelings of anxiety and...
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Addiction impacts your relationship with your partner. Whether alcohol, drug, or another addiction, it doesn’t live in isolation. Your relationship is affected. In this episode, Ross Hill, MMFT, LMFT, CAC-P, shares his knowledge of addiction from years of working with substance use issues. He gives helpful advice and encouragement for both partners, whether you’re not using and trying to establish boundaries and support for your partner, or whether you’re the one struggling with addiction and unsure of how to get help. What are the signs that may tell someone if their...
info_outlineOverview of this Episode:
Shane Birkel, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Relational Life Therapist talks about receptivity and what it means in a relationship. Couples often have a hard time being receptive and vulnerable in communication with each other. Shane helps us learn how these challenges with receptivity developed, along with how to embrace compassion and healthy boundaries to create a healthy relationship with your partner.
What problems with receptivity do couples experience?
- You might notice all the problems your spouse has, all the things they’re doing wrong.
- When you get overwhelmed seeing your partner anxious, stressed, or angry, you might get into a fight or flight mode and have difficulty listening to your partner.
- You minimize your partner’s reality, get defensive, fight back.
- It can be hard to be receptive to your partner if you experience low self-esteem and don’t have compassion for yourself or how you grew up.
How do receptivity problems develop?
- There are two ways you learn about relationships and how to deal with the world around you:
- Modeling what you saw: what you noticed your caregivers doing when you were younger. If your dad was very angry, this was modeled for you, and you might tend towards acting in anger now.
- Reacting to what you experienced: going the opposite way of what you saw. If your mom was very anxious, you might be reacting to that by trying to be very relaxed and letting everything go.
- How you grew up and the relationships you had with caregivers often impact the way you experience relationships now.
- You may not have learned skills for understanding emotions and communicating in a healthy relationship.
- If you aren’t being mindful, you’re acting on the raw emotional experience you have.
What does a healthy relationship look like?
- You and your partner learn and understand that there’s no right or wrong. You don’t blame, judge, or criticize.
- You express your reality from a 1st person perspective (this is how I feel, what I think, my experience with it).
- If you catch yourself being overly-critical or overly-withdrawing, you might be trying to protect yourself or your self-esteem. You recognize this and move from self-protection to healthy boundaries.
- You recognize and care for the inner child who might be hurt or angry. You also choose to respond as your whole, adult self. Your partner is not responsible for caring for your inner child.
- Healthy boundaries means you can focus on feedback from your partner and let that in, without accepting the criticism from them or taking that criticism in as part of your view of yourself.
- Receptivity and vulnerability. Let yourself feel the emotions you’re experiencing. You can choose to expose this emotion and communicate it to your partner. Allow yourself to turn toward them and take in their reality. You can’t connect if you’re letting yourself stay in an angry or defensive mode.
- Be willing and open to listening to your partner. This invites receptivity and connection.
- Choose compassion and love for yourself.
Connect with Shane at https://shanebirkel.com/ and https://www.couplestherapistcouch.com/
Resources
- The Feedback Wheel: helps you to speak from the 1st person perspective with your partner. It includes 4 sections: What happened, the story I tell myself, how I feel about that, my request/what I hope for. You can find it here https://images.app.goo.gl/VqKpYLB79vZgchN86
- Terry Real and Relational Life Therapy https://www.terryreal.com/
- Pia Mellody http://www.piamellody.com/
Special thanks to:
Will Gladden of LEVEL Digital Music Entertainment for making the music for the podcast.
http://www.leveldme.com/
Connect:
My mission with the Marriaging podcast is to help you create a more authentic and connected relationship. I’m always working to provide you with the best help for improving communication and intimacy in your marriage. Please subscribe and leave a rating and a review to support the podcast.
Connect with me at marriagingpodcast.com
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Twitter: @marriagingpod