How to Have a Happy Marriage
Marriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
Release Date: 01/06/2020
Marriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
Jason Frishman, PsyD, shares his insights into creating adventure and meaningful connection in the everyday activities of life. We’re often taught the adventure story of the hero’s journey. We think we have to do grand, extraordinary things. It’s important for us to have a new perspective and create adventure in the smaller, daily activities needed to sustain a family. What do men experience in seeking adventure in real life vs. the hero’s journey? The hero’s journey can be harmful to men. It’s often the guiding narrative. Men are led to believe if they aren’t doing a grand...
info_outline Desire Differences with Jessica Cline, MSW, LCSWMarriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
Jessica Cline, a Clinical Sexologist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker, discusses sexual desire differences in relationships. Many couples experiences desire differences and need help navigating their sexual life. What couples experience with sexual desire differences People often set the standards for their relationship in the limerence phase. That isn’t sustainable. Sexual desire can change over time. You may get into the pattern of initiator and gatekeeper. Sex education programs we’re taught in school are based more in fear and prevention. We aren’t always taught about sex,...
info_outline Love Languages with Bridget Boursiquot, MSW, LICSWMarriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
Bridget discusses love languages and how we can all have relational care through understanding the basic work needed to create a healthy foundation. We often speak to our partner in the love language we want to receive instead of understanding how they receive love. 5 Love Languages (Developed by Gary Chapman) Words of Affirmation It’s about the “why”. Speaking to your partner’s strengths, their experience, their needs, is even more affirming than just a simple “thank you” or a compliment. Actions to avoid: Insults and criticism. To someone who feels love in words of affirmation,...
info_outline Worry, COVID-19, and Your RelationshipMarriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
Worry is exhausting and stressful. So many of us are experiencing worry right now. It can overwhelm your mind, your body, and your relationship. We’ve all been battling COVID-19, and there’s a lot to be worried about. I’ll be transparent with you: I’m not an expert on global pandemics and I don’t have the medical knowledge to share facts about this virus. But I do know about connection. I know that we all need connection and support. Friendship is important. Your larger support system is important. And your marriage, your significant relationship, can be one of the most encouraging,...
info_outline Dating after Divorce with Kelly Lynch, EMT, LCSW, CPT, PN-1, Life CoachMarriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
In this episode, Kelly Lynch, owner and coach at The Unapology Project, talks about dating after divorce and the keys to building trust in yourself. We don’t talk about dating after divorce enough to help people prepare for it. The culture of dating has changed, and dating after a significant relationship has ended brings more challenges and more opportunities for growth. How do you filter out what’s unhealthy vs. what’s healthy with dating after divorce? Figure out what your relationship with yourself looks like. When in a long-term relationship, it’s common to shift your...
info_outline Bringing Your Baby HomeMarriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
Having a newborn can be exciting and sweet, and also stressful and challenging. You and your partner will experience many changes. It’s important to be able to accept those changes, and work to keep your relationship strong and close. Changes you and your partner may experience when you bring your baby home: You may both experience sleep deprivation. You’ll be tired. If the baby wakes up, you’ll probably wake up too. You’ll have to navigate new roles and parenting duties. You or your partner may need to be asking for help. With a new baby, there are more tasks on your daily to-do...
info_outline Pregnancy and Your RelationshipMarriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
In this episode, I talked with two women, Hannah and Andrea, about their pregnancies and their relationships- finding a balance, letting go of control, and everything else they’re learning along the way. What was it like for you and your relationship when you began to discuss trying to get pregnant? Hannah discusses the challenge of balancing the head and heart. Lining up when it felt right to start trying to conceive, along with when it made sense. Andrea discusses her plan and how she had a timeline in mind, which helped them decide when they were ready. No matter what, you’ll...
info_outline Trying to ConceiveMarriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
If you and your partner are trying to conceive, it it’s important to keep your relationship strong and focus on supporting each other. The process of trying to conceive can be filled with stress and unexpected changes, so instead of getting stuck in worry, focus on what you can control. Everyone’s experience with pregnancy and having children is different. However, there are some common issues that relationships may experience in the process of trying to conceive. Problems in your relationship when beginning the process of trying to conceive: Making the decision to try to conceive...
info_outline Infertility and Your RelationshipMarriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
You and your partner may be going through a challenging season of fertility issues right now. You feel alone, scared, isolated, and anxious. You shouldn’t go through infertility and trying to conceive alone. Miscarriages, infertility, and other fertility issues bring hurt, grief, sadness, and loss. It can be painful, overwhelming, and shocking when you learn you may have difficulty getting pregnant, or that you might not be able to at all. It’s important to know how infertility affects you and your relationship. You and your partner may experience more feelings of anxiety and...
info_outline Addiction and Relationships with Ross Hill, MMFT, LMFT, CAC-PMarriaging: The Marriage Podcast with Jessica Fairfax
Addiction impacts your relationship with your partner. Whether alcohol, drug, or another addiction, it doesn’t live in isolation. Your relationship is affected. In this episode, Ross Hill, MMFT, LMFT, CAC-P, shares his knowledge of addiction from years of working with substance use issues. He gives helpful advice and encouragement for both partners, whether you’re not using and trying to establish boundaries and support for your partner, or whether you’re the one struggling with addiction and unsure of how to get help. What are the signs that may tell someone if their...
info_outlineYou want to find happiness with your spouse. So, lower your expectations. Shocking, right? We’ll get into what that actually means.
You have high hopes for your relationship.
You might think about past joyful times in your relationship, or compare it to other relationships you see. But little frustrations build up every day, and it begins to build into resentment in your relationship. You’re getting stuck in negativity and disappointment instead of finding happiness with your spouse.
It’s time for you and your spouse to really be happy in your marriage.
I know it’s important for you to have a happy marriage. You want to appreciate your spouse and to be appreciated. You want to get along, make decisions together, and not be derailed by little frustrations.
What are the facts about your satisfaction in your marriage?
New research has studied sacrifice and how it impacts satisfaction in relationships (Zoppolat, Visserman, & Righetti, 2019). A “sacrifice” in this research was something you might experience in typical daily life.
What the research found:
- When one person perceives a sacrifice from their partner, they typically experience appreciation if they perceive that sacrifice as being altruistically motivated.
- Also, when the sacrifice is not expected by the receiving partner, it is more meaningful. So when the receiving partner of the sacrifice holds lower expectations, that sacrifice may be more welcomed and appreciated.
- This also shows us how important it is to hold realistic expectations and focus on gratitude. Witnessing your partner sacrifice for you can also increase your respect for them.
This increase in respect, gratitude, sacrifice for the better of the relationship, and appreciation all lead to relationship satisfaction.
Knowing what research teaches us, what does that really mean for how you can find happiness in your marriage?
- Lower your expectations. Don’t expect or put pressure on your spouse to make certain actions. Allow them space to do it on their own, out of love for you, instead of trying to live up to an expectation you’ve already set.
- Make sacrifices. Do it for the greater good of your relationship. Be intentional about checking yourself. If you do something out of motivation to meet your partner’s standards or you expect a “thank you” with it, then it likely won’t have the same impact as if you were doing it just because you care about your spouse.
- Practice gratitude. Start recognizing something you appreciate about your spouse, even something small, every day. Thank them. The key here is appreciation and gratitude.
Resources:
Zoppolat, G., Visserman, M. L., & Righetti, F. (2019). A nice surprise: Sacrifice expectations and partner appreciation in romantic relationships. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407519867145
Special thanks to:
Will Gladden of LEVEL Digital Music Entertainment for making the music for the podcast.
http://www.leveldme.com/
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My mission with the Marriaging podcast is to help you create a more authentic and connected relationship. I’m always working to provide you with the best help for improving communication and intimacy in your marriage. Please subscribe and leave a rating and a review to support the podcast.
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